disillusioned Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 So this has not been a great week. I don't want to get into too much detail, but suffice it to say that a family member is desperately and unexpectedly ill. The longterm prognosis is not good. The very longterm prognosis is non-existent. If she is lucky she will have years rather than decades. To make matters worse, she's 29, and has a 3 month old daughter. Since she fell ill on Tuesday, my family has done nothing but spew religion even more than usual. God is at work. She has much to be thankful for. Etcetera, etcetera. I was at the hospital with my father yesterday, and she was lying in the bed in significant pain, and he was telling her that this is all part of God's plan. I wanted to puke. Don't get me wrong. I am not in any way using this as an excuse to demonstrate that my family's worldview is abjectly stupid. I think that would be something of a breach of taste, not to mention utterly unhelpful. I hope they get some comfort from their beliefs. But they also need to wake up and smell the reality. They can pray if they like, but they should not actually expect her to be healed. Life has to go on. There are a number of very difficult decisions that will need to be made, and they can't be made through the lens of blind faith. Please don't keep us in your prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I am so very sorry to hear this, Disillusioned. How terrible for anyone to be stricken, but it's hard not to feel it more when it's a young mother. Some friends recently lost their daughter of 37 to cancer. Ali had still young children. What can you say? I posted on another thread that a former student of mine recently died of anorexia at 27. Both those families are Jewish but not into being religious. At Jenna's funeral (my student), during her father's euology, he said that he did not believe in God. I appreciated his being forthright. One of the rabbis just talked about how we don't know "why" certain things happen, but we come together in ritual according to tradition in order to affirm that we push on with life despite that which makes no sense. All the blather from those who have a pipeline to God's will makes me sick, too. Hugs from me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted April 24, 2015 Moderator Share Posted April 24, 2015 Please don't keep us in your prayers. disillusioned, my thoughts are with you this morning as I read this sad news. Humans are so terribly frail. Now that we know there isn't any god with any plan, we non-believers understand a little bit more why terrible things happen now. It doesn't make it easier, we just understand that someone who makes it into old age without having an accident or getting a disease is a very lucky person. My own sister died at 39 with 2 young children and people all around me came up with excuses as to why god would allow this to happen to her. It made me sick back then and I was a fairly strong believer then. The anger that I felt towards god would eventually lead to my deconversion. I am so sorry you have to go through this. We here at Ex-c understand your frustration and sadness. I wish I could wave a magic wand for all the people on the earth and make it a complete safe place to be, but I can't, so I wanted to give you a big hug today and let you know that I understand a little about how you feel right now. Keep posting all your frustrations and we will try to encourage you. My heart goes out to all in the family. As frustrating as it is, I understand why people want to hang on to the belief in a god. It gives hope even though we know it's a false hope. Hang in there my friend. Stay strong. ((hug)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 So this has not been a great week. I don't want to get into too much detail, but suffice it to say that a family member is desperately and unexpectedly ill. The longterm prognosis is not good. The very longterm prognosis is non-existent. If she is lucky she will have years rather than decades. To make matters worse, she's 29, and has a 3 month old daughter. Since she fell ill on Tuesday, my family has done nothing but spew religion even more than usual. God is at work. She has much to be thankful for. Etcetera, etcetera. I was at the hospital with my father yesterday, and she was lying in the bed in significant pain, and he was telling her that this is all part of God's plan. I wanted to puke. Don't get me wrong. I am not in any way using this as an excuse to demonstrate that my family's worldview is abjectly stupid. I think that would be something of a breach of taste, not to mention utterly unhelpful. I hope they get some comfort from their beliefs. But they also need to wake up and smell the reality. They can pray if they like, but they should not actually expect her to be healed. Life has to go on. There are a number of very difficult decisions that will need to be made, and they can't be made through the lens of blind faith. Please don't keep us in your prayers. Sorry to hear about this. You are doing a great job keeping your rational thinking together. I don't know what the medical issue at hand is but i hope that it resolves itself or they find a treatment for it very soon. If you can, try to get out and do something you like to do so you can have time to absorb this situation better. It works for me but everyone is different. We are here for you if you need to vent. Hope all gets better. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travi Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Hope everything works out for the better dillusioned. Hate to hear this, especially to someone so young and with a child. I just hope the family doesn't decide to forgo medical treatment and "leave it in god's hands" like some religious people are prone to do.I lost my best friend at the age of 22 to cancer, it's been seven years now and I always think about the bright future he had ahead of him. He was like a brother to me, and it ripped away a part of me that I'll never get back. Stay strong and we're all here if you need us. Keeping her in my thoughts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I'm sorry to hear this news about your family member. Like Margee said, I can sometimes understand why people still cling to the false hope...it's easier than facing reality during difficult times. I just hope they do everything they can medically, and only allow their fantasies of "God's will" to be a tool of acceptance if need be, but not an alternative to treatment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Sorry to hear about your relative. It's sad when a child will grow up without a mother. Looks like you get to be the rational person in the family. I hope they will listen to you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Since she fell ill on Tuesday, my family has done nothing but spew religion even more than usual. God is at work. She has much to be thankful for. Etcetera, etcetera. I was at the hospital with my father yesterday, and she was lying in the bed in significant pain, and he was telling her that this is all part of God's plan. I wanted to puke. These sorts of things tend to make people feel worse. It would piss me off if I thought "God's plan" is that I get to don't to live long enough to raise my own child. I don't think asking them to stop would help. Sorry to hear about this. It's difficult to get through these situations where you feel there isn't much you can do. The only thing is if they decide to stop her medical treatment and just pray to god for miracles you can maybe persuade them otherwise. I can't pray for you, but I do feel for you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted April 24, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted April 24, 2015 I am so sorry -- for your relative, for her child, for everyone who loves her, and for you having to put up with all that religious insanity. The whole situation sucks. Anytime you need to talk, rant, vent, share -- we're here for you. (((Big Hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yunea Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Really sorry to hear this. Her baby is so little too, I can't wrap my mind around this supposedly being a great loving plan. I hope things get better. Also I hope her family doesn't make bad (=faith-based) decisions about her treatment. Is this woman Christian, btw? You don't have to answer, but I was just wondering how she takes the God-talk. You're in my thoughts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Disillusioned, Wanna let know ExC exists for those of we who need a place to let out that PRIMAL SCREAM for whatever reason life has tossed in you face. Use it, do so, let shit go that may not be *allowed* by those on outside. While she is in great amonts of pain, the gahwdz plan people yip and yap, remind them that morphine is a quicker and soothing repair compaired to useless prayers. Here with y'all having been bedside with terminally ill kin and friend alike. Your presence when they are lucid is generally appreciated. May sound morbid now, take along a pocket sized notebook and pen. Take notes if needed from her, make sure her wishes are not ignored by those in derGohwdSkwad. None of us get out of this game. Fuckin' sorry to hear of such a youngin' having to go all too soon. Community of ExC is here to listen and do what can be done. kevinL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Thanks everyone for the kind words. The situation is ongoing. I had a conversation with my father this evening regarding where we go from here, and in the course of the conversation the topic of faith came up. He was saying that it is very good that she has her faith to help her get through this. I told him in no uncertain terms that we have a difference of opinion on this topic (he already knew this). I also told him that I hope he's right, and a miraculous healing occurs. But we cannot operate on the assumption that it will. We must operate on the opposite assumption. He was fairly agreeable to this, and the rest of our conversation was quite reasonable. The whole situation sucks. There is no way around it. Thanks for the support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Just caught up with this. I hope that a genuine medical cure can be found. That will be miracle enough. Sounds like you've set out your stall on the faith issue pretty clearly, but I suspect you will still have to bear with the inanity of your family's religious ramblings. Perhaps, in this situation, it doesn't really matter. The issues are bigger than their god, more fundamental than their insecurities, and more important than anyone's discomfort. All the best 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StJeffTheIncomprehensible Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 This is bad news, friend. Do all you can not to be too irritated at your family. You know this already, but they really do think they're doing the right thing. The idea of god is a powerful, if false, hope for those who believe in it; and of course they will find solace in the possibility that some Super-being cares enough to step in. My best wishes to you and your family. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluechipx Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I was as close to death as it was possible to be when my wife contacted the Mayo clinic in Rochester Minn an set up a emergency visit. I absolutely, positively wouldn't be writing this now if it weren't for the exceptional level of treatment I received there. Before I went to Mayo, my local cancer doctor wouldn't even look directly at me, but just look towards the floor and tell me what I have is "very, very serious". I underwent chemo and a six week stem cell transplant nine years ago am I'm still here too pester the theists! It has been a slightly bumpy nine years, but at the moment I'm as good as anyone with no need for any meds. If you don't feel it is too personal, could you tell us the particular ailment your family member is dealing with? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 I was as close to death as it was possible to be when my wife contacted the Mayo clinic in Rochester Minn an set up a emergency visit. I absolutely, positively wouldn't be writing this now if it weren't for the exceptional level of treatment I received there. Before I went to Mayo, my local cancer doctor wouldn't even look directly at me, but just look towards the floor and tell me what I have is "very, very serious". I underwent chemo and a six week stem cell transplant nine years ago am I'm still here too pester the theists! It has been a slightly bumpy nine years, but at the moment I'm as good as anyone with no need for any meds. If you don't feel it is too personal, could you tell us the particular ailment your family member is dealing with? Her small bowel was necrotic and needed to be removed in its entirety. Most of her stomach and part of her large intestine also had to be removed. She will never eat again. Assuming she gets through these next few weeks (which is not at all certain), she may be able to survive on IV nutrition for a few years, but IV nutrition is really not a picnic and it eventually destroys your liver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluechipx Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Disillusioned, sounds bad. Modern medicine is great, but there are still limits, you have my sympathies. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 I'm so sorry to hear about this, Disillusioned. How sad for the young woman and her child, and those who love her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moanareina Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 That sounds indeed very hopeless and leaves me also with nothing to say but hugs and how I feel sorry. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 I'm very sorry to hear of this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 My thoughts are with you and your family member. I hope all the best decisions can be made for her regardless of your family's faith. I wish for all the best! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Thanks to everyone for the kind words. We're still trying to find a way forward. Life is more complicated, but it does continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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