I Have A Degree In Bible And, Now I Don't Believe It Anymore. Need Advice

[mriancredible91]

So here I am typing something that I never thought would be a possibility. It’s still somewhat shocking to me as I’m writing this. I mean, if someone told me a year ago that I would be in this position believing what I do now, I would have labeled them in my mind as insane. No one could ever convince me that God didn’t exist. He was real. I just knew it. The Bible was his inspired word. Jesus is his son. He died on the cross for my sins and rose on the third day for me and, he’s going to come back and take me home someday. I just knew he would. But, now I’m not so sure. You see over the past year I’ve changed my worldview. Right now, I don’t know exactly where I stand on the existence of a god. But, what I do know is that my view of Christianity has changed completely. In the span of a couple years, I’ve gone from an extremely conservative Christian, to a moderately conservative Christian, to a liberal Christian, to someone who wishes they had never heard their first Bible story. Due to my changed worldview, I’ve found myself in an extremely difficult predicament.

 

Not only did I grow up in an extremely religious home, I graduated from a conservative Christian college with a degree in Bible. I planned on entering the ministry to do youth ministry. I was an intern for my church’s youth program for over three years and I’m still someone those young people look up to. I baptized my little sister a year ago and she always tells me how positive a Christian role model I am in her life. My father abandoned his faith when I was two years old and this led to his and my mother’s divorce. My dad and my best friend (non-religious) are the only people I’ve told about this. So, you can see the position I’m in. So much of my life at this point has been involved in the church. I loved being an intern. And, even though I don’t believe in Christianity anymore, my love for those young people is still very real. The majority of my close friendships and relationships are anchored in the church. My sister looks up to me as do the young people. And most of all, my mother has lived a difficult life but, finds comfort in knowing at the end of the day she raised her son in the lord. Is this familiar to anybody? I don’t want my decision to affect those young people or my sister. I don’t want my mother to feel she failed and to worry about my soul. I don’t want to lose those friendships that mean so much to me. But, at the same time I know I don’t want to be a hypocrite either. I want to have a family someday and I don’t want my children to go through the difficult time I’m going through now. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much. Glad to be here.    

[♦ ficino ♦]

Hey, mrian, I feel for you, and I'm glad you're here. A lot of us have been through situations like yours. It is not easy when your whole life has revolved around what I'll call "the cult".

 

My first thought is, you are fairly young, no? I think you need a new career path. Do you have other education in your background that you can use as a starting point? If you are not economically dependent on being a minister or on the denomination and its allied groups, that gives you room to maneuver.

 

You may need to go to another city to school. That would provide new friends and a new environment.

 

There are ways you can "justify" such a career change to your family. Or, you may just want to come out now to your mother and siblings and get it over with. Do you need family financial support? It's good that you and your father can be open about this.

 

I am guessing that many of your present friendships must dwindle away, but a few may remain. That happens in life even without ideological differences, though. But you'll make new ones that aren't based on ideology.

 

A whole life is a long time to be unhappy. It is a long time to be divided against yourself. You are doing the right thing now.

 

I hope to hear more from you.

 

Best, ficino

[Overcame Faith]

Welcome to ExC, you've come to the right place to discuss your issues.

 

Most people on ExC will know where you're coming from. Like you, there was a time that I could not imagine myself not believing all the same things you did. Leaving the faith is especially difficult when your family, friends and other loved ones are so strongly a part of Christianity as you have described. I will be brutally honest with you and tell you that there is a good chance that if/when you tell them, there will be a strong emotional response that will be very difficult on you and on them. That's not always the case, but the more conservative Christian they are and the more they find their identities largely in Christianity and the church, the more likely that the response will be emotionally intense.

 

I am not saying not to tell them because that is your call. You know them, I don't. Rather prepare yourself the best you can if/when you do tell them. One thing I will say, though, is that you should wait until you are emotionally ready before you tell them. Leaving the faith takes its own healing and that healing can sometimes take quite sometime. Get your own emotional house in order before telling your family something that just might add further chaos in your life.

 

In the meantime, congratulations for having the courage to question the faith, to look into those questions, and then accepting the truth about Christianity.

 

I hope you stick around here for a good long time.

[Llwellyn]

I grew up as a "missionary kid" and went to a Christian university.  Deconverting and telling my family about it was difficult, and I definitely don't have the intimacy with them that I used to have.  I have new relationships with new honesty that never would have been possible before.  I have no regrets, but there are tremendous costs and tremendous rewards.  I have no habit of saying something that I don't believe or holding back what I do believe, so continuing in Christianity was simply not an option.  I'm happy that I deconverted at age 25, as it was a perfect inflection point for new growth, pruning, and inevitable withering.  This will be especially hard for your mother, as no doubt your deconversion will remind her of the divorce and her feelings of loss, etc.  Whatever you tell her, say it in love.  This is one thing that the best kind of Christians genuinely do, is refer to the ethos of every transmission of information.  Every new peice of information demands a price from the person who hears it -- honor that price., e.g.:  "Mother, I say this to you in love, there is no God."

[Burny]

Welcome to ex-c. It's a pretty crazy ride when your eyes are opened isn't it? You're in for a bit of a rough patch as everything you've thought and believed is now up for questioning. The wild ride will end eventually but it's not always easy or pleasant. Continue to post here and ask questions. All of us here have gone through the same things and many of us are still in some stage of dealing with the fallout of deconverting.

[midniterider]

"I don’t want my decision to affect those young people or my sister. I don’t want my mother to feel she failed and to worry about my soul. I don’t want to lose those friendships that mean so much to me."

 

We have very little control over other people. Don't think you are responsible for causing these people pain. The BS known as Christianity is responsible.  Pain will fade with time. Be yourself. It's easier than pretending you're something else. If your friends wont be your friend without you being a Christian then they are just shallow people anyway and not true friends. Enjoy your new path as much as you can right now. New people will come into your life that aren't Christian and you will navigate the changes just fine. Life will smooth out and become great after this bump in the road.

[amateur]

Welcome!  I have nothing to add to what's been said above, but I agree wholeheartedly.  Be true to yourself.  You have a long life ahead of you and it would be a horrible waste to be stuck doing something you no longer believe in.  You have no control over anybody else (your mom, your sister, etc) but you have control over your own life and it's always best to be honest, as quickly as you can.  The longer you wait, the harder it becomes.

 

Good luck, I do wish you all the best.  Feel free to post anything else on here about how things go with your decisions.  It's a good group of people here.

[mriancredible91]

Thank you everyone. I'm not doing ministry I'm working in banking now and no I'm not financially dependent on them. I've decided I will tell my mother sooner rather than later over lunch somewhere. She's my main concern. I want to assure her that me leaving Christianity does not mean she failed me as a parent. That's really what's making this so hard for me. She was so heartbroken when my dad left the faith and it kills me that she's going to go through it again. I'm tearing up typing this now thinking about it it's that hard. What I feel will speak to her is the fact that I'm happier now than I ever was as a Christian and I believe she will listen to me when I tell her why. The church has not been good to her so, I feel some of the problems with Christianity I present to her will resonate. Speaking of which, I'm currently working on my actual testimonial as to why I changed my worldview. It's a little long because of so many aspects to it but, I'd love it if ya'll took the time to read it. I'll post it under another forum when it's done. Again, thank you so much for your comments and advice. I'll be sure to keep you updated as things progress. I love that this community is here. It's funny to me that atheists and skeptics are more warm and welcoming than any believer I've ever met.    

[Mychainsaregone]

Hi Mrian,

 

I'm at a similar stage to you (my story is under testimonials) and I can identify with what you are saying, particularly the impact of this change on loved ones. Your compassion and thoughtfulness for their feelings is admirable but it's good that you are going to be honest with your mother. I hope I can be as courageous someday!

 

Welcome to your new life - it may be shaky at first but soon the relief and freedom will sink in and you will feel like a newborn again, discovering and seeing things for the first time with wonder and joy

 

All the best with it, and well done.

[Blood]

You didn't explain what the catalyst was, though it is sometimes the case that the deeper one studies the Bible, the more skeptical one becomes. I personally know someone who was studying for the ministry but instead became an atheist after learning that the entire edifice is built on quicksand. 

[UnFundEd]

Assuming that you are young, you can be grateful that you figured this out early in life. I didn't come to this realization until my life was half over, and I made a ton of bad decisions throughout my life, based on beliefs that Jesus' return was imminent and that it was more important to have treasure in heaven than saving for retirement. Your story has some parallels to mine, especially having a degree in Bible. Welcome, and I wish you well as you continue your journey.

[BendyLine]

Welcome! I can relate to your story. If someone had told me a few years ago that I'd be an atheist, I would have either been scared out of my mind or laughed in their face.  The good news is that it all gets easier. While losing my faith was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, I feel so much better off on the other side. 

 

I guess the best advice I can give you is to find some like-minded people to help you cope. For a lot of folks, leaving Christianity is heartbreaking, and it helps to have people to talk to who understand. There are plenty of private Facebook communities for ex-Christians around these days; you can PM me if you're interested. And of course this website is a great place to start too. I've met people here that have become wonderful IRL friends over the past few years. 

 

Also, I'd like to plug the blog of a friend of mine: www.godlessindixie.com. Neil writes about being a nonbeliever in the Bible Belt, but even if you don't live there it's good stuff if you're surrounded by Christians. While it is an atheist blog, he's good about not treating Christians like idiots (something I find pretty distasteful, since I used to be one myself). 

[sdelsolray]

Take a look at Bart Ehrman's career.  He was a believer, now he isn't and he still teaches Biblical history at a university.

[Insightful]

Welome Mrian,

 

I totally sense and feel your pain.  I've gone through (and am still going through) similar struggles.  I completely relate to thinking "no way EVER would I NOT believe".  My entire life was wrapped up in Christianity.  ALL of my friends - every single one.  Two of my best friends from 10-15 years ago that were NOT Christian - I ended up offending them by pushing them hard with the gospel message and I lost those friendships.  My wife is a VERY strong beliver.  Both parents.  All four of my groomsmen.  I was totally immersed in church life, leading bible studies, missions trips, I even started a Christian non-profit! 

 

I feel torn between being 100% honest about who I am and what I believe and the damage that may come from being that honest.

 

It is difficult to share your non-belief with believers as they will:

1) React defensively because by doubting THEIR belief system, you force them to face the fact that THEY could be wrong and if they are, their security about surviving death and living forever is threatened.  It's crazy, but I think finding a "solution" to the fear/uncertainty of death keeps most people in.  Why give up their comfortable "solution" to the problem of death by opening up their worldview to scrutiny...

2)  Think forever differently about you.  that you are somehow misguided, blinded, confused, mired in a favorite sin, etc.  You can't be noble/honorabe to them as a non-believer.

 

I've shared with my mom, and she is "OK".  But it's hard for her - fearing that I'm going to hell.

 

The hardest part is my wife...  it's been tough.  We're surviving - 2 years past my deconversion now - but it's not the same.  She says it never will be...  But I completely feel that joy and freedom you feel.  It's worth it!

[Margee]

Welcome to Ex-c Mrian. Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with us. We can all relate to it. I couldn't believe the very first night I came on this board to post. I was terrified because I really thought I was the only one who had doubts about the god of the christian faith. I was positive that satan had me in his grips.The highly intelligent people on this board helped me to stay somewhat 'sane' as I found a new world view. Keep posting and reading. Best wishes as you 'come out' to your mom. I can tell by reading what you wrote that you will be very gentle with her. This kind of news is devastating to believers. I'm looking forward to hear the whole story of your journey. Hang tight. You're home with people who totally understand.

 

Hug

[Bluechipx]

Mrian, I see it not going too well if you tell your mother about your eye opening over lunch. I visit my mom regularly at a retirement home and she always has a religious station on TV and Hagee is her favorite. At her age 99, I guess I'll just 'run out the clock', but I suspect you are in a much different situation with your likely younger age and will have to handle it more realistically. Take it slow and easy coming out to her and very best of luck!

[bunzooh]

. Speaking of which, I'm currently working on my actual testimonial as to why I changed my worldview. It's a little long because of so many aspects to it but, I'd love it if ya'll took the time to read it. I'll post it under another forum when it's done.

I would love to read your testimony, even if it is long. I'll be on the lookout for it.

 

No advice from me, as I'm still very much on the fence about Xtianity, though extremely disillusioned about the bible, so I'm every bit as interested in the comments you receive as i am in your story. this is a good place to hang out though. Friendly, frank people who understand.

 

But let this be a comfort...my 20 something daughter left Xtianity several years ago, at least two years before my eyes began to creak open, and I remember the sort of deep breath she took, and her face getting a little pale, when she told me she no longer believed in the god of the bible or Jesus, and was going to explore the roots of our heritage (we are Irish/English, with an emphasis on Irish) IOW, she was going to delve into the paganism of Ireland before Xtianity spread there.

 

It wasn't easy for me to hear, but I love my kids, and I trusted God. It's never been about *us*...it is about god knowing RIGHT WHERE my daughter was in her spiritual journey. Her turning away from the church was no surprise to him, and even as a conservative, bible-reliant Christian, I trusted that he loved her and would keep her safe. May your mom find the same peace in her heart when you do get a chance to "come out"...as a Christian she believes god is omniscient, so he already knows what's going on with you.

 

well anyway. keep us posted!

[BobCu]

You wrote: "Right now, I don’t know exactly where I stand on the existence of a god."

 

 

This is not rocket science. Nothing could be more simple. It goes like this: God is just another word for magic. Magic is not real therefore magical beings are impossible. Period. There is nothing more to say about it.

 

​Your other problems might seem difficult but you might be surprised how easy it is to fix everything. I suggest being honest with your friends and family is the way to go. Honesty is always the right thing to do. Just explain what happened to you and explain why there's nothing anyone can do about it. Once a person accepts reality and throws out superstitious nonsense there is no going back. Just tell them that. It's one way to find out who really is your friend and who isn't a real friend. Same thing for your relatives.

 

Don't worry about it. Instead have fun with it. You might even, without even trying, convince somebody else to break away from being a slave, with a magical being as their master who demands worship and obedience. It's so much better to be a free person. Some people might get it after you talk to them. Maybe not right away but they could eventually figure out they have been wrong about everything their entire lives.

 

​Religions are good for nothing but violence, stupidity, brainwashing, and slowing down human progress. Fortunately the childish cowardly fantasies are going extinct. Nonsense can't last forever especially with today's never ending scientific progress.

 

By the way congratulations on throwing out the Dark Ages. Welcome to the 21st century.

[HolyGoat]

Welcome, Mrian! As you can probably tell, we are all very glad that you found your way here! I imagine you are already beginning to realize that you are not at all alone!

 

I can empathize with some of your story. I volunteered wity tge high school youth at my church even during my deconversion and have been extremely quiet about my change in beleif so as to not adversely affect those kids.

 

Shortly after my deconversion, my mom found out about it. I had been trying to keep it from her, at least for a while. She took it pretty hard. I would definitely suggest easing into it with fam8py ifbat all possible.

 

Just my 2 cents, but I hope you realize that you are not alone and we are all here to support you!

[★ Citsonga ★]

Welcome, mriancredible91! 

 

I can understand your dilemma. I wish I'd realized the problems with Christianity when I was younger (as you seem to be), but regardless, dealing with seeing through the sham while having deeply religious family members can be quite difficult. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but as for myself, I didn't want to make an issue out of it, so I never mentioned it (which wasn't hard at that point, as I had moved 500 miles away from my family). Once my parents found out through my daughter that I hadn't been going to church anymore, my dad questioned me about it, so at that point I wrote my parents a very lengthy letter explaining where I was coming from. That's certainly not the route for every ex-christian, but it's the route I took.

 

Regardless, I'd like to echo the recommendation to check out Bart Ehrman's career. In fact, that's the first thing that popped into my mind as I read your original post, before even seeing sdelsolray's comment. The introduction to Bart's book Misquoting Jesus explains his path through seminary to where he is now, and he has quite a scholarly approach to the Bible as a textual critic. The book goes on to deal with problems in the Biblical text. Another good book of his is Lost Christianities, which explains how the Christian church did not come about the way Christians think it did. Whether or not you'd like to use your degree in a similar capacity, I'm sure you'd at least find his work to be interesting.

 

At any rate, good luck as you figure out what to do with your life and how to handle familial relationships. Above all, enjoy the journey ahead of you....

[Ellinas]

Welcome.

 

The problem here is that every family and social dynamic is different.  To be honest, only you can judge how to act in relation to your situation.  But as guiding principles, I would say:

1. Play the long game and think strategically.  You don't need to reveal all to everyone this very minute,in all likelihood.
2. Make sure you have a fall-back position in terms of life's practicalities if this means you are in danger of being isolated.
3. Choose your time and place to reveal your position to give you the greatest security and to be the least confrontational (unless you reach a point where your strategy is to light the blue touchpaper and walk away).
4. Don't be afraid to walk away if you are left with no other choice.

Good luck.

[Stamps1962]

I was in almost the same position thirty years ago. Maybe some of my advice is outdated but for what it's worth:

 

You are almost certain to run into problems with prospective employers questioning why you got a religious degree and are now seeking employment in secular work. You may even- as I did- encounter interviewers who are Xrian and will grill you on your beliefs and try to 'bring you back', that sort of thing. I wound up fibbing about my degree- instead of a Bible major i said it was in something else. So far as I know nobody ever checked. You may also run into coworkers who feel they cannot act themselves around you- until they get to know you. It is best again- lie about your past. Sad advice but necessary. 

 

Your friends and family already know about your degree. I'd simply tell them you are choosing a different career path and not go into your changed beliefs. 

[★ Citsonga ★]

You may even- as I did- encounter interviewers who are Xrian and will grill you on your beliefs and try to 'bring you back', that sort of thing. 

 

In America, unliss it's a religious institution, it is illegal for employers to ask prospective employees about their religious views in an interview.

[Stamps1962]

 

You may even- as I did- encounter interviewers who are Xrian and will grill you on your beliefs and try to 'bring you back', that sort of thing. 

 

In America, unliss it's a religious institution, it is illegal for employers to ask prospective employees about their religious views in an interview.

 

 

It is and ought to be- yet it happened to me. This was some years back but I still remember being so angry I wanted to file a complaint but didn't- it would have hurt my employ-ability. This was a large insurance company with a claims manager who wound up asking me if I believed in God then when he didn't like my answer tried to suggest some book I should read. As politely as I could I got up and left. Rules don't always apply to these people. 

[mriancredible91]

Again, I'm floored by the kindness and support I've received on here. To some of those wondering, I never held a position in the church besides an intern. I interviewed at twelve different churches and they all turned me down. The last rejection was the final straw and I actually turned my back on desiring to be a youth minister BEFORE I turned my back on the religion. Still, working on the testimonial. Like I said, there's a lot to write and I feel this is an important thing for me and other doubters who may read it. I'll title it something similar to this topic so you'll know it's mine. Again, thank you so much for the overwhelming support, advice, and kindness.