LongWayAround Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 My dad has been an elder and mom has played the piano and kept the books for about 35 to 40 years in the church that they helped found. When I deconverted, I didn't plan to come out to them because my dad is battling lung and prostate cancer and I didn't want to add any more to his plate than he is already dealing with. At the same, time I am not willing to lie about my deconversion or fake religious things to make them think I am still a christian. Over the past six months, my dad has ask me pray twice before meals at family gatherings and I have politely decline both times. My mom asked me about it today with my dad present and told them I know longer believed and why. I told them that I had read the bible through in a year and had studied various topics along the way and that the answers that I found to various issues left me unsatisfied. Answers to questions like bible contradictions, archaeology and the bible, science and the bible, etc. My parents offered some weak apologetics that I am sure they have heard in church and I listened and didn't argue. At one point, my mom told me she felt sorry for me because I had no hope. Internally, I felt this was a crappy comment and somewhat of a pot shot. I told her that I relish this one life that I have been given and that I am trying to be the best husband, father, etc. that I can be and to make the world a better place. In other words, I have a lot to live for and don't feel sad because there is no heaven after this life. My Dad said that they would miss me in heaven. I didn't respond to that one. I told them that I didn't mean for this to happen and that at times I wished there were a god that I could pray to that would grant prayer requests as I see my dad dealing with cancer. They asked how I could explain my dads previous recovery from lung cancer and I told them I had not seen anything that couldn't be explained by medical science. My Mom went on to say that their prayer to god at this time is that he would take my dad quickly when the time comes and not make him suffer. I didn't respond but my thought was "Is that the best an omnipotent god can do?" Overall, it went as well or better than I thought it would. The conversation was pretty stressful but I am glad the cards are on the table. It is hard to say how things will change between us if at all. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Sorry to hear about the cancer. Lost both my parents that way. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedStar Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 It's sad that this faith system gives such a gloomy view of anyone not adhering to it, good on you for standing up for yourself. Sorry to read about your father's health, cancer is an awful thing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 My father was a minister and we all loved him dearly. He had two different cancers - one that was very slow-growing that he lived with for 14 years before the second, much more aggressive, attacked and killed him in six months. Being a beloved minister, you can imagine the number of people praying for his recovery. At the time I was still a solid Christian and used the usual justifications for the failure of prayer. Now I know the truth, it just makes me sick to hear Christians talk about how they'll pray for this or that. I'm so sorry about your dad. It is a terrible thing to watch, knowing there is nothing that can be done. I do find it interesting that your parents think that prayer had something to do with his previous recovery but now they are just praying for a speedy end to suffering. Is it because the doctors have told them there is no hope and deep down they know that prayer really doesn't work? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LongWayAround Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Is it because the doctors have told them there is no hope and deep down they know that prayer really doesn't work? I don't think the doctors have told them there is no hope but they probably have been frank about what the possible outcomes might be. And yes, I think deep down it is easier to pray that god takes him quickly so when that happens they can point to it as proof to answered prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 LongWayAround...I'm really glad you got that chance to "come out" to your parents. I'm very sorry to hear about your father's suffering and I'm sorry that your conversation had to be painful. Still...I have to say...I do not bloody understand all these parents that are not mature enough to handle the concept that their children may have a different opinion on how to live their lives. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Discern Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 My parents offered some weak apologetics that I am sure they have heard in church and I listened and didn't argue. My Dad said that they would miss me in heaven. I didn't respond to that one. Good job. It's all fine to respond to someone online with guns blazing, but it's different when it's someone like your parents. Unless my parents really push me, I bite my tongue. Not everyone is better off deconverting. And older folks are even less likely to deconvert anyway. Let's say I was successful in planting some seeds of doubt and my parents end up deconverting. They'd lose their livelihood (income from the church), and they'd lose all their friends that they've had for decades. They'd also wonder what the hell they've done with their life for the last 35 years. Is knowing "the truth" really the best for them in their retirement age? I'll say my piece if it comes down to it, but I certainly prefer not to push them towards that revelation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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