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Goodbye Jesus

Goodbye Ernie


Ro-bear

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My dad died this morning.  All I felt was relief, but I left school anyway.  I figured helping Mom with the arrangements would be better than risking an emotional breakdown at school.  Anyway, got through all that and still nothing.  I think it will happen sometime, though.  I just hope I'm alone when it does.  I wish it were the weekend. 

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  • Super Moderator

Sorry for your loss. Stay busy with the arrangements for now, take care of Mom, and grieving will come in its own time. Hang in there.

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Ro-bear, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad.  You take good care of yourself through the next while and let yourself feel whatever comes up. The death of those we love and lose is a very heavy stress on the body. I give you the biggest ((hug)) in the world tonight. 

 

Little-girl-and-teddy-bear-hug-nice-pict

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So sorry to read of your loss and will keep you in our thoughts.

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Sorry for your loss

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Sorry Ro. Damn.

 

 

kevin

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So sorry for your loss, Ro-bear.  My dad passed away a few years ago when he was 78.  I took 6 days before I could cry.     (((Big hugs for you and your family.)))

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My condolences to you and yours.

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Sorry for your loss, Ro-Bear.

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Sorry Ro. We're a world and digits apart, but my heart feels sadness for you and your family. I hope you can take some time off and mend. 

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Sorry for your loss.

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Thanks to all for condolences. I went back to work today because it seemed easier than staying home.  It still hasn't hit me.  It wasn't a big surprise.  Dad has been going downhill for weeks.  Diagnosed with Alzheimers in Oct., moved to memory unit in Nov, fell and broke hip in Jan, then just got weaker and weaker...

 

Dad died real hard. The last week he didn't speak a single intelligible word, never seemed fully awake, wouldn't make eye contact, never left the bed, which had to have rails to keep him in.. When he was animated, he had the look of a frightened animal. He writhed and moaned a lot.  He made one nurse throw her back out when he rolled out before we got the rail bed.  He bit another when she moved him to prevent bed sores.  Bit her right on the tit; she showed me the impression.  Hospice provided palliative care, but shit it wasn't enough.  No one would let an animal go through that, but a person has to.

 

If I ever get that diagnosis, I hope I go straight home, set my affairs in order, and blow my head off.

 

Sorry for the downer, but I can't talk about this in person right now, so I do it here.

 

Service Saturday. Younger daughter will go straight to prom after, then off to college next fall.  *sigh*

I'm just not that comfortable with changes of this magnitude.

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I too am very sorry, Ro-bear. Having lost both parents, at points when for both, I thought it was a mercy, I am sensing that the same is the case for your dad. It is terrible the way the medical industry profits from people whose natural time has passed. That's how it seems to me, anyway. Like you, I hope for a fast end.

 

I read somewhere that a man doesn't feel he is really a man until his father has passed. But perhaps now that our parents live beyond their time, that meme is less valid. When my father died, I was just glad that he'd had good innings, crazy though he was, and that he didn't suffer much.

 

I don't have any words of wisdom for how it'll be for you in the coming year, with him gone. But having sort of gotten to know you online from this site over years, I think you will be centered, and OK.

 

Your younger daughter thing makes me think of the end of Kafka's Metamorphosis. The young sister, full of life, goes on. That's the great chain of being, or something like that.

 

All best, f

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     Sorry about your dad.  Hopefully keeping busy will make it easier for you.

 

          mwc

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I'm sorry to read that, it's not uncommon for it to take a while for reality to sink in, sometimes your brain needs time to properly process and understand what's happened. Having someone there in your life for so long and then suddenly losing them even when you knew it was coming is very difficult and it'll take a while to get used to it and handle it. Look after yourself. <3

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I'm really sorry to hear that, Ro-bear.

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Sorry to hear of this.  I saw my own father decline into incoherence, and the end is ultimately a relief when it comes - for me there was almost a sense in which the grieving was done for the person that was lost whilst the body was still alive.  Keeping busy at work was a good strategy, I found.

 

No advice; just "head down and keep paddling" - because there's little else that can be done.

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My condolences.

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Sorry, brother.  That's rough.  <3

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am so sorry that you have lost your dad. This is probably stating the obvious, but there is no “right” way to grieve; everyone grieves differently. Many people in my cohort are doing their practicum work at local palliative care clinics and hospices. One thing they sometimes talk about is the way family members grieve when a loved one who had some form of dementia dies. Sometimes they process the loss a little differently because they started the process much earlier, when the family member first started developing Alzheimer’s.

 

Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish you all peace possible while you find your new normal. 

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How are you holding up?

 

My dad has been declining mentally for 2 decades now, so when he goes, I’m sure it will be a relief in that sense. He has also lived a long, full life, so his passing will not be tragic—certainly no more tragic than having dementia. I wonder if I will ever mourn him or sense any loss, though. He was abusive and somewhat hands off as a father, and I just don’t get that warm feeling upon seeing him that I get when I see my other friends and relatives. (Indeed, it was shockingly recently that I learned that it isn’t normal to be afraid of one’s father.) He was basically your aloof, machismo West Indian male, but then add a short temper on top of that. Nowadays, he’s like trying to be friendly and everything, but he’s clueless about the emotional estrangement between himself and his kids.

I worry about being asked, as the oldest child, to give the eulogy. Not only would I have to put a positive spin on the way he raised us (and yes, there were positives) without the appearance of endorsing his “discipline” style in a culture where it's common to spank kids before they learn to walk, but I would have to speak as a materialist in community where nearly everyone believes in heaven, and expects everyone else to believe in heaven as well.

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