6 Things That I Allow Myself Now That I Am No Longer Xtian

[Jaseph]

1. I allow myself to take good care of my body and invest in it.

Xtianity destroyed my passion for exercising, because as I became more radical I learned to see it as a waste of time and energy that I should spend on god. The most toxic verse to me:

 

"for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come". 1 Timothy 4:8

 

Now I allow myself to exercise as much as I like. I do triathlon, because then I don't have to choose one sport, but I can do 3! I feel very good and I get a lot of energy from exercising that I can use to fuel the rest of my activities!

 

2. I allow myself to have sex.

 

It hasn't happened yet, but I am becoming more and more open to it. Deconversion is more than 1.5 years ago, but I'm still in the process of letting go of the rigid sexuality that I was taught. Anyways, I am hopeful that it will be alright. I allow myself to take some time for this. By the way, did it take as long for you as well?

 

3. I allow myself to do porn

 

However, I don't do it. While I do allow myself to have sex (at least in theory ) I also made a change in the (seemingly) opposite direction; I am doing an experiment with nofap. I've almost completed my first month and it's very interesting. As a xtian I almost felt very guilty about doing porn and this guilt actually fueled my porn behavior. After my deconversion I learned to become more relaxed about it and now I've come to the point where I have let go of it, not because I should do it but because I want it for myself. I feel much more confident and I feel very relaxed.

 

4. I allow myself to make mistakes

 

Mistakes are essential for learning. I used to see them as sins, which gave me a lot of shame and guilt, which kept me from solving the issues; instead of improving myself I had to find a way to feel good again. Now I generally feel good about myself and mistakes are just a sign that I am trying. If someone was affected by my mistakes I take responsibility, which means taking action to fix the problem instead of feeling bad.

 

5. I allow myself to swear

 

I don't do it a lot, but jesus, I love fucking love it!

 

6. I allow myself to be not nice

 

I think I am a very nice person, which sounds weird to say about yourself, but let's clarify; "nice" can be good, positive, but it can also mean that you're soft and overly friendly. I have both in me and this is in part my personality, but in part it is also taught to me by xtianity. I see it in a lot of xtian guys around me. I am learning to become a man and to be more bold. Like I said, I swear and allow myself to get laid (again, in theory  ). I don't allow myself to be mocked for my ex-xtianity, but instead I choose to counter attack. I now try to be a good person, not a nice one, which means that I try to be positive, but that I also try to live courageously and speak up for myself or to defend someone else.

 

Bottom line: xtianity has made me who I am and it often takes a strong choice, and a lot of time, to change something. These are some choices I have made and continue to make and I like to see the changes that are happening!

 

How did this go for you? What do you allow yourself to do?

[mymistake]

I allow myself to make decisions and solve problems.  I no longer have to put big decisions on hold while I pray, fast and patiently wait for God to send me a clear signal.  In an emergency or difficulty I simply do the best I can.  I don't have to call out to God or beg him for mercy.

 

 

I don't feel guilty for the things I still did as a Christian.  I was never able to eliminate "sin" from my life but now I don't have to hate myself over it.  So what if I am attracted to women or have basic needs? It doesn't have to be an existential crisis.

 

 

I allow myself to question everything and I allow myself to be sacrilegious.  I mock religion the way I was never allowed to do before and for me it is really fun.  It's even a source of joy.  I also laugh at my old self and all the poor choices I made.

[wyson]

All of them sound like good moves apart from the nofap thing.  

 

While the no porn thing is a good move, maybe you can crank out a maintenance one, to keep the pipes flowing, once in a while?!

 

I found porn is like McDonald's for the mind.   The more I used it, the more I wanted to eat crap, and the worse I felt.   If you watch too much of it, you also start thinking women are available in a porn sort of way and well no they are not.  Like McD's its best avoided but alright once in a while!

 

Good luck to you getting laid!  I am sure if you are young and regularly socialise with young women it will happen sooner rather than later.  That is the key, to keep socialising with them and meeting them and finding ways to do so, and letting nature take its course!

[♦ Fuego ♦]

I opened up musically, starting with heavy metal and ending up in 20s-60s pop jazz (Sinatra kind of stuff).

 

I definitely opened up sexually. But I think I may have done more porn as a believer, just felt bad about it at the time. Now I have no qualms about it, it is just boring for the most part (the movies). But I became far more open to variety (older, different colored skin, chubby, etc). Fantasy is more fun and no god telling me it's wrong.

 

Alcohol isn't taboo, nor are bars. I started singing in a jazz club years ago, and enjoy some drinks now. Absinthe is a fun one when done well. Recently started using legalized marijuana occasionally, and doing a lot of reading about it.

I was relating some of my "trips" to my ex-fundy but still Catholic friend, and I can tell he is interested in it, but still very hesitant about my experiences. Anything "spiritual" that isn't Jesus is still "the devil" to him.

 

Not scared of "the world", but now see it as a fascinating place with so much to explore.

[Xiana]

Heh #5. Made me chuckle! I agree... the first times I swore were so thrilling.

[Xiana]

Oh, like Fuego, I opened up to amazing music too! I remember being a silly teen and throwing away a CD (Dandy Warhols - 13 Tales from Urban Bohemia because it had tracks title "Godless" and "Nietzsche," which had pretty anti-god lyrics.  It was tough because I actually loved those three tracks musically a LOT... quite psychedelic.  I do tend to still favor/prefer psychedelic rock like Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, the Doors, Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, etc.

 

It won't surprise anyone then that another thing I opened myself up to was psychedelic substances. I am so drawn to discover as much about the corners of my brain as I possibly can, and find insights or discoveries that I'd not thought of before. That addiction definitely started when I started questioning everything I already knew, especially religion.

[Xiana]

Grrr. I'm making so many typos as I post around here. Does anyone know if it's possible to edit posts? Or do I need to quit being so quick to post?

[Guest Furball]

Grrr. I'm making so many typos as I post around here. Does anyone know if it's possible to edit posts? Or do I need to quit being so quick to post?

When you hit 25 posts (i think), then the edit option kicks in. 

[Xiana]

Thanks Kittie! I'll give you reputation whenever that becomes available! I just figured out how to add my signature now that I've reached 20 posts.

[00LukeMan]

I can relate to just about all of these.

The most amazing has been the disappearance of the guilt hammered into me from birth, suddenly I can do things based on my conscience and reason instead of the ramblings of racist, sexist, brutal, ignorant iron age middle easterners. I use porn freely, but am considering experimenting with nofap as you mentioned since I think it (and internet usage in general) may be negatively affecting my ability to focus.

I have been experimenting, since I think that is the most accurate term, with swearing as well. For my whole life, it was something I was not allowed to do. I never had any problem with it, indeed I thought it was a more honest expression of thoughts and feelings, but it wasn't something I was allowed to do (there's that guilt again). Now that I'm free, I have been trying it out, testing sentences and expressions to be more fully me. I doubt I will ever use it profusely, but I do not need to be afraid or avoid it either.

[Noelle7]

I forgive myself

[GoldenWolf]

#2. That's a big one for me (in theory too ). Though it hasn't happened yet, I've become more open to the idea and actually educating myself on the topic because I was never given the sex talk. We had sex education at school, but since it's a private Christian school, they only taught us the anatomy of male and female genitalia, the stages of pregnancy then we watched a video of a woman giving birth (I think this is where my fear of pregnancy came from tbh..). There was no safe sex talk, there was no consent talk - nothing. So it wasn't really sex education at all, because there was no sex talk, so I'm pretty pissed off about that. 

 

Besides that, leaving Christianity has allowed me to accept my bisexuality.

 

It has also helped me become more interested in how our world really works. For example, space fascinates me more than ever, because I'm not giving the credit of its beauty to some hypocritical, absent and non-existent being. 

 

Leaving Christianity, ironically, has allowed me to be more accepting and less judgmental of other people.

 

I have learnt to be okay with accepting myself (I still have struggles every now and again).

 

Once I attended a church service and the minister said something along the lines of: "Don't love yourself, because that's Buddhist practice, and it's narcissistic. Allow God to love you instead." So what? Should I hate myself? But then people tell me that I shouldn't. But if I love myself, I'm stuck-up and "Buddhist"? What should I do then? Just neglect looking after myself and let some non-existent force do it for me? Such an unhealthy way of living.

 

Also I have learnt that I don't need to forgive everyone. If someone has hurt or upset me in such a way where I can't stand being around them anymore, I don't need to forgive them. 

[offtheromanroad]

Hi there, Jaseph,

 

I really enjoyed your post. Thank you! It's so positive, and I needed this this morning.

 

1. I allow myself to take good care of my body and invest in it.

 

That was never a big issue for me, since I wasn't raised so much with 1 Timothy 4:8, but with another verse (luckily, can't remember which one it was) where it says that our body is a temple of the spirit and therefore, we should take good care of it (and not get tattoos ).

 

2. I allow myself to have sex.

 

Oh yes, I am doing that as well, and it feels good! I have a lot of problems with guilt stemming from Xianity, but when it comes to having sex - luckily not an issue! I'd say go for it but give yourself the time you need. And since you're asking: It took me quite a while, too. No issue anymore, though. This is a bit off topic, but Ill say it anyways: I was always a little worried what a potential partner would say and think about me being a virgin etc. (was already well into my twenties). It turned out not to be an issue at all. Sorry in case this is too much info... (but after all, we're not on a Xian purity site, so we can do what we want, including sex talk!).

 

4. I allow myself to make mistakes

 

Oh yes! Making mistakes, realizing it and trying to fix them instead of praying over them. Good one...! I still have to learn not to beat myself up though.

 

 

5. I allow myself to swear

 

Same here! I've always sworn, but I have a very hard time saying "Oh my God". Am trying to get over that. It's not that I necessarily have to swear like that, it just bothers me that it is such a big issue for me.

 

6. I allow myself to be not nice

 

This. I have been trying very hard to learn this. I like you saying that you're not trying to be nice anymore, but a good person. Those two are not necessarily the same, and I am trying to realize this and also to stand up for myself and to call a spade a spade rather than just swallowing everything people do and say just for the sake of being nice and loving. I am finding it very hard, though, since I have a hard time fighting guilt and a bad conscience and have always been told not to gossip. I still have to learn that calling a spade a spade is not necesarily gossiping.

 

offtheroad

[Jaseph]

I allow myself to make decisions and solve problems.  I no longer have to put big decisions on hold while I pray, fast and patiently wait for God to send me a clear signal.  In an emergency or difficulty I simply do the best I can.  I don't have to call out to God or beg him for mercy.

 

 

I don't feel guilty for the things I still did as a Christian.  I was never able to eliminate "sin" from my life but now I don't have to hate myself over it.  So what if I am attracted to women or have basic needs? It doesn't have to be an existential crisis.

 

 

I allow myself to question everything and I allow myself to be sacrilegious.  I mock religion the way I was never allowed to do before and for me it is really fun.  It's even a source of joy.  I also laugh at my old self and all the poor choices I made.

 

Excellent list! I recognize all of them:

Taking action vs. waiting + praying -> yeah, this made a LOT of difference for my life, perhaps this is the biggest change. I am the only one who is responsible and the only one who can change my life.

 

Good to hear that you feel much less guilty, that's the same for me too!

 

Mocking religion is so great, I do try to find a balance; I shouldn't do it too much (90% of my friends are still (evangelical) christians and I do not want to hurt them), but I do not want to do it to little (it feels so good and I think it helps to make people think critically about things if they see that someone who used to be on their side mock their religion).

 

All of them sound like good moves apart from the nofap thing.  

 

While the no porn thing is a good move, maybe you can crank out a maintenance one, to keep the pipes flowing, once in a while?!

 

I found porn is like McDonald's for the mind.   The more I used it, the more I wanted to eat crap, and the worse I felt.   If you watch too much of it, you also start thinking women are available in a porn sort of way and well no they are not.  Like McD's its best avoided but alright once in a while!

 

Good luck to you getting laid!  I am sure if you are young and regularly socialise with young women it will happen sooner rather than later.  That is the key, to keep socialising with them and meeting them and finding ways to do so, and letting nature take its course!

Haha somehow I expected that the nofap thing would be the thing on the list that is not be universally appreciated. It's a personal thing, to me there is a lot of guilt and shame connected to it, and doing nofap is a way to let go of those feelings. I notice that my sex drive is much stronger now and my ideas about sex are changing as well; I feel much less ashamed about it than a month ago when I started. Getting laid is inevitable this year, I am sure of that! Thanks for your positivity!

 

I opened up musically, starting with heavy metal and ending up in 20s-60s pop jazz (Sinatra kind of stuff).

 

I definitely opened up sexually. But I think I may have done more porn as a believer, just felt bad about it at the time. Now I have no qualms about it, it is just boring for the most part (the movies). But I became far more open to variety (older, different colored skin, chubby, etc). Fantasy is more fun and no god telling me it's wrong.

 

Alcohol isn't taboo, nor are bars. I started singing in a jazz club years ago, and enjoy some drinks now. Absinthe is a fun one when done well. Recently started using legalized marijuana occasionally, and doing a lot of reading about it.

I was relating some of my "trips" to my ex-fundy but still Catholic friend, and I can tell he is interested in it, but still very hesitant about my experiences. Anything "spiritual" that isn't Jesus is still "the devil" to him.

 

Not scared of "the world", but now see it as a fascinating place with so much to explore.

I also smoked some weed. It was a nice experience. Now I let go of smoking, but I am glad that I did it a few times!

 

The world is fascinating indeed!

 

Heh #5. Made me chuckle! I agree... the first times I swore were so thrilling.

Hahaha yeah it was for me too, and still is to be honest! I do it really consciously, I don't curse on reflex. Except "fuck", and "kut" (dutch for cunt), I say those almost automatically, but not "Jezus" (Jesus) or "Godverdomme" (god damn it), but I think that it will be. I see no reason not to use them, I don't care about offending people (ok, except my best friends and family). What about you, has cursing become part of your vocabulary?

 

Oh, like Fuego, I opened up to amazing music too! I remember being a silly teen and throwing away a CD (Dandy Warhols - 13 Tales from Urban Bohemia because it had tracks title "Godless" and "Nietzsche," which had pretty anti-god lyrics.  It was tough because I actually loved those three tracks musically a LOT... quite psychedelic.  I do tend to still favor/prefer psychedelic rock like Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, the Doors, Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, etc.

 

It won't surprise anyone then that another thing I opened myself up to was psychedelic substances. I am so drawn to discover as much about the corners of my brain as I possibly can, and find insights or discoveries that I'd not thought of before. That addiction definitely started when I started questioning everything I already knew, especially religion.

Interesting, I hope that it gave you good experiences!

 

I can relate to just about all of these.

The most amazing has been the disappearance of the guilt hammered into me from birth, suddenly I can do things based on my conscience and reason instead of the ramblings of racist, sexist, brutal, ignorant iron age middle easterners. I use porn freely, but am considering experimenting with nofap as you mentioned since I think it (and internet usage in general) may be negatively affecting my ability to focus.

I have been experimenting, since I think that is the most accurate term, with swearing as well. For my whole life, it was something I was not allowed to do. I never had any problem with it, indeed I thought it was a more honest expression of thoughts and feelings, but it wasn't something I was allowed to do (there's that guilt again). Now that I'm free, I have been trying it out, testing sentences and expressions to be more fully me. I doubt I will ever use it profusely, but I do not need to be afraid or avoid it either.

Yeah, you say it well: conscience and reason replace guilt (and shame); that happened to me too. Life is so much better now!

 

I highly recommend doing nofap. But, I only recommend it once you feel you really want to do it. You are free to do porn and masturbate, there is nothing objectively "wrong" about it (though there is some discussion possible whether the porn industry is good for those in it), but apparently it may be a very positive and interesting experience to let go of it. So far it was extremely good for me! Also my productivity and ability to focus has improved (and I have ADD, so this is very helpful!).

 

I forgive myself

Great!

 

#2. That's a big one for me (in theory too ). Though it hasn't happened yet, I've become more open to the idea and actually educating myself on the topic because I was never given the sex talk. We had sex education at school, but since it's a private Christian school, they only taught us the anatomy of male and female genitalia, the stages of pregnancy then we watched a video of a woman giving birth (I think this is where my fear of pregnancy came from tbh..). There was no safe sex talk, there was no consent talk - nothing. So it wasn't really sex education at all, because there was no sex talk, so I'm pretty pissed off about that. 

 

Besides that, leaving Christianity has allowed me to accept my bisexuality.

 

It has also helped me become more interested in how our world really works. For example, space fascinates me more than ever, because I'm not giving the credit of its beauty to some hypocritical, absent and non-existent being. 

 

Leaving Christianity, ironically, has allowed me to be more accepting and less judgmental of other people.

 

I have learnt to be okay with accepting myself (I still have struggles every now and again).

 

Once I attended a church service and the minister said something along the lines of: "Don't love yourself, because that's Buddhist practice, and it's narcissistic. Allow God to love you instead." So what? Should I hate myself? But then people tell me that I shouldn't. But if I love myself, I'm stuck-up and "Buddhist"? What should I do then? Just neglect looking after myself and let some non-existent force do it for me? Such an unhealthy way of living.

 

Also I have learnt that I don't need to forgive everyone. If someone has hurt or upset me in such a way where I can't stand being around them anymore, I don't need to forgive them. 

Stupid minister. I hope you have ignored him at the time and that you love yourself! And yeah you can choose not to forgive, that may be a good idea, unless it takes a lot of energy from you (I mean if you carry difficult feelings with you). When people fail me I try to understand their perspective, but I am also able now to let go of them, to unfriend them. 

 

Hi there, Jaseph,

 

I really enjoyed your post. Thank you! It's so positive, and I needed this this morning.

 

1. I allow myself to take good care of my body and invest in it.

 

That was never a big issue for me, since I wasn't raised so much with 1 Timothy 4:8, but with another verse (luckily, can't remember which one it was) where it says that our body is a temple of the spirit and therefore, we should take good care of it (and not get tattoos ).

 

2. I allow myself to have sex.

 

Oh yes, I am doing that as well, and it feels good! I have a lot of problems with guilt stemming from Xianity, but when it comes to having sex - luckily not an issue! I'd say go for it but give yourself the time you need. And since you're asking: It took me quite a while, too. No issue anymore, though. This is a bit off topic, but Ill say it anyways: I was always a little worried what a potential partner would say and think about me being a virgin etc. (was already well into my twenties). It turned out not to be an issue at all. Sorry in case this is too much info... (but after all, we're not on a Xian purity site, so we can do what we want, including sex talk!).

 

4. I allow myself to make mistakes

 

Oh yes! Making mistakes, realizing it and trying to fix them instead of praying over them. Good one...! I still have to learn not to beat myself up though.

 

 

5. I allow myself to swear

 

Same here! I've always sworn, but I have a very hard time saying "Oh my God". Am trying to get over that. It's not that I necessarily have to swear like that, it just bothers me that it is such a big issue for me.

 

6. I allow myself to be not nice

 

This. I have been trying very hard to learn this. I like you saying that you're not trying to be nice anymore, but a good person. Those two are not necessarily the same, and I am trying to realize this and also to stand up for myself and to call a spade a spade rather than just swallowing everything people do and say just for the sake of being nice and loving. I am finding it very hard, though, since I have a hard time fighting guilt and a bad conscience and have always been told not to gossip. I still have to learn that calling a spade a spade is not necesarily gossiping.

 

offtheroad

Thanks for your reply. Talking about sex is allowed, I think it is interesting! (and I started )

[Guest Furball]

 I don't allow myself to be mocked for my ex-xtianity, but instead I choose to counter attack. I now try to be a good person, not a nice one, which means that I try to be positive, but that I also try to live courageously and speak up for myself or to defend someone else.

 

 

 

I am very proud of you that you are able to be courageous and speak up for yourself. I too have found a new confidence after leaving christianity. I am sorry for taking up space in your thread, just wanted to let you know that i am so happy for you that you are finding a new inner strength to live courageously. -cat

[AndrewTomlinson]

5. I allow myself to swear

 

Same here! I've always sworn, but I have a very hard time saying "Oh my God". Am trying to get over that. It's not that I necessarily have to swear like that, it just bothers me that it is such a big issue for me.

I try to avoid saying "Oh my God" on principle. Whenever I say it, I feel ridiculous, since it's not my god at all. I half expect someone who knows of my atheism to make a snarky comment if they hear it slip out.

 

I don't allow myself to be mocked for my ex-xtianity, but instead I choose to counter attack. I now try to be a good person, not a nice one, which means that I try to be positive, but that I also try to live courageously and speak up for myself or to defend someone else.

I am very proud of you that you are able to be courageous and speak up for yourself. I too have found a new confidence after leaving christianity. I am sorry for taking up space in your thread, just wanted to let you know that i am so happy for you that you are finding a new inner strength to live courageously. -cat

 

I've had less inhibitions in this regard as well. The other day my mother heard about an everyday situation (guy living with his girlfriend) and felt compelled to offer a sermon about it. So I countered her "Christian knowledge" with facts... which she dismissed as myth... so I emailed her with references.

 

I sometimes feel like I'm being belligerent, but I shouldn't. Right? I mean, some Christians just take their views as the default and don't hesitate to state them as fact. I just don't care to let them continue asserting that to my face, when I have the opportunity to question them.

[DirtyBird2]

Good topic, Jaseph! I can relate to #3 and #5... One of the reasons I deconverted was because I felt horrible every time I jacked off. At the time I thought it was very sinful and I felt like I wasnt able to control myself. For some reason I felt like God wanted me to tell my parents and that was the only way I would be able to stop. I now realize just how stupid all this sounds. Why in the world would I tell my parents?! Thats just wierd... As for feeling like I was addicted, now I just realize I had raging hormones and it was totally normal. I actually feel A LOT more in control than I did when I was a Christian. It feels kinda weird talking about it (I didnt even directly mention it in my deconversion story) but you know, its just a normal part of life...

 

As for #5, I now dont believe its wrong to cuss. Of course there is a time and place for everything. I absolutely will not cuss around my parents for instance. Im sure as hell they would fuckin kill me ! Although my mom doesn't mind some minor cuss words every once in a while, but I gotta be careful. They also don't care too much about "arse" since I'm not British... I wont do it around my Christian friends either. Or other people in general just in case. Sometimes when I'm by myself I will swear under my breath if Im doing something difficult on a video game. Like if Im playing Mario Kart and I've lead the entire race and then I get bombarded by items on the last lap . So I dont really cuss a whole lot but I dont think its a "bad" thing or "sinful" either. 

[DirtyBird2]

Some other things I'm OK with doing now:

 

-I used to feel really bad when playing certain video games. In fact I felt like god didnt want me playing them at all. Same thing with music, movies etc. At one point I wondered if everything pleasurable that wasnt godly/holy was sinful, although I never really came to a conclusion on that one. Now I'm enjoying these hobbies a lot more. I just wish my parents were OK with me playing some M rated games that I really want to play, R movies etc... 

 

-I know now that Im in control of my life. Its a great feeling. I feel so much more free than I did when I was a Christian.

 

-I now can have an open mind about christianity. Before I was narrow minded and took everything about the bible as absolute truth. Once you have an open mind you can't unsee everything. I also can just keep an open mind about everything and question everything. Its pretty great.

 

-Im enjoying life in general a lot more and able to appreciate the little things in life more.

[Ellinas]

I don't know if I'm oversimplifying things, but all of the above seems to me to boil down to one, very basic point.

 

We are all free to allow ourselves to be ourselves.

 

May Christianity rot for the hypocrisy it imposed upon us.

[Positivist]

I have really focused on taking better care of myself. 

Also, I am free to love and respect people without trying to trick them into the gospel!!!

[Lilith666]

Good for you! Now that I'm out, I watch what I want, read what I want, listen to what I want--it's all by my standards, not someone else's. I masturbate without fear of being stared at by the ever-present gawd, and spend my Sunday mornings how I like. It's a good life.

[Becks]

I don't feel guilty one bit for not liking someone. I used to try and be so kind but really it was outward. Nothing has changed, just lost the guilt and suppressed feelings.

[reluctantagnostic]

It's been interesting to read everyone's replies.  

 

Here are are few of mine:

 

1. I don't feel guilty anymore.  I used to be really hard on myself, always trying to do more for god and to please him.  Now that I don't have that pressure I feel so free.

2. I make decisions more quickly and feel better about my choices.  I used to agonize over what god wanted me to do and was this his will and all of that.  Now I just use my brain and go with my gut.  I never could let myself do that before.

3. I can take care of myself and nurture all aspects of my self and my personality, not just the ones that I was told should take center stage. For example, I used to believe that my "highest calling" was as a wife and a mother.  Now I know that those are important aspects of who I am but they are not the only things about who I am.  I can learn and grow and change and be myself just for myself.  That's not something I ever allowed myself to do before I deconverted.

[Autumn2909]

1. Yoga

2. Swearing

3. Getting a bit tipsy

4. Reading whatever I want

5. Exploring my sexual desires

6. Not giving up money to the church

[eXcelInferno]

Excellent post! I can relate so much to this. Don't you feel so much more free? Your decisions are yours now!

I 100% agree with the porn thing. That didn't happen to me as I never watched porn, but I can totally see how the guilt and shame played into the downward spiral. I had that with many other things in my life and it is so great asserting that you know what's best for you and you have control of it.