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Goodbye Jesus

I Never Thought This Would Happen To Me...


JCW

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Good luck, JCW.  You are fortunate to find your way past belief so young.  Nice chatting with you today!

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Welcome to ex-C!

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Sorry for the grammatical mess towards the end, should

have proofread that.

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The warmest welcome to you JCW.

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Great extimony JCW. Your story bears some strong similarities to mine. I was also homeschooled, and spent time in a Christian school. My parents were also pastors. I also tried very hard to find a basis for my faith before leaving. But the evidence opposing my faith just kept accumulating to the point where I found it insurmountable. This happened in spite of all my efforts to the contrary. I never decided to stop believing; one day I just realized that I didn't anymore.

 

Welcome!

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Nice to meet you in chat earlier today, JCW. :) You will find a lot of comfort here, and people who understand you. And won't judge you.

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Hi again, I thought I'd mention that I study physics too. I had my last adventure into trying to really follow God after starting those studies and having a pretty bad burnout. The adventure didn't go well (in fact I nearly died) and I couldn't but realise I did not have any actual evidence that God was real at all. My "experiences" were all results of being easily led, overly emotional, and naturally super good at self hypnosis. 

 

I too grew up thinking I was this wonderously smart person, to whom studying has to be effortless because I'm talented. I tell you, it's harmful to let a child believe that. Even in university (which i started late, at 25) I was panicking when the physics was NOT effortless at all and I had nothing to give despite everyone thinking I had talent

After my burnout and some other unfortunate happenings that worsened it (sudden death in the family, for example) I moved away from my studying town to do God's plan. Well, as I said already it went horribly wrong, and it turned out trying to study once more was the only thing I had left in life. So I came back in the middle of my faith crisis hanging on to maths for dear life, and I knew I was by myself. 

 

And I started to get better. I knew it was me learning, me failing, me re-reading the books, eventually me succeeding. On my own. I was getting much better grades than I was when I thanked Jesus for every breath I took and I knew I was the only one to take credit for it too. It was pretty strange really.

 

That's the thing. It's you doing the work, it's not anyone else doing the work for you and putting ideas in your head. Not a god, not your teacher, it's really just you. The people who make advances in science have been working really hard at all the boring things first and only then they can go forward.

 

Religion is this toxic thing that teaches people they can't do ANYthing "in their own power" but rather should float along a some kind of river of grace and just watch miracles happen around them, and that everything good ever is "given" from above and every human effort is filthy, stained with sin, and as such, will fail. I wonder how many great minds could have been if they hadn't been fooled to think their own efforts are worthless, when in fact putting effort into things is the only way to get to eventually do exactly what you want. On top of that, it is in fact not guaranteed to fail at all - the only rule is that those who quit don't win, and those who win didn't quit even when things weren't easy. It gets hard for everyone at some point, a person who always succeeds is a myth. 

 

Also, people's intelligence quotient is not a constant. It can go up when it's worked on. Our brains make new connections when we're exposed to new things enough many times, and they become able to do things they couldn't do before.  

 

If physics is what you really, really want, then keep working hard at it. I'm thinking of switching to maths myself once I've completed the first degree. it's just so beautiful! It's okay to change your mind too if it seems there's something that has more appeal to you.

 

All the best to you, and I hope to see you on the forums! smile.png

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thank yunea! Yes, religion wasn't to blame entirely for my insecurities but the those teachings that tell you that you insignificant without God certainly accentuated it. I am sorry to hear about some of the hardships you have had to face but am thankful to be able to be able to find people who can relate so much. It is comforting to realize you are not alone. I love math! I think it is the purest form of logic mankind has been able to develop, but I am set on taking physics all the way through and getting my PhD in it. After that I may do something completely different like go into the financial market, I don't know. 

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Welcome! Yes, of course (and thankfully so!) we are more than what our religions have made us. Self esteem is largely learned, which is good news because it also means you can learn a new one.

 

I regret having to leave the chat so quick. Talk to you more soon I hope.

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Beautiful ex-timony! You hang out here and I guarantee you will soon understand that you are not alone. Thanks you for sharing this great letter that I thoroughly enjoyed because I could relate to soooo much of it. These letters continue to help me so I am very grateful to all the new-comers. It was an awful thing to join this website almost 5 years ago thinking I was the only person in the world that had these thoughts that you also had in your letter of struggle to come to terms with the fact that christianity may be a big lie..

 

.....and a big, warm welcome to EX-c, my friend!! 

 

sincerely, Margee 

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Hi JCW,

 

Welcome to Ex-C!  

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I must have missed this. So much energy and time put into this. Great job and Welcome to Ex-C JCW.

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Firstly, welcome.

 

Secondly, your years have not been wasted.  They have made you what you are, and you would not be the person you are now without them.  The fact that you can no longer accept the ideas that made you the person you once were does not mean there is waste.  Let go of the regret - it's the present and future that matters.

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Thank you Ellinas ????, I really needed to hear that. And thank you everyone for the warm welcome, this is really a fantastic community on here.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Greetings! I never thought I'd stop believing either, but here I am! ;) I wish I'd realized the truth as young as you have, but I guess it's better late than never. Welcome to your new chapter, and I hope you enjoy the journey ahead of you....

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