What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

[GraphicsGuy]

The question in the title is somewhat legit for me. I'm 40 years-old and really have no clue what I want to do with my life.

 

I suppose I really don't have to do anything, but I would like to find a job/work that I find satisfying.

 

I would settle (quite happily) to work for someone who can decently manage a business and isn't a bloody racist or right-wing nutter. I'm fiercely loyal and would stick with someone through thick and thin if I could respect them enough to continue working with them. I have left jobs that I really enjoyed because of being infected with the boss's shitty attitude about life (and, of course, they can't handle being criticized for that...you're a boss...it's your job to be criticized by your employees...man up and talk to them about how to improve!).

 

Anyway, I blame part of my lack of career on Christianity because that worldview permeated my early years and I never thought of "what to do" with my life. I honestly believed that God would lead me where he wanted me.

 

So, I have essentially drifted from job to job for the past 18 years. Longest I have stayed in one place is 5 years.

 

The other half of the blame lies in my personality; I simply do not fit the typical 9-5 job market. I am chaotic, I feel I should never have to punch a clock, if there is work to do I will be there and I will get it done, if not let me go do my own thing. I don't give a shit about customers (the ultimate reason I cannot get my own business off the ground). I hate routine and almost every job becomes routine after a year or so - I get severely bored with things that are at or below my skill level...give me a challenge, dammit!

 

Anyway...it's just the latest thing that I'm struggling with...and I'm miffed that I just got turned down for what seemed like an interesting job very likely due to my "doesn't play the game" personality.

 

Who can relate...or who can explain to me why the 9-5 dictatorship is important? It truly does baffle me.

[★ Citsonga ★]

The question in the title is somewhat legit for me. I'm 40 years-old and really have no clue what I want to do with my life.

 

I definitely understand. I'm 42 and still don't know. To be fair, though, I do know what I most likely should have done to build a good career, and I know what route I'd probably go if I was in college now, but...

 

Anyway, I blame part of my lack of career on Christianity because that worldview permeated my early years and I never thought of "what to do" with my life. I honestly believed that God would lead me where he wanted me.

 

...same here. I thought I had a calling in Christian music ministry, so I felt no need to focus on a regular career that I could stick with and build on. Though I didn't realize I was getting screwed when I was a Christian, after I woke up to reality the thing that pissed me off the most was knowing how I'd built my entire life around something that turned out to be a huge lie. By that time I had a family to support on one income, so going back to college wasn't a very realistic option (maybe one day, though!)

 

Who can relate...or who can explain to me why the 9-5 dictatorship is important? It truly does baffle me.

 

There are lots of jobs that aren't 9-5 (mine isn't). Most do have set hours, though, but some are different hours, different shifts, or even rotating shifts. If you really can't handle a set schedule, then perhaps your best bet is to find something that you can freelance with.

 

At any rate, I wish you the best as you travel the journey of life....

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I do empathise with you.  And I think you can find a job that you enjoy, it just takes time.

 

Just want to respond to some of the things you said though.  I can understand why bosses don't think well of someone who criticises them.  Unless they inherited the business or slept their way to the top, a boss is usually there because they chose to risk their capital or they demonstrated the skills and knowledge to be entrusted with the role.  If you think you can do better than them, then you demonstrate that and earn a management position.  

 

When you have a team of people to manage, and customers and managers/owners/investors to keep happy, then criticism from employees doesn't help.  Unless you specifically asked for feedback, and it's given in a constructive way.  It's also because bosses have so many demands on their time, that they usually can't oversee everyone on the basis of getting the work done regardless of the hours spent at work.  It is easier to have people keeping regular hours, and when the work is done, they use their initiative and look for other tasks that need doing.  Also, this method makes it easier for all the staff to feel that their coworkers are pulling their weight and others are not getting paid for doing less work than them.

 

Not giving a shit about customers is ok if you don't need them to choose your product/service.  When you need a plumber, or your phone line connected up, would you like to deal with someone who doesn't give a shit about you? Why should I choose a company whose staff don't give a shit about me?  Why should a boss hire someone who doesn't give a shit about customers?  Unless you at least pretend to give a shit about them, you won't get very far in your career.

 

Which brings me to my final point.  If you want to be given a challenge and to do work that interests you, you usually have to spend a bit of time, maybe a couple of years, doing work that bores you.  Once you have demonstrated that you can be trusted to stick at that, and that you at least look like you give a shit about customers, you will be more likely to be chosen for the interesting work.  And you may find that the opportunities at that stage are more exciting and rewarding than you ever thought possible.  You won't know unless you try it out.

 

Volunteer work is a great way to demonstrate the qualities that can get you hired.  You can also meet people who have or know of job opportunities that way.

 

I agree with you that often it can feel like we are "surrounded by idiots".  We often are.  But just don't let the idiots know you think they are idiots.  Prove you are smarter than them by beating them at their own game.

 

If, after adjusting your attitude and taking a longer term view, you still find yourself chaotic and easily bored/distracted, you might want to get professionally assessed for ADD.  If you have it, meds might help.

[DutchGoddess]

Oh this is normal, I hear it around me all the time. 
Maybe people will say it's a midlife crisis, but to be honest, I believe more that people live in different stages/phases in their lives and it's completely natural to be changing your wishes and preferences during these different phases. It's the circle of life in your own life. 

[GraphicsGuy]

Just want to respond to some of the things you said though.  I can understand why bosses don't think well of someone who criticises them.  Unless they inherited the business or slept their way to the top, a boss is usually there because they chose to risk their capital or they demonstrated the skills and knowledge to be entrusted with the role.  If you think you can do better than them, then you demonstrate that and earn a management position.

Sorry, I feel like I'm being massively misunderstood here and I guess I do sound like quite a whiny bitch, but let me give you some insight to my frustration:

 

Job 1 (small business): The boss is a hothead, but won't admit it. He thinks his behaviour is perfectly okay. Meanwhile I'm fielding phone calls from customers complaining about how he treated them at a job site because they happened to be five minutes late for the scheduled appointment. I'm just a 20-something year-old kid at this point without a clue how to handle the situation.

 

Job 2 (med-large business that outgrows its capabilities): Started out fantastic, but it slowly becomes more corporate and all the perks of working there get slowly dissolved. The owners tell me I have to roll with the times when I bring up concerns. Really, this one is a somewhat typical situation and I can't complain much about it. But I also went through my deconversion and marriage-separation while here and I don't feel they were that supportive of the troubles I was going through at that time. I gave them 4-months notice that I was going to leave and they terminated me on the spot.

 

Job 3 (small business): The manager manages by ordering people around when they piss her off. One day she decides to change my job position and says "you're working this area now". I ask, "do I have any say in this at all?" Stomp, stomp, stomps to her office and slams the door. "Punishes" me later by getting me to clean out some shitty closet.

 

Job 4 (small business): I feel uncomfortable working here in general because the owner is a Christian. One day he's mad at me about something, but won't tell me what it is...won't talk to me at all in fact. As an employee it's my job to try to work out an issue with the boss when I don't even know what's wrong? I don't think so.

 

Job 5 (small business): The owner is just "absent" mentally. She was never there and present, so I basically ran the place for 3 years until I burned out...because I don't do well doing constant customer service, which I told her. I begged her to hire a customer/sales manager...I could have doubled my production had she done so. I burned out. I left. My replacement lasted 5 months before leaving.

 

Job 6 (small business): The owners are old and stuck in the mud. Everything is still done on paper. They are typically racist (immigrants are taking all the jobs!). They blame all their troubles on the economy. They gossip to me about other employees. They asked me to spy on another employee. I would have left on the spot, but noooooo...I have a house and responsibilities so I have to play the game somewhat.

 

This is a common trend and I'm tired of it. I would really like a boss that is emotionally mature that I can respect.

 

So, there's my whine.

[EyesOpened]

 

Just want to respond to some of the things you said though.  I can understand why bosses don't think well of someone who criticises them.  Unless they inherited the business or slept their way to the top, a boss is usually there because they chose to risk their capital or they demonstrated the skills and knowledge to be entrusted with the role.  If you think you can do better than them, then you demonstrate that and earn a management position.

Sorry, I feel like I'm being massively misunderstood here and I guess I do sound like quite a whiny bitch, but let me give you some insight to my frustration:Job 1 (small business): The boss is a hothead, but won't admit it. He thinks his behaviour is perfectly okay. Meanwhile I'm fielding phone calls from customers complaining about how he treated them at a job site because they happened to be five minutes late for the scheduled appointment. I'm just a 20-something year-old kid at this point without a clue how to handle the situation.Job 2 (med-large business that outgrows its capabilities): Started out fantastic, but it slowly becomes more corporate and all the perks of working there get slowly dissolved. The owners tell me I have to roll with the times when I bring up concerns. Really, this one is a somewhat typical situation and I can't complain much about it. But I also went through my deconversion and marriage-separation while here and I don't feel they were that supportive of the troubles I was going through at that time. I gave them 4-months notice that I was going to leave and they terminated me on the spot.Job 3 (small business): The manager manages by ordering people around when they piss her off. One day she decides to change my job position and says "you're working this area now". I ask, "do I have any say in this at all?" Stomp, stomp, stomps to her office and slams the door. "Punishes" me later by getting me to clean out some shitty closet.Job 4 (small business): I feel uncomfortable working here in general because the owner is a Christian. One day he's mad at me about something, but won't tell me what it is...won't talk to me at all in fact. As an employee it's my job to try to work out an issue with the boss when I don't even know what's wrong? I don't think so.Job 5 (small business): The owner is just "absent" mentally. She was never there and present, so I basically ran the place for 3 years until I burned out...because I don't do well doing constant customer service, which I told her. I begged her to hire a customer/sales manager...I could have doubled my production had she done so. I burned out. I left. My replacement lasted 5 months before leaving.Job 6 (small business): The owners are old and stuck in the mud. Everything is still done on paper. They are typically racist (immigrants are taking all the jobs!). They blame all their troubles on the economy. They gossip to me about other employees. They asked me to spy on another employee. I would have left on the spot, but noooooo...I have a house and responsibilities so I have to play the game somewhat.This is a common trend and I'm tired of it. I would really like a boss that is emotionally mature that I can respect.So, there's my whine.

Sounds like some of my former bosses.

 

I have tried the things I wanted to do such as I.T. & worked in the medical field. Both ended up not being very rewarding and fell short on their promises of a long career. I have come to accept that no matter where you work you have to "play the game". I am currently looking into mechanical engineering due to the fact I have a deep knowledge in it from years of self study and hands on. I have successfully rebuilt/and or modified many different types of engines, transmissions, axles, small motors. I have even dabbled in turning a gasoline engine into an alternate fuel engine and been successful. I also figured this out about myself.....

 

......if i try to take my hobbies and apply it to a career, i lose interest in it real quick. So, i guess for now i will just look for a different option and leave the mechanics in my shop.

 

Years ago, I owned and operated a Computer Store. I had to give it up due to family medical reasons and had to move. Maybe I will look into being full time self employed again but i would have to think about what exactly i would do.

[Fweethawt]

There's always prostitution. Pick your own hours. Pick your own customers. Plus great benefits.

[GraphicsGuy]

Years ago, I owned and operated a Computer Store. I had to give it up due to family medical reasons and had to move. Maybe I will look into being full time self employed again but i would have to think about what exactly i would do.

Yeah, that's tough man. My partner and I just went through a couple of years of that, so I am glad we didn't have a business to run on top of the family hardships.

[GraphicsGuy]

There's always prostitution. Pick your own hours. Pick your own customers. Plus great benefits.

The leggings and feather-boa tend to drive away my preferred clientele...

[midniterider]

The question in the title is somewhat legit for me. I'm 40 years-old and really have no clue what I want to do with my life.

 

I suppose I really don't have to do anything, but I would like to find a job/work that I find satisfying.

 

I would settle (quite happily) to work for someone who can decently manage a business and isn't a bloody racist or right-wing nutter. I'm fiercely loyal and would stick with someone through thick and thin if I could respect them enough to continue working with them. I have left jobs that I really enjoyed because of being infected with the boss's shitty attitude about life (and, of course, they can't handle being criticized for that...you're a boss...it's your job to be criticized by your employees...man up and talk to them about how to improve!).

 

Anyway, I blame part of my lack of career on Christianity because that worldview permeated my early years and I never thought of "what to do" with my life. I honestly believed that God would lead me where he wanted me.

 

So, I have essentially drifted from job to job for the past 18 years. Longest I have stayed in one place is 5 years.

 

The other half of the blame lies in my personality; I simply do not fit the typical 9-5 job market. I am chaotic, I feel I should never have to punch a clock, if there is work to do I will be there and I will get it done, if not let me go do my own thing. I don't give a shit about customers (the ultimate reason I cannot get my own business off the ground). I hate routine and almost every job becomes routine after a year or so - I get severely bored with things that are at or below my skill level...give me a challenge, dammit!

 

Anyway...it's just the latest thing that I'm struggling with...and I'm miffed that I just got turned down for what seemed like an interesting job very likely due to my "doesn't play the game" personality.

 

Who can relate...or who can explain to me why the 9-5 dictatorship is important? It truly does baffle me.

 

The meme is that most of the workforce is doing jobs they dont like. Even if you're in a career field you do like the people you work with or for can make it suck. It's called work for a reason. Maybe you need to work at Google How important is money to you? Maybe look into some non-traditional career. Work for some relief organization in a foreign country.

 

In my case slaving away at a relatively boring but well-paying dictatorship job resulted in the ability to retire and collect a good pension way before 65.

[midniterider]

The question in the title is somewhat legit for me. I'm 40 years-old and really have no clue what I want to do with my life.

 

I suppose I really don't have to do anything, but I would like to find a job/work that I find satisfying.

 

I can really relate to not having a clue what I wanted to do as a career though. I finally decided that my life was not about work, much to the chagrin of my employer. So we butted heads now and then while the kool-aid drinkers could not figure out what was 'wrong' with my work ethic. Midniterider was lazy. He didnt want to work 60 hours a week and work his days off. WTF was wrong with him. I assume there are many people who have no clue what path to take. Maybe a career counselor could help? Talk to your doctor or a psychologist. They may recognize some issue that you are not aware of preventing you from doing anything long term.

 

The only thing that kept me going to work for 25 years was a terrible addiction to paychecks.

[midniterider]

There's always prostitution. Pick your own hours. Pick your own customers. Plus great benefits.

 

Nah, you always get fucked in that job.

[EyesOpened]

 

There's always prostitution. Pick your own hours. Pick your own customers. Plus great benefits.

The leggings and feather-boa tend to drive away my preferred clientele...

The feathered boa reminded me of Jesse Ventura back in his WWF(WWE) days when he was a wrestler, lol. Thanks for that.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

 

Just want to respond to some of the things you said though.  I can understand why bosses don't think well of someone who criticises them.  Unless they inherited the business or slept their way to the top, a boss is usually there because they chose to risk their capital or they demonstrated the skills and knowledge to be entrusted with the role.  If you think you can do better than them, then you demonstrate that and earn a management position.

Sorry, I feel like I'm being massively misunderstood here and I guess I do sound like quite a whiny bitch, but let me give you some insight to my frustration:

 

 

 

In what way was I misunderstanding you?  

[GraphicsGuy]

In what way was I misunderstanding you?

Perhaps you didn't. I was feeling rather over-sensitive yesterday.

[Ellinas]

Why grow up at all?

 

Bosses generally are far from perfect.  It goes with the territory of wanting to be a boss - at least in the instances I've come across.  If you want the job, you have to put up with it.

 

And these days 9 to 5 is beginning to look rather part time. A bit like retirement, it's becoming a myth.

[wyson]

I concur with midnightrider. I know very few people who are completely happy about their work or their boss. Its just what it is. Perhaps its more about you? I know it was when I was deconverting... I blamed everyone else for my problems and had a hard time drawing boundaries politely. You don't have to play any games that you don't want to, as long as you remain respectful and do the work.

 

Getting the right social skills and attitudes for work (my model was Jesus before. Enough said I think) is still something I am working on middle age. Im getting some career coaching right now.

 

Also, no one "knows" in a Jesus sense what they want to do with their lives.

 

People generally have a best fit idea and then go along with that and make things up as they progress.

 

I thought I "knew" in a Jesus sense what I wanted to do. The fact is, I didn't, but this idea of " knowing" caused me untold suffering and wasted years failing at something I didn't want. And then I waited ages to feel I "knew" again. I only moved forward when I picked my best fit idea and kept plugging at it. Sometimes I still wonder what its all about. But then I think, what else and know this is the best I have with what I currently know.

 

I was reading about one internationally famous creative director leading a large company who used to sometimes sit and dispair that his lifes work was crap and meaningless. I think these sorts of doubts are just part of life.

[wyson]

Have you seen Deepak Malhotra's Harvard MBA address? It's on YouTube.

 

He is telling Harvard MBA graduates that they know from research that the majority of them will be unhappy. His advice is to quit early and quit often until you find something you do like. He went into explain how he loves his current job, but it was something he didn't even know existed until he got much older.

[★ Citsonga ★]

His advice is to quit early and quit often until you find something you do like.

 

That sounds like shitty advice. Quitting a job before getting another one while bills are still coming in is usually not a good thing to do. Also, even if getting a new job before quitting, constantly skipping from job to job will build a resume that tells prospective employers that you're not a committed employee.

[wyson]

 

His advice is to quit early and quit often until you find something you do like.

That sounds like shitty advice. Quitting a job before getting another one while bills are still coming in is usually not a good thing to do. Also, even if getting a new job before quitting, constantly skipping from job to job will build a resume that tells prospective employers that you're not a committed employee.

Yes there is balance to be had. But staying in a job you hate just so you can pay the bills and look good to people you haven't even met yet is also not a good idea.

 

I think if you have a story, you can sell it. Also would help for younger folk. If an early 20 something said they didn't know what they wanted to do and tried out some jobs and chose the one they liked best, everyone will understand.

 

That's the bummer about being an ex Christian... at least for me, this sort of early experimentation was denied because I was being all Jesus about my career (predestined through faith and so forth).

[GraphicsGuy]

That's the bummer about being an ex Christian... at least for me, this sort of early experimentation was denied because I was being all Jesus about my career (predestined through faith and so forth).

YES! I can relate to that for sure.

 

As for the younger generation:

 

Yes, I totally get that too. I am quite envious of my partner's son. He is 25 and really exploring all the facets of his personality and a lot of counter-culture ideas.

 

I mean, this stuff is possible at any age, but it is definitely easier when you haven't mired yourself into the typical responsibilities of your society.

 

I could have...and perhaps I should have...taken off to explore the world when I left the cult. I had this dream of just drifting from town to town to town for a few years and getting over my fears of living an uncertain existence.

 

Still, I felt it was very important that I stay in the city I live in (which I don't particularly like) for my daughter (who was only 4 at the time...12 now).

 

Then, of course, I made new friends, got into a new relationship, bought a house, etc. How is someone just supposed to dump all that now? I started my life over 8 years ago and I'm not certain I want to go through that again...at least not for a little while...

[wyson]

Yes, I totally get that. When you get older moving around becomes a bitch.

 

I thought you did graphics stuff? Any chance to freelance / do some contracting? That way you can keep your head in the game as well as work mostly when you want.

 

I did this when I first deconverted... I wasn't capable at that time of holding down a 9-5 as my head was such a mess. I could work effectively in spurts and did enough to stay afloat however.

 

Being a contractor is pretty common these days. It won't hold back you career prospects if you can get some good companies / projects to put on the resume.

[wyson]

Did you ever think about reading some careers books?

 

There are classics like What Color is Your Parachute?  It has exercises that help you figure out what do to.

 

When you are more certain about your direction, I found the Magic series of career books to be really good.  Cover Letter Magic, Resume Magic, Interview Magic.  Then to top off, some webinars about Linkedin.  There are a ton if you google search.

 

You could also get career coaching.  I got stuck in a rut recently and got one to help pull me out.  She hasn't told me anything I didn't already know, but I am finding having someone to make you accountable / correct your mistakes to be really valuable.  She corrected my hatred of linkedin for example.  One of my friends landed his dream job (literally his dream job) just through his linkedin profile, so I KNEW it was valuable.  The employer contacted him.  He did no work apart from spend a couple of hours setting up his profile.  Yet I didn't want to do one, because I thought it was stupid.  Oh a stupid corporation will own all my information, yadayada.  My careers coach helped me see sense and I'm working on a profile right now.   Everyone will have blindspots, bits of their game that need to be raised.  

 

It maybe worthwhile.

[GraphicsGuy]

Went to see my counselor on Friday and some good things came out of it (I start rambling, he starts to see a pattern and/or common denominator).

 

My issue ultimately isn't my career and such.

 

My issue is that I'm really searching for things that feed my "soul".

 

I need life to be meaningful and work and North American society in general drains the meaning out of everything.

 

I actually do like people...but not on the surface level that we all skim around. Meaningful relationships have to go deep.

 

So, I'm going to start focusing on this a little more and start looking for ways to "nourish my soul".

 

Not totally certain what that will look like at this point, but I will try to remain aware of it.

[wyson]

What Color is Your Parachute would be your sort of book. Its got lots of "what motivates me as a person" type stuff and give ideas for matching your preferences, drives and passions to jobs.