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Goodbye Jesus

The Wife Now Has Ovarian Cancer


Leo

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Hey all,

 

It looks like now the Wife has come down with ovarian cancer. She's got what the doc says is a golf ball in her gut. We thought it was intestinal blockage but this is what She's got. She's handling it all well. I've all kinds of mixed up feelings, but am staying strong for Her naturally.

But you know, in a way I feel bad for Her for having come out atheist a year ago. I never get in the way of Her talking about god or whatever, and to be honest all of that is easier now that I know I don't believe, rather than being in that place where I feel responsible to make myself believe. I want Her to have whatever comfort is best for Her. There's just a lot of jumbled things inside myself at this time since we just found out about it today. We thought it was gonna be a intestinal blockage they would remove, when She went to the emergency room earlier this morning.

Anyhow, just wanted to put this out there.

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I'm very sorry. Thoughts are with with you and your wife.

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Not exactly sure but, isn't this one of those cancers that, once removed, everything is fine?

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Hugs Leo

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Sorry to hear this Leo. We are here for you anytime you need to talk.

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Hope they caught it early enough. Keep us informed. Hugs.

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So sorry to hear.  

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I'm so sorry.

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Hi Leo, so sorry for you both. Has it been biopsied yet? The majority of ovarian tumors, thankfully, are benign. My wife had a similar size ovarian mass removed a year ago which ended up being benign but it was a,frightening experience. If they are unsure as to whether it is malignant, you definitely want the very best surgeon out there. With ovarian tumors, the surgeon performing the initial sugery will determine whether it is malignant - and if it is, he/she will figure out if it has spread and try to remove all cancerous lesions during that first surgery. Long term survival depends on how good a job that fis surgeon does at removing as many cancerous cells as possible. I wish you all the best.

 

As for coming out last year, don't feel badly, you were being honest about yourself and accepting reality for what it is - the best things you can do in a relationship...

 

Keep us posted.

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I'm sorry Leo. I hope all turns out well.

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Best wishes to you both Leo, thoughts and good vibes.

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Thanks all.

The Wife has been reading on the Mayo clinic, they say it's one of the more serious kind. Hers is the size of a golf ball apparently. I hope you're right this one is benign. She's going to a specialist who knows this stuff, She makes the appointment tomorrow. I will definitely let Her know most ovarian tumors are benign. She had a piece of the thyroid removed back in 1999. She doesn't feel sick or in pain.

I'm not sure whether to tell Her that and make it more of a roller coaster or not, but probably I will. She's just been reading the Mayo Clinic site and they didn't say anything about benign. But I'm glad to hear this.

 

Thanks so much guys. Means a lot. I really appreciate your responses here. You never know in life when you're going to need this stuff.

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Very sorry to hear this Leo. I hope all goes well.

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Hoping for some good news.

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Leo it sounds plausible to me that they wouldn't be able to know if the tumour is malignant until they biopsy it, so I'm not sure on what basis they are saying it is definitely malignant.  Perhaps they can tell by what it looks like on the scan.  Ovarian cysts would look different.

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Thanks all.The Wife has been reading on the Mayo clinic, they say it's one of the more serious kind. Hers is the size of a golf ball apparently. I hope you're right this one is benign. She's going to a specialist who knows this stuff, She makes the appointment tomorrow. I will definitely let Her know most ovarian tumors are benign. She had a piece of the thyroid removed back in 1999. She doesn't feel sick or in pain.I'm not sure whether to tell Her that and make it more of a roller coaster or not, but probably I will. She's just been reading the Mayo Clinic site and they didn't say anything about benign. But I'm glad to hear this.Thanks so much guys. Means a lot. I really appreciate your responses here. You never know in life when you're going to need this stuff.

A good approach might be let her keep busy doing the research and studying about this, but do it together. Turn this negative into something you two are doing together.

 

You are a good guy Leo. I know it must be tough on you knowing that you cant just fix this and make it go away. Like I said before we are here for you. I hope this gets taken care of swiftly and with the least amount of pain possible.

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Sorry to hear that. We're hoping for the best for you.

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So sorry you two are going through all this and I really hope the outcome is a good one!

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FTNZ, She read that a combination of ultrasound and CT scan tells them what kind of tumor this is. In Her case it's unusually smooth they say. The site also said they can't biopsy it while it's inside Her or it might spread. So it looks like we'll have to just do what She calls 'next steps'. I'm totally open and encouraging about others praying for Her if they want, and I tell Her when people tell me this.

 

I hate to be a butthead about this, but I seriously don't want to have any of those trying to tell me it's a way to make me believe again. Sure, I've had some surprising temptation to pray about it, but then remembered the constant angst of such things, you pray and then you prepare the justification when nothing changes, or nothing beyond the statistical averages changes. For me, ditching religion was very much ditching the middle man. I did talk to my father last night and they said they're praying. I've not come out to them as atheist yet, I don't know if I ever will. I held off last year for my own reasons, and then because they have been suffering lately too, and it's just not that implortant. They've got enough troubles in their late 70s at this point.

 

Anyhow prepared to do battle with insurance, as everyone in the U.S. knows, and take on the expenses for a lot of this. We're both trying to live as normally as possible and wait for when we talk to the cancer doc.

 

I'm glad She has support from people She works with and some other friends, She has had some rough patches in recent years -- different stuff. But I'm glad to see others rally around Her.

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I hope the doctors can take care of it, sir.

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Rough break, man. Really sorry to hear that.

 

Keep holding tight to each other and that support you're getting from others.

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I think that when people pray for you in situations like these, it is their way to deal with feeling helpless. They get to feel they're "doing something" instead of facing the depressing truth that there's nothing they can do for now. For your wife, as a believer it possibly helps her feel more positive to hear she's being prayed for, and a positive attitude has been found to have a statistical connection to quicker recovery of illness (and slower worsening of condition, too). 

 

In my opinion they're in no place to decide this is a some kind of sign for you to believe in God again. In fact I think that's a quite sick thing of them to say. Like those fundie families who tell their deconverting children, "we pray that God hurts you and brings you to your knees so that you realise you need Him". People thinking they're "helping" takes some really, really weird forms sometimes.

 

Hugs.

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Thanks all. Well, none has said that yet, about this being a sign, but I remember from my Christian days you'd hear people say stuff like that. Even as a Christian I used to try and shield hurting people from comments like that. Since I don't want to focus on what divides us, I'm gonna have to navigate that situation if it comes up via some armchair quarterback.

 

Right now, regardless of faith or lack thereof, everyone's being supportive as best they know how.

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Ugh :(  I'm glad you're being there for each other, and I hope all the doctors and nurses are good at their jobs, and that the other people in your life aren't too clumsy in their attempts at being supportive.

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Leo... I am so sorry to read this. Your way of writing about your beloved wife has almost made me feel at times as if I know her. Please keep us updated. I know we are all wishing for the best.

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