Should I Keep Going To Youth Group?

[DirtyBird2]

OK so it looks like this turned out to be kind of a long post but I hope you read it anyway (:
 

First a bit of background: I started going to youth group in high school. I deconverted from Christianity around last year near the end of 10th grade, which would be about the halfway mark through high school. I actually joined this site a few months ago and posted my deconversion story. Now I'm going to into my senior year. Youth nights are usually every Sunday night for about 2 hours. It's a pretty big group with both middle schoolers and high schoolers. Basically the middle schoolers have their lesson, then everyone hangs out for little while, then we have worship music, and finally the high schoolers have their lesson. Also note this is a Methodist church so its not like a crazy hellfire and brimstone southern baptist church or something.

I didn't want to go at first, but my parents really pushed me to go so I tried it. It was actually kind of fun. The youth pastor is cool and not like a Ned Flanders or something. I'm shy, socially awkward and also introverted. So I didn't make many friends, but I did make a couple and then there were a few people I already knew from church. I went pretty much every Sunday, but I have gradually slowed down going to the point where I'm going twice a month at the most. My friends don't seem to be there most of the time, so I'm bored during the hangout time and I'm usually either sitting by myself somewhere playing with my phone, or I can kind of sit near people and just try to blend in. And obviously there is the whole "I'm not a Christian anymore" thing, so I'm bored during worship and the lesson. I just really don't know what the point is anymore.

I may not be able to get out of going completely but i'm not sure. My parents don't force me to go but I can tell they want me to. I'm actually home schooled and don't have big social groups outside of church. This is one of the reasons my parents want me to keep going to youth group. I do have a few close friends though I hang out with regularly. Its very stressful to me to go to youth group because of how shy I am. I get very nervous and have a borderline panic attack before going each time. I hate big groups and would rather hang out with one of my friends. I hang out with them regularly so I'm actually getting social interaction with people my age often, just not tons of people at once. I would rather not be in big groups anyway like I said, so I'm perfectly fine with this.

 

What do you think I should do? I don't really have a reason to go anymore at this point and it stresses me out a lot. I do have some friends there like I said, but I can just hang out with them outside youth group if I really want to.

[florduh]

I don't really have a reason to go anymore at this point and it stresses me out a lot. I do have some friends there like I said, but I can just hang out with them outside youth group if I really want to.

 

I think you answered your own question.

[seven77]

I would say that it seems like you don't really want to go anymore. Any of the social benefits you were obtained through regular attendance are mostly moot at this point, since your friends are not regularly attending.

 

16,17 seems to be the time where people move away from youth anyway. I used to help organize youth events at my old church (not as a pastor or counselor or anything) and there was a noticeable drop off in attendance in older kids. Most of them felt that it was boring and a waste of time. Others had very intense academic and extracurricular schedules or jobs. 

 

My recommendation is that you start talking to your friends from youth on your own more often. Call, text, email, facebook, whatever. Also, try getting out more even if you are socially anxious. You may be applying to college or jobs soon. You'll need personal references and activities to put on applications and resumes. Find something to focus on (school, a new hobby, a part time job, whatever) and don't worry about quitting youth. There are plenty of other ways to meet people, make friends and explore the world besides youth group.

[amateur]

I agree whole-heartedly with the people above.  If you are getting nothing out of it, other than hanging with your friends when they show up, it's a waste of your time.

[Blood]

There's no such thing as a "cool" youth pastor. 

[DirtyBird2]

Thanks for the advice everyone . I think the most logical thing to do is, to quit going and try to hang out more with my friends from there.

[Guest sylensikeelyoo]

Yeah you are getting a little old for youth group anyway. You are like 17? So yeah its pointless if you are bored and your friends aren't there. There's no need to try to please your parents. They love you no matter what you do. Get yourself a part time job or something, then you can use that as a damn good excuse to get out of going to church and your folks won't harp on you. Sneaky? Perhaps. Will it solve the problem? Absolutely.

[Lilith666]

Yeah I agree with the others. If your parents are that invested in your going, maybe you could find a non-religious club for you to join and demonstrate its benefits to your parents. They probably want you to go for the church aspect, but you're nearly an adult and can start joining in the decision-making for your life.

 

Haha, youth pastors. There was one white guy who was about 30-something and kept trying to be gangster: he liked to say "That's coo' ," dropping the L, as if he were a stereotypical African-American teenager. It always made me wince.