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Goodbye Jesus

The Wife Now Has Ovarian Cancer


Leo

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Leo... I am so sorry to read this. Your way of writing about your beloved wife has almost made me feel at times as if I know her. Please keep us updated. I know we are all wishing for the best.

Yeah, Mrs Leo is very much loved.  She feels as much a part of the family as you do, Leo.

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So sorry to hear this, Leo. I will be thinking positive thoughts about you and your wife, hoping that all goes well.

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I'm sorry to hear about your wife's illness, Leo.  Hopefully, medical treatment will cure her.

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I am very sorry to hear this, Leo.  I have nothing useful to say.  My Mervin had cancer in 2007 and radation and chemo got rid of it, as far as we can tell. I hope something like that can happen for your wife.  Stay strong, bro.

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Huge (((hugs))) for you and your wife Leo. I'm so sorry you must go through this. I will hope with all my heart and soul for a good outcome for this situation.

 

Sincerely, Margee

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I am so sorry to hear about what your wife is going through.  I also can relate to your feelings about telling your wife about deconverting.  It is easy to think about how much easier it might have been to be the supportive, spiritual, praying husband during times like this rather than a person living in reality.  Like others have said, I hope for skilled doctors and luck to be on your side.

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Hey all,

 

It looks like now the Wife has come down with ovarian cancer. She's got what the doc says is a golf ball in her gut. We thought it was intestinal blockage but this is what She's got. She's handling it all well. I've all kinds of mixed up feelings, but am staying strong for Her naturally.

But you know, in a way I feel bad for Her for having come out atheist a year ago. I never get in the way of Her talking about god or whatever, and to be honest all of that is easier now that I know I don't believe, rather than being in that place where I feel responsible to make myself believe. I want Her to have whatever comfort is best for Her. There's just a lot of jumbled things inside myself at this time since we just found out about it today. We thought it was gonna be a intestinal blockage they would remove, when She went to the emergency room earlier this morning.

Anyhow, just wanted to put this out there.

Sorry, my thoughts are with you.

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Guest sylensikeelyoo

*Hugs* Leo! I am sorry you guys have to go through this. I would send positive energy your way if there were such a thing, and I'd pray for you if A: there was a God and B: he or she actually gave a fuck about this blue spec of dust in this remote corner of the galaxy.

 

But I truly wish I could hug the both of you and come over and cook for you. The best I can do is be here for you if you need to talk.

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Hey Leo,

 

That sucks. Please keep us updated. All the best.

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Leo, I'm sorry to hear this too. I don't know what else to say, but I'm here for you too, the best I can be. I'm hoping that your wife has a good outcome.  

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Hi Leo

 

Really sorry to hear about this turn of events. Nothing really makes it better. I can see that you really there for your wife and that is what she will need all the way through this.

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Again, thinking of you and your wife.

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Leo,

 

I am very sorry indeed to hear of this.

 

I have experience of seeing my wife diagnosed with cancer and suffering the treatment required as a result.

 

Even if this proves to be benign, or at least curable, this is an experience I would not wish on anyone.  The waiting and uncertainty is horrible - in some ways it's actually easier to know the result of the tests even when they confirm an illness.  At least you then know what it is you are fighting.

 

I sincerely hope this works out well for you both.

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Hey all,

 

Thanks for your responses. I wanted to up vote all of your posts, using that item that says it's a + graphic, but either some people's posts don't have it, or also I ran out for the day. I didn't know there was a limit to how many you could up vote. I appreciate the words from each and every one of you. Even and especially those who acknowledge the Wife.

 

This past weekend we went to the beach, She and I needing rest, but our 20-year-old daughter needing to be hyper and do every little thing on her list so we did all that. I'm such a honky I could sunburn under a flashlight if I stood still under it long enough, so the sun did get the best of me and I had to poop out for a time, but we got through it and the Wife had a day to recoup. It was all in all a good time.

 

But we also did some talking, and the Wife is saying that cancer survivors often have to change jobs or make other changes due to compromised immune systems. Her job is very high stress, She rarely gets any time off. The place She works is a real germ factory. Long and short, She may need to quit Her job.

I've been the only income before, but we lived in more isolated suburban areas not in the city, and the Daughter was not in college. Even before the cancer situation, I found I couldn't moonlight anymore. Just don't have the mental energy of it like I did in my 20s and 30s. So naturally I support Her getting out of Her current situation, hopefully with as much benefits as possible, and She would be looking for a more of a low stress type situation without any of the immune challenges that you have with a flock of low income girls and their babies.

There's a lot of things I kind of feel helpless about these days, there I said it. But it's the truth.

 

But the Daughter is going to help with transportation once we get her name on the ZipCar registry we have. I have other people I could get to transport Her to medical appointments, etc. but this removes one item off my plate.

 

My job is stable, even if it doesn't earn a ton -- mid fifties per year. Sounds like a lot to a early 20-something but doesn't go far with 3 of us and one being a college student. But it's stable, I've been there for years, worked in the niche market I'm in for almost 2 decades now, and my personal time and vacation is pretty backed up so I've plenty.

Plus, as any parent knows, it's possible to telecommute and care for someone else. I've taken care of the Wife after surgery before, and looking after a spouse who is recovering isn't as taxing as watching kids, I can still work and do that too. Especially if She has to be off for 6 weeks, if there's a lot of bed rest, etc.

 

Anyhow, a lot going on, and I personally appreciate everybody's responses here. I really do. I'll find a way to tell Her, too. She knows about you guys, but not in name, just that I'm on a forum like this. I was transparent about that when I came out last year, since I didn't sign up here until after I came clean to Her so as not to compromise things.

 

Anyway, I appreciate everything, and I just want all you guys to know it.

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Sounds like changing her job would be a good idea regardless of cancer.

 

My wife has not been noticeably more prone to infection since chemotherapy; nor was she warned to be particularly careful.  Whilst the chemo was ongoing it was a different story.  She had to take her own temperature twice a day with strict instructions to go straight to hospital the moment it was raised.   However, chemotherapy is not a single treatment, and different forms may have different long term effects.  Hers was breast cancer, which may involve a different regime to ovarian.

 

I won't try to talk this up.  Chemo can be a cruel treatment and, if your wife goes through this, it will be difficult.  But it is possible to survive this.

 

All the best.

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Thanks for the update Leo.  You are sounded refreshed and calmer, which is great.  It would be awesome if your wife could find part time home based (or adults only office based) work that uses her obvious skills but fits around her needs.  She sounds like the kind of person who will go crazy if she does not have challenging and professionally rewarding work to do.

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I just caught up on all of this, Leo.  I hope for the best for your wife in regards to the cancer and the work situation.  I hope for the best for both of you.

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Ok guys a update:

 

The medical people are keeping the appointment on the 21st of this month. The triage nurse who looked at the images said it's obviously there and needs serious attention but Her health will not be endangered by Her waiting to be seen until the 21st. At least that's some information, and far better news than if they were to say She'd better come in tomorrow because it's a all-out emergency.

Still working on the insurance madness, and considering GoFundMe after the advice of some people on another forum. I'm not good at promotions but will do the research and figure out how to best go about that once we know what the treatment plan / roadmap is going to look like. It seems counterintuitive to mention the financial side at this point but that is my responsibility now as She will most likely be out of work for quite some time.

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I know others who've had these problems, but it still amazes me that in these circumstances you in the U.S. have to worry about insurance.  As if you don't have enough on your plate already.

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Leo, I hope it all goes well medically and that you can figure-out the insurance. I wonder if Obamacare might allow you to buy a more expensive insurance plan even though there is a preexisting condition? Maybe there are forums where other families with cancer can give advice on the insurance? Also, it seems that every case of cancer is different. My father and my sister's father-in-law both had the same type of cancer, but it was totally different, so you can't know what to expect from looking at other patients. Again, I hope it goes well. sad.png

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so-called Obamacare doesn't change much for middle class Americans. Anyhow I'm insured by my employer, it would be a really difficult thing to do to switch our family's insurance at this point to Her insurance. Or try to buy into a plan somewhere else.

 

Anyway, the insurance people called today to say the clinical intake people at the insurance company have finally gotten the paperwork from the doctor's office (wrong fax number initially), and so now they're processing it. The insurance rep says she doesn't see why  they wouldn't approve it, but in either case we're going to go with this and maybe raise money via GoFundMe for additional expenses and out of pocket costs. $1500 bare minimum for us anyhow, at least for this year unless the treatments go into next year, then there's a $1500 in-network deductible all over again. That's for these types  of treatments.

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Obamacare wasn't useful to us.  I had a $6,250 deductible, so I didn't go to doctors.  We now have insurance through work.  Phew.

 

Thanks for the updates.  It is good news if they're keeping her appointment at the later date instead of seeing her immediately.

 

Still wishing you both lots of luck for everything involved.

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I posted the following on Facebook ... I'm omitting the Wife's name in this post since She has never been on this site, out of respect for Her personal privacy. I hope it works and that someone local to me has what I'm looking for.

 

 

 

I have what may sound like an odd question to some: Does anyone have a keyboard with external speakers that they're not using? I'd like to borrow one for the duration of Her treatments.

 

I'm pretty good with playing healing type music: I cut my teeth on that style as a teenager playing for my brother Andy when the pain from his muscular dystrophy would get really bad. I've done it for other people, but these days I don't have a keyboard. She really responds to relaxing music.

 

Last night I played my guitar and ukulele for a couple hours so She could relax. She wasn't feeling well and the stress at Her workplace has been pretty unbearable. My problem is, I'm really crippled and slow on instruments like guitar and uke. Sure, I've been through a couple of method books for each, but nowhere near the type of guided instruction I was privileged to have for years on the piano as a kid.

 

Anyhow, keyboards come native to me, and a lot of that 90s so-called new age healing type music, George Winston, Michael Harrison, Ray Mansfield, Kitaro, -- that kind of style, I studied a lot when younger. I know it would help Her a lot. I'm just asking if you've got one that's not a toy, and you're not using it right now, if I could borrow it for the duration of Her treatments and recovery. I have the technical skills and experience to make it work for Her, and She responds to that kind of music when it's live , as I've seen in the past when She was recovering after giving birth and other circumstances.

 

I understand this is an odd request, and may seem a little frivolous, but I've seen people react to that kind of music in such a way that they felt better. Don't ask me how it works, I don't actually know. I just know how. Even with my impoverished abilities finger picking on the guitar, Her breathing slowed and She was able to relax and go to sleep like I've seen done before. Anyhow, I hope this doesn't come off as frivolous; I understand. I probably wouldn't believe it either had I not seen what I have, both with my brother Andy and other people, with my own eyes.

 

I'm not asking for any gear you're using, just, if you've got a keyboard that has an external speaker so She can hear it, collecting dust that you never play, I'd appreciate borrowing it for the duration of Her treatments.

Thanks, and I can appreciate this request is probably a little odd.

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If no one (relatively) local responds to you within the week or so, I'll send you mine.

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Ok. Does it have physical buttons to change the sounds? I forget I needed to ask that since I can't see.

If yours doesn't come with a sustain pedal then when I send it back don't be surprised that you'll get a sustain pedal with it lol kinda necessary for that kinda stuff.

But whose ever I borrow you might not get it back for a few months depending on how long treatment will last. So if you think you'll be needing it in that time period I won't take offense if you have to renig.

I do really appreciate the offer. We'll see what happens.

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