Two-Faced Christians

[GoldenWolf]

Ever seen a Christian be lovely and accepting to someone, then as soon as that person turns their back the Christian begins complaining about everything they don't like about that person maybe because it doesn't suit their religious beliefs?

I've had a couple of experiences, for example when my family and I went over to Malaysia, a country that is more dominantly muslim, buddhist and hindu, I heard little judgment from my xian parents about the number of different religions (maybe once, but I managed to put them in their place), but as soon as we came back to Australia, they were complaining constantly about the number of muslims there were. 

 

I've seen a woman who was technically kicked out of our church (you can't really kick someone out of church, but it was implied) for doing a couple of wrong things, then one day decided to come back for a second chance, everyone acted as if they forgave her and accepted her, then as soon as she left, they all bitched about her and made sure she never came back.

 

A few years back, a woman and her boyfriend had a child before marriage (oh no, the horror..!) and everyone congratulated her and seemed very happy to see her with a child, but as soon as she was out of earshot, they'd complain about how she wasn't married, then she decided to have another one outside of marriage again and the same thing ensued. 

 

I thought xians were supposed to be 'Christ-like' all the time, not just around people. 

 

Has anyone had/seen any similar experiences?

[Sybaris]

About 12 years ago I anonymously gave bone marrow. A year later we were put in contact with the recipient who thankfully made a full recovery.

 

The boys mother wrote us a very kind letter and for some reason my wife felt possessed to stand up and read it during the service.

 

We had several sheep come up and tell us that they could never do something like that and others say that they could only do it for family.

 

So much for christian benevolence.

[RealityCheck]

I've had a couple of experiences, for example when my family and I went over to Malaysia, a country that is more dominantly muslim, buddhist and hindu, I heard little judgment from my xian parents about the number of different religions (maybe once, but I managed to put them in their place), but as soon as we came back to Australia, they were complaining constantly about the number of muslims there were. 

 

I don't understand that logic.  It's like coming to the U.S. and complaining about how many Americans we have.

 

As for the other cases, I've had the same experiences and coined a phrase for it.  "Cowards in Christ" are people who hide behind their religion and can't muster up the courage to reveal their real thoughts.  I've confronted a few (because others in their clan can't keep secrets either).  Their reactions become epic displays of denial and cognitive dissonance.   

 

Believers also seem to be in a state of perpetual flux.  They go from tolerant to intolerant and back again depending on their level of conviction on that particular day.  I found this out the hard way trying to date one...

[rach]

Yes my adoptive family, and it's bad.  It's especially my a-parents.  It is so bad that I feel dirty to listen to it and have to excuse myself.  It is literally every Sunday, they come home from church, and at lunch time they start ripping the other church people to shreds.  These are the church people they've just spent an hour or two with and convinced that they love them.  When they come home the mask comes off.  If only I could video record their hate-and-bullying sessions and show it to the victims, but I can't, because it would be too upsetting.  What happens is my a-parents will sit down to lunch and then start ridiculing the people they just saw and spoke with at church, classic bullies who feel good about themselves by debasing others.  I know one of the boys they victimize.  He is nice as could be.  They love to make fun of his weight and how "stupid" he is, and they make fun of his whole family and even his love life.  They taught my sister to ridicule him by imitating him.  Now my sister has learned, by their encouragement, to be a bully herself.  Yes, I bear the disgrace of calling these people my parents.  I have confronted them many times about this and it only led to them targeting me with their hate.  They are Exemplary Christians.  They pray before the hate sessions begin.  They teach Bible classes.  Jesus is their "all in all."  They are pathetic human beings with no morality to speak of.  All I can do is strive to be the opposite of all they are. 

[Lucy]

Do you mean dissing people behind their backs? Or specifically dissing people behind their backs for religious reasons?

 

I can't stand people who diss other people as soon as they leave the room. I instantly think they are also dissing me as soon as I leave the room.

 

I think the church groups tend to be more gossipy and engage in more secret dissing than most groups, but that's probably just my perception.

[Moxie]

Lucy, it's not just your perception. By and large, christians have screwed up morality or no morality at all because they depend on Jesus, their get-out-of-jail-free card.

[GoldenWolf]

Yes my adoptive family, and it's bad.  It's especially my a-parents.  It is so bad that I feel dirty to listen to it and have to excuse myself.  It is literally every Sunday, they come home from church, and at lunch time they start ripping the other church people to shreds.  These are the church people they've just spent an hour or two with and convinced that they love them.  When they come home the mask comes off.  If only I could video record their hate-and-bullying sessions and show it to the victims, but I can't, because it would be too upsetting.  What happens is my a-parents will sit down to lunch and then start ridiculing the people they just saw and spoke with at church, classic bullies who feel good about themselves by debasing others.  I know one of the boys they victimize.  He is nice as could be.  They love to make fun of his weight and how "stupid" he is, and they make fun of his whole family and even his love life.  They taught my sister to ridicule him by imitating him.  Now my sister has learned, by their encouragement, to be a bully herself.  Yes, I bear the disgrace of calling these people my parents.  I have confronted them many times about this and it only led to them targeting me with their hate.  They are Exemplary Christians.  They pray before the hate sessions begin.  They teach Bible classes.  Jesus is their "all in all."  They are pathetic human beings with no morality to speak of.  All I can do is strive to be the opposite of all they are. 

 

That's terrible rach

 

Perfect example on how you don't need religion to have a moral compass. And even with religion, you can still be a complete dickhead. 

[SCM]

Goes to show that Morality/kindness/goodness/love are purely coincidental with religion.

 

some Christians think about love, goodness and acceptance while others focus almost exclusively on the tribalism of their religion.

 

In my time the best person i know is a christian and the worst person i knew (past-tense thankfully) was also a christian. sometimes I still get shocked at what my christian friend circle will say about others when they are not there. someone would say something that would stop the whole conversation if the particular person who was being talked about was there.

there's the usual talk if a girl with a kid isn't married, or the viral gossip about someone who says they are christian but haven't left their old way of life yet (code for doesn't follow church unwritten rules of behavior, clothing or otherwise aren't intent on becoming a carbon copy of the rest of the group). Christians also have an uncanny sense of who is questioning their beliefs, which leads to rumors and subtly pushing/discrediting them out of the social hierarchy until they disappear or fall back into line.

 

sorry if this comment doesn't make sense, it's late at night here

[traveller2]

Its not just that you or i for that matter have met the wrong people.Nicer Christians used to excuse it by saying 'oh you will always meet bad people anywhere' as if this was not a serious problem.I now believe this to be absolutely endemic to the christian population and is probably as a result of the kind of life with its strictures and denials that makes Christians so venomous and miserable and warps them until they have this in their personalities.

My christian experience of about 17 yrs was consistently bad really because of the nasty shite that Christians came out with.It was this kind of two facedness that eventually one morning in theological college  it was finally ' the straw that broke the camels back' for me and started the ball rolling toward deconversion so that even my indoctrination and mind programing couldn't stand up against it anymore;it had just happened to many times.i see my self as having had a similar experience to being in a bad  and verbally abusive marriage (which actually i was too for only 2 yrs), I just kept making excuses for the poor verbal behavior of Christians for the sake of my relationship with god etc.

[Naughtyhamster]

I have an aunt and uncle who behave in such a manner too. When my grandmother was alive my aunt would call and talk shit about me and my mom to my grandma and make her cry. Once when my mom was seriously ill in the hospital my uncle told me "You know why she is so ill? She got fat from maxing out your grandma's credit card at McDonald's!" Then he took my grandmother and I out to eat and got all wishy washy praying out loud in the Chinese restaurant we went to, and here he was eating plates of expensive versions of Panda Express chow while talking about his kids' missionary work.  

[RenaissanceWoman]

Christians, in my experience, are all about protecting their little club ("congregation"). So they will "love" and "accept" you unless you upset their apple cart, such as pointing out wrongdoing, meanspiritedness, manipulation, or outright evil treament by one of their own. Then they will turn on you in a heart beat. Suddenly you are just a sinful gossip or you just aren't humble enough. This happened to me twice at two different places; I was honestly trying to right a wrong and make things better for a number of mistreated people in the group, not just me. True injustices. All along I thought I would be safe in my quest for righting the wrong, because I was very active and had been told several times by "important" people what a blessing I was to the group. But I pointed out wrongdoings too high up in the organization, and that was enough to turn on me. One day they are like, "Oh you are so right. Thank you for having the guts to stand up and point this out. God is working through you. We support you." And the next day when they realize this may hurt the group, they essentially say, "You are accusing a man/woman of God. You are the sinner, and we don't want you around any more." Seriously, almost the exact situation in two different organizations -- it's eerie. The coherence of the club and its heirarchy trumps justice and love and "hating the sin." Two faced, indeed. Best to stay away.

 

ETA: What's really strange is that now, several years later, people from both places still contact me once in a while, trying to get me to come back. (Just this week, as a matter of fact.) I have skills, talents, and resources that they need/want (plus they "love" me and "miss" me, don't ya know). And I tell them, basically... have you forgotten the spiritual and emotional torment inflicted on me for trying to make a better place? You think I want more of that? It boggles my mind -- like they don't even realize the damage they are doing. (And the "wrongs" I experienced in both places have still not been corrected, so no thanks!) I politely but firmly tell them that a god who allows his people to treat others that way -- and turn on people in quick, cruel ways -- just doesn't exist in my opinion; it's just humans doing what humans do, no god there. I explain that this was my first step to questioning my faith, and now I have none any more. Nice work, people!

 

Then I get the "praying for you" line. Ha ha. So predictable.

[Lilith666]

Not specifically about religion, but I knew a couple of women who said they were Christians, but acted hatefully when they got mad at someone. "Washed in the blood" doesn't count for much.

 

("Those people obviously didn't have Christ in their hearts. They weren't REAL Christians.")

[SCM]

Its not just that you or i for that matter have met the wrong people.Nicer Christians used to excuse it by saying 'oh you will always meet bad people anywhere' as if this was not a serious problem.I now believe this to be absolutely endemic to the christian population and is probably as a result of the kind of life with its strictures and denials that makes Christians so venomous and miserable and warps them until they have this in their personalities.

My christian experience of about 17 yrs was consistently bad really because of the nasty shite that Christians came out with.It was this kind of two facedness that eventually one morning in theological college  it was finally ' the straw that broke the camels back' for me and started the ball rolling toward deconversion so that even my indoctrination and mind programing couldn't stand up against it anymore;it had just happened to many times.i see my self as having had a similar experience to being in a bad  and verbally abusive marriage (which actually i was too for only 2 yrs), I just kept making excuses for the poor verbal behavior of Christians for the sake of my relationship with god etc.

I agree with you that Christians seem to be arrogant/venomous/tribalist/defensive/two faced kind of bad people as a rule rather than an exception. I think that something in the way that Christianity works in its structure, despite all the love your neighbor stuff -creates very bad results.

 

I think it's because their God doesn't respect them, they are taught not to respect themselves and human lives in general, if God can come and tell you what to do with your life, what to wear and do, what to say and believe and think, then why can't they? It's all for the sake of your soul anyway. your human life and experience, memories and relationships are worthless in their eyes, because it's worthless in their god's eyes.

 

normal people are good people because since they can understand and respect themselves, they can respect others as similar to their own experience.

that's my theory right now anyway

[milesaway]

I saw scores of them at every church I visited except for one, and the only reason for that exception was that it was far too small, and I only went there twice. Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action. I was on the receiving end of their venom, and more than once. The last church I visited was when the shit hit the fan, and some of the congregation members there were so fucked up that they were even nasty to my face! They all came off so phony that deep down I never really bought their nicey nice love bombing. I'm sure when I left, some of them started talking a thousand kinds of shit about me, especially Patty from the church office, and the one who deals with the newcomers. When I kindly explained to her that no, I wouldn't be able to join the church after all due to personal reasons, she tried to shoot them down and attack them. I stuck to my story, and told her that the timing wasn't right, and that there'll be other Easters. Patty couldn't get off the phone with me fast enough, and her vile attitude came through clear as a bell over the phone. All I felt was relief when I hung up that evening. There was no way I would let some hateful slag like that anywhere near my kids when they came along! 

 

Based on my experiences, I'd say this is par for the course for them. Xtians have proven to be some of the most spiteful, petty, two-faced, backstabbing, predatory, dishonest, hypocritical jerks I've ever had the misfortune of meeting, and the worst friends I've ever had too. Honesty and integrity are big words they don't understand. Rach, for what it's worth, I'm so sorry your a-family is being so hateful towards others. Their behavior sucks, and it's entirely a reflection on them. You keep doing you, and I agree, it's best to leave the room when they get themselves going. You don't need to hear their trash. RenaissanceWoman, that stupid church lost someone really special, someone who'd have done anything in the world for them, and that's their own fault. They didn't deserve you and the great gifts you had to offer, and I think deep down they knew it. If they "love" you and "miss" you that much, what's stopping them from making plans to go have lunch or something? Exactly. Now that they're gone, you get to devote your time, resources and gifts to your family and friends instead.