Popular Post RoodAwakening Posted April 7, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted April 7, 2015 Hello to all of my fellow former Christians - My journey started over 30 years ago when my parents were "saved" through watching Pat Robertson on the 700 Club - I was 4 years old and my sister was just a baby. My mom in particular jumped right on the fundie bandwagon and started really getting into all the televangelists you've ever heard of (and some you haven't), listening to them every day and then playing their tapes at night. This continued all through my childhood and through my teen years, during which my sister and I were both homeschooled and continued to be indoctrinated with right wing Evangelical material. This culminated in my taking a position as a 19 -year-old musical director at one of the largest churches in the Fort Worth area (I was a classically trained musician who started playing piano at 3). This was done concurrently with my attendance at a (non-accredited) Bible school. No "secular" college for me (in spite of my high GPA and SAT scores) - heaven forbid that I might be contaminated by worldly influences . . . Skipping forward, I ended up marrying an Australian girl I met through the church and moved to Sydney. I had moved away from the Evangelical dogma during my time in Texas - I also suffered some terrible mental abuse at the hands of some of the senior church leaders - and spent the next ten or so years with my wife fumbling through the labyrinth of Christian options - Assemblies of God, Baptists, Methodists, etc etc. I tried them all and couldn’t reconcile my feelings with any of them - so I went for the last resort and tried Catholicism. It satisfied some of the logical discrepancies I was struggling with in the other denominations and it seemed to be a decent path for me. Enter infertility. We had been trying to conceive for a number of years with no result. Turns out I was shooting blanks, despite all our heartfelt prayers and offerings made to the Deity. The Catholics had issues with IVF which I won’t go into here - but it was confusing enough to delay things even longer. Finally, after making a decision to break with Catholic dogma and go for IVF, we successfully conceived. We watched as all of the signs pointed to a successful pregnancy, right up until Michelle’s hormone levels dropped like a stone and our ultrasound revealed a black blob where there was supposed to have been a foetus. We were both crushed, and my faith took a hit from which it never recovered. I wrestled with the pain of the miscarriage, as well as the apparent deafness of Heaven and the unfairness of the death of our baby. It was during a drive home from work with tears running down my face that I first heard myself say, “What if there is no God?” That question took me deep into places I’d never been before. I discovered an entire community of intelligent, articulate individuals who confidently asserted that God did not exist, that Christianity was a fabrication, and that religion was dangerous. Dawkins. Hitchens. Harris. Hume. And many more. I won’t go into everything I learned, but suffice it to say that it was enough for me to break free of the mental and emotional shackles of my childhood religion. The main thought running through my mind during this time was “if I were a father and I had the ability to save my son’s dying baby - and he was pleading with me to heal it and make it all OK - and I completely ignored him and let nature take its course - I would be branded a psychopath. But God did that to us, and we’re supposed to chalk it up to our own lack of faith?” I’ve been a closet atheist now for nearly two years. We were lucky enough to conceive a second time and bring a beautiful baby boy into the world - without any help from a deity of any description. My wife knows of my apostasy and is actually just fine with it (for the most part) - she agrees with a lot of my newfound viewpoints and feels life is simpler without having to worry about Them anymore. However, none of my immediate family know about my atheism. Luckily for me, they live in the USA still and the subject of church and God doesn’t come up all that often over Skype. But I still find it very difficult inside when I know that I’m carrying such a secret with me. Not only that, a lot of people from the old days that I keep in touch with on social media are still churchgoing folk. I don’t have many friends who think like I do. In fact, not one. Getting through these Christian holidays (Easter, Christmas, etc) are quite difficult for me, because I miss the social aspect of celebrating them as well as the internal familiarity with having celebrated them from childhood (good memories attached). I’m hoping to find a few like-minded folk here that I can keep in touch with and lean on for support when I need it. I’m happy to do what I can for anyone out there who might need the same thing. Thanks for listening, and look forward to meeting some of you when this is posted. 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Hi RA! Glad you found us and welcome. The road to de-conversion isn't always smooth but I'm sure you will find your effort worthwhile when you reach the end of your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted April 7, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 7, 2015 Welcome to Ex-c RoodAwakening. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It was also hundreds of unanswered prayers that led me to ask the question about the existence of god. So glad some nice things have happened for you! And I'm so glad you found us. We can all relate very much to you. Looking forward to hearing more from you!! Hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Welcome to ex-c! You will find many folks here (including myself) from all around the world who have had the same "rood" awakening you have. I hope that in time your wife will join you (as mine did) as this will make raising your child much easier. Thanks for sharing your story. It's a hard one - as are most of ours. One thing I guarantee you is that it gets easier over time. The freedom you have gained for yourself far out weighs the burden of religion. It will get tough for you when family / friends find out (and they will eventually find out...) but remember that you are doing this for all the future generations of your family as well as yourself and then it will be worth any battles you may still be facing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted April 7, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 7, 2015 Welcome, RoodAwakening! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Thanks for sharing! You must be in one of the few Christian pockets in AUS.... I was there in Queensland (Coolum Beach) last year and various parts around there and I honestly saw maybe 1 or 2 churches my entire visit. I thought it was great! I'm glad your wife is making things easy on you... Lots of us are still married to fundies and it can be extremely difficult to deal with. Deconversion is one of the toughest things to go through and many of us, like you, go it alone. It sucks but this place is a great help. Congrats on seeing through the bullshit. Your life will benefit from it, overall. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Welcome to ExC, RA. Congratulations on the birth of your son. So sorry to hear of the miscarriage. I hope that you eventually meet and become friends with like minded "godless" folks. But you always have ExC where those who rejected Christianity congregate to support each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orbit Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoodAwakening Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Hi everyone! Thanks so much for your replies. It's so good to finally be among like-minded people. Welcome to ex-c! You will find many folks here (including myself) from all around the world who have had the same "rood" awakening you have. I hope that in time your wife will join you (as mine did) as this will make raising your child much easier. Thanks for sharing your story. It's a hard one - as are most of ours. One thing I guarantee you is that it gets easier over time. The freedom you have gained for yourself far out weighs the burden of religion. It will get tough for you when family / friends find out (and they will eventually find out...) but remember that you are doing this for all the future generations of your family as well as yourself and then it will be worth any battles you may still be facing. I'm honestly worried about my parents finding out - they are still right wing fundies at heart even though they've back away from the extremism of the 700 Club and others like them. However, as Burny pointed out, I am indeed walking this road with my precious son in mind. I know how badly I was damaged from early indoctrination when I had no say in the matter and was too young to know I was being spoon-fed intellectual arsenic. I'm currently in a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship with them, but as my boy grows older and one day says "Grandma, who is this Jesus person you talk about all the time?", things are likely to get hairy. Oh well - bigger picture and all that. Thanks for sharing! You must be in one of the few Christian pockets in AUS.... I was there in Queensland (Coolum Beach) last year and various parts around there and I honestly saw maybe 1 or 2 churches my entire visit. I thought it was great! I'm glad your wife is making things easy on you... Lots of us are still married to fundies and it can be extremely difficult to deal with. Deconversion is one of the toughest things to go through and many of us, like you, go it alone. It sucks but this place is a great help. Congrats on seeing through the bullshit. Your life will benefit from it, overall. =) Perth has quite a few churches per capita, not as many as Adelaide, but still more conservative than the east coast in general. We're looking to move back to Sydney so there might be a bit of environmental relief in the future. Thanks again everyone, looking forward to the journey ahead, especially with support from all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Welcome RA. You will have a lot of support here. Glad you made it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Welcome. Are you in a position where you could start developing a secular circle of friends where you live? I'm thinking possible interest groups (if you have any interests that translate into group activities), the local gym, even the pub... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Welcome RA. This is a good time to be in Australia. Fundamentalists family members can really be a pain. Mainly because you love them despite their illogical faith, as you should. Rip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StJeffTheIncomprehensible Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Hi Rood, good to know you. Your story is fascinating--you've had quite a trip so far. There are some fine people here, people that can help you along your way. And people you are sure to be able to help as well. It doesn't quite take the place of flesh and blood people you can hang out with, but it'll do in a pinch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts