Came Out And Still Confused

[LeikelaRae]

So, I took a little break from Ex-C lately, (sorry everyone). I got super busy with work, plus I just wanted to take some time to really “find myself” I suppose.

I’m definitely more comfortable than ever calling myself Agnostic. I’ve even come out to a few of my closest Christian friends about it. One of which accepted right away, and the other was very shocked and upset about it.

I am still having some anxieties and confusion sometimes though. Part of me worries that it’s still the “Holy Spirit” that is doing this, (because that is what I have been taught my whole life). I truly don’t believe that to be true though, but I almost feel guilty about it all too. My one Christian friend says that I should talk to Christian people about my thoughts so I can get advice… however, I don’t think that will personally do any good in the grand scheme of things. I’m not sure if these feelings are because of my friends or if this is because I was raised. It’s just overwhelming sometimes and part of me wants to sometimes “go back” to the Christian life because I’m worried that I am wrong in my Agnostic life...

 

Thanks for reading! Any tips would be awesome. I’m super happy I’ve been coming out to people lately. It’s still been pretty hard for sure though.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Hi LeikelaRae,

You might get more responses in a different section, like Ex-C Life. Most good change takes time. Your feelings will go this way and that, and believers will exploit that if you let them (I know because I was one). It's good that you are getting more comfortable with reality. Fears are natural, especially when you've spent years being told that there are invisible enemies trying to ruin you. They don't exist and never have. People once blamed sickness on them also, because they didn't know about germs, and god never told them. We had to figure that out on our own. 

 

The same goes for the invisible friends, angels and gods. I still have dozens of friends that believe in them, in one way or another. I live and let live, and they aren't evangelistic at all. I don't pretend to have life all figured out, but I do tend to rest on what I know is true, or at least what I have a pretty good notion is real. That's quite a change after 30 years of hardcore belief. But it is a lot more peaceful internally.

[disillusioned]

Those feelings take a while to go away, but they do. I think part of it is because of how we were raised, and part of it is because the change we have made is so fundamental. The mind is used to thinking a certain way, and it takes time for it's default settings to change.

[ToHellWithMe]

Part of me worries that it’s still the “Holy Spirit” that is doing this, (because that is what I have been taught my whole life). I truly don’t believe that to be true though, but I almost feel guilty about it all too.

That only sounds good to me. Suppose it is true: God is guiding you away from some religion. I would take that happily. You can only follow your internal guidance anyway, so what's there to feel guilty about? except maybe some facade you may or may not have to upkeep.

[florduh]

I truly don’t believe that to be true though, but I almost feel guilty about it all too.

 

That's because the brainwashing takes place at the emotional level, not the intellectual. You can know the truth but still not really embrace it. This situation will change with time.

[EyesOpened]

 

I truly don’t believe that to be true though, but I almost feel guilty about it all too.

 

That's because the brainwashing takes place at the emotional level, not the intellectual. You can know the truth but still not really embrace it. This situation will change with time.

That is exactly true. Also, the brainwashing didn't happen over night so give yourself ample time and don't push it.

[Ellinas]

You've been advised to seek the advice of Christians.

 

Instead you are seeking the advice of non christians.

 

That speaks for itself.  You are wiser and more sure of yourself than you credit.

 

Keep at it.  As your confidence grows, your fears will diminish.

[SCM]

I can understand a bit of what you are going through. like you (and many others) I began my journey away from christianity as an agnostic, still believing that god was real but did't care about me at all. I felt a lot of emotions I was having was god trying to tell me something, or was constantly looking for "signs"  that would make sense of everything, I think I may have been almost superstitious. because of this I had a long and messy deconversion process with many micro-relapses.

What I think now is that you emotions (in this case anxiety and confusion) lie to you as often as they tell you the truth. there are many biological/psychological factors that determine your emotions at any given time, sometimes what you think and what you feel are completely different. your emotions are useful tools to inform you and most would say reason/motivation/reward for existing in themselves, so I am not suggesting that becoming a robot is the solution. Christianity has a strong effect on you emotional and psychological levels to say the least. It is no surprise you feel anxiety and confusion at this stage (even if your sure of your beliefs), especially with coming out to your friends. I can remember my time after leaving god, it took months and months for the god person/structure in my head to die, and often i felt it would be easier if i gave up and slide back to Christianity (as if that would take no effort at all), thinking maybe god was testing me all along. what I can say for certain is that is does get a lot better. you're functioning good when you use your, body, emotions, brain and heart to roughly equal capacity, not placing an undue importance on anyone of them. that's my tips really, they may or may not be helpful for you or your situation.

 

Good luck with coming out to your friends, I hope you stay in a good position for yourself.

sorry If this is a little dis-jointed, it's late at night here and i'm more that halfway through a bottle of Merlot.