offtheromanroad Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Hello there, I guess I am dealing with another ex-c phenomenon: I almost always feel guilty. Either for something specific or just in general. If it's specific, it can be for the simple fact that I stood up for myself rather than showing the other cheek. If it is general, it will be just... a general sense of guilt, of feeling guilty. I also oftentimes feel embarrassed of myself for on obvious reason, e.g. wondering whether I said awkward stuff during a conversation, e.g. at a party, though I think I can safely say I don't have social anxiety... This has been going on for a while now. The guilt might be partly due to Lutheranism/Evangelical Christianity. Has this happened to you? I hope you have a great evening Off The Road Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Leaving religion is a journey not an event. It takes time to process all the stuff a person has to deal with. This journey often takes years to work through not months, weeks, or days. Time is your friend. Virtually all religious people have been indoctrinated & learning to think rationally & logically again is also a process. Stay the course & you will be okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warlocktheadam Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Hm. I suspect xians would say your guilt is the Holy Spirit convicting you... but whatever. I know you didn't ask for a diagnosis, but I thought I'd share my thoughts, as it might help you. I'm going through a similar thing, so my own advice might help me too. It is difficult to definitively determine the origin of your guilt without knowing your personal experience. Did you feel this guilt only after your deconversion, or before as well? Are you hounded by religious people trying to bring you back into the fold? Do you have a low sense of self-value? Do you fear xianity's supposed punishments towards non-believers? There are many possible sources for your feelings. I, personally, think my own feelings of guilt stem from a desire to please my parents, my xian upbringing, and a want to follow the rules. Since I was taught for twenty years that the Bible speaks those rules, breaking its commandments makes me feel a little bad. At the same time, I see how absurd xianity and belief in the infallibility of the Bible is, so while my logical mind says I shouldn't feel this way, my emotional being is still struggling with guilt. It might help you if you try to pinpoint the source of your feelings. In life, I have found that knowledge truly is power, and understanding something upsetting or even frightening really helps me cope with it, even if I can't change it. Something to think about. Regarding your question, as I said, yes I feel guilt as well. I suspect many people leaving religion do. But these embarrassing feelings you mention are probably something else entirely. You say you don't have social anxiety. Are you only uncomfortable when talking to someone you are romantically interested in, or when talking to religious people? Is there a specific group of people or a specific person you feel this embarrassment around? Or do you feel this way when talking to almost anyone? If the latter is the case, I'd suspect you either do have social anxiety, or you are a perfectionist and over-analyze your own behavior. I am guilty of both. It has taken me quite some time to stop mentally punishing myself for "messing up" during a conversation, but I still do it sometimes. It's just something I have to live with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voice Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 It's happened to me. Guilt is an enemy. Looking back on conversations and asking yourself whether you did it right is learning social skills. Keep doing that. A lot of us have a steep learning curve in social skills ahead after coming out. I've found that some people take advantage of guilt and use it as a means to manipulate, to gain upper hands, power over the "guilty" party. Watch for that. The ones I've met who do that do it on first impressions, right away. They recognize the profile. The ones I met when I first discovered this weren't christians, but christians do it well too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Once you've really screwed up in your life, you'll understand what guilt is. And that makes you feel less guilty about things like religion or offending someone. Kidding, kind of. That's what I've experienced at least over the past couple of years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I felt guilty for specific sins I continued to do as a Christian. Some book I read said to either stop doing those things or stop feeling guilty about doing those things, so I chose the latter and my faith and also the guilt faded away. Christianity employees guilt, fear and shame. Christianity tells people they are worthless. It is a lie. Guilt is a tool to keep you coming back to the religion, church, etc. If it's very distressing seek out some helpful people to help you work on the guilt problem. If it's more of an annoyance, there might be a book that helps you out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Guilt and shame are normal human emotions, usually caused by actions (or inactions) which cause harm or suffering to other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike D Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I never feel guilty or ashamed about anything, even when I was a Christian. Sure they tried to make me feel guilty, but I wasn't buying it. The way I see it, everything I do is justified, or I wouldn't do it. Therefore I have no guilt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlowerDemon Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I used to deal with the same shit, but it wasn't just from my religion. It also had to do with the negative conditioning I experienced growing up. For example, I had a friend who made me feel guilty for every little thing I did or said that bothered her. She claimed we were best friends, yet she would turn on me and put me down the moment I did or said something that was wrong in her mind, and judged me for a lot of things that real friends wouldn't (like who I was dating or who my other friends were). Also judgement from family and people at school had me always feeling like something was wrong with me, so I wasn't embarrassed of myself, it was more like feeling alienated from the rest of the people around me. Feeling out of place. As a Christian, the guilt became worse when I felt like God was convicting me of being in a relationship with a non believer and having pre-martial sex. Or convicting me for viewing porn, or using substances, or using foul language, or being bisexual, etc. On top of the negative conditioning I already had on my shoulders, Christianity had me feeling guilty of my own human nature. Once I broke away from the bond of religion, everything kind of fell into place. I've embraced my own spiritual path that has benefited me and helped me let go of the guilt and to truly love and nurture myself on the inside and out. I saw how pointless it was to live in the past and to constantly feel guilty for things that I did back then. I saw how it was poisonous to my soul. Even though I get tripped up on my past once in a while, I made peace with it and accepted it for what it is, and shifted my focus to the present moment. I highly encourage you to journal about this, maybe brainstorm the reasons why you constantly feel guilty and embarrassed of yourself. Chances are it could be from your religious upbringing, but perhaps also from the way you were raised or the people you grew up with, etc. Then come to an acceptance of your past and shift your focus on the present moment. Be as engaged in the present moment as often as possible. It's ok to look back at where you've been, or to wonder about the future to come, but the present is the most important. Make the most of it by loving yourself for who you are on the inside and out, cherishing every memory made. I became a much happier person when I left Christianity and came to acceptance of everything in my life. I hope this helps you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlowerDemon Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Leaving religion is a journey not an event. It takes time to process all the stuff a person has to deal with. This journey often takes years to work through not months, weeks, or days. Time is your friend. Virtually all religious people have been indoctrinated & learning to think rationally & logically again is also a process. Stay the course & you will be okay. this guy speaks the truth, by the way. Be easy on yourself. It takes time to recondition your brain to view the world in a whole different perspective, away from the lense of Christianity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsathoggua Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 I never feel guilty or ashamed about anything, even when I was a Christian. Sure they tried to make me feel guilty, but I wasn't buying it. The way I see it, everything I do is justified, or I wouldn't do it. Therefore I have no guilt. I'm pretty much the same way regarding guilt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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