Former Hard-Core Non-Fund Christian. Now What?

[Becks]

Hi. Call me Becks.

 

I don't have the energy to tell my story right now. I'm pretty depressed and bet there are those out there who can relate and may have some recovery or helpful tips to share.

 

I was a hard core Christian for 40 years. Then took a few years searching other religions to see if anything clicked for me. Following this interesting period I finally came to the conclusion that athiesm is the only sensible option.

 

Now I'm 49 and see no purpose or meaning in life. The only purpose I had as a mammal on this planet (other than my Christian duty to convert people and worship God) was to pro-create. Well I did that , 4 times, and now these people in the world are a little mixed up because of me and well on their way to figuring things out without too much blame. Glad they are adults now. Thank ...what?

 

Oh yeah, I'm recovering from alcohol abuse and my best friend is Jeff...the guy with the awesome beard.

 

I know, this is a great way to make friends, Arg.

 

[Burny]

Welcome to ex-c Becks! Sounds like you will fit right in with the rest of us. Don't worry, we're all pretty fu(ked up thanks to religion, but we're also the smart ones for figuring out that it's all completely BS and daring to admit it.

 

You're right though. It can be VERY depressing when you first realize that there is no point to any of this. But I think if you meditate on it, this can just as easily be a positive thing as a negative one.

 

• There is no global "good" vs "evil" fight going on. Children die because they're vulnerable, not because God "allows it" or because Satan is on the war path.
• There is no hell.
• You can do whatever you want. There are legal and moral consequences for your actions because we live in self-policing social groups, but you can do whatever you want as long as you're OK with the consequences.
• There is no special "plan" for your life that you must somehow decode and decipher. You are who you are. No more. No less. You have value as a living thing, just like a flower, bird or bumble bee. Nothing special, but also one of a very few conscious beings that are part of this great experiment we call "life".
• Death holds nothing over you anymore. Nothing to fear. Nothing to look forward to. You are going to feel the same way after death that you did before you were born. This is vastly preferable to most other interpretations of the after life - NONE of which are proved in any way at all.
• You get to deal with things on your own terms now. No more praying and pleading for special consideration. You either get lucky in this life, or you don't. It has nothing to do with you.
• When bad things happen you don't have to wonder why. You realize that good things happen and bad things happen. Nobody is being "tested" or "punished". There is no special pleading. Just LIVE the next five minutes to the fullest because the 5 after that aren't guaranteed!
• You don't have to obsess over things like retirement, donating to churches, or even being that saintly person that you were always pressured to be. You can simply live every day for its own pleasures while balancing your own future any way you'd like.
• You don't have to force any relationships anymore. You want to be married? Great! You want a divorce? Great! You want to travel and not worry about anything or anyone for two years? Great! You want to spend all extra time with family? Great! It's all up to YOU now. Nobody can tell you what you "should" or "shouldn't" want / do. (Again - there are of course, consequences to actions - just not eternal ones!)

 

I could go on and on, but you get my drift. The basic word that summarizes why deconverting will eventually make you happy is the word, FREEDOM.

 

Welcome to the rest of your life and please continue to vent / share on ex-c. We've been through the dark days and will understand where you're coming from.

[Jeff]

Hi Becks. Nice to see you here finally.

Margee and/or some others here will be along shortly with hugs. It's gonna be ok.

This is a very loving and inclusive place.

[TrueFreedom]

Welcome, Becks!  I can relate.  *hug*

[♦ ficino ♦]

Welcome from me, too, Becks!

 

I second what everyone said above.

 

In the movie, "Mon Oncle d'Amerique," the biologist says, "Le pourquoi de chacque être est être." The reason for each thing's existing is to exist.

 

I found that strangely comforting.  When I was exactly your age (heh heh, yes, I'm approaching codgerhood now) and felt that I had no reason to live, I went back to simply, "I exist," and worked backwards from there.

 

You can get a lot of support and insights on this board.

 

 

 

[florduh]

Welcome, Becks!

 

Of course promoting Bronze Age mythologies doesn't apply purpose or meaning anyway. And who says life comes with a lofty meaning?

 

I know you've been programmed to turn over your life and decisions to a "higher power" but by now you realize that YOU were the higher power all along. Help make things better and have some fun!

[LifeCycle]

Welcome! Congrats on shedding the shackles of religion! You've still got a long life ahead of you. Ain't no thang! Your purpose for life isn't assigned to you. You can reinvent yourself daily.

 

Doowutchyalike

 

[Ellinas]

Welcome.

 

Sorry to hear you are depressed.  Don't worry.  You'll find your own purpose eventually.

[mymistake]

Hi Becks, welcome to ex-C!

 

What is next?  Life begins now.  You get to create your own meaning.  It may be hard at first because you are use to a preacher doing that for you.  But take little steps and you will get the hang of it in no time.

[offtheromanroad]

Welcome, Becks! Great to have you here.

I am also recovering. It is hard at times, but it is also beautiful.

If you feel like your depression is one in the medical sense of the term, please get yourself some help. I have been there, and there is help.

And: Take time to discover what you enjoy in life, what you're interested in, what you want to do. The great thing is what you enjoy does not necessarily need to be "purposeful". It's okay to just enjoy, and it can be little things!

All the best, looking forward to reading more from you.

[Travi]

Welcome Becks!

 

As the others have said, we've all been down this road and may still be traveling it. It's a tough time indeed, and it's perfectly normal to be depressed. Definitely try to get some professional advice and seek medical help if you feel like you it for the depression, I've fought it my entire life and it is a treatable condition. It's a matter of seeing what your doctor says and then following through with it.

The chains that have fallen off of you, it can be scary to not be burdened by them, but after a little while - that feeling of liberation is exhilarating. No longer wondering if every action you make is "angering" the child in the sky, fearing his temper tantrums when you do something completely human. The main thing is not to rush into anything, take a while and breathe in the air that isn't poisoned by religion and invisible sky fairies and feel how important you really are, because you said so - not because some imaginary man said so.

 

All the best in this journey, and I'm sure you've seen the support you'll find here. We're all here to help! Take care!

[Overcame Faith]

Welcome to ExC, Becks,

 

You are here with a whole bunch of former hard core Christians. It can be difficult adjusting to a post Christian life. Just remember that you and the rest of us were brainwashed in a way in that religion. It takes time to readjust one's thinking. Time is your best friend and the great healer.

 

As for purpose in life, there are many really great purposes. Choose one and enjoy it. It can be anything from learning new things to reading books to children to growing flowers in a garden and anything else you choose. It's your life and your choice.

[StJeffTheIncomprehensible]

Hi Becks,

 

Any friend of Jeff is a friend of mine. The Jeffs have to stick together! I'll second what's already been said. You're not alone. We're all somewhere on the recovery journey, some a little farther along than others, some dropping the shackles of Christianity a little faster than others, but all of us--with the exception of our merry troupe of True Believers that stops in every so often--are doing the daily work of finding meaning post-faith. You can do this thing! We're here with you to laugh and cry and learn and laugh.

 

And laugh. Did I say that yet? Gotta laugh. Anytime the whole thing starts wearing you down, just think about Exodus 33:21-23, where we're told with utmost solemnity that The LORD showed Moses his "back parts."

 

Make yourself at home, Becks. Great to meet you.

[Daffodil]

Hi Becks! I haven't been here long, but this is an amazing group of people and you will be treated with love, concern, respect, and most importantly, truth. Oddly, one thing that helped me was realizing how small and inconsequential I am. No one knew me or cared about me before I was born, no one on the other side of the world knows about or cares about me, few will remember me after I am gone. I am just one of billions of people who existed, exist, and will exist. So, why put so much pressure on myself to find/have a purpose? Why not just love and be loved and try to make life better for those I have influence over for as long as I live? I hope that doesn't make it worse for you, that's just what worked for me.

[ConsiderTheSource]

Hey Becks! Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs and more hugs hugs hugs hugs. Anytime you need some we will be here to offer them.

[yunea]

The warmest welcome to Ex-C, Becks.

 

I'm battling depression too, but not being a believer makes me much more honest about it, which is very, very good. I hope you either already have, or soon will have, a good secular doctor to help with the depression, and you're always welcome to vent here if you feel like it. Many hugs!

[Becks]

To ALL:

 

Je suis accable! You are amazing; I didn't expect such a warm welcome. Thank you sincerely! Couple of things, first of all, I haven't laughed for about three weeks until around 2:00 AM today when I watched LifeCycle's video. THANKS!!!

 

A word to Burny- you have given me much to ponder. The concept of Freedom in this context is kind of new. I didn't realize to what degree religion has infiltrated my personal paradigm and how compromised my values and morals have become. It's disgusting. I will think- something new to me really.

 

I am on Dr. prescribed medication for depression, and dropping the drink has caused unwelcome issues to surface and I'm trying to deal with them. Jeff suggested I reach out and so glad I did. I work in corporate for a high level Firm and hope to keep my annonymity as much as possible. No one at work knows me by this name, but I certainly need to talk and get some friends!

 

I don't really know who I am, my life has been confined by religion and pleasing others my whole life. I do know what I like, so I'm starting with that. Sometime soon I'll post my deconversion story, just for kicks.

 

Thanks again.

 

Becks

[Llwellyn]

The solid meaning of life is always the same eternal thing,—the marriage, namely, of some unhabitual ideal, however special, with some fidelity, courage, and endurance; with some man’s or woman’s pains.

[Burny]

I don't really know who I am, my life has been confined by religion and pleasing others my whole life. I do know what I like, so I'm starting with that. Sometime soon I'll post my deconversion story, just for kicks.

 

Thanks again.

 

Becks

 

The most amazing thing that happened to me was that about 1.5 years after my deconversion a great weight slowly started to lift off my shoulders. Instead of waking up obsessed with finding all the answers and depressed about religion and xtianity and all the family and personal crap my deconversion put me through, I realized that in the end NONE OF IT MATTERS.

 

I woke up one day and I heard the birds chirping as I walked to work from the train, and I first realized that I was finally FREE. I didn't care what other people thought I should believe or how I should behave. I didn't care that I don't know everything. I embraced the mystery and started living my life for each and every healthy day I have left. 

 

I truly believe that you will also get to this point in your life. Losing religion is like losing a loved one. You need time to grieve and to come up with replacements for God, prayer and all the OCD that xtianity has built into it. You will go through all the classic stages of grief. Nobody around you will understand, but the folks on ex-c will. We've all been through it and for many of us it's a life long thing.

 

You aren't alone.

[amateur]

Welcome, Becks!  It's good to have you here!

 

I have nothing to add to the above, other than I understand the feeling of life being pointless and useless when life is being depressing.  Being just a couple years older than you, I've been dealing with massive mood changes because of crazy hormones, and when life feels useless, it feels USELESS.

 

But being free of religion has been such a relief.  I can just enjoy today and the things I do, with no great thought as to deeper meanings in everything.

 

This is a good place to vent, and to start getting your shit together!

[offtheromanroad]

Thanks, Burny. Words of wisdom that really help me right now. I feel so Xianity-OCD at times, good to know I am not the only one.

[BendyLine]

Becks, I promise you it gets better. It's always a little sad at first; but most people end up thriving after going through a sort of "mourning period". Meanwhile, this is a good place to find support among like-minded individuals. Love and peace, my friend. And welcome.

[Brother Jeff]

Hi Becks! Welcome to Ex-C!

 

I don't have a lot to add to what others have said. There is a grieving process to losing your religion, but it does get better. Life without God, facing the world as it actually is without hiding from it in ancient myths, is grand. You will find a lot of love and understanding here. I can relate to the alcohol abuse issue because I have faced it myself. I too am 49, and back in my younger days I drank a tremendous amount. I was a major party animal. Alcohol and drugs were a part of everyday life for a long time. Now, I can't drink because of medication I am on, but I don't miss it at all. I am happier and healthier without it, and I wish the same for you.

 

Hope you will stick around here. This is a really great place.

 

Glory!

[Deidre]

It’s natural to feel the way you do for a while. Take your time …the journey ebbs and flows, but someday…you will find a different kind of peace that isn’t found in religion. Because it’s real.

 

And life has a purpose, if we give it a purpose. Your life does have meaning, you just need to work through this, and find your own meaning…with those in your life. Glad you found this site, and welcome.

[Insightful]

Welcome Becks!

 

I'm sure someone might have already mentioned this in this awesome thread, but ironically, I've found that without eternity ahead, life has become so much MORE meaningful and precious to me.   If you think about it, compared to an eternal existence, this moment matters very little.  Why should I care much about this moment if I have 10^100 more moments ahead?  Also, what I do in this moment would matter little.

 

BUT, if all I have is this brief life, then suddenly, this moment is profoundly important.  If only have a small, limited number of moments, each becomes infused with tremendous value.  Similarly for my actions.

 

There was definitely a grieving process for me - and times when things seemed meaningless - but now I wake up and think "I am so glad to be alive today.  What can I do with this day?  What love can I give?  What joyful pleasures can I experience?"  I notice things much more like the sun and the breeze.  My daughters' smiles.  My wife's embrace.  The taste of delicious food...  etc.

 

Be patient.  I think you will get to this place too.  And it's pretty fantastic.