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Goodbye Jesus

This Rant Could Easily Be Replaced By Me Just Writing "fuck You" A Lot.


LadyNightingale

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So, I posted sometime ago that my mom told me I was in her words had, "high functioning autism."

 

Well ding-dong she is being really manipulative and wrong~!

 

I realized A) I wasn't there when this doctor and her decided I was autistic. B) Why the fuck is she telling me now? C) If I didn't need to be institutionalized before, why are you bringing this up now? D) She reads way to many melodramatic books on people with disabilities who beat the odds. Which, is fine but, I think she fetishizes(not sexually but, in a lifetime movie sort of way) disabled people and feels bad that she was "burdened" with a daughter like me.

 

I know she wants me to move out, which is fine. But the thing is, she wants to control me even when I move out of the house. Which is why she suggested that brainwashing camp. Seriously, she thinks a place that fits the BITE model of cult mind control.

 

What I'm saying is she doesn't have my best intrestes at heart.

 

She basically confirmed this by screaming about my messy room and calling me retarded in the process and saying that I didn't deserve her. BTW If you call anyone retarded, especially if you think they might have ASD, go fuck yourself you stupid hateful bigot.

 

It's mean to say about my own mother but, I don't trust her to any degree anymore. I am so glad I'm moving out fairly soon. I know she promised to pay for my education but, this isn't worth it.

 

TLDR; I'm fucking done with this manipulative bullshit. I'm moving out and I don't care if my mom hates the lose of control over me. I don't care if she believes I'm autistic. Even if I am autistic, fuck you that's my business and fuck you for going behind my back and labeling me without permission. I should be the one talking to the doctor not your fucking delusional stupid ass.

 

P.S. apologies for the incoherent rage. I just for some reason felt the need to rant about it here since I wrote about possibly being on the austistic spectrum here before. Which she clearly lied about me being on.

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Wow, Lady. I'm glad you're getting out of there. Your mom screaming about your messy room, calling you retarded and saying you don't deserve her is what's called emotional abuse. But I'm sure you already knew that.

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I'm so sorry you have such a rotten relationship with your mom. I'm glad you're getting away from her. Take care of yourself.

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Oh my gosh, get out now and save yourself!  She sounds scary.

 

I agree that money (i.e., her paying for your education) is not worth your sanity.  And I agree that the doctor should be discussing you with YOU and not her (unless you specifically ask her to be present while YOU are there, too).  

 

Good luck.  

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I don't trust my mom either. She ain't quite that nutty but I still can't take it. It's a painful thing to think about, but living the way I want to live for my own sake comes first.

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My heart goes out to you LadyN. No one has the right to treat you like that.  But ask yourself a question:  would it be possible to both move out and still have your mom pay for your education?  Maybe get into a school that is far away from your mom?

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If you want to know if a clinician has made a diagnosis of you, then go to the clinic's website and fill out a request for a copy of your medical records.  In the US, by law (HIPAA Privacy Rule's Right Of Access) , they must provide you a copy of you request it and are willing to pay a fee associated with the copies.  If there has been a diagnosis of autism, aspergers, or any other Axis I disorder, it will be described in your records.  If it's not there, there was no diagnosis.  If I were you, I would get those records and then you'll know more than your mother does.

 

I tend to be sceptical of these kinds of diagnosis.  When a treating doctor gives a diagnosis of an enduring, but treatable condition, this can be compared to a pastor who diagnoses a human as a sinner.  I definitely think that autism is based on good science.  However, a doctor has a pretty obvious conflict of interest in issuing diagnoses.  If you want to have a "clean" bill of health, you can likely find a different clinician who will evaluate you for autism and will say that you have no diagnosis.

 

There is science out there, but on the margin it is more subjective on the part of the doctor.

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And be prepared for her to guilt-trip you. Don't let her draw you into a fight. Just turn away and say nothing. If she won't stop the harangue, just walk out the door, again, saying nothing. No eye contact, no words. Just silence.

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Okay, my phone died just before I finished. Let's see if I can try that again. I should sleep but I'd rather do it now.

 

Before I reply in full, I'd like to thank everyone for their kind and supportive advice and responses.

 

Wow, Lady. I'm glad you're getting out of there. Your mom screaming about your messy room, calling you retarded and saying you don't deserve her is what's called emotional abuse. But I'm sure you already knew that.

  

I'm so sorry you have such a rotten relationship with your mom. I'm glad you're getting away from her. Take care of yourself.

  

Oh my gosh, get out now and save yourself!  She sounds scary.

 

I agree that money (i.e., her paying for your education) is not worth your sanity.  And I agree that the doctor should be discussing you with YOU and not her (unless you specifically ask her to be present while YOU are there, too).  

 

Good luck.

 

  

I don't trust my mom either. She ain't quite that nutty but I still can't take it. It's a painful thing to think about, but living the way I want to live for my own sake comes first.

She is scary. Granted, I'm pretty sure mothers are supposed to be scary for a good part of a youngin's life but, it shouldn't be like this all throughout my life. I should have grown a spine a long time ago.

I could never call her abusive because she didn't fit the legal definition of abusive while she was raising me.

 

Can she act emotionally abusive? Yes.

 

Do I think her really abusive childhood has something to do with her attitude towards me? Yes.

 

Do I think I my dad was alive and well throughout my childhood it could've gone better? Maybe.

 

Is there a system of control in place that I need to get away from and no amount of money is worth my sanity? Yes and yes.

 

I'm super glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's not okay to treat a person like this. And that I should know about a diagnosis like this.

 

I hate having such a fraught relationship but, if it does heal it won't be because I bent to her every ideological whim. It's truly rotten and it's my fault for not putting distance between us earlier.

 

My heart goes out to you LadyN. No one has the right to treat you like that.  But ask yourself a question:  would it be possible to both move out and still have your mom pay for your education?  Maybe get into a school that is far away from your mom?

Unfortunately, the cost of a debt free education is to submit myself to a special needs school or go to a Christian residential center that takes in young wayward women and fixes them with Jesus. This includes fixing my "lesbianism." (I'm bisexual.) I was pulled out of college so my mom could decide what to do with me. Not worth it. The place that I would most likely go has the tell-tale signs of a cult.

 

If you want to know if a clinician has made a diagnosis of you, then go to the clinic's website and fill out a request for a copy of your medical records.  In the US, by law (HIPAA Privacy Rule's Right Of Access) , they must provide you a copy of you request it and are willing to pay a fee associated with the copies.  If there has been a diagnosis of autism, aspergers, or any other Axis I disorder, it will be described in your records.  If it's not there, there was no diagnosis.  If I were you, I would get those records and then you'll know more than your mother does.

 

I tend to be sceptical of these kinds of diagnosis.  When a treating doctor gives a diagnosis of an enduring, but treatable condition, this can be compared to a pastor who diagnoses a human as a sinner.  I definitely think that autism is based on good science.  However, a doctor has a pretty obvious conflict of interest in issuing diagnoses.  If you want to have a "clean" bill of health, you can likely find a different clinician who will evaluate you for autism and will say that you have no diagnosis.

 

There is science out there, but on the margin it is more subjective on the part of the doctor.

I will look into this. Thank you. I'd really like to know the truth of it. Getting my medical file certainly would clear things up.

 

 

 

If your mom is being a mega bitch, simply move out and cut off ALL contact with her.  Don't take her calls, don't answer the door if it is her.  Send her emails into the spam folder, do what ever it takes to get her out of your life.  If you can, move to a different town in another state.  If she confronts you on the street, tell her to leave you alone or you will get a restraining order against her.  Actually she will HATE the cold shoulder. People like that generally do.

 

  

And be prepared for her to guilt-trip you. Don't let her draw you into a fight. Just turn away and say nothing. If she won't stop the harangue, just walk out the door, again, saying nothing. No eye contact, no words. Just silence.

Oh man, it's going to be so hard trying to move out without incident. I really want to just leave in the dead of night leaving behind a well thought out and written letter so she can process it all. Mother/daughter relationships are hard enough. And moving out from controlling authority figures reminds me of when I got outed as bisexual and tried to argue that I should be allowed to be bisexual.

I do have an idea of what I could do to make it guilt trip free and with minimal incident. Trying to move out of here in one piece is a serious challenge.

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No.. your mother is NOT supposed to be abusive, verbally, emotionally or physically. Every parent loses their temper from time to time - but they don't use that as an excuse to cut down and verbally abuse their own children.

 

My own daughter has pushed my buttons to the max - she has some mental health issues (ADHD for one, mood regulation for another - she can be quite a handful) NEVER would I call her a derogatory name... I never have... because I'm the grown up and it's me that has to suck it up and act like an adult. I'm here to love, nurture and support her until she can do it for herself...and it's up to me to show her how to treat people, by example... that's my job as a parent (and I'm learning how to do it while protecting myself - self-care is good).

 

You do not owe anything to anyone who is toxic to you... blood or not. Get out and surround yourself with people who are supportive.. and shine!  No Contact.. or Low Contact is sometimes the only way we can thrive.

 

peace

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What Ravenstar said, absolutely.

My daughter has ADHD and ASD, and it is difficult at times for me to cope with, my OH likely should have the same diagnosis and also has bi-polar, and his behaviours have been *Very* challenging, and at times I've struggled to cope and argued with him and felt frustrated etc. but I'd never be abusive to them, not at all. Well tbh I do occassionally call my OH an ass but that's got nothing to do with his diagnoses and everything to do with our relationship on a normal level lol, but I digress.

 

As a mother and wife of individuals who definitely *do* have challenges related to a diagnosable condition, my biggest struggles and fears are *for* them, not because of them or how *they* impact *me*. A mother who cares more about how her daughter's room affect *her* is the one who has the issues. She should be wanting to ensure that you are content and confident in your life, she should only be concerned that you have ASD if she feels that it is negatively affecting *you* in your day to day life and you are expressing a desire for her love and support in that manner.

 

I'm so sorry that you're not experiencing the love and support that you deserve from your mom. I think getting out of her negative grip and influence will definitely be a positive step for you. Don't take on her issues and her abusive words and behaviours, you can't control her but you do have some control over how much you allow her to affect you or be a part of your life.

 

Also, just because you're mom is acting in this way, do not allow her to prevent you from seeking any help or a real diagnosis if you think there is a possibility that you could have asd  - I'm not at all suggesting that you do, merely that you shouldn't take on her comments either way, just act on what you, and those around you who you can and do trust, feel.

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No.. your mother is NOT supposed to be abusive, verbally, emotionally or physically. Every parent loses their temper from time to time - but they don't use that as an excuse to cut down and verbally abuse their own children.

 

My own daughter has pushed my buttons to the max - she has some mental health issues (ADHD for one, mood regulation for another - she can be quite a handful) NEVER would I call her a derogatory name... I never have... because I'm the grown up and it's me that has to suck it up and act like an adult. I'm here to love, nurture and support her until she can do it for herself...and it's up to me to show her how to treat people, by example... that's my job as a parent (and I'm learning how to do it while protecting myself - self-care is good).

 

You do not owe anything to anyone who is toxic to you... blood or not. Get out and surround yourself with people who are supportive.. and shine!  No Contact.. or Low Contact is sometimes the only way we can thrive.

 

peace

My mother is an enigma wrapped in a quandary. She acts really nice and caring after having one of her major rages. Today, while looking for my birth certificate and SSN card and I saw she kept a lot of the drawings I made. :( I'm all sad now. I don't understand how or why this is so hard. But I do know I need to press forward.

 

Yeah, unfortunately I have to agree that either low contact or no contact will have to be the solution for a long while.

 

It's comforting to know that not every parent reacts like that. Sorry, I shouldn't be so flippant about it. I'm just sorta used to it. In comparison with other kids I seem to have gotten off easy with a slap. Other kids had to go pick out their own switch.

 

Still really sad I can't have a good relationship with my family.

 

 

 

 

 

What Ravenstar said, absolutely.

My daughter has ADHD and ASD, and it is difficult at times for me to cope with, my OH likely should have the same diagnosis and also has bi-polar, and his behaviours have been *Very* challenging, and at times I've struggled to cope and argued with him and felt frustrated etc. but I'd never be abusive to them, not at all. Well tbh I do occassionally call my OH an ass but that's got nothing to do with his diagnoses and everything to do with our relationship on a normal level lol, but I digress.

 

As a mother and wife of individuals who definitely *do* have challenges related to a diagnosable condition, my biggest struggles and fears are *for* them, not because of them or how *they* impact *me*. A mother who cares more about how her daughter's room affect *her* is the one who has the issues. She should be wanting to ensure that you are content and confident in your life, she should only be concerned that you have ASD if she feels that it is negatively affecting *you* in your day to day life and you are expressing a desire for her love and support in that manner.

 

I'm so sorry that you're not experiencing the love and support that you deserve from your mom. I think getting out of her negative grip and influence will definitely be a positive step for you. Don't take on her issues and her abusive words and behaviours, you can't control her but you do have some control over how much you allow her to affect you or be a part of your life.

 

Also, just because you're mom is acting in this way, do not allow her to prevent you from seeking any help or a real diagnosis if you think there is a possibility that you could have asd  - I'm not at all suggesting that you do, merely that you shouldn't take on her comments either way, just act on what you, and those around you who you can and do trust, feel.

Well I should probably clarify, having ASD is not necessarily a terrible thing. It's something to work on but, I think her having anything to do with my diagnosis is a big problem. Horrible people often use a person's struggles with mental illness to belittle them and push them down. Sometimes they think mocking a person will make them "snap out of it" and that's not at all how it works. I do have ADD and most likely anxiety and depression. It's more likely because when I was in high school, the school counselors/therapist thought it was likely that I had anxiety and depression. Plus I was prescribed anxiety medication and felt great on it. I just don't want my mental health care to involve my mother.

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My mother is an enigma wrapped in a quandary. She acts really nice and caring after having one of her major rages.

 

...

 

Do you suppose your mother is bipolar?

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Nah. She just doesn't handle stress and anger well. She learned bad behaviors from her family and didn't unlearn some of them.

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Unfortunately, the cost of a debt free education is to submit myself to a special needs school or go to a Christian residential center that takes in young wayward women and fixes them with Jesus. This includes fixing my "lesbianism." (I'm bisexual.) I was pulled out of college so my mom could decide what to do with me. Not worth it. The place that I would most likely go has the tell-tale signs of a cult.

Only you can know whether this is worth it or not, but my feeling is that it probably isn't. Post-secondary educational opportunities are increasingly broad. You may be able to study somewhere online, or part-time while you work to pay for your tuition. You could also take some time to save before pursuing full-time schooling. Scholarships and loans may also be available. There are lots of options. Going to a cult because it's free seems like a pretty bad one to me.

 

 

Nah. She just doesn't handle stress and anger well. She learned bad behaviors from her family and didn't unlearn some of them.

 

See, this is an appropriate response to a question of mental illness. Not "seems like you might be a little different... must be AUTISM!"

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As to education, don't presume that you have such limited options. I was a professor at a large university and I know that there are many ways folks can get financial help without incurring lifetime debt. Go to the financial aid office and find out what is available. As I've written on this site before, I've been on scholarship committees where there was no award made because no one applied. And there are scholarships available that are not keyed to financial need. Some are awarded based only on the applicant's promise in the field.

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I got a $3000 dollar grant just for keeping my grades decent.

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Only you can know whether this is worth it or not, but my feeling is that it probably isn't. Post-secondary educational opportunities are increasingly broad. You may be able to study somewhere online, or part-time while you work to pay for your tuition. You could also take some time to save before pursuing full-time schooling. Scholarships and loans may also be available. There are lots of options. Going to a cult because it's free seems like a pretty bad one to me.

 

Yep. That's why I'm not going. My bad. I should have made that more clear.

 

 

Nah. She just doesn't handle stress and anger well. She learned bad behaviors from her family and didn't unlearn some of them.

 

See, this is an appropriate response to a question of mental illness. Not "seems like you might be a little different... must be AUTISM!"

I admit I actually laughed out loud on that.
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As to education, don't presume that you have such limited options. I was a professor at a large university and I know that there are many ways folks can get financial help without incurring lifetime debt. Go to the financial aid office and find out what is available. As I've written on this site before, I've been on scholarship committees where there was no award made because no one applied. And there are scholarships available that are not keyed to financial need. Some are awarded based only on the applicant's promise in the field.

  

I got a $3000 dollar grant just for keeping my grades decent.

 

I do plan on going to a community college once I move. I do know they tend to really encourage people get get financial aid and frequently provide resources. But I was thinking of trying to get full-time work for awhile before going back to school. And like disillusioned said, opportunities are broad for secondary education.

Well, if there are scholarships that aren't claimed because no one applies for them, I have no excuse to not try.

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When you do go after those scholarships, obviously go to the campus financial aid office. But also go to the departments from which you might get help. Sometimes the aid office doesn't know about all that's available.

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Ah, that's good to know. Thank you.

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What Ravenstar said, absolutely.
My daughter has ADHD and ASD, and it is difficult at times for me to cope with, my OH likely should have the same diagnosis and also has bi-polar, and his behaviours have been *Very* challenging, and at times I've struggled to cope and argued with him and felt frustrated etc. but I'd never be abusive to them, not at all. Well tbh I do occassionally call my OH an ass but that's got nothing to do with his diagnoses and everything to do with our relationship on a normal level lol, but I digress.
 
As a mother and wife of individuals who definitely *do* have challenges related to a diagnosable condition, my biggest struggles and fears are *for* them, not because of them or how *they* impact *me*. A mother who cares more about how her daughter's room affect *her* is the one who has the issues. She should be wanting to ensure that you are content and confident in your life, she should only be concerned that you have ASD if she feels that it is negatively affecting *you* in your day to day life and you are expressing a desire for her love and support in that manner.
 
I'm so sorry that you're not experiencing the love and support that you deserve from your mom. I think getting out of her negative grip and influence will definitely be a positive step for you. Don't take on her issues and her abusive words and behaviours, you can't control her but you do have some control over how much you allow her to affect you or be a part of your life.
 
Also, just because you're mom is acting in this way, do not allow her to prevent you from seeking any help or a real diagnosis if you think there is a possibility that you could have asd  - I'm not at all suggesting that you do, merely that you shouldn't take on her comments either way, just act on what you, and those around you who you can and do trust, feel.


Well I should probably clarify, having ASD is not necessarily a terrible thing. It's something to work on but, I think her having anything to do with my diagnosis is a big problem. Horrible people often use a person's struggles with mental illness to belittle them and push them down. Sometimes they think mocking a person will make them "snap out of it" and that's not at all how it works. I do have ADD and most likely anxiety and depression. It's more likely because when I was in high school, the school counselors/therapist thought it was likely that I had anxiety and depression. Plus I was prescribed anxiety medication and felt great on it. I just don't want my mental health care to involve my mother.

 

 

Yes I think that sounds like the right way forward for you. Your mother being involved would make things worse not better. Any problems, struggles or diagnoses, treatments and therapy etc. should be about you, for you and in a way which suits you best and you feel most comfortable with. This is not about your mother and it sounds like from the way she handles things it is. Or rather her motivations, actions and words are much more to do with her than you. That's not to say that she doesn't care, doesn't love you and doesn't want what's best for you (or rather what she thinks is) but her behaviours towards you that you've describe would suggest that she is unable to demostrate this in an adult fashion or act in a manner which is healthy and emotionally stable. It's sad, and you've every reason to feel both anger and loss about it.

 

I do hope that you're able to find a way out, definitely look into these scholarships and all the different kinds of secondary education available to you, could end up being quite an exciting move forward in life for you.

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Guest CutiePie

So, I posted sometime ago that my mom told me I was in her words had, "high functioning autism."

 

Well ding-dong she is being really manipulative and wrong~!

 

I realized A) I wasn't there when this doctor and her decided I was autistic. cool.png Why the fuck is she telling me now? C) If I didn't need to be institutionalized before, why are you bringing this up now? D) She reads way to many melodramatic books on people with disabilities who beat the odds. Which, is fine but, I think she fetishizes(not sexually but, in a lifetime movie sort of way) disabled people and feels bad that she was "burdened" with a daughter like me.

 

I know she wants me to move out, which is fine. But the thing is, she wants to control me even when I move out of the house. Which is why she suggested that brainwashing camp. Seriously, she thinks a place that fits the BITE model of cult mind control.

 

What I'm saying is she doesn't have my best intrestes at heart.

 

She basically confirmed this by screaming about my messy room and calling me retarded in the process and saying that I didn't deserve her. BTW If you call anyone retarded, especially if you think they might have ASD, go fuck yourself you stupid hateful bigot.

 

It's mean to say about my own mother but, I don't trust her to any degree anymore. I am so glad I'm moving out fairly soon. I know she promised to pay for my education but, this isn't worth it.

 

TLDR; I'm fucking done with this manipulative bullshit. I'm moving out and I don't care if my mom hates the lose of control over me. I don't care if she believes I'm autistic. Even if I am autistic, fuck you that's my business and fuck you for going behind my back and labeling me without permission. I should be the one talking to the doctor not your fucking delusional stupid ass.

 

P.S. apologies for the incoherent rage. I just for some reason felt the need to rant about it here since I wrote about possibly being on the austistic spectrum here before. Which she clearly lied about me being on.

Paying for things just doesn't cut it, believe me, it doesn't. Being a mother is so much more than paying for clothes, paying the rent, paying the water bill, whatever, it's so much more than that. The fact that she thinks something is wrong with you to even consider sending you off to some stupid POS camp is dumb as fuck. Nothing is wrong with you and if you were my child I wouldn't care about you and your sexuality, I wouldn't care about you not being a believer, my overall concerns about you is if you're happy or not, if you're fulfilling your life dreams, if you're happy where you are and such, all of those things don't matter because your life isn't center around that. Your life is center around you being happy and being who you are and not being treated as if you're nothing. 

 

You're amazing, LN. <3 <3 Don't forget that. smile.png <3 <3 

 

Your mother obviously wants what is best for you, but like I said, nothing is wrong with you, she thinks what she is doing is for the best but it's actually pushing you away from her. Sometimes what parents are doing to their kids just hinders them as a person, wished parents would realize that. Your sexuality and everything else, girl you're fine and family doesn't end in blood, it doesn't start their either. <3 

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