aboveandbeyond Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I seem to have times of reflection post deconverting where I feel regret and guilt especially with my relationships with family and friends. Has your experience been the same? Do you still live with guild and regret for your deconversion? How did you overcome it? I am being vague on exactly what my guilt and regrets are...want this to be an open discussion. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinzon Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Guilt is one of mother natures defense mechanism i think. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Guilt and regret are part of Christian indoctrination. It comes from Christianity. I was full of guilt and regret as a Christian. Slowly over time I have learned to have less. It would be better for everyone if they never became a Christian in the first place. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted February 1, 2016 Super Moderator Share Posted February 1, 2016 If facts and reasoning bring me to a conclusion that differs from that of people close to me, why should I feel any guilt? Why should I regret thinking independently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLyniezian Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Yes, mostly over having left church fairly suddenly. I had been back a couple of times and told a few people, but I do think some people were worried or surprised concerning the fact. Sometimes get the odd minor bout of What If You're Wrong Syndrome, but not sure I'll be rebounding again. I wonder if it's just that I think too much about the whole religion business (or let it bother me whenever a hymn or worship song pops into my head, unremarkable as a whole host of secular songs and tunes do too...) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yunea Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 I've regretted wasting my life away waiting for miracles. That includes not getting illnesses treated and trying to pray them away instead, until they turned life-threatening, and waiting for a "path" to open up for me, only to have it destroy me when it finally seemed that I had one. I've also regretted that I believed in such junk, and that I tried to get other people to believe in it too, or convince someone who had doubts to return to faith. There is a little part of me that gets these very quick moments of relapses, and I feel deep regret for the blasphemy I've done. It only takes seconds anymore though because then I remind myself that I can not believe in the Bible, and the relapse ends. That is, unless I get it in a dream. In that kind of dreams I feel really guilty for ever saying I was atheist. Time helps a lot though. I had much stronger feelings over this just six months ago. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephenW Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Oops, I accidentally posted that before I was ready. Yes, I agree. Traditional Christianity is full of and it will take a while for it to leave your thinking. Stephen 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjn Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Well, I'm not really deconverted (since I never was a believer in the first place) but I do get these feelings of guilt, shame and self-loathing. I've always had those, but getting stuck on these Christian thoughts enhances them even further. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't even hope and strive for a better and happier life, because I'm not worthy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 There are consequences when a person leaves a cult, but the good outweighs the bad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbarousBill Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Nietzsche was a big help for me. He helped me realize that to be a fully developed grown man, you will feel many things. What matters is not to be swayed by the masses, even imagined weights in your mind. What matters is being strong and pushing forward. Emotion is art, not weight. Guilt to me is a theme to be explored, not an actionable 'feeling.' For me the most important thing in the world is my will to power. Of course that theme is much more prevalent in Schopenhauer but I don't feel like quoting him much. Most folks don't even know who he is. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 2, 2016 Moderator Share Posted February 2, 2016 I seem to have times of reflection post deconverting where I feel regret and guilt especially with my relationships with family and friends. Has your experience been the same? Do you still live with guild and regret for your deconversion? How did you overcome it? aab I think maybe you might feel guilty because you are kind of a black sheep now and don't quite fit in with some of the family and friends? That is basic people pleasing.... not wanting to have them disprove. I have said in the past on some of my posts that one of the biggest freedoms I received from deconverting was the freedom to not have to constantly people please. I always had to have everyone's approval and now I don't and it's wonderful. I stayed the same with my family and friends except for the fact that I am not a christian anymore. If they ask me.....I tell them. If they don't ask me, I just stay the same and try to treat with kindness and respect. If they don't like it...too bad. I did not purposely choose to start disbelieving.....I simply could not see any evidence for the christian god. And I asked too many questions that I wanted answers to. That and studying the first chapter of the bible, Genesis which is a ridiculous book written by ancient, tribal men. That book alone convinced me that we were not born in sin - therefore we did not need a savior.. I do not suffer guilt for becoming a non-believer. Hang in there hon, it get's better with time. (hug) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 2, 2016 Moderator Share Posted February 2, 2016 but I do get these feelings of guilt, shame and self-loathing. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't even hope and strive for a better and happier life, because I'm not worthy. For rjn........ https://www.srpl.net/love-respect/ (hug) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephenW Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 I've regretted wasting my life away waiting for miracles. That includes not getting illnesses treated and trying to pray them away instead, until they turned life-threatening, and waiting for a "path" to open up for me, only to have it destroy me when it finally seemed that I had one. I've also regretted that I believed in such junk, and that I tried to get other people to believe in it too, or convince someone who had doubts to return to faith. There is a little part of me that gets these very quick moments of relapses, and I feel deep regret for the blasphemy I've done. It only takes seconds anymore though because then I remind myself that I can not believe in the Bible, and the relapse ends. That is, unless I get it in a dream. In that kind of dreams I feel really guilty for ever saying I was atheist. Time helps a lot though. I had much stronger feelings over this just six months ago. I can certainly relate to your occasional relapses, I think those feelings are only normal. After you've spent many y ears in a particular way of thinking about things (i.e.religious thinking), those thoughts don't go away instantly when you start thinking in a new way. Yes, the transformation can take a long time. Best Wishes, Stephen 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 I seem to have times of reflection post deconverting where I feel regret and guilt especially with my relationships with family and friends. Nobody missed me when I quit going to church. So that worked out good. Has your experience been the same? Do you still live with guild and regret for your deconversion? How did you overcome it? Religious guilt was one of the reasons I deconverted, so no, no guilt or regret. I dont really have any religious people to 'answer' to in my immediate family which makes it easier. I am being vague on exactly what my guilt and regrets are...want this to be an open discussion. Religion, it has been noted before on this board, is like the Star Trek Borg Collective. The Borg were a society of mentally interconnected people who were like the Jehovah's Witnesses on steroids, assimilating people by force and without their consent , turning them into zombies to service their society. Like the Borg, religious society does not reward independent thought especially if that thought goes against the group think. Your guilt might stem from feeling that you are letting your religious family and friends down by thinking differently from them. But it's ok to be different, to think different, and most of all to be in charge of yourself. To a Christian, rejecting Jesus is rejecting them, even though they won't admit that, but that is why a Christian gets upset when you tell them you left the faith. DarkMatter2525 did a cool video about that. And it makes sense. Christian's let their group tell them what happiness is and how to be happy. That's absurd. Explore your inner reaches. Find out who you are, not some cookie cutter mental robot for the Jesus Collective. Give yourself time, watch your life unfold before you. There is a beautiful, guided yet random non-plan for your life and God's not running it, you are. Create your own happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephenW Posted February 2, 2016 Share Posted February 2, 2016 Yes, mostly over having left church fairly suddenly. I had been back a couple of times and told a few people, but I do think some people were worried or surprised concerning the fact. Sometimes get the odd minor bout of What If You're Wrong Syndrome, but not sure I'll be rebounding again. I wonder if it's just that I think too much about the whole religion business (or let it bother me whenever a hymn or worship song pops into my head, unremarkable as a whole host of secular songs and tunes do too...) I would Strongly suggest that you take up journaling. (Here is an article that I wrote about how journaling helped me. The Write Frame of Mind) Write out all of your fears, thoughts concerns. Face them and explore them. Fear is one of the main things that keeps us trapped in our thinking. For instance, one of your fears is "What If You're Wrong?". That is a reasonable question. Go with that question and write out all the possibilities of what might happen if you are wrong. You'd probably write something like, "I would go to hell." Then ask the question, "Then what?" then you might write, "I'd be burned and tortured forever." By now you'd be quivering your boots. But then go ahead and ask, "How long is forever." Now, write out the answer, "Millions and billions of years, it goes on forever without end.." by now you are practically screaming to yourself, "EEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!! Where is the way out? God help me!!!!" But Wait!!! We've been told that God sent me here. How can I ask him to help me? Now, pause a moment. Stop and ask yourself a few questions? Where did hell come from? Who created it? Why was it created? When was it created? (You can even look here for more thoughts and questions about hell: Is Hell Real?) Now, ask yourself, what did you do to deserve hell? Christianity says, "because you did not accept Jesus as you savior, you will go to hell." Stop, and examine that claim. Just because you do no believe something that someone told you, you would be sent to be tortured forever and ever and be put in the worst possible pain imaginable with no end. Wait! Stop! Now your brain begins to start working. You ask yourself, "after I'm dead, where would the pain come from? From what science and medicine tells us, pain travel through out nerves and other body parts that spirits don't have. How would we feel pain if all the parts of our body that transmit pain are no longer with us, but have disintegrated? But, even so, let's go back to the question, "Why would I be sent to hell forever and forever and forever, what would be the reason? Stop, and think a moment. If God is a just God, would not he also be just in the amount of punishment to dish out? So, what type of crime would you have to have done to deserved to be punished horrendously forever? Now, stop again and think some more. There is no type of crime that we or anyone else could have done to have deserved such a cruel and everlasting punishment. Going back to my suggestion of journaling, I hope that you would be writing all of this out. When you write thing out you can see how unrational and crazy this type of thinking is. You see, your brain is doing all this to you, producing all of this fear and unrational thinking. And, writing it out helps you to see how crazy your brain can be. Then ask your mind (after all, it is YOUR mind that is doing it to you). "Mind, is that that best you have to offer? What you have given me is just plain silly." I don't know about you, but when I start to write this out it almost become like writing a fictional story. As you ask more questions and write them out, your logical mind comes into play and examines what you write. And, I find that when my logical mind kicks in it throws out all the fear and irrationality Well, that's all for now. I hope that you are doing better. Best Wishes, Stephen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 I've regretted wasting my life away waiting for miracles. That includes not getting illnesses treated and trying to pray them away instead, until they turned life-threatening, and waiting for a "path" to open up for me, only to have it destroy me when it finally seemed that I had one. I've also regretted that I believed in such junk, and that I tried to get other people to believe in it too, or convince someone who had doubts to return to faith. Hey, Yunea! I can sure relate to what you said!!! I too regret wasting my life, luring other souls into the fraudulent fold of fools, missing out on life and social milestones.... I also waited for miracles and for god to "speak" to me. What I would give for a do-over! Gah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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