TheDemonHunter Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Hello, my name is Hunter, and this is the story of my escape from the IFB movement. It started when I was an infant. My parents were reached by a local church pastor going door to door. They were going through a rough patch in their marriage and this man came along with Jesus claiming that it can get better. My parents converted, my mother "learned her place" and my father "learned how to lead." And so my very first memory that I can pull up is of a sunday school class at the age of 4. My mother decided that I should be homeschool, kept away from the evils of the world that lurked in the public school system. Sometimes, I didn't mind. I was self motivated and did most of my learning without my mother's help. But other times it was a prison. I simply wanted to meet people who were different and have conversations and connections. I started asking questions, and not the approved ones. I asked questions such as why would God allow bad things to happen, how is it fair that people who will never hear the gospel go to hell, why is the trinity never explained that well in the bible, where does it say certain things are sins, etc. I got the responses that you would expect. I learned that I could work around this system and do what I wanted, maintaining an outward appearance that pleased those in authority. Eventually I had a second conversion at the age of 15. I found a new fervor in the faith, which would come and go over the next few years until it came time to start thinking about college and my future. While I was at least of average intelligence, I wasn't quite sure where my skills might lie since I had no opportunities to really even try. With the simple idea of helping people and teaching in mind, I decided to "give my life to Christ." I went to a small college in Louisville, KY. For a couple years, I went through the motions. Eventually, however, we had a new professor. He liked questions, and would posit them frequently. I heard questions that I never thought of before, as well as ones that I was asking when I was younger. He encouraged us to study for ourselves, not to simply parrot the same old nonsense that we had be shovel fed our entire lives. As I began to do so, I started finding discrepancies. I started to realize slowly how little of what I "believed" was actually biblical, taking my first few baby steps down the road to rationality and critical thinking. It took me a few years to fully deconvert. I treated it like a bandage on a huge open wound, slowly peeling it away rather than just a clean rip. It was scary at first.. it was as if I had this rock to hold on to, a certainty that was comforting in a chaotic sea that I was just about to let go of. Once I did, however, I discovered a wonder in things that I once thought banal, a new appreciation for life and everything in it. I have a long road to recovery, however. I suffer from some intense social anxiety due to being homeschooled and mostly separated from every one and every thing (although I have learned to handle it much better and most people can't even tell until I reveal it to them), uncertainty of what to do next (I have a useless unaccredited degree in theology, but I would really like to teach history or psychology someday), and depression due to a new loneliness and lack of support as my parents and most of my friends have all but disowned me. I hope to find a new community, new friends to replace what I've lost. People to form connections with, to share love and wonder and laughter with in this world. And although I'm sure to find it someday, I have yet to do so in the past several months since my deconversion. I would greatly appreciate any kind of advice, and I would love to get really involved in this forum and get to know some of you. Thanks for reading, Hunter 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Welcome Hunter! I'm sorry you life so far sucked but the rest of your life begins right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Welcome to Ex-c. Avoid Kentucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HolyGoat Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Welcome Hunter! My advice, in the most general of terms, would be to ask as many questions as possible. Everyone here, while having different opinions, are an invaluble source. Glad you found your way here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Welcome Hunter! This really is a good place to have your questions answered rationally. Such a relief! I spent decades with questions that never had rational answers. My advice would be just talk to a person or two a day, anybody, about anything. You'll eventually meet some people you enjoy and you'll have some friends again. Good luck, and glad you're here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyNightingale Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Hey Hunter! We talked in the chat last night. I've really found this site to be an infinitely helpful place. Ask tons of questions and forge a new path! It's been a difficult journey to figure out what you truly believe about Christianity but now after all that hard work, you now can figure yourself out with more ease. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Welcome. Question everything. Be yourself. Make up your own mind and let no-one tell your what to think or believe. Don't be afraid to be different. That is, I think, about all the general advice I can think of. There will be times when the Christian nonsense you see around you will make you want to rage. This is a good place to do that. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Welcome! My oldest brother went through several IFB congregations for about a decade. He gave me copies of a newspaper called "The Sword of the Lord" which contained a lot of the teaching, culture, and suited guys in horn-rim glasses (Jesus saves and Jesus shaves). Freedom to think and question is the only kind of fundamentalism I embrace now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yunea Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Welcome to the forum, Hunter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDemonHunter Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Thank you so much for the warm welcome everyone. I appreciate the advice greatly as well as the opportunity to talk with people who are like-minded and so helpful. It's been a weird mental and philosophical journey to where I am now from a year or so ago when I first started really doubting and asking the questions. It's great to know that I have people here I can talk to especially since I know so few people right now personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlowerDemon Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 It took me a few years to fully deconvert. I treated it like a bandage on a huge open wound, slowly peeling it away rather than just a clean rip. It was scary at first.. it was as if I had this rock to hold on to, a certainty that was comforting in a chaotic sea that I was just about to let go of. Once I did, however, I discovered a wonder in things that I once thought banal, a new appreciation for life and everything in it. Beautifully said. Welcome to ex-C. just know you are not alone, and many of us here have gone through or are going through what you have. Deconversion is scary at first, especially when you aren't prepared for it. Christianity provides that comfort, but it's void of logic and reason and full of contradiction. When I was a believer, I felt like I was 2 different people. The enlightened Christ filled girl came out at church and around people i went to church with, and outside of church I wasn't that same person. I kept praying for God to help me with my doubts, and I found myself rationalizing things that didn't even make sense. I had been brainwashed and was unaware of it for a while. Here's something I wrote in my journal when I was a believer...reading it now it almost scares me, I didn't realize how brainwashed I had become: John 9:1-5 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4 As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” This passage really spoke to me. Jesus reveals to his disciples why some people are born with some kind of physical defect. It's not because him or his parents sinned, it's so "the works of God might be displayed in him." And even today, people with illnesses are being healed in Jesus' name. It pained me to find out that all of that time I wasted in daily devotions, were just a result of brainwashing, and how deep down I didn't truly believe in Christianity. In the above journal entry, I tried to rationalize the passage...but reading it now it seriously doesn't make sense. I need to throw this journal away. It pains me that people all over the world are going through the same thing you and I have. I'm sorry you are going through what you are with your parents. I hope you enjoy your time on Ex-C, definitely check out the different discussions and debates, and join the chat room when people are online. This place is like my support group now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobCu Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 "I started asking questions" That's against the rules. You must have faith. You must never question anything. Fortunately you threw out the rules, then eventually you discovered reality and what it's like to be a free person instead of a slave. Congratulations. Not everyone has what it takes to accomplish what you did. "my parents and most of my friends have all but disowned me." This shows how religion can make people crazy. It's unfortunate but it's their problem, not yours. "depression due to a new loneliness and lack of support" Life is too short to worry about things. I suggest just do what you have to do to be successful. Since you were able throw out intense brainwashing you are obviously capable of anything you work hard at. Best of luck sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobCu Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Hello again. I didn't know what Ifb meant so I looked it up. Independent Fundamental Baptist. What a horrible cult. Thank goodness you threw it out. It sounds like they're as insane as Muslim terrorists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobCu Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 3rd time here. I found this website which you might be interested in. https://www.facebook.com/independentfundamentalistsurvivors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
offtheromanroad Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Hello and welcome, DemonHunter. I enjoyed reading your extimony. I like the way you write. I hope to read more from you. I used to be the one who asked too many questions, too. It always felt weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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