bleedblue22 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 When I was a Christian, I avoided conflict as much as possible and tried to put others need above my own. I took teachings such as "turn the other cheek" very seriously as well as the Christian message of putting yourself last. Lately, I've been trying to be more assertive and making sure my needs are taken care of. I'm not as resentful as I used to be now that I'm getting my needs met. I was reading a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy about how guys who have been trained to fill others needs before their own fail to get what they want in life and end up angry that their kindness is rarely reciprocated. Many of the examples he was discussing from his therapy group were fundamentalist Christians. I don't think this is a coincidence. Christianity teaches the unhealthy doctrines of complete pacifism and altruism which are unsustainable. You simply cannot be genuinely generous unless your own needs are met in the first place. Sometimes when dealing with those who want to take advantage of you, it is best not to continuously turn the other cheek. Following these doctrines closely can lead you to becoming extremely frustrated with your lot in life and can lead to very unhealthy emotions. I always struggled with getting women to notice me before, but now I am feeling more confident and the women are noticing. Now that I disregard these unhealthy teachings I have been able to connect with my masculine energy and I am more ambitious than before. Have any of you guys undergone the same experience? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deidre Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Depends on how one defines masculinity. In some Christian circles I used to be in, the men were very sexist, and dominating...thinking that women should be submissive and that 'true' masculinity is about demeaning women and 'keeping them in their place.' other circles, the men were more passive. I think that masculinity is defined in many ways, but Christian masculinity can mean either or, to some. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I think you can make a good case that repressing natural sexual desire is bad for either gender. Christianity also spreads a lot of misinformation and makes many subjects taboo making it so much harder to get good information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traveller2 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 It did for me and some men I met but I hav to say we were a minority.I struggled with that as a christian because it seemed at a personal level to be very clearly having that effect and I couldn't see how to be serious about it without that effect. That said there were like just as many matters from my pre christian life causing this too. But after christian life it was easier to explore areas I thought impinged.does depend on what one really determines as masculine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedah Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 IMO this is more of a gender neutral issue. Christianity doesn't exactly sap "masculinity", it saps the very idea of having a healthy sex/romance life. Both boys and girls are shuffled into sunday school where they are told they must wait for "the one", then get married to "the one", and that any funny ideas they get that fall outside this norm are the deceptions of Satan. For men in particular this is a problem because most women generally view inexperienced men as less attractive, and yet Christianity actively encourages men to be inexperienced. This lack of experience causes some guys to display shyness and awkwardness, which makes them appear less masculine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I think it saps self-esteem and self-efficacy for both genders. For many women, this might mean being vulnerable to an abusive or at least unequal marriage, with onerous child care responsibilities, and expectations of paid employment on top. For many men, this might mean a tendency towards abuse of power or at least a presumption of a favourable position in a power imbalance. Many xian men feel a heavy responsibility if their wife or kids trangress in some way. This is unhealthy: everyone should be learning to take responsibility for their own choices, while respecting everyone else as equals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 18, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted May 18, 2015 If taken seriously and practiced as a lifestyle, Christianity erases the individuality and identity of both sexes. Exerting authority over one's wife isn't being "masculine" and bending to the will of one's husband isn't being "feminine." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 If taken seriously and practiced as a lifestyle, Christianity erases the individuality and identity of both sexes. Exerting authority over one's wife isn't being "masculine" and bending to the will of one's husband isn't being "feminine." Correct. In Christianity there are only pastors and sheep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Yes Christianity was a hit on the masculinity as I understand masculinity. - I'm a man, Adam was a man. If Adam had only stood up to the serpent, Eve would never have eaten the apple. If Adam had offered himself to die in Eve's stead, still sinless, then the plight of women would be better. All household failures are a man's fault because if a man is not right spiritually, he can destroy his household. Note this was all practiced, even though none of us were really patriarchal like the quiverful types. - Father's day: Men are at the very best second-rate fathers, god is the father. And men are responsible for all the ills affecting children these days. Men who support a woman having an abortion are just insensitive misogynistic sex-crazed maniacs who don't care about the trauma this poor woman is likely to endure because of the evil terrible abortion. Oh, there are so many things, and so many ways. It's terrible for all humans, just we never talk about this stuff as men, it's often very unacceptable to people of any gender if we speak up on our own stuff. I used to hate it all, and frankly, wish I was dead. Glad that's gone and I can reclaim some semblance of self-respect. In so doing I can only wish for that self-respect for people of any gender or group, and any and all should have equal right to make their case for what's happening to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikirin Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I think I was naturally shy and awkward, and rather than working to overcome it, I was glad to use my Christian beliefs as an excuse to avoid the work of change. Liek I was scared to date, so I said that I was waiting on God. That way I could practice avoidance and passivity while coming across as pious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bleedblue22 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 @Leo Dang sometimes I don't realize what some people have gone through leaving the faith. The whole thing wasn't too hard for me cuz I had never really bought it in the first place. And yeah I do get the whole using religion as an excuse for not being ambitious as a man. However, I always wondered how people could go to church and hear about turning the other cheek and yet trying to be all alpha at school during the week, ready to pick fights with anyone who got in the way of their success. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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