Deidre Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 And if you're an atheist, would you ever date a theist? I posted this on a religious forum, where there is a variety of religious people and atheists, as members. But, wondered how some of you here might answer this, having been Christians, yourselves. For me, for roughly the past two to three years, I've only dated atheists (in a more serious way). My circle of friends has predominantly been atheists, even when I was a practicing Christian. So, the tendency to meet men who are atheists, is a bit higher. So, let's say for example you met someone at a party, or at a function, etc...and you really have chemistry, connect well...but after a few dates, you discover that the person is a Christian (or a theist in general, if you're an atheist)...would you continue going out? Just curious as to how you feel about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 If i were in that situation i would put all the cards out on the table and see where it goes from there. At that point, depending how much of an Xtian they are might dictate for them to either A. Try to convert you, B. Dump you, or C. Not be a big deal to them. So, it might not just be in your hands to decide if anything is going to advance from it anyway. They might just end it there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 If i were in that situation i would put all the cards out on the table and see where it goes from there. At that point, depending how much of an Xtian they are might dictate for them to either A. Try to convert you, B. Dump you, or C. Not be a big deal to them. So, it might not just be in your hands to decide if anything is going to advance from it anyway. They might just end it there. It's a big deal to me, though. lol When I first deconverted from Christianity, I still dated Christian men. But, over time, I felt like some of the conversations when it came to personal worldviews, theirs was quite different than mine, because it centered around their faith...even if they weren't all that devout. So, as strange as it might sound, I think it's easier for an atheist to not date theists, especially Christians, if you were once a Christian, yourself. Thanks for your comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 At this point in my life, I'm single, I'm done with my shitty marriage to a Christian, and I know myself well. It takes a lot for me to want to go out with someone in the first place...some may say my standards are too high. "Dating" is one thing, but I would not get serious with anyone who was still clinging to the delusion I escaped from. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 We may need to first define what a "christian" is, in this context. "Christian" as in batshit insane reality-denying morontheist? If she's very much fun aside from that (unlikely but possible) I might not decline a date perhaps, but I don't think it would progress much further than that... stay purely social (that is, if I ever get into a date at all, impossible as that seems). "Christian" as in "German standard lukewarm mainstream christian", no problem at all. These tend to see the church as 99 % social gathering anyway and wait some people really believe what that book says?! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 We may need to first define what a "christian" is, in this context. "Christian" as in batshit insane reality-denying morontheist? If she's very much fun aside from that (unlikely but possible) I might not decline a date perhaps, but I don't think it would progress much further than that... stay purely social (that is, if I ever get into a date at all, impossible as that seems). "Christian" as in "German standard lukewarm mainstream christian", no problem at all. These tend to see the church as 99 % social gathering anyway and wait some people really believe what that book says?! ...and that is exactly it. Thats what i was trying to say but you had a way better way to say it than I did. Some "Christians", turn their label on and off depending on the situation. I know most would say, then that is not a true Christian, but a lot of these people you might meet think they have a grasp on the word when in reality they don't. I had a friend who claimed to be Christian but in the same sentence said , but i have doubts about god sometimes. So, by definitions is he a true Christian? Also, he never once tried to convince anyone else they should believe either. So i guess when it comes to dating it would probably be a good idea to see what it means for them to be Xtian or drop it and move on. It makes sense to just say Bye!, because if it were me i wouldn't want to reinfect my life with that delusion again. Edited for spelling 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eXcelInferno Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Interesting question! I don't think I would ever date a Christian again because worldviews are so different. Attitudes toward sex and relationships are far too skewed for a Christian for me to handle... I just found my newfound freedom in sexuality and there is no way I'd go back. As far as a "lukewarm Christian" (lol) goes I don't think I'd date them either because I also just want nothing to do with God ever again... And within these church-going social gatherings there is bound to be some Jesus freak who is trying to convert everyone! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 It makes sense to just say Bye!, because if it were me i wouldn't want to reinfect my life with that delusion again. This is where I'm at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 We may need to first define what a "christian" is, in this context. "Christian" as in batshit insane reality-denying morontheist? If she's very much fun aside from that (unlikely but possible) I might not decline a date perhaps, but I don't think it would progress much further than that... stay purely social (that is, if I ever get into a date at all, impossible as that seems). "Christian" as in "German standard lukewarm mainstream christian", no problem at all. These tend to see the church as 99 % social gathering anyway and wait some people really believe what that book says?! lol I agree, there probably are exceptions, but still...I have found that dating atheists, has alleviated the whole topic of the supernatural to even come up in the first place, except to discuss it as a topic, and not in a debate format. lol The other thing too is, if you're just casually dating, it probably isn't a big deal. But, taking things to the next level, can mean that you'd have a different decision to make, then. So, how is your dating life going? I remember the last time you had posted about it, you weren't all too happy. lol Interesting question! I don't think I would ever date a Christian again because worldviews are so different. Attitudes toward sex and relationships are far too skewed for a Christian for me to handle... I just found my newfound freedom in sexuality and there is no way I'd go back. As far as a "lukewarm Christian" (lol) goes I don't think I'd date them either because I also just want nothing to do with God ever again... And within these church-going social gatherings there is bound to be some Jesus freak who is trying to convert everyone! Yes, I forgot about the sex part. lol True. I know Christian people who fuck around, and don't follow the Bible. Oh wait...isn't that a Christian 'in name only?' We may need to first define what a "christian" is, in this context. "Christian" as in batshit insane reality-denying morontheist? If she's very much fun aside from that (unlikely but possible) I might not decline a date perhaps, but I don't think it would progress much further than that... stay purely social (that is, if I ever get into a date at all, impossible as that seems). "Christian" as in "German standard lukewarm mainstream christian", no problem at all. These tend to see the church as 99 % social gathering anyway and wait some people really believe what that book says?! ...and that is exactly it. Thats what i was trying to say but you had a way better way to say it than I did. Some "Christians", turn their label on and off depending on the situation. I know most would say, then that is not a true Christian, but a lot of these people you might meet think they have a grasp on the word when in reality they don't. I had a friend who claimed to be Christian but in the same sentence said , but i have doubts about god sometimes. So, by definitions is he a true Christian? Also, he never once tried to convince anyone else they should believe either. So i guess when it comes to dating it would probably be a good idea to see what it means for them to be Xtian or drop it and move on. It makes sense to just say Bye!, because if it were me i wouldn't want to reinfect my life with that delusion again. Edited for spelling lol At the end of the day, if someone identifies as a Christian, it's relevant to them on some level. And where I'm at with it all, is it's just not relevant to me anymore. Long time coming, but to go through as much work as I did to get to a place where I'm finally comfortable not needing to believe in a deity, to date someone who does...it would probably be a waste of time to begin something with a guy who is a believer. If that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 At this point in my life, I'm single, I'm done with my shitty marriage to a Christian, and I know myself well. It takes a lot for me to want to go out with someone in the first place...some may say my standards are too high. "Dating" is one thing, but I would not get serious with anyone who was still clinging to the delusion I escaped from. Well put. I'm happy you are done with a bad marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenstar Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Nope.. the philosophy on life would be too different. Anyone of any faith other than judeo-christian… maybe. I haven't had any problems with people I know who are Hindu, or Buddhist, Pagan… etc… depends on the woo factor. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoldenWolf Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 By xian, if you mean bigoted, oppressive and has shitty worldview opinions, then no I would not date them. Interesting question! I don't think I would ever date a Christian again because worldviews are so different. Attitudes toward sex and relationships are far too skewed for a Christian for me to handle... I just found my newfound freedom in sexuality and there is no way I'd go back. As far as a "lukewarm Christian" (lol) goes I don't think I'd date them either because I also just want nothing to do with God ever again... And within these church-going social gatherings there is bound to be some Jesus freak who is trying to convert everyone! Yes to this as well. I don't think I could imagine being with a partner that thinks the ONLY way we can do the deed is if we're married. There's no problem with not being ready for sex, but don't let the lack of a ceremony with a bunch of people watching us formally PDA to 'tie' our relationship restrict you from your sexuality. Please. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam5 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 And if you're an atheist, would you ever date a theist? I posted this on a religious forum, where there is a variety of religious people and atheists, as members. But, wondered how some of you here might answer this, having been Christians, yourselves. I am happily married so not planning dates in this lifetime, but I would not date a Christian except a nominal/ cultural one. I would worry about being infected with the God virus again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wyson Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I dated a Christian after my deconversion. We had chemistry. We had fun. Then we had our first deep and meaningful conversation and her pat Christian answers made me lose respect for her. I started to find her annoying and it unravelled pretty quickly after that. I think I might be able to handle a Christian who has really studied the religion. I have a begrudging respect for people who understand the ins and outs of what they believe in, warts in all. But these sorts of Christians are few and far between. It might change when having kids isn't part of the equation, when its two adults in disagreement. Imagine the battles over their young minds if you did marry any sort of Theist. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted April 14, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 14, 2015 I don't usually agree with zero-tolerance policies, but I can understand why an atheist would want to steer clear at least of monotheists. Of course, some have married atheists who later converted to Christianity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 My best buddy is a believer, former fundamentalist Pentecostal turned Catholic. We still get together for a lunch or movie, but we don't spend a lot of time together now. Even the last movie we saw had him recoiling from images of a woman twerking (movie: "Get Hard") while I just thought it was funny in context. So there is a parting of paths going on, but I think there is still respect and friendship, plus years of shared experiences. Plus it's much easier for me to deal with him as a Catholic than as a hardcore fundy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted April 14, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted April 14, 2015 Of course this is hypothetical for me, but I'm imagining I'm young and single (I do that from time to time anyway ). Dating can lead to a serious relationship so I would not only consider how religion is manifested in that person but their family as well; when you marry, you marry a family. Most who identify as Christian in this country are unthinking CINOs and religion is pretty much irrelevant. However, a "serious" believer probably wouldn't ever meet me in the first place, much less go on a date. I could never allow a believer of any kind to co-parent my children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Yes. I did, and actually, now I'm happily married to one. We knew within the first few times we spoke that I was an atheist and he was a Christian. It's pretty much a non-issue. We have mutual respect that our spiritual pursuits are our own. There is no tension or pressure or a need to talk about it. He walks his faith rather than talks. He's soft-spoken, humble, kind, and deeply compassionate. Actually, my husband can't stand most Christians or how they do things either. *L* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travi Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I could probably date one as long as they didn't make it part of the requirements for the relationship. Saying I would have to come back to Christianity beforehand, I say keep walking. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted April 14, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted April 14, 2015 Obviously, there are exceptions where oil and water can peacefully coexist. But just read some of the accounts of "unequally yoked" marriages that are pure misery. Why deliberately choose a bad bet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I couldn't date a theist. They would just spend their time trying to get you to believe in their version of god, and telling you to repent and believe in jesus. I would not be able to continue dating this person. -the grouch 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 I'm married, so the question may be moot for me. But hypothetically I can say that I would never date a fundy. Someone who was nominally a Christian? Sure, why not. It could lead to some fun conversations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Of course this is hypothetical for me, but I'm imagining I'm young and single (I do that from time to time anyway ). Dating can lead to a serious relationship so I would not only consider how religion is manifested in that person but their family as well; when you marry, you marry a family. Most who identify as Christian in this country are unthinking CINOs and religion is pretty much irrelevant. However, a "serious" believer probably wouldn't ever meet me in the first place, much less go on a date. I could never allow a believer of any kind to co-parent my children. Agree--good points florduh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Atheists are better in bed, too...so there's that to consider also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted April 15, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 15, 2015 I have always been awesome in bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts