Popular Post BlackCat Posted May 17, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted May 17, 2015 Hi again! I left this forum thinking I was still a Christian. Many of you on here (especially BAA) gave much of your time to help me when I first joined this forum and was having a crisis of faith. Even though the 'spell' had not been broken at that time, none of your help went to waste. In my head I had realised Christianity was not true and much of my time on here had reinforced that for me. But I had underestimated the power of the heart: it is deceitful indeed! My need to make sense of why we are here and wanting to see dead loved ones again, overrode the 'facts'. Also, during that time, persistent thoughts of God (Jesus) would enter my mind and not give me rest. I didn't know this at the time, but this was a form of OCD: in my case wondering/worrying about religious matters which lead to persistent thoughts. So, like a tune you can't get out of your head, the more I was realising that Jesus isn't real, the more he was popping into my head. I got so fed up of this, that one day not long after BAA had check mated me in a discussion and thoughts of God were popping into my head I just 'gave in' to those thoughts. I said 'Ok God, you're real. I'll quit fighting you'....and so I jumped head first back into hard core motherf'n Christianity- like a dog going back to its vomit indeed. lol. Only this vomit was even worse than before. Blatant spiritual (or rather psychological abuse), nonsense and diddly squat in way of any evidence that God was real and was listening. I think I needed to be reminded of how sick Christianity is. Then one day in the new year, I woke up and knew I'd 'woken up'. I could clearly see it was all bull shit. That was my new favourite phrase. The bullshitometer had reached a high enough reading to finally register through the spell that had been cast on me from a baby. Within days of telling my family I no longer believed, it was noted by one (still a believer) that I had a new zest for life. I was happier and could they have some of what I had. I could walk down the road and feel the sun on my face and appreciate the warm and energy without fretting if someone had made the sun. I've also been researching biblical stuff. I've just read a brilliant book by Bart Ehrman: 'God's Problem'. This book helped me to realise that the Bible is not inerrant, but contains conflicting ideas of man. The spell that was cast over me (and millions of others) is I believe a real 'spell'. By that I mean it is a combination of indoctrination, psychological abuse and hypnotic-type processes that the religious leaders use to cast the spell over you. As such, I am careful in how I fight that spell in my loved ones. If I tried to wake them up against their will, it could do more harm than good, and so I am planting small seeds. So, thank you again guys for all your help, and no doubt your continued help and support. If I can be of help to anyone, I would be honoured. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I'm glad you are doing better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted May 17, 2015 Moderator Share Posted May 17, 2015 BlackCat, good to have you back. And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts today. I can relate to it very much. I continued going to church because I wanted it to be true and i wanted to see all my loved ones in the afterlife. I searched for another form of 'god of the universe' until I was blue in the face. It seems after we start questioning different things, we do develop a 'bullshitometer' (LOVE that!!) and it seems to go off about a whole lot of things in life. I can generally spot bullshit a mile away now..... We are in this together. Hang in there and I'm really glad you are doing well right now. If you're not, you know we'll be here for you!! I also go very slow with loved ones and friends when they ask me (sincerely of course) why I am not a believer anymore. One of my dear friends who we travel with came out of the closet because of me and now he's a monster!! Lol He wants the whole world to know and I'm trying to tell him to slow down. Lol Looking forward to hearing more from you!! Hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I'm happy for you having this new zeal for life. That's wonderful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackCat Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Thank you for the warm replies. I'm enjoying catching up on some of the threads. I look forward to sharing more with you guys. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leahbekah Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Hi BlackCat, I'm totally new here, but I think I'm right where you used to be! My posts have pretty much been all about worries/desires that have me reeling. (Such as end times prophecy, the afterlife, etc.) I'm glad to see this is part of the process, and I'm not just going crazy! I'm not ready to let go, I can admit that, but my inner most being is gently nudging me to just go through the grief and let it go without wasting more time. Thanks for the encouragement! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Welcome back. Glad you've found your zest for life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 The spell that was cast over me (and millions of others) is I believe a real 'spell'. By that I mean it is a combination of indoctrination, psychological abuse and hypnotic-type processes that the religious leaders use to cast the spell over you. As such, I am careful in how I fight that spell in my loved ones. If I tried to wake them up against their will, it could do more harm than good, and so I am planting small seeds. I like how you said that, BlackCat. Religion is definitely a combination of those things you mentioned above, and it does take time to untangle oneself from them. I spent decades as an agnostic because it was so hard to just look it all straight in the eye and say, "Bullshit!" Intellectually, I didn't believe, but it's so hard to over-come childhood indoctrination, even in my case, a very mild indoctrination that wasn't pushed by my parents. But children trust the adults in their lives that tell them these things, and it's up to the adults to know the truth. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackCat Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Yes Amateur, it is hard to overcome the indoctrination. I was reminded by another member of how Richard Dawkins likens it to a virus. The virus is passed on from parents to children, new generations being infected. I'm sure in my case, that because I have been able to check things via the internet, I have been able to break the spell. And of course talking to good folk like yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Glad you've broken into the "I'M FREE" stage of deconversion! This is the best stage. Make sure you keep reading and studying and have a top 10 list of why you don't believe in God, because you will experience doubts again some day - most of us do. Dan Denett's "Breaking the Spell" is a great read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackCat Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 Good suggestions Burny. Thank you. That book sounds good. Logging onto Amazon......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConsiderTheSource Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Yeah Black Cat! You're alive! You're alive! Take in the sun! Enjoy the quiet of the night. Do what YOU want, when YOU want, where YOU want, with who YOU want, however YOU wish to do; limited only by having empathy for others and the social wall put up by believers who YOU desire to maintain a relationship with. Don't look back. A new day has dawned for you. It's been too long since you felt this way. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, live, and enjoy some more girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackCat Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 Absolutely, ConsiderTheSource. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolaida Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Welcome back, BlackCat! I was away for awhile, too, though our reasons are different. I had a lot of overtime at work and was working towards new goals I'd set for myself (also trying to cut back on net) and just wanted to be completely away from any hints of religion for awhile. So happy to see you're still around; those topics you created and the friendly vack and forth between you and BAA helped me a lot in my first stages of deconversion. So very thrilled you're still around and I'm happy you figured things out for yourself, sometimes going back and forth just becomes part of our journey in life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackCat Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Hi Kolaida, thank you for your kind words and welcome back. It's good to know that some of my replies on here have been of help to others. Looking forward to exchanging ideas with you on here. Love your comments about going back and forth. That has been so true for me. I've been in and out of Christianity a few times over the years. Each time though, the hold gets weaker. I'm sure it's a natural process for some of us, as you suggest. My daughter is at that stage where she still wants it to be real, but knows in her heart it's probably (her view) not real. Her friend from church admitted to not stirring the sh*t (I think she worded it more like 'not digging too deep') as she would have no purpose really, if it was all false. It seems there are many 'Christians' who are kidding themselves. I know I did for a long time. Thanks again kolaida. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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