Moderator TABA Posted April 5, 2016 Moderator Share Posted April 5, 2016 I have one last meeting with the church leadership tonight. My wife and I have requested the meeting because the head elder has breached confidence about my departure from the church. This will be the last contact I will have with all of them. I'm informing them I will never attend their church or really any church ever again. Not that they really care. They've proven that over and over again. On a side note - I must try this Fuller's London Porter. My favorite beers are porters. Don't really understand the appeal of IPAs personally. Good luck with the meeting tonight! Maybe a Porter (Fuller's London or otherwise) might be appropriate afterward . I also recommend Fuller's ESB (Extra Special Bitter). I have to say my wife and I are big IPA fans too, though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 I have one last meeting with the church leadership tonight. My wife and I have requested the meeting because the head elder has breached confidence about my departure from the church. This will be the last contact I will have with all of them. I'm informing them I will never attend their church or really any church ever again. Not that they really care. They've proven that over and over again. On a side note - I must try this Fuller's London Porter. My favorite beers are porters. Don't really understand the appeal of IPAs personally. Good luck with the meeting tonight! Maybe a Porter (Fuller's London or otherwise) might be appropriate afterward . I also recommend Fuller's ESB (Extra Special Bitter). I have to say my wife and I are big IPA fans too, though... LOL Look under my name... In the gods I serve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TABA Posted April 5, 2016 Moderator Share Posted April 5, 2016 I have one last meeting with the church leadership tonight. My wife and I have requested the meeting because the head elder has breached confidence about my departure from the church. This will be the last contact I will have with all of them. I'm informing them I will never attend their church or really any church ever again. Not that they really care. They've proven that over and over again. On a side note - I must try this Fuller's London Porter. My favorite beers are porters. Don't really understand the appeal of IPAs personally. Good luck with the meeting tonight! Maybe a Porter (Fuller's London or otherwise) might be appropriate afterward . I also recommend Fuller's ESB (Extra Special Bitter). I have to say my wife and I are big IPA fans too, though... LOL Look under my name... In the gods I serve. Me too... but I guess I'm more of a polytheist in that respect. Fuller's, Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale, the list is long... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Excellent post! You have a support system here. There's also a "ministry" for peeps like yourself at http://clergyproject.org/ I and others here know all too well how destructive leaving it all behind can be. It's like you look back and see nothing but destruction from your departure. Leaving is desctructive to the faith... But it's constructive to you. It's progress. It's freedom. It's enlightenment. Those people won't pursue you. They might say they will, but you'll find out that Christiantiy is really just tribalism. You're good if you align yourself with their ideologies but once you don't, you're cast out. Welcome to the family of seekers, pursuers and heathens. Thanks! I appreciate it. I have one last meeting with the church leadership tonight. My wife and I have requested the meeting because the head elder has breached confidence about my departure from the church. This will be the last contact I will have with all of them. I'm informing them I will never attend their church or really any church ever again. Not that they really care. They've proven that over and over again. On a side note - I must try this Fuller's London Porter. My favorite beers are porters. Don't really understand the appeal of IPAs personally. It sucks, but they really do not care. Reality takes a back seat and the myth is drving and they're all in the passenger seat with their eyes closed, not doing shit. London Pride is great too... It was the first beer I really ever even liked... Then I tried Porter and nothing has ever topped it... There's a lot of beers I love but it's my first true beer crush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 I have one last meeting with the church leadership tonight. My wife and I have requested the meeting because the head elder has breached confidence about my departure from the church. This will be the last contact I will have with all of them. I'm informing them I will never attend their church or really any church ever again. Not that they really care. They've proven that over and over again. On a side note - I must try this Fuller's London Porter. My favorite beers are porters. Don't really understand the appeal of IPAs personally. Good luck with the meeting tonight! Maybe a Porter (Fuller's London or otherwise) might be appropriate afterward . I also recommend Fuller's ESB (Extra Special Bitter). I have to say my wife and I are big IPA fans too, though... LOL Look under my name... In the gods I serve. Me too... but I guess I'm more of a polytheist in that respect. Fuller's, Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale, the list is long... Oh yes, I agree... I don't want to hijack this thread but I agree with you there.. I'm currently dabbling with many of the Rogue brewery's creations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 Welcome, and thank you for sharing your story. The process of leaving your religion can be difficult and overwhelming, and I can’t imagine the extra hurdles for someone who was an actual minister and church leader. I’m sure you’re dealing with a lot of ambiguity right now, and I hope you’re able to find the clarity you need. I’m so happy to hear about your brother! While I’m grateful for his online community, it’s really nice to have support from someone close to you. It can be a bit lonely to be the only ex-christian you know. I hope your meeting tonight goes well. If I’m reading this right it sounds like your wife is a bit worried about the logistics of a possible career change, what are her feelings about a possible deconversion? Thanks!! It's been a rough road so far but I feel more free than I have in a long time. My wife is ok with a career change, she knows I haven't been happy for a long time, and she's even ok with not going to church at least for awhile, but she is worried about me losing my faith. Which I totally understand. She thinks I'm confusing my relationship with xians with my relationship with god. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 My meeting last night went ok. The leader who breached confidentiality apologized, I accepted it. Then they asked me about how I was doing with my relationship with god and church and stuff. I told them that I have for a long time felt like a square peg in a round hole and all the stuff that happened at that church, along with the time I've had to read and muse, has made me determine that I won't be going to church for a long time, perhaps forever. They were shocked and a couple leaders I'm closer with were definitely sad about it. It felt good to let them know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 My meeting last night went ok. The leader who breached confidentiality apologized, I accepted it. Then they asked me about how I was doing with my relationship with god and church and stuff. I told them that I have for a long time felt like a square peg in a round hole and all the stuff that happened at that church, along with the time I've had to read and muse, has made me determine that I won't be going to church for a long time, perhaps forever. They were shocked and a couple leaders I'm closer with were definitely sad about it. It felt good to let them know. It's good that you were able to express yourself honestly. Delivery is key with information like that as Christians always feel persecuted when if you say anything negative about the faith. It can be tough conversation to have. Sounds like it was medicinal for you and that's great too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 Well, things are going better on the job front. I'm moving along with the postal service, and I also got hired for a third shift position at the local Kroger. So at least some income will be coming in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qadeshet Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 I'm glad things are looking up. And I'll bet you're much happier now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 I'm glad things are looking up. And I'll bet you're much happier now? Mostly. I feel free, that's for sure. I'm still dealing with a couple of situations at the church that are only confirming to me how this change was necessary for my health and my family's health and well-being. Those are hard. The letting people go part is hard as well. When you are in ministry, your world is the church. All your friends, all your contacts, all your connections. When you leave one church, you usually go to another. So although you leave almost all of the other connections behind, you usually gain more at your new church. I'm obviously not doing that. So we feel kind of alone, except for a few people who have stuck by our side. Trying to figure out a new normal, if you will. I know I will connect with people I work with, so that will be good. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 It's rough, man. It's literally like you're a completely different person living a different life with no friends in the beginning. There's a period of reinvention that takes some getting through. But, in the end - as you're seeing... It's better for you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 I'm glad to hear that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Just got around to reading your post! It was really encouraging to hear your extimony. You're very eloquent and inspiring, and your three points of what makes someone leave the church is applicable to my life. I hope everything works out for you. Definitely pursue the fight against sex trafficking! I spent a whole year studying it and working with a non profit that fights it, and it is SO rewarding (though the reward isn't what people usually think: "rescuing" girls). Please keep me updated on your pursuit! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 Just got around to reading your post! It was really encouraging to hear your extimony. You're very eloquent and inspiring, and your three points of what makes someone leave the church is applicable to my life. I hope everything works out for you. Definitely pursue the fight against sex trafficking! I spent a whole year studying it and working with a non profit that fights it, and it is SO rewarding (though the reward isn't what people usually think: "rescuing" girls). Please keep me updated on your pursuit! Good luck! Awesome! I sent you a message. It took me a few days of being on here that people can private message you. You can find it on the upper right hand corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 I'm working at a grocery store third shift part-time while I look for a new career, and I've been listening to the Life After God podcast with Ryan Bell. It is really really good if you are in the deconversion process. I listened to an interview with Bart Ehrman about his new book, and an interview with a guy who talked about this website. His name is Galen Broaddus. Does anyone remember him here? Anyway, it's a great podcast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted May 23, 2016 Moderator Share Posted May 23, 2016 I'm glad to hear that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. There is darlin'. It felt 'bleak' for me for awhile and then I started very slowly to accept life on life's terms (including being brainwashed about the lie of christianity). That was a very hard lie for me to accept because I really believed it, even with as many questions I had about it....it still was my life. I had no other 'worldview'. The important thing is to create your own purpose for now. You will eventually attract a few friends who will be your greatest friends. (hug) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 Thanks, Margee. It's those darn ups and downs that are so hard. Leveling into a new normal will be good, I think. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted May 25, 2016 Moderator Share Posted May 25, 2016 Thanks, Margee. It's those darn ups and downs that are so hard. Leveling into a new normal will be good, I think. It takes time for some of us hf. It has taken me 5 years on this site to become comfortable with who I am today. You are doing awesome!! Keep it up! So good to have you here with us! Big ((hug)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I'm working at a grocery store third shift part-time while I look for a new career Have you checked out The Clergy Project? http://clergyproject.org/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted May 29, 2016 Author Share Posted May 29, 2016 Yes I have. I've talked to a couple of the leaders there. Now that I've given up the idea of a supernatural deity, I think I can join them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 Good luck! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 I applied, so we shall see! I was listening to the Life After God podcast a couple nights ago, and one of the descriptions of the deconversion process I thought was really accurate, at least for me, was the feeling of dying to your old christian self as a death by a thousand cuts. I totally agree with this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I applied, so we shall see! I was listening to the Life After God podcast a couple nights ago, and one of the descriptions of the deconversion process I thought was really accurate, at least for me, was the feeling of dying to your old christian self as a death by a thousand cuts. I totally agree with this. I can certainly relate to the difficulty of deconversion. I always described mine as feeling like the earth got yanked out from under my feet and I was falling with nowhere to get a foothold. It was scary and depressing to have the only worldview I had ever known be completely shattered. Anyway, I hope things work out with The Clergy Project. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Thanks, Margee. It's those darn ups and downs that are so hard. Leveling into a new normal will be good, I think. It takes time for some of us hf. It has taken me 5 years on this site to become comfortable with who I am today. You are doing awesome!! Keep it up! So good to have you here with us! Big ((hug)) Thanks! It feels good to belong somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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