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Goodbye Jesus

I Need To Talk About Something


idreamedofthelight

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First off, I apologize if this is the wrong section. I really don't know how one would categorize this, or even what I'm hoping to get out of this for that matter. All I know is I want to talk to someone about this, and I think if anyone would understand its the people here.

 

A couple nights ago, I had a dream. Even though it's been days, the contents of that dream still bother me.

 

I dreamed I had died.

 

After death, I found myself in a pleasant afterlife. Finally free from all life's worries and cares, in death I finally found myself able to live. Never before had I felt such serenity. Life was full of color again, and I took in every sight with awe. In death, I had paid the full price for all my sins, and the universe had thus forgiven me.

 

Now, before anyone panics, no I am not suicidal. Even if such an afterlife existed I am not eager to meet it before my time. But I find myself pondering the dream and what it reveals about me. I really do feel burdened. I don't think I've ever felt free in decades. All my debt, all the times I've hurt people, all the time's I've let myself down. It all crushes down on me.

 

I used to believe in a savior, who had made a paradise for me as soon as my life ended. As a rather morbid youth, I used to fantasize all the time what the afterlife would be like, and what would I do with eternity at my disposal. I even devalued the life that I was living. After all, what wonders of Earth could hold a candle to those of Heaven? Even though I have divorced myself from christ, I am still left with the feeling that this life is without joy. WIth no afterlife, I feel the hands of the clock increase their grip on my throat.

 

I would give anything to feel that serenity again. I just don't know how to do that without religion. Does anyone have any feelings on this, or advice they'd like to share?

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For what it's worth, the only Afterlife I find to be even remotely interesting is Reincarnation. But why does it worry you? Live and enjoy your life while you have one. Forget about what might or might not happen after you die. The secret to happiness is to simply decide that you're going to be happy. Below is one of my favorite mantras. A little meditation never hurt anyone.

 

"Every day I grow happier and happier, healthier and healthier."

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I agree with qadeshet. We don't know what happens after death, so focus on living your life. Be a good person and you'll probably be fine. If you're right and there is a nice afterlife, then that's great, but if there's nothing and you spent your days worrying about it, then you've wasted your life.

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I too have had dreams in which I have died.

I think the best way to achieve contentment in the here and now is do find peace in solitude (perhaps through meditation) and to be who we are.

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I used to believe in a savior, who had made a paradise for me as soon as my life ended. As a rather morbid youth, I used to fantasize all the time what the afterlife would be like, and what would I do with eternity at my disposal. I even devalued the life that I was living. After all, what wonders of Earth could hold a candle to those of Heaven? Even though I have divorced myself from christ, I am still left with the feeling that this life is without joy. WIth no afterlife, I feel the hands of the clock increase their grip on my throat.

 

I would give anything to feel that serenity again. I just don't know how to do that without religion. Does anyone have any feelings on this, or advice they'd like to share?

 

Christianity teaches us to think like this - the *goal* is heaven, to be with Jesus/God for eternity. It makes this life meaningless, despite all the futile attempts at giving us purpose.

 

This is hard to unlearn. Our ways of thinking, being and speaking have been trained and formed into focusing on that end game, a perfect afterlife.

 

I don't think what you're feeling is unusual, loss of faith brings fear, uncertainty, grief in many shapes and forms. I felt unsettled for a long time, but eventually the reality that there is no heaven, no afterlife, no end game was freeing. I no longer think about death or what happens afterwards anymore. One way I got over that was to look into other myths and imagine various different forms of the afterlife and pick which one I liked best. Because if they're all just make believe, I may as well make up my own for fun

 

Obviously at times I worry about dying, or my children, husband and close friends dying, but now that fear focuses on being left behind or me leaving them behind, there's no thought of a spiritual realm or afterlife of any kind.  And now my worries and fear are much more focused on the *now*, so I'm able to enjoy living and all the ups and downs that it brings.

 

.

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...

I really do feel burdened. I don't think I've ever felt free in decades. All my debt, all the times I've hurt people, all the time's I've let myself down. It all crushes down on me.

...

 

 

Being aware of things like this is a first step towards dealing with them.

 

...

I am still left with the feeling that this life is without joy.

...

 

 

Spend time working on finding happiness in reality, without use of imaginary constructs such as sky fairies and afterlives.

 

...

I would give anything to feel that serenity again. I just don't know how to do that without religion. Does anyone have any feelings on this, or advice they'd like to share?

 

You will likely find a way.  You just have to learn to deal with reality and use the tools and existence you have.  Many folks have succeeded doing exactly what you want to do.  It does take some persistent work, but it's not anything you can't accomplish.

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Everyone, thank you for your help and support. It's nice to have people you can talk about these things with.

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You're welcome. :)

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Hi Idreamed!   I found a lot of peace when I deconverted, but I think I understand what you are saying. Sorry I don't have a lot of great advice to give you, but welcome to the forums. 

 

One thing comes to mind. I remember Richard Dawkins saying something along the line of  think of all of the bajillions of people that were never born since the beginning of mankind, yet, here you are.  You already hit the jackpot! 

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I have come to accept that death is similar to sleep. The lights go out & we lose awareness. That's it, there isn't anything else. No heaven, no hell, no pain, nothing. No awareness of anything. In other words, there is nothing to fear.

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First off, I apologize if this is the wrong section. I really don't know how one would categorize this, or even what I'm hoping to get out of this for that matter. All I know is I want to talk to someone about this, and I think if anyone would understand its the people here.

 

A couple nights ago, I had a dream. Even though it's been days, the contents of that dream still bother me.

 

I dreamed I had died.

 

After death, I found myself in a pleasant afterlife. Finally free from all life's worries and cares, in death I finally found myself able to live. Never before had I felt such serenity. Life was full of color again, and I took in every sight with awe. In death, I had paid the full price for all my sins, and the universe had thus forgiven me.

 

Now, before anyone panics, no I am not suicidal. Even if such an afterlife existed I am not eager to meet it before my time. But I find myself pondering the dream and what it reveals about me. I really do feel burdened. I don't think I've ever felt free in decades. All my debt, all the times I've hurt people, all the time's I've let myself down. It all crushes down on me.

 

I used to believe in a savior, who had made a paradise for me as soon as my life ended. As a rather morbid youth, I used to fantasize all the time what the afterlife would be like, and what would I do with eternity at my disposal. I even devalued the life that I was living. After all, what wonders of Earth could hold a candle to those of Heaven? Even though I have divorced myself from christ, I am still left with the feeling that this life is without joy. WIth no afterlife, I feel the hands of the clock increase their grip on my throat.

 

I would give anything to feel that serenity again. I just don't know how to do that without religion. Does anyone have any feelings on this, or advice they'd like to share?

According to dreammoods.com, "To dream of your own death indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life."

 

Also according to dreammoods.com, "To dream of an afterlife refers to your desire of escaping from your own reality. You are feeling disconnected from life and society and want to make a fresh start."

 

That sounds like what you're going through. You may be having a hard time accepting the fact that you are no longer a Christian and you can no longer subject yourself to that kind of indoctrination. It's hard for you to let go of that pleasant idea of the afterlife.  Since you believed in it for so long, and pondered about the afterlife for so long, it's no shock that you had a dream like this one. By the way, just because you are no longer a Christian, doesn't mean you can't believe in an afterlife.

 

I go to a counselor who is teaching me about DBT skills (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and one thing taught in DBT is "Balancing Your Efforts to Accept and Change Your Problems." Accept your circumstances for how they are, but at the same time, make changes. Here's one example in my DBT book. "When a relationship has suffered, you often have to acknowledge and accept the fact (accept) that you have hurt someone and feel guilty before you can effectively repair the relationship (change)." Apply this line of thinking to your own life. Accept how you feel right now, and brainstorm things that you could do to change your circumstances to improve your situation.

 

For me, I accept that I am deeply sorrowed and surprised that once again, I have left Christianity, and I feel in my heart this is the last time because I am done with this back and forth game. I accept the pain (accept) Also, I have been focusing on my new job and reading about philosophies/spiritual ideas that make sense to me, and chatting here on ex-christian.net, in order to change my circumstances a bit (change). It is helping me get myself back together, to get my confidence back, and to look at this as a new beginning. Just because I came to apostasy doesn't mean this is the end. 

 

I hope this helps you, my friend. Keep your chin up, be kind to yourself, we're here for you!

 

References:

http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=death

http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=afterlife

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I have come to accept that death is similar to sleep. The lights go out & we lose awareness. That's it, there isn't anything else. No heaven, no hell, no pain, nothing. No awareness of anything. In other words, there is nothing to fear.

 

Me too. The problem for me isn't being dead, it's getting there.

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Looking at this from a slightly different angle -- I have wonderful, vivid dreams all the time.  I have always enjoyed sleeping because I just love my dreams.  Even the bad ones.  Often, if I wake quickly from a dream I keep the last emotion from the dream for at least a while, from a few minutes up to a few hours.  Some dreams I remember for years as being very special, very vivid, or some very strong emotion.

 

I don't necessarily think my dreams have any real meaning, other than a surreal mishmash of things I've been thinking about/reading/seeing lately.  But I completely enjoy them when I awaken with a strong emotion.  I've woken from various dreams feeling downright holy, deliriously happy, joyful, and sometimes the crappy emotions of horribly depressed.

 

I no longer believe in any afterlife, but if I had a dream where I died and felt at total peace and felt intense joy, I would just enjoy that feeling when I awoke.  Sometimes I get great feelings of joy and serenity after intense exercise, good sex, or a great meal with just the right amount of delicious food and a nice drink or two (and a nice dining companion).  Sunny days and that happy Vitamin D, and a nice walk also tend to give me a gently high feeling.

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First off, I apologize if this is the wrong section. I really don't know how one would categorize this, or even what I'm hoping to get out of this for that matter. All I know is I want to talk to someone about this, and I think if anyone would understand its the people here.

 

A couple nights ago, I had a dream. Even though it's been days, the contents of that dream still bother me.

 

I dreamed I had died.

 

After death, I found myself in a pleasant afterlife. Finally free from all life's worries and cares, in death I finally found myself able to live. Never before had I felt such serenity. Life was full of color again, and I took in every sight with awe. In death, I had paid the full price for all my sins, and the universe had thus forgiven me.

 

Now, before anyone panics, no I am not suicidal. Even if such an afterlife existed I am not eager to meet it before my time. But I find myself pondering the dream and what it reveals about me. I really do feel burdened. I don't think I've ever felt free in decades. All my debt, all the times I've hurt people, all the time's I've let myself down. It all crushes down on me.

 

I used to believe in a savior, who had made a paradise for me as soon as my life ended. As a rather morbid youth, I used to fantasize all the time what the afterlife would be like, and what would I do with eternity at my disposal. I even devalued the life that I was living. After all, what wonders of Earth could hold a candle to those of Heaven? Even though I have divorced myself from christ, I am still left with the feeling that this life is without joy. WIth no afterlife, I feel the hands of the clock increase their grip on my throat.

 

I would give anything to feel that serenity again. I just don't know how to do that without religion. Does anyone have any feelings on this, or advice they'd like to share?

 

You  basically created serenity in your mind when you believed in a savior. Why not create serenity using whatever you see around you? Or create a faith that works for you. Make up your own faith with your own doctrine. :) It doesnt have to include the bible or the beliefs of others. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Whether or not you believe in afterlife will not affect whether or not there is an afterlife.

 

If there is an afterlife, it is not a goal.  It is merely a reality.

 

If there is no afterlife, it is an irrelevance.

 

Joy in this life is a state of mind.  You will make a big step towards it by casting off the fallacy that the only thing worth thinking about is an indefinable, at best unknowable and quite possibly unreal "other world" and seeing the things of beauty and pleasure in the here and now.

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I would give anything to feel that serenity again. I just don't know how to do that without religion. Does anyone have any feelings on this, or advice they'd like to share?

 

Everyone's different, but for me it's solitude in nature. I really like trees. I find somewhere beautiful and focus on my breathing, the pressure on my feet as I walk, the feel of the wind on my skin, and smell of trees and flowers. By focusing on bodily sensations I can get all the worries inside my head to tone it down, or even stop for a while. And then I quit "planning"; I don't think "I am going to walk from point A to point B" because then I'll miss everything in between. I pay attention to how I feel, and if something feels particularly nice I do more of it as long as it continues to feel good; things like stopping and closing my eyes to enjoy the scent of pine needles or staring at the fascinating textures on tree bark. One way to phrase it is that I take some time to "be" instead of "do".

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You might consider reading Robert Monroe's 3 books.    Another book which should convince you 'heaven' is the last place you'd ever want to go is entitled "The Forbidden Religion" by Jose M. Herrou Aragon. It's available here:  http://www.theforbiddenreligion.com/ 

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