Popular Post ABK Posted December 24, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted December 24, 2015 Hello ex-christian brothers and sisters, It is wonderful to finally be part of ex-christian.net. My username ‘ABK’ stands for the initials of an author I admire who helped me to understand that the “faith” of my upbringing was sheer nonsense. I am very glad to find a place like this where christian bullying is not tolerated. I fully support all of you who are recovering from this insane ideology because I have been there too. I would like to share my story of self-recovery with you. I will begin by letting you know that everything here is based on my perception, even if stated as fact. First, a little history... I grew up in Southern California. My father was a physics PhD candidate at a research institution here known for its Nobel Prize winners. Somehow he became an evangelical Christian in his late 20s. He met my mother while working on the East Coast and “saved her” from joining a convent by marrying her. I was their second child, my older sister being stillborn. In 1986 my father finished his doctorate and was offered a job in Boston. He was exhausted from school and wanted to do one last cross-country bicycle tour before starting the new position. His idea was to ride a tandem with a trailer hitch and bring me, a toddler, and my mother along for the journey. Everyone, including our family, his friends and colleagues told him it was a bad idea. My mother told him there was no way he was taking me in the trailer and that she wanted us to follow behind in the car cross-country. I think he put a lot of pressure on her and she gave in. We went together, my dad and mom on the tandem and me in the bike trailer in tow. He was killed halfway through the trip when an overloaded tractor trailer passed too close and struck him before he could move out of the way. He had to react to get me and my mother to safety and everybody knows that if we weren’t there he could have easily saved himself. It was in the middle of nowhere and they had to send a helicopter to get him to the hospital. We said goodbye to him there after he had already passed away. Those are my first memories. It is bizarre to have my earliest conscious recollection involve death, violence, loss and grief. Because of this I feel like nothing can really destroy me, since I’ve already been destroyed and survived. My dad himself was known to say the words "Never say die!" when confronted with a difficult challenge. Speaking of destroying me, that is how I experienced Christianity. I can see how my mother uses her beliefs to avoid taking real responsibility for her choices. Her passivity and her inability to stand her ground permitted my dad do something stupid that got him killed. It could have easily been me that got hit. I often wonder how my mother can live with herself, let alone continue to practice her faith. A couple years after my dad’s death my mother received around $2 million from his life insurance settlement based on his future earnings. Recently I was told by my uncle that even with all this money she did not offer to help my grandparents pay for their son’s funeral. I haven’t fully explored this with her but I will. I am very grateful that we were able to live comfortably, but I think that it has been a curse for her because she has never had to work to support herself. Furthermore my dad’s death left a gaping black hole in my life, and all we had is the fucking stupid money. I am sure she thinks she is pleasing God. My mother has always been deeply involved in Christianity, so much so that it has replaced her personality and become her sole identity. I would give so much just for her to put down the Jesus-shit for one day and be herself. As far as I am concerned it is analogous to alcoholism and my real mother disappeared a long time ago, probably before her twenties. Christianity “makes” her decisions for her, but of course since that is not truly how it works, the reality is that she is only acting as if she is not responsible for her choices. At 62 years old, she has begun to show some serious short-term memory problems. I have met with her a handful of times recently and while others are worried about dementia or early Alzheimer’s, my sense is that she hasn’t changed that much at all and in a weird way she has the same vibe as always but even more pronounced. My hunch is that this is the result of the life she’s chosen to live and that it is anxiety-related. Nevertheless I let my step-dad know that I wanted him to get a real diagnosis and follow up with me. It sounds like her doctors aren’t able to pin it down yet. I’ll probably get together with her soon. Words are inadequate to describe the utter mindfuck that this faith involves. I grew up immersed in it. My childhood was fully saturated with it. We were the Focus on the Family / Colorado Springs variety with plenty of missionary friends. My mother got the American Family Association newsletter every week. I had to hide my music from her because if an album didn’t get a positive review in Plugged In, I wasn’t "supposed" to be listening to it. Her whole life revolved around her faith and it still does to this day. It is as if the organic, spontaneous, human qualities in her have been replaced with rigid ideas anchored in that doctrine. Her faith takes priority over her humanity and there is no doubt that her priority is Jesus Christ, not her son and certainly not herself. If that is not the case then her character is too weak to act otherwise. Sadly, she took a lot of her anger out on me and never sought help outside her church or faith. I feel indifferent towards her today and that is actually a great improvement compared to how I felt towards her earlier. Amazingly, she is a Marriage, Family, & Child Therapist by profession. To this day it drives me nuts when I hear someone humming because of how my mother would always hum and sing worship songs constantly. When we were going somewhere in the car together, I would roll down my window on the highway in order to get her to stop. Pretty desperate for an 8 year old. I also remember directly asking her to please stop and telling her I didn’t like it. I got a very weird feeling every time she did this, like my mother was absent even though she was right next to me, and I hated it. Here is the conclusion I come to after 31 years of being in and around Christians and their faith. It is used by those who are too weak to individuate themselves from authority. It obliterates a person’s ability to assume responsibility for themselves and to trust their own perceptions. It is fundamentally disempowering. The result is a demographic full of belligerent sycophants. It hides perpetrators and wastes human potential. It is unbearable to think of its cost to humanity in terms of our own progress. Above all, it is simply not true. It is also the ideology behind the most hideous atrocities in human history and it continues to perpetrate and normalize very abusive and disrespectful treatment of LGBQT individuals and other minorities, and in public nonetheless. It blinds people to the fact that we share ancestry, that we all have the same emotions, the same needs and the same desire to care for ourselves and for others. Christianity takes us so far away from love in practice while claiming to be a religion of love in principle. Nowadays its vogue to defend it by saying that its “relationship, not religion”. Well, why would anyone in their right mind prioritize a relationship that takes place in their head over real relationships with real human beings right in front of them? I suspect that it is easier to control an idea held in the imagination than it is to control real relationships with real people. I think that in this way Christianity provides a cop-out for those who are afraid of human intimacy. Isn’t it funny how people flock to churches mostly for the community, and then collectively engage in abandoning their presence with each other in order to worship? I have always thought that if Christianity was true, if it describes the true image of humanity, then why are we using a unique label? Shouldn’t we be calling ourselves “human beings” instead of Christians and marketing ourselves as such? Why are we being exclusive and separating ourselves from other humans? Aren’t we all together as sons of God or united in Christ or whatever? I found it disingenuous because of that, and distasteful because of its exclusivity. I believe that this “faith” cannot not be rationally tolerated by anyone who is really aware of how it affects us. While it may preach God’s love, in practice it is very anti-life. The doctrine of original sin brings nothing to a person’s life except an untrue belief of being bad. Then, after cultivating false guilt, or amplifying and exploiting existing guilt, Christianity offers the “solution” of vicarious atonement. It is a mind-game and not one worth playing. I am not capable of doing the mental backflips that are necessary to convince myself that its is true. When I did my own investigation into alternate readings of biblical scripture, I understood that the teachings of Christianity are based on complete misinterpretations of texts that are purely mythological in nature. There is nothing historical about them. This understanding helped me to easily let go of this nonsense and find a better meaning. The common churchgoer, much less pastors and preachers, have no business trying to interpret these stories which are cryptic to say the least. As far as using them as a moral guide, I’m not even going to get started. My belief in the Christian “faith” robbed me of happiness, peace, health, success, numerous relationships and above all, my sanity for 30 years. I started to let go of it when I was 26. When I gave it up, I became genuinely happy for the first time in my life. I remember the first time I considered the idea that Jesus did not exist as a historical person and how I felt a massive burden lifted off my shoulders that had been over me for my entire life. It was the greatest sense of relief ever and cleared the path to feeling real joy for the first time. I was finally breaking free of the dark cloud of mental conditioning and automatic self-castigation that was always working in the background. In one second, Jesus disappeared and took most of it with him. I could be my authentic self finally and enjoy who I was for the very first time. It took hard work, effort and help from many people to put myself back together. My Savior is Myself. My Saviors are the humans who have supported and guided me during the process and continue to be there for me. My God is the force driving all Life. I am it and it is me. I don't need to think about it any more than that. Christianity’s greatest fear is that humanity will realize our own immense power. Once we do, we will discard it like a dirty rag. My mission is to help others realize this and I support all of you in this quest. I dream that my children will not have to share the world with this malignant ideology. It is a real relief to let my guard down as I write here. Usually I expect people to get defensive or withdraw when I express these ideas, so it is nice to relax and just share. There is nowhere in the public sphere where it is socially acceptable to say that Christianity is a false, destructive, and illegitimate religion and should not be tolerated by loving human beings. Christians are so easily offended, and so oblivious to how offensive their religion is to humanity. People are ignorant and I am doing my part to change that. I am so grateful for the freedom I have attained by letting go of an unhealthy dependence. I am so grateful for the love and acceptance I give myself and for the connection I have with myself and the world around me. It wouldn’t have been possible if I wasn’t willing to take the risk. I have not even mentioned my struggle with attaining healthy sexuality. Perhaps I’ll open up about that in a future post. But I will briefly share that my attachment to Christianity compelled me to stay a virgin until I was 30 years old and that it is a real miracle that I did not kill myself before finally having that experience. I am a very handsome straight male, according to the woman I have dated. Today, my sexuality is very healthy and my relationship with women is a source of enjoyment for me and I am very grateful for that. Thank you all for reading and good luck, abk 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted December 24, 2015 Moderator Share Posted December 24, 2015 Welcome to Ex-c ABK! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Wow!! What a story! You have been through a lot my friend. I came to the lord when I was 20 so I can't even imagine what is would be like growing up completely immersed in it. I was thinking as I read your testimony that your poor ole' mom probably thought that the 'lord' would protect everyone on that trip when you were a youngster. I'm sorry you lost your dad at such a young age. You mentioned how nice it was to sit here and write this all out knowing that you were not going to be judged. I remember that feeling so clearly the night I joined and wrote to the gang here on the 20th of December. I was never so happy to come across a site that doubted the existence of the christian god the way that I did. When they all validated my doubts, I felt so free because I always thought I was the only one who would dare question the 'authority' of the bible. I still love to read the testimonies because each and everyone validates my own non-belief. I love how you described the 'force' within yourself. That's kinda how I feel now. I'm so happy you are here with us and It certainly sounds like you are well on your way to healing. It has taken me 5 years to form a 'somewhat' new world view. Sounds like you are way ahead......good for you. There is lots of young free-thinkers here at EX-c so you'll make some nice, new on-line friends who can totally relate to you. Welcome aboard the Ex-c train my friend! Good to have to and looking forward to reading more! Happy Holidays! (hug) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Glad you found this site abk. You have certainly had your share of challenges but it appears you have been able to find the strength to handle them. Most people never hear about the harm Christianity does, and would find a way to rationalize them if they did. Welcome aboard. I'm looking forward to reading more of your post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABK Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Thank you both for the kind welcome. The testimonies that people post here and on other sites are very valuable. I never felt like I was allowed to question the "authority" of the Bible because it is presented as "inspired by God". So the attitude is that it is always true even if you don't like it. The Bible has always had this spooky mystical quality to me because it contains a lot of unintelligible passages. The one thing that helped me get past that was when I began to understand the meaning behind the symbolism. Once that dawned on me, it was nowhere near as spooky and I immediately realized that the pretty much everything taught by Christianity is based on a total misunderstanding of their own text. Sadly, it has derailed our progress it caused so much suffering. I see at least two ways to help humanity move forward towards sanity... The first is to make people aware of the harm caused by Christianity. For that, I have put up the website www.christinsanity.org to help spread this awareness by featuring nothing but testimonies from ex-christians. The second way is to explain the symbolism in the Bible. Doing this would make it clear that it is not "god-inspired" and that Christianity does not understand its own text and is therefore not a legitimate religion. That will be an online magazine I am putting together. I was debating sharing the website but it is more or less ready to use and I would really like to see thousands of stories on there one day, have it rank high in Google search and make people aware of the destruction caused by this religion, and importantly to make people aware that we are happier, more sane human beings without this delusion. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 As far as I am concerned it is analogous to alcoholism and my real mother disappeared a long time ago.... Hi ABK! Welcome to reality! I too see many similarities between Christianity and alcoholism: It's an unhealthy dependence that only destroys a person while promising life. Christianity gutted my life like a fish, and I grieve all that I threw into the fires of faith. I will check out your site. I do look forward to reading more from you!! Stay in touch. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Welcome, @ABK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Amazing stuff, ABK. Glad you made it to the other side (sanity). Lots of people in your position never do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duderonomy Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I can't top what the others have said, ABK. Just adding my own welcome to Ex-C. Thanks for posting your story. I hope you stick around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiyana Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I think your extimony is one of the most well-written I have ever read. You will contribute significantly in helping others be set free. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobCu Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Well done what you wrote. Christianity is a mental illness. Unfortunately the victims don't realize how sick they are. The disease is usually incurable. It was easy for me to fix the problem. Throwing out the insanity made my mother very upset but her reaction made me realize I was doing the right thing. I tell the theists this: Atheism is an acceptance of reality. Theism is a denial of reality. Take your pick. The best video I have ever seen about reality: The Feynman Series - Beauty 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Welcome to ex-c! I can't sympathize more with what you mean by your "attachment to Christianity" and how much it harmed your life. I let the casual, cultural religion I was raised with turn into a full-blown zealous addiction, and I have only recently discovered how deeply that addiction affected me and virtually all of the choices I made in my life. Only now am I undoing the damage, and it's a long process, indeed. Now that you've taken the path out of the rabbit hole, you're seeing how much freer life can be, now that you're free to accept or reject concepts and ideas based on facts and evidence and genuine altruism, not on religious dogma or fear of an angry god. It's an unsettling adventure at times, but that's the case with all adventures, and the discomfort you will (and have) faced at times is only temporary! Stick to the path, stick to the adventure - so much better than the gilded cage of religion, as you are already discovering. Welcome to sanity! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Welcome. Enjoy the site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Welcome! I love what you wrote, and how you wrote, about the xian's claim of "relationship, not religion." I too believe that religion is about control. And money. What you wrote about original sin and atonement is also brilliant. Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to hearing more of what you have to say! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABK Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Thank you so much for the kind welcomes and support. I'm taking it all in... Its really good to know that this community exists. I felt pretty vulnerable after posting here... its really nice to receive the supportive feedback from everyone and I hope that my testimony helps others to deprogram and find a better life than the "gilded cage" of religion (@Lycorth @TrueScotsman Yes, definitely. Counseling is a great source of support and helped me work through a lot. I also found support in 12 step programs for what is described as sexual anorexia related to trauma. After a few years I decided to move on (some of the cult issues made it difficult to be around) and today I still keep in touch with several friends from the community. Always working on becoming a better person by taking responsibility for my own happiness. @BobCU There is definitely association between mental illness and Christianity. It seems to attract a certain type of human... We are all growing and I think mental illness is part of that. I worked through my own and am still doing some work. The video you linked is absolutely beautiful. I like what Feynman said about being ok with not knowing the answer. I believe that also. Incidentally he was one of my dad's professors. I like this video a lot, both the visuals and the voiceover. Feynman was a really cool human being. @Lycorth Wow. If my mother ever said those words, I would be the happiest person in the world. I like your term the gilded cage of religion. That's a good description. Glad to hear that you found your way out of it. Thank you for the support I hope you all enjoy the New Year! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABK Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 After talking to my mother yesterday, I came away with a more complete picture of the accident that killed my dad, and basically began my life when I was 2 ½ years old. She did indeed give in to his pushing to do the bike trip that killed him, and I think her actions indirectly contributed to his death. What I find very disturbing, is that she chose to put me at risk in order to save their marriage. Then I learn that shortly after he died she felt relieved that he wasn't around to pester her anymore. I believe that my mother's Christian faith enabled her codependence which was a factor in my dad's death. She initially refused to go on that trip, and everyone was on her side. She then caved because he insinuated that they might get divorced if she didn't go. Apparently she had no problem with exposing her toddler to the risk of being hit by a car if it might save their marriage. Turns out he was the one who got hit. My mother wanted to enter a convent when she was 25 and become a nun. Then she met my father who insisted on doing everything his way. Then he died. Then she got a couple million from his life insurance. She didn't even help my grandparents out with the cost of burying their son. When my dad died, 300 people came to his funeral, some flew in from other states. A lot of people cared about him. I have never seen her work to support herself. She has not had to work since she was 30 because of his life insurance money. Yesterday she told me how, after he died, she felt relieved that he wasn't around to control her anymore. Good for her. How wonderful that he is not around to pester her anymore. How wonderful that she never has to work to support herself and can learn to play a $20,000 harp and spend all her time with her church community. I wouldn't want to bother her with any of my grief. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 That really sucks, ABK! Sorry you have a mother like that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Wow, such a great read! Thanks for sharing! I can relate to a lot of that. I mean, a lot. I don't know when your mother remarried but I've been fatherless my entire life. My mother has no identity other than her faith. I have no idea what she even likes except for Eschatology and researching religious bullshit. She's unreasonable, irrational and just not very smart. Thanks to religion, no question. She's spent her entire life researching fairy-tales when that time could have been spent gaining real, true knowledge of the world, people, our history etc... It's such a shame. Religion is a thief. I also relate to your post-religion happiness. I was so unhappy as a believer but now, I'm no longer confused and I'm far more accepting of others and more empathetic. Just more evidence the faith is bullshit. None of the claims hold water. You are so right about religion being a malignant ideology for society. It causes way more damage than any good it brings to the table. It's a destructive, vile force that may be our undoing. Anyway, welcome to the truth and congratulations on your escape. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 After talking to my mother yesterday, I came away with a more complete picture of the accident that killed my dad, and basically began my life when I was 2 ½ years old. She did indeed give in to his pushing to do the bike trip that killed him, and I think her actions indirectly contributed to his death. What I find very disturbing, is that she chose to put me at risk in order to save their marriage. Then I learn that shortly after he died she felt relieved that he wasn't around to pester her anymore. I believe that my mother's Christian faith enabled her codependence which was a factor in my dad's death. She initially refused to go on that trip, and everyone was on her side. She then caved because he insinuated that they might get divorced if she didn't go. Apparently she had no problem with exposing her toddler to the risk of being hit by a car if it might save their marriage. Turns out he was the one who got hit. My mother wanted to enter a convent when she was 25 and become a nun. Then she met my father who insisted on doing everything his way. Then he died. Then she got a couple million from his life insurance. She didn't even help my grandparents out with the cost of burying their son. When my dad died, 300 people came to his funeral, some flew in from other states. A lot of people cared about him. I have never seen her work to support herself. She has not had to work since she was 30 because of his life insurance money. Yesterday she told me how, after he died, she felt relieved that he wasn't around to control her anymore. Good for her. How wonderful that he is not around to pester her anymore. How wonderful that she never has to work to support herself and can learn to play a $20,000 harp and spend all her time with her church community. I wouldn't want to bother her with any of my grief. She sounds a lot like my mom. Thinking mostly of herself. She probably never thought about you being fatherless, just that he wasn't around to pester her anymore. It really exposes her self-centered thinking. So sorry man. That's tough shit to deal with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix415 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 After talking to my mother yesterday, I came away with a more complete picture of the accident that killed my dad, and basically began my life when I was 2 ½ years old. She did indeed give in to his pushing to do the bike trip that killed him, and I think her actions indirectly contributed to his death. What I find very disturbing, is that she chose to put me at risk in order to save their marriage. Then I learn that shortly after he died she felt relieved that he wasn't around to pester her anymore. I believe that my mother's Christian faith enabled her codependence which was a factor in my dad's death. She initially refused to go on that trip, and everyone was on her side. She then caved because he insinuated that they might get divorced if she didn't go. Apparently she had no problem with exposing her toddler to the risk of being hit by a car if it might save their marriage. Turns out he was the one who got hit. My mother wanted to enter a convent when she was 25 and become a nun. Then she met my father who insisted on doing everything his way. Then he died. Then she got a couple million from his life insurance. She didn't even help my grandparents out with the cost of burying their son. When my dad died, 300 people came to his funeral, some flew in from other states. A lot of people cared about him. I have never seen her work to support herself. She has not had to work since she was 30 because of his life insurance money. Yesterday she told me how, after he died, she felt relieved that he wasn't around to control her anymore. Good for her. How wonderful that he is not around to pester her anymore. How wonderful that she never has to work to support herself and can learn to play a $20,000 harp and spend all her time with her church community. I wouldn't want to bother her with any of my grief. That's really shitty, ABK. I'm so sorry, you deserve better. Also, really liked your story. My dad reminds me of your mom, but not too her extent. Welcome! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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