From Innocent Youth Group Kid To Hardened Agnostic

[Pumpkinhead]

Man, I started typing the other night and soon realized I needed to scale things down. It was kind of cathartic actually. So, the short short short version:

 

My parents became born again Christians at the same time when I was 7 (1981). Shortly after that, my dad asked me at bedside if I wanted to go to heaven. Sure! We prayed a prayer and my indoctrination began. They were well-intentioned people but started off a little legalistic and sheltered me a bit. Their legalism subsided a lot by the late 80s, but I felt like I lived with a lot of guilt about things that, in retrospect, were ridiculous.

 

Once I hit 15, I became passionate about 3 things: Christianity, music, and girls. All throughout High School, I held firmly to my faith and was active in my church youth group. I listened to a lot of Christian music (although I was drawn to lesser known artists that were less about proselytization). I also enjoyed popular artists like Depeche Mode and U2.

 

I went off to college in late 1993 with what Christians would refer to as the full armor of God, but I started having a crisis of faith around early 1996 and was quite agnostic by late 1997 before I graduated. There were some personal things happening that probably pushed me in that direction but, ultimately, I just felt like I didn't really know anything, and it was a difficult thing to admit. Almost 20 years later, I'm a little more comfortable with this. Whereas, I started out kind of freaked out about it. I'm not always the most discerning individual, but I believe I am a truth seeker and I have to take comfort in that. I honestly don't know if I am agnostic or atheist. I once took a test where the result said I was an agnostic atheist, which were 2 terms I never realized went together like that. Regardless, I just can't identify with any kind of religious mindset and have not had a relapse.

 

I still do retain what some might consider to be a sick loyalty to a lot of the Christian type music I grew up on, but I don't like these artists for their Christianity, nor are they particularly explicit with it to begin with. Explicit Christianity in music bugs me, but the music is usually bland anyway when the lyrics are explicit.

 

 

Kind of a difficult topic to condense into a couple of sentences. I could write forever about it (as I just found out the other night).

 

Anyway, I am glad I stumbled upon this place. Not sure if I will be a frequent poster but I am sure I will visit often.

[yunea]

Welcome to the forum, and by all means feel free to write more if you ever need to.  

[BlackCat]

Welcome to the forum Pumpkinhead.  I wish you well as you continue to seek truth.  Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself. 

[Guest sylensikeelyoo]

Yaaayyy thanks so much for sharing! Even if you would have gone much longer, we'd have stuck around and read it! I still like christian bands that have a particular sound, like kutless and switchfoot, and POD although I believe switchfoot and POD crossed over. Listening to their music now, you'd never know they started off in the Christian genre!

[ConscientiousObjector]

Welcome, Pumpkin! Go ahead and elaborate on your deconversion process when you have the time, it really wasn't long at all. If you are anything like me, prepare to become very addicted to this site!

[Ellinas]

I'm sure I've seen testimonies considerably longer than that...

 

Welcome.  Please be as brief or as long-winded as you wish.

 

Obviously the armour of god is getting a touch rusty.

[kolaida]

Welcome to tne forums!! Glad you're here and, by all means, feel free to type what you need (I can get lenghty too, lol). The extimonies are cathartic! Feels good to let it out and know there are others who can relate to you! 

[TrueFreedom]

Welcome, Pumpkinhead!  Most atheists are agnostic, btw, meaning that they don't know for certain that gods don't exist but they don't believe in them and live as if they don't.  The alternative, of course, is gnostic atheism, knowing for a fact that gods do not exist.  I hope to hear more from you.