Guest CutiePie Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 How do you guys cope with family members that know of your deconversion? My mother is blaming me being non believer on a old friend of mine ( of course ) and she thinks I am under demonic attack ( of course ) This coming Sunday my mother wants me to talk to the pastor, as much as I don't want to because my views aren't his business, I just need to stick with it until it's over. I am not going to tell him everything, he doesn't need to know everything. I don't know how I should feel about this, I mean, I don't really care what he thinks of me not believing in a god or not. Guys, I have a lot of questions to ask, I have a lot more to learn so I can question more on things and I just want answers. My mother is trying so hard to get me back to Christianity, I don't even like the bible nor can I accept it considering that there's plenty of shit in the bible that I just don't agree with. I wished I didn't come out to my mother, things were better then in a way, even though I had to hide myself in a way, it's like she doesn't want me to question things, it's like she just wants me to go along with it and not give it a second thought. How can genesis 1 & 2 contradict? How can a all knowing god allow so much shit to happen, for starters where did this god even come from? I understand that he's supernatural being, however something has to happen in order for something to cease existence. Which is why I love college, the more I learn, the more knowledge I have on things to ask more questions. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense that it sounds all over the place, this is literally just my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted April 17, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted April 17, 2015 If I were you I would NOT talk to any pastors. I would NOT discuss religious beliefs with family. I WOULD insist that I be accepted as an equal and entitled to my own opinions. Of course this is assuming you're not a minor and dependent upon religious whackos for your physical survival. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 What Florduh said. Really the best you can hope for with family is to tell them that you are not going to try to change them and you expect them to respect you enough to not try to change you. Their lame attempts to change your thinking are best met with "I don't want to talk about it". You know what it is like at college so you know what it is like to learn real knowledge. No college professor of a real subject tells you the answer is a mystery so you just have to accept it on faith. Christians will try to use tricks and they will reject any fact that does not support their agenda so arguing with them will only lead to frustration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CutiePie Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 What Florduh said. Really the best you can hope for with family is to tell them that you are not going to try to change them and you expect them to respect you enough to not try to change you. Their lame attempts to change your thinking are best met with "I don't want to talk about it". You know what it is like at college so you know what it is like to learn real knowledge. No college professor of a real subject tells you the answer is a mystery so you just have to accept it on faith. Christians will try to use tricks and they will reject any fact that does not support their agenda so arguing with them will only lead to frustration. I agree with not talking to family members about anything, which is something I stopped doing. I just keep my thoughts for here and school. I'm not looking to change anyone's views. I don't care what they believe in as long as they are not shoving it down me, it's cool. I don't want to talk to my pastor, however, as if I had much of a choice. I'm just putting up with things for now and trying to be strong. & you got that right, another reason why I love college is the freedom to question things and not just to go with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 1) Your mother wants you to talk to the pastor. 2) You do not want to talk to the pastor. Choose option 2. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 How do you guys cope with family members that know of your deconversion? My mother is blaming me being non believer on a old friend of mine ( of course ) and she thinks I am under demonic attack ( of course ) When I first told my family, they reacted as if I had just told them the worst possible thing that I could ever tell them (which, to be fair, is true from their perspective). After all, I had just told them that I was destined to spend eternity in hell. They really believe this is true. Hence, it is unsurprising that they were upset about my deconversion. It took me quite a while to get past the guilt that I felt for making them feel this way. I had to realize that it is not actually my fault. I am not in any way responsible for their belief that I am spending eternity in hell. That is their belief. They need to deal with it, not me. As for the rest, I agree with what others have said. Take some time to truly search your own mind. Figure out what you think. When you are confident in your own opinions, then you should open up to other people (pastors, etc). Of course, this is just my opinion. Ultimately, you need to do whatever works for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudflappus Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Not a very active member here but I feel compelled to add another voice to the chorus telling you not to speak to this pastor character. His job is to reinforce what some already believe and to baffle the rest with bullshit. It can almost be guaranteed that he will attempt to corner you and pepper you with questions specifically designed to spin you into a confused state and then he will either <A> smugly accuse you of knowing nothing or <b> act as the concerned parent type whereby he will attempt to guilt you into rejoining the cult. If you don't have a choice and must speak with him. remember that you are the captain of your own mind regardless of what buffoonery you may be hit over the head with. Do not attempt to engage a professional clergyman in a battle of biblical wit if you are just figuring out it is all BS. It's their job to deal with people like yourself and if your shell hasn't fully formed yet, he'll just inject more confusion and angst into your world. Although it's not a factor, best of luck amigo. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 If your financial situation does not force you to talk to the pastor, then say that you're going to do something else and not that. Pulling for you, sweets! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 If you must talk. Let him explain a few things to you. Why some "abominations" are evil and others perfectly acceptable Is the Old Testament dead or not? If not why do we need to follow it. If still active then why not stone people as required by law? You know those tough questions. And let him sell you on it rather than you defending. You know he cant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Or imagine the pastor as a priest of Quetzalcoatl or Saturn in full costume. That's pretty much what he is, and he actually thinks it's all real. I find that a funny and disarming approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Hey Sweets, I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time with your mom. If you don't want to go talk to the pastor you don't have to. I would say you shouldn't go at all. I think it will be pointless and it will probably give you unnecessary stress. Like others have said, you have the right to assert your beliefs and the right to refuse discussion or dispute on that topic. If you do end up going to visit the pastor, make sure you tell your mom this is the last time you will ever dispute your views, this is your last compromise, and that she needs to respect your decision. Otherwise I'm worried she will keep pushing you. I hope everything works out okay!! I'm lucky that my mom realized debating with me made me extremely uncomfortable, so she mostly leaves me alone. I hope your mom can realize that, and treat you with more respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Furball Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 My mother hates the fact that i am an atheist. Whenever i visit her, she goes way out of her way now to keep talking about god this and god that. She really wants me to know that god is answering all her fucking prayers, and that god keeps providing for her. The easiest way to shut her up is i ask for evidence. All i have to say to shut her up is 2 things. 1.There are kids starving all around the world, kids that have flies crawling in and out of their mouths as they struggle with survival. If god exists, and he is a god of love, how come he doesn't help these people? Isn't it arrogant to believe that you are so special that god answers your prayers, but not the prayers of starving children? 2.Where is your evidence that god exists? Your prayers being answered are either coincidence or the same outcome would have happened even if you didn't pray. So, outside of your own mind, where is your evidence that god exists? These 2 questions shut her up every time. -Peace/Cat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I fully agree that you should not talk about your beliefs or lack of them to any pastor, cleric, nutcase or family member to whom you do not wish to speak. If circumstances permit, and you are sufficiently mischievous, you could introduce your mother to this website... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CutiePie Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Hello everyone, thank you for the kind words and advice. Earlier today after church with my mother, we met with the pastor in his office and my mother told him, he wasn't shocked or anything of the matter. He basically just kept a straight face. He then goes on saying stuff how I'm at that stage of my life when I start to question things, he didn't see anything wrong with me being an questioning things, however, I don't know why, he thinks that I do believe in a god, however, I'm just questioning things. .-. He doesn't believe that I'm an atheist, he doesn't see me as confused or anything, he just says how I'm trying to find myself...to put it bluntly, it went well, better than I expected. He was telling my mother to have an open mind and to just relax about me questioning things about religion, it worked strangely somehow...Anyways, I feel so much better now, dealing with my mother isn't fun, I still do plan to move out after I graduate college though.-Sweets 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Glad to hear it Sweets. If they don't think you are an atheist there is no need to draw their attention to it. Just let things ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hello everyone, thank you for the kind words and advice. Earlier today after church with my mother, we met with the pastor in his office and my mother told him, he wasn't shocked or anything of the matter. He basically just kept a straight face. He then goes on saying stuff how I'm at that stage of my life when I start to question things, he didn't see anything wrong with me being an questioning things, however, I don't know why, he thinks that I do believe in a god, however, I'm just questioning things. .-. He doesn't believe that I'm an atheist, he doesn't see me as confused or anything, he just says how I'm trying to find myself...to put it bluntly, it went well, better than I expected. He was telling my mother to have an open mind and to just relax about me questioning things about religion, it worked strangely somehow... Anyways, I feel so much better now, dealing with my mother isn't fun, I still do plan to move out after I graduate college though. -Sweets I get a kick out of how Person A can tell Person B what Person B believes. Only Person A can tell you what Person A believes, and only Person B can tell you what Person B believes. I can't imagine telling you what YOU believe right to your face! But since it seems to have turned out all right, then it's fine. Hang in there til you graduate! Life is really fun when you get out on your own! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 it's like she doesn't want me to question things, it's like she just wants me to go along with it and not give it a second thought. Actually, that is exactly what she wants. Most people don't want their life upset and/or to expand their worldview. It's scary to admit to the possibility that your life has been a lie and that it's not all that it could have been. Christianity provides people with a nice little box that they can fit their life into and whatever doesn't fit in the box gets ignored. You're poking holes in your mom's box and she's afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Glad you got through it, Sweets. This "she's having questions, doubt is part of faith," blah blah is such a crock. As others have said, your pastor was saying what would make your mother (and maybe him) feel good. He didn't want to admit that someone might have considered reasons for dropping the cult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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