Aiyana Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I used to chat with this lady at church named Claire. Nice lady, a bit on the boring side, a LOT on the fear-based side. But nice. She was married and had one daughter, Kendall, who was born to Claire later in life. Claire homeschooled Kendall and still does as far as I know. Kendall is around the eighth grade. Kendall is friends with my daughter, Jamie, who still goes to church. I guess Kendall has come out to her mom as atheist. Claire is still forcing her to go to church and prayer meeting. Kendall is very depressed over various things and has been cutting herself. Also, Claire's husband has apparently been cheating on her for the past seven years, and is verbally abusive to Kendall, but Claire will not divorce him because "Jesus will save their marriage." That's all. Just frustrates me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Family dysfunctions are often damaging and sad. Do you plan on helping in any way? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiyana Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 I'm not sure what I could do... I'm the evil heathen now... and this lady was just an acquaintance. We never saw each other outside of church. My daughter is friends with her daughter, but again, she isn't anyone who ever came to our house or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 So sad. I hope Kendall gets to a health professional, somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 That really sucks, especially since she's going to have to deal with that crap for a few years yet, which seems like forever to a teenager. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 30, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted May 30, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 not-my-circus.png That is brilliant! I wish I had incorporated that years ago, but I'm going to start right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiyana Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Haha... true, florduh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VanWinkle Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I agree. This is too far removed from you for you to get involved, but I don't approve of a hard fast rule not get to involved in other peoples problems. But there should be a good reason to do so. The first question one must ask herself is whether she can really help the situation if she gets involved. Don't get involved in lost causes. The second question is whether she can she avoid her own exhausting emotional involvement if she were to decide to help. If not, she should save her strength for emotional; problems of herself, own family and close friends. These are hard enough by themselves. Rip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 How did you find out she was cutting? If your daughter told you or you noticed scars on the girl, you could share your concern with her mom. Even if her mom doesn't respond well, it could accomplish two things: 1) It could show her that her daughter's issues are visible to others (Christians stuck in the "perfection dream" hate having others know they are not perfect). It might get her to try a little harder to help her daughter. Also, is it possible she doesn't know her daughter is cutting? That could be a wake-up call to her. 2) It could help her to see that an atheist does actually care and can show concern. It could be the beginning of her preconceived notions about atheists softening. If you do this and she responds poorly, you can rest in the knowledge you did your best to help. Of course you don't have to do anything, as a previous poster said, if it would not be good for your own situation. Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 It makes me so angry when people force their unwilling children to attend religious services or listen to God-warnings, thinking that this will "lead them back to Christ." All it does, if anything, is make the kids resent the religion and their parents, and possibly cause lingering brainwashing to scare them with threats of hell for not believing. Whatever they don't want to hear, they won't be listening to. No holy spirit could influence them to believe if they don't want to (this is a good thing, but I cannot believe parents haven't picked up on this). Anyway, it doesn't sound like there is much you can do directly to support Kendall, except if you have a minute around her without her mother supervising, let her know the Internet is full of unbelievers like us. She might be able to use a public computer if the mother monitors her online activity. And of course, you can stay active on sites like this and donate to the Freedom from Religion Foundation. That she's cutting is obviously a concern, especially since she's so young and might not know that she could fatally cut an artery. I don't want that mother of hers sticking her with some Christian counselor who will make the religion issue worse. Could you help Kendall in some way that doesn't involve discussing religion? If Claire knows you aren't interested in "heathenizing" her daughter, she might be more open to your support. Kendall will be able to get away from her relatives in a few years and can live how she wants. Her safety is the most important thing. Edit: I read your post about Claire being just an acquaintance, so you must have less influence than a close friend would. Do you and your daughter talk much about issues like friendship? Maybe you could provide some guidance in supporting Kendall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 My heart breaks for Kendall and Claire. The only thing you can do is maybe try to talk some sense into Claire to get some professional help for Kendall. At a minimum, have your daughter, Jaime, direct Kendall here. Perhaps Kendall will see reason and seek help for herself. I know these things are frustrating when you don't know what to do. The best you can do is the little things along the way, and when you DO happen to see an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life for the better, jump all over that shit like a fat kid in a twinky factory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheerbliss Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 not-my-circus.png Even with my own relatives (I don't have a husband or children), this is the tack I take. Last year when my parents needed so much help because they didn't plan for when they'd be old and disabled, I wish I'd told them to go work it out. I ended up ill and not taking care of my own crap from all the stress. If you think your friend's daughter might seriously hurt herself, call social services. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts