A Letter I Wrote In Response To Complaints On Fb

[dichotomy]

It's long, and its over two years old, but it's reason for existence has recently come up again and I thought some of it may resonate with others. My husband has shared two comments this year on fb that could be viewed as "mocking" Christianity and it turns out that that's all people focus on. *sigh*

 

A letter to anyone and everyone.

 

I was brought up to believe in God. I attended church every week, Bible study and prayer was a normal part of my life, I “gave my life to Jesus” at a Billy Graham tent mission when I was 7 and from that point on ‘serving God’ played a significant role in my existence. I had many questions about faith, theology, church and other religions, and thankfully my mum always answered me openly and honestly about what she believed and admitted when she was unsure or didn’t really know. To make it even more interesting for me, my mum and dad didn’t hold the same views about everything, so I grew up knowing that people felt and thought differently and that that was okay. However, whilst I was allowed to ask questions and think for myself, it was always under the umbrella that Christianity was the truth and it never really occured to me that there was a possibility that God didn’t exist. Afterall, I felt and experienced him, I loved and worshipped him, and he was very real to me. And, lets be honest, it’s not really possible for parents to bring up their children as completely autonomous freethinkers is it? Most children have the same worldview as their parents and accept that their parent’s beliefs must be right, don’t they?


Not so. It is possible to raise your children to think for themselves and to encourage them to believe what they want to believe, whilst still being true to yourself and your own values. Even before I lost my faith and reluctantly took on the label of “atheist” or “non-theist” my husband and I had decided that we would try and bring up our children to think critically for themselves and make up their own minds about what they believe to an even greater extent than my own parents allowed me to. I am so grateful to my parents for encouraging me to question and challenge others’ opinions and that which is presented to me as fact. I wouldn’t be who I am today were it not for that. I’m not sure if they’re happy that I lost my faith, but at least they know that I believe and live as I do because I have thought long and hard about it and chosen to do so, and not just because I’ve blindly gone along with everyone else. 


For a long time I lived a life of dichotomy and despair. On the one hand I *knew* wholeheartedly that God was my loving Father, that Jesus had saved me from my sin and that it was my destiny to live and serve him and his Church; on the other hand I had serious doubts and concerns about the motives, morality and ethics of the church (and many Christians), and by the time I was 22 I simultaneously devoted my life to God whilst fearing that actually it was all an illusion and that I was fooling myself. But I persevered in my faith and continued to strive to be a good Christian, to love and honor my God despite my emotionally draining, debilitating and borderline abusive experiences within the church. Of course, I felt tremendous guilt and shame at even questioning the demands, choices and actions of many a Christian, particularly those in *authority* over me, and the internal pain experienced when contemplating the non-existence of God, and the fact I’ve spent so many years *living* for something that may not even be real is inexplicable. Not to mention the anguish felt when one contemplates the disappointment, shock and upset of your close family and friends when they find out that you’re no longer a believer or a part of their Church family. And lets not forget that deep - ever present - fear of hell, that by turning your back on Jesus you are thus accepting your eternal damnation. It’s a point of no return and not one that anyone would embark on lightly.



So if I ever make a joke or a comment that challenges or offends your faith in some way, please, don’t take it personally or think that I’m being disrespectful or intentionally mocking you. It’s not as if I’m judging you as an individual, telling you how to live or questioning your character. I would never dare to imply that who you are isn’t good enough, or tell you that “x is happening because of sin in your life” or that you “haven’t been healed due to a lack of faith”, that “I’m glad you’re getting counselling as it might improve your character”, that “real Christians don’t get divorced” or that you’re “difficult to love” or “shouldn’t cry in church as it gives the wrong impression”. I really don’t mind how you choose to live your life, what you think or believe or if you have the odd personality flaw. On the whole I’m pretty accepting of others and see the good in all, and I *love* diversity. I’d certainly never assume that *I* am right and you are wrong, that I know the truth behind the world and humanity, or that I know your journey in life and how you became the person you are; and I *really* don’t mind if you share your thoughts and beliefs with me and the world - even if sometimes they upset or offend me. In fact I’m interested, I enjoy humour, and honest, intelligent discussion. 


That’s why I’m bringing up my children to think for themselves, to make their own minds up about life, the universe and everything in it. They can discover their own *truth*, create their own values and decide for themselves what is a good and worthwhile existence. Heck they can even decide if there’s any point or purpose to life or not! I’m not denying the reality that I, and my husband, will play a big part in the people they become, or suggesting that our values and worldview won’t rub off on them, I’m not naive. But I would take objection to the assertion that because my husband and I are atheists we are bringing up little atheists, because that’s not so. Our children are allowed to ask questions and will be told what we think and what we believe, and asked their opinions on the matter. They are allowed to attend church if they so wish, they can pray if they want, they’re encouraged to make friends with children of other faiths as much as those children from families with similar worldviews as our own. They are taught to be respectful and considerate of other religions and not to assume that we as a family know the “one true way”. Our children, at 5, 7, and 9 are already forming their own views. At the moment, they all concede that fairies, unicorns, mermaids, the loch ness monster and Jack Frost are just made up, whereas Father Christmas most definitely exists (which is ironic considering we’ve always told them he’s pretend!) They’re not quite sure about the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny. They’re divided on the existence of God, one believes, two don’t, and Jesus, well they all think he was a real man but have varying opinions on his divinity and whether or not he’s still alive. They seem a little confused about Mohammed and Allah, one of them thinks that vegetarianism is a faith because they have Hindu and Sikh friends who are also vegetarians.... and they have not yet discovered the vast array of other deities to form much of an opinion.


So again I ask, if my husband or I ever make a flippant remark, or a thought through objection about something which you hold dear, please don’t assume that we’re just some ‘militant atheist’ taking the mick or provoking a debate, because when you stop and think about what we’ve been through to get to this point you’ll perhaps appreciate that for every offensive thing we may say, there’s probably twenty much more hurtful and shocking things we’re holding back, and numerous conflicting emotions bubbling under the surface. Because it’s not easy being an ex-Christian - for so many reasons - forgive us if at times we’re a little cynical, objectionable or edgy when we encounter a reminder of what we once were a part of.

[RenaissanceWoman]

Only "a little cynical, objectionable or edgy"? You're doing better than I!

 

Good read. Thanks for sharing.

[duderonomy]

That was great.

[dichotomy]

Thanks. People still don't get it though! Family in particular drive me mad about this kind of thing.