The Emotional Roller Coaster...

[Guest CutiePie]

College & looking for work....

I cried one too many times over papers. I cried so hard over my first mid term in philosophy class and then I found out that I passed it. If there's a class that I don't cry for is my Concept of Wellness class. It's science so it's up my alley. College so...it's been great, but such an emotional roller coaster ride to the point that now the semester is almost over I'm starting to feel burnt out. My emotions are there of course but I don't know how to explain. I'm just beyond happy that I'm taking two classes for my summer session. 

Then there's work. I hate depending on my mother. I miss paying for getting my nails and hair done. I miss paying for my own things in general. There's that feeling of satisfaction when I'm using my own money to pay for things. Don't get me wrong or anything, I'm thankful to have someone paying the bills and all, but I want and need to start being independent. Of course I'm going to start small, I would like to start paying my cellphone bill and learn those things. I'm just tired of depending on my mother. I've been looking for a job since February and no dice. Which is also causing me to feel burnt out because I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Giving in an application in person, I make sure that I dress professional, smile, and stuff of the matter. Why is it taking so long? I'm desperate for a job. Is it bad that I'm desperate for work? Oh my fucking god.

The stress of these things and other things just makes me feel drained and I can't stop asking myself what am I doing wrong & then someone told me I should try lying on my resume, the fuck? I put fucking trustworthy on my resume, Jesus fucking Christ. I don't know anymore.

I'm just slowly starting to feel defeated because I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm trying to not let that get in the way of going out and looking for work other places, it just sucks so much. 

All of this just feels like an emotional roller coaster and now it feels like it stopped to only build up again.

Oh, and why do I cry over school is because I don't want a C on anything, I haven't received a C on anything yet and before that wasn't a bad grade to me until I started college. To get a C is like getting an F.

Thanks for reading this rant. <3 

[GraphicsGuy]

And you're how old and you're this stressed?

 

I'm truly sorry you feel the way you do and feel like you have all of that "pressure-to-perform" upon you. It's not right.

 

This is why I think North-American society is completely fucked up and stupid. There are too many people running around believing that all the shit we do actually matters and then they instill that same belief into their kids so it becomes a never-ending cycle of fucked-up-ed-ness.

 

I'm not pointing my finger at you and saying that it's your fault...I'm just wondering if you really know why you feel all this pressure and stress.

[RenaissanceWoman]

The only time college grades mattered for me was when I was applying to grad school. As for a job, in my experience, employers want to know that you have a degree, and don't ask about the grades. This may not be true in all fields, but maybe you could ask around. Depending on your field (and others may chime in here), this might be bad advice but let me say: in some classes, just pass and move one, and don't worry about the grade. Focus on the coursework that interests you. You don't have to be perfect all the time.

 

Remember that this is not forever. I think back to high school, how it felt like I was trapped there forever. My homelife sucked and the kids at school seemed so immature and small town. I had to get scholarships to be able to go to college, so my academic stress was high. But it did end, and I don't have to look back.

 

I'm a crazed over-achiever and perfectionist, and the queen of burn out. I hear you there. I also stressed big time over writing papers, but I was really good at it so it was probably misplaced. I always put way more time in to them than was needed, but that's just who I was and I honestly did not know how to scale back. And I was in a humanities major, so there was at least one paper per course -- what was I thinking? Ha ha! But I survived that too. I could never find a job then either, so I took summer classes instead and graduated early.

 

Have you tried a temp agency for work? The pay is not great and it won't be in your field, but it's a start. That was my band-aid first job out of grad school. You have administrative and secretarial skills, I'm sure, and there is always a need for that.

 

Burn out sucks. Just make small goals and take baby steps to get through what is necessary, until your mind clears up a bit and your energy returns.

 

Take a deep breath! You'll get there.

[RipVanWinkle]

My thought is for you to see your doctor. It can't hurt. I just wouldn't put up with those symptoms at 20 years old. Look for professional help. This could be the best time of your life. Don't give up until you get the right answer as to why this is happening to you. Good look and keep us informed. Rip

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Hugs, Sweets, I really feel for you.  Yes, see a doctor, there may be therapy and/or meds that help.  

 

I agree with a poster above who said employers dont look at grades. I have found this to be true, all they care about is that you had the self-organisation and commitment/stickability to complete a degree.  They also dont care what subjects you studied, so choose the ones you love.

 

Re the job... see your college careers advisor and/or welfare/social support officer (I don't know what kind of services are at American colleges but we had people like that who could advise us).  Can you approach your college libraries and academic departments, looking for a little bit of work?  Also ask your professors for advice, I am sure they know the lay of the land where you are, and they advise students all the time.

 

You are doing so well, your confidence and self-efficacy have increased in the year or so you have been here, I have watched you grow from a shy, sheltered doubting xian into the amazing, hip, awesome young woman you are now.  Keep going, I know you will achieve great things for yourself.  You don't have to try so hard, you will still do well if you tone down the level of pressure you are putting on yourself.

 

Hugs

[older]

Stress can sometimes be caused, or at least boosted, by physical things. Have you ever had a toes-to-the-nose physical with all the blood work that goes with that? Sometimes a simple deficiency that is easily treated is a big part of the picture.

 

And, as a former college prof., I second the notion that you don't need all A's. Some classes are important to your professional goals, and some aren't. All you need in the latter is to pass.

 

Try this:

1. Take a three or four day road trip with a good friend to decompress.

2. Get a complete physical.

3. Set academic priorities for next year.

4. Stop in the job placement office on campus and register with them, and check their boards for jobs avail. Be sure your major profs know you are looking for work.

 

Keep us posted.

[Ellinas]

Career and economic success are considerably less important than the quality of life, and the latter is only partly dependent on job and income, and thence on exam grades.  Balance.

 

Sounds to me like some sort of therapy would be a good idea.  No point in driving yourself into the ground.

 

All the best

[Jeff]

Hugs Sweets.

[FarflungWanderer]

Hang tough, Sweets. You didn't break before, and you can do it again now.

 

We all believe in you. Go kick some ass.