Breaking Free

[BreakingTheShell]

Warning: Long post ahead lol... First and foremost, thank you so much for accepting my request. It feels good to be a part of a group of like-minded people and to be able to freely share my thoughts and not feel judged or criticized. I am so glad I came across this website  

I’m a mother and a wife and I’ve been soul searching for years, and just recently (about 4 weeks) I had a breakthrough and I am finally breaking free from my shell. I’m not sure what really caused this new change within me, but I have to say that I have never, ever felt so empowered or feel this huge sense of peace within my mind, body and soul, or felt so confident in my own skin, like I’ve been feeling this past couple of weeks; I love this new me and I feel the need to share.

I haven’t shared with many people because I am still making personal changes, reading and doing a bit of more research, but this new change has truly transformed me from the inside out.

I’ve made the decision to live my life free of religion (oh gosh, I can’t believe I said it out loud but it feels really good) I decided to break free from all the brain washing that’s been done to me since I was a child. I’ve lived my life in fear and it has paralyzed me on so many levels. I’ve decided to approach other things that truly bring nothing but joy and peace into my life; things that were pushed to the back of my mind due to religion views and the believe that it was all evil and it would all lead me to a life of: “lies, misery and hurt; and the believe that I would never ever amount to anything great” but I had enough and I decided to break free from the fear, from the guilt, from the judgmental mentality, and it was the best decision I have ever made.

I just recently started meditating, and doing yoga, which I’ve always loved but my mother always said it was an evil practice (boy was she wrong). I started to think more positive and to say “thank you” more often, to be grateful for every single thing I have, rather than complaining for things that I just want and not truly need; I also have positive quotes all over my desk at work and in my bedroom, and every morning as soon as I wake up I speak  positive words into my life, my son’s life and my husband’s life; I also write down 3 things that I am grateful for, and every night I simply say “thank you for such beautiful day and for all the blessings, lessons and the wonderful people that love me and cherish me and for the new people that came into my life”.

I am lucky that my husband supports me 100%; he sees the changes and he’s beyond happy to see how much I truly enjoy life, how genuine my laughter is and how caring I am with everyone around me. It's been a blessing and humbling change, and seeing that I no longer cry and over stress every single situation that goes wrong, that I no longer over-analyze everything in my life, that I speak my mind without fear and use nothing but kind words, but most importantly I am not judgmental to the lifestyle of others, I don’t criticize the way other’s act or think, something I was doing A LOT. I am choosing to live my life free of gossip and hate.

I have to yet share this new me & this new belief I’ve chosen to follow, with my mother and a few friends which I know a lot of these friends are probably going to cut me out of their lives and I am at peace with that. I know is going to be super hard on my mother, she’s a Christian woman who attends church 4 times a week and loves God/Jesus unconditionally, and the minute I tell her that I no longer wish to live the life she wants me to live or to believe in the same things she believes, it’s going to break her heart but I have to do this for me and for the sake of my child; he’s only 12 and he’s very judgement and I know a lot has to do with the way I was acting and the words I was using and my mom influences a lot, and it breaks my heart. I am beyond grateful for everything she’s done, and I know that she’s wanting to spread the same believes she has onto us and my child and there’s nothing wrong with that I just don’t feel the same way she does and honestly it doesn’t bring me happiness and like I said earlier, all it’s done it’s teach me how to live in fear and I I've learned that we’re not meant to live life in sickness, in fear and have little self esteem, and with a constant feeling of anxiety and for the last 15 years that’s how my mother has lived her life and it breaks my heart. She doesn't go out or has friends, she's been single for a long time and she's a young beautiful woman but her anxiety and depression has taken a toll on her and although she works and tries to stay active she's put her entire being into God and says that she's healed and takes her meds only when needed, but I am constantly getting text messages from her feeling depress and sad and questioning "Am I going to do with my life?". It truly hurts me to see her that way, but I can't do much for her, she wont give herself a bit of distance and freedom because if she does she feels guilty and afraid . I do believe in having rules and boundaries and that’s exactly what I am trying to do, setting rules and boundaries and making changes that bring nothing but peace and harmony into my life and the lives of my loved ones. I am not hurting anyone but in her mind this is horrible and is coming from the "devil" and the last thing I want to do is is for us to have a huge fight over this, we already have a rocky relationship, because for my entire life, I’ve been doing things to please her and to keep the peace between us, but I’m done. I am breaking free from my shell I'm unlocking the chains that has kept me confine and in fear. 

heart emoticon

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I’m sorry for it been so lengthy lol… 
xoxo 

[florduh]

Welcome!

 

Living a life to please others is misery. Glad you took control. It's YOUR life!

[Jeff]

Don't lose this freedom you feel. You will continue to change but just remember how good it feel.

Good luck with sharing with friends and family. You will need some support here if you go through with it.

Think about talking with your son first and let him see the new you for a while before you get your mom involved. He needs some help undoing what you've inadvertently brainwashed him with. Your mom will fear for him and he might need a bit of a head start on things before she starts working on him out of her fear.

Good luck to you and welcome

[♦ nivek ♦]

Feel very welcome to Here.

 

Lots to explore, quite an eclectic group of Reasonably Knowledgeable Individuals with experiences much like yours.
You will find fellow travelers in this new part of your continuing Life.

Enjoy your on.ass on.line time here, it is the place to come and get that damn religious monkey off your back.

 

kevinL

[BreakingTheShell]

Feel very welcome to Here.

 

Lots to explore, quite an eclectic group of Reasonably Knowledgeable Individuals with experiences much like yours.

You will find fellow travelers in this new part of your continuing Life.

 

Enjoy your on.ass on.line time here, it is the place to come and get that damn religious monkey off your back.

 

kevinL

I see that. I've been all over the site reading amazing stories and blogs. Very eye opening. 

[BreakingTheShell]

Don't lose this freedom you feel. You will continue to change but just remember how good it feel.

Good luck with sharing with friends and family. You will need some support here if you go through with it.

Think about talking with your son first and let him see the new you for a while before you get your mom involved. He needs some help undoing what you've inadvertently brainwashed him with. Your mom will fear for him and he might need a bit of a head start on things before she starts working on him out of her fear.

Good luck to you and welcome

Thank you for your advice. Really appreciate it. It helps to see that I am not alone. I had a conversation with my son; didn't go into details but I told him what I was doing and what my thoughts are he was pretty cool about it but then my mother came home Saturday night and took him to  church he came home with a bunch of flyers and envelopes asking for us to "donate" and help out... It's going to take time. One of my main goal is to move; i love my mother and I know she means well but she's been pushy and controlling and she will never understand. I don't think I'm going to give her any details or explain this "new me", I already know what her reaction is going to be.

 

She wont stop sending me bible verses or asking me to go to church. I went to a women's God encounter back in February and I did it to please her and although it was a good experience, I honestly didn't feel anything, i was exhausted at the end of it. I spent Friday from 7pm till 9pm and then Satuday from 7am till 5pm; I was drained when I got home Saturday night. I started to push myself into reading the Bible more, watching "clean" movies and TV shows; I tried to make changes but none of it came from deep down inside, once again I was obligating myself to do things to please my mother. During the encounter my mother asked me several times "did you received the holy spirit? did you speak in tongue?"( which was really creepy) and the minute I said Nope, nada... she lost it.. You're not all in it, you're not opening your heart you're been afraid and controlled by the devil  ... so I'm just done with that quack mentality.... 

[BreakingTheShell]

Welcome!

 

Living a life to please others is misery. Glad you took control. It's YOUR life!

Thank you and yes, you're right, I was miserable it was really depressing doing things and acting a certain way just to please to my mother or to feel accepted by others. It's been about a month and I feel free and happier than ever  

[Margee]

Welcome to Ex-c BreakingTheShell! What a positive testimony! Just wonderful to read! You got this girl! Don't let anyone try to convince you that this is the devil coming as 'an angel of light'. I went through hell on that one, therefore it took me a lot longer to deconvert.

 

Once I realized the whole entire bible was bullshit and that there was no 'being born in sin' or supernatural 'devil', I was able to start living a life of freedom! The best....I mean the best freedom in the world is being liberated from what people think about you and your life. I don't reveal much to my cousins and christian friends on Facebook for the simple reason as to not start any chaos or controversy. That's my choice. I like our family gatherings but to be honest with you, if they left me because of my non-belief, I wouldn't be devastated at all. And if anyone tries to 'bully' me, they're out! Making a move away from your mother may be a very good thing in order for you to be able to have a little relationship with her and yet, not be in close proximity for her to watch your every move.

 

I'm so glad you found us hon!! Go and enjoy that freedom you finally have. It's a wonderful thing to not live with the fear that the christian god is watching your every move!! Welcome!!

 

Big ((hug))

[RexJamesson]

Welcome, BreakingTheShell!

 

You already know so well the freedom and empowerment, and shoulders to cry on, that you can find here.  Welcome to freethought, or to a different spiritual experience (I see you still have a god - that's of course completely fine).  This group is wonderful and accepting.

 

My road from Christianity has been a long tough journey.  It was actually _easy_ to see the errors and bronze-age thinking in the bible, once I opened my eyes.  But the tough part has been the interpersonal.  A lot of your conversations with your mom remind me of my conversations with my wife.  All those things about being controlled by the devil (especially if I might _shudder_ read something by Dawkins or Hitchens or Dan Barker).  And when I say I don't believe in Christ (maybe as a person, certainly not in any other respect) I regularly hear the rant, that "well, how do you get to heaven, then - how good is good enough?  NOBODY'S good enough!"  and on and on (if she lets me respond, I might say a couple words and then she'll interrupt to jump down my throat with the same argument again).  I love her, as I know you love your mom - so these are such extremely difficult interactions to go through when you want to just love that person and respond to them.  They're caught up in a mind control from organized religion - it's not them personally yelling at you, it's _their_ mind control demon!

 

I'm writing to give encouragement though - enough of that dark stuff.  I mentioned it because I've been gentle and patient with my wife.  I've even - very very carefully - opened to her a few biblical contradictions and errors per science.  She fought it for a long time, but over the past 8 months she's started to become more receptive.  This is a long journey, and it may be painful at many times.  But "you've got this" - and if I can ever help or advise you in dealing with the firm yet fearful Christian in your life (such as I have in my life), I'd be ever so happy to!

[LifeCycle]

Welcome to the saner side of reality! Good to see another one catch on to the bullshit and start separating themselves from it. Continued relationships with family can be very difficult. Much family I no longer talk to but that's because they're crazy (and Christian... maybe there's a connection? haha). 

 

The transition is not easy. But you sound like you're in a good place emotionally to step up to the plate. Good luck with everything and stick around! This place was the fresh oxygen I needed 3 years ago when I went through my deconversion. 

[Guest]

Welcome to ex-c, BreakingTheShell! Your story inspires me greatly, because you have found such freedom with your decision! Hold onto it! Don't forget this beautiful feeling of breaking free! I remember when I left the church for the first time. I had that lovely freedom! I will tell you, not to scare you, that if you end up having some trauma because of religion (my sense of freedom was clouded by PTSD/Religious Trauma Syndrome), there ARE resources for you and your family. You may face adversity with old friends, and with your mom. I certainly did (my mother is almost the same as yours in her reaction), and i found that these caused much trauma in my life. But you're in the right place! If you ever need anything, or if things get tough, we're here for ya, and there are increasing resources for those who have been through religious pain and fear. For now, though, I hope you continue to experience this freedom and relief! Isn't it wonderful?

[SkepticalDaniel]

 

Warning: Long post ahead lol... First and foremost, thank you so much for accepting my request. It feels good to be a part of a group of like-minded people and to be able to freely share my thoughts and not feel judged or criticized. I am so glad I came across this website  

I’m a mother and a wife and I’ve been soul searching for years, and just recently (about 4 weeks) I had a breakthrough and I am finally breaking free from my shell. I’m not sure what really caused this new change within me, but I have to say that I have never, ever felt so empowered or feel this huge sense of peace within my mind, body and soul, or felt so confident in my own skin, like I’ve been feeling this past couple of weeks; I love this new me and I feel the need to share.

I haven’t shared with many people because I am still making personal changes, reading and doing a bit of more research, but this new change has truly transformed me from the inside out.

I’ve made the decision to live my life free of religion (oh gosh, I can’t believe I said it out loud but it feels really good) I decided to break free from all the brain washing that’s been done to me since I was a child. I’ve lived my life in fear and it has paralyzed me on so many levels. I’ve decided to approach other things that truly bring nothing but joy and peace into my life; things that were pushed to the back of my mind due to religion views and the believe that it was all evil and it would all lead me to a life of: “lies, misery and hurt; and the believe that I would never ever amount to anything great” but I had enough and I decided to break free from the fear, from the guilt, from the judgmental mentality, and it was the best decision I have ever made.

I just recently started meditating, and doing yoga, which I’ve always loved but my mother always said it was an evil practice (boy was she wrong). I started to think more positive and to say “thank you” more often, to be grateful for every single thing I have, rather than complaining for things that I just want and not truly need; I also have positive quotes all over my desk at work and in my bedroom, and every morning as soon as I wake up I speak  positive words into my life, my son’s life and my husband’s life; I also write down 3 things that I am grateful for, and every night I simply say “thank you for such beautiful day and for all the blessings, lessons and the wonderful people that love me and cherish me and for the new people that came into my life”.

I am lucky that my husband supports me 100%; he sees the changes and he’s beyond happy to see how much I truly enjoy life, how genuine my laughter is and how caring I am with everyone around me. It's been a blessing and humbling change, and seeing that I no longer cry and over stress every single situation that goes wrong, that I no longer over-analyze everything in my life, that I speak my mind without fear and use nothing but kind words, but most importantly I am not judgmental to the lifestyle of others, I don’t criticize the way other’s act or think, something I was doing A LOT. I am choosing to live my life free of gossip and hate.

I have to yet share this new me & this new belief I’ve chosen to follow, with my mother and a few friends which I know a lot of these friends are probably going to cut me out of their lives and I am at peace with that. I know is going to be super hard on my mother, she’s a Christian woman who attends church 4 times a week and loves God/Jesus unconditionally, and the minute I tell her that I no longer wish to live the life she wants me to live or to believe in the same things she believes, it’s going to break her heart but I have to do this for me and for the sake of my child; he’s only 12 and he’s very judgement and I know a lot has to do with the way I was acting and the words I was using and my mom influences a lot, and it breaks my heart. I am beyond grateful for everything she’s done, and I know that she’s wanting to spread the same believes she has onto us and my child and there’s nothing wrong with that I just don’t feel the same way she does and honestly it doesn’t bring me happiness and like I said earlier, all it’s done it’s teach me how to live in fear and I I've learned that we’re not meant to live life in sickness, in fear and have little self esteem, and with a constant feeling of anxiety and for the last 15 years that’s how my mother has lived her life and it breaks my heart. She doesn't go out or has friends, she's been single for a long time and she's a young beautiful woman but her anxiety and depression has taken a toll on her and although she works and tries to stay active she's put her entire being into God and says that she's healed and takes her meds only when needed, but I am constantly getting text messages from her feeling depress and sad and questioning "Am I going to do with my life?". It truly hurts me to see her that way, but I can't do much for her, she wont give herself a bit of distance and freedom because if she does she feels guilty and afraid . I do believe in having rules and boundaries and that’s exactly what I am trying to do, setting rules and boundaries and making changes that bring nothing but peace and harmony into my life and the lives of my loved ones. I am not hurting anyone but in her mind this is horrible and is coming from the "devil" and the last thing I want to do is is for us to have a huge fight over this, we already have a rocky relationship, because for my entire life, I’ve been doing things to please her and to keep the peace between us, but I’m done. I am breaking free from my shell I'm unlocking the chains that has kept me confine and in fear. 

heart emoticon

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I’m sorry for it been so lengthy lol… 

xoxo 

 

I'm still trying to break free. It's just really hard.