What Is The 'glass-Half-Full' Version Of The Time Wasted On Religion

[Wittyusername]

I spent 35 the first years of my life on religion. I still have the other half of my three score and ten , 'God willing' (I still do not really have alternative vocabulary !)

 

I have many regrets:

 

- a lot of sexual pleasure and experimentation missed out on. There may however have been some of the emotional damage that some argue comes from emotional connections with multiple partners or sex as a teen.

 

- emotional damage from believing I am flawed and sinful but am maybe ok so long as I love the being who will torture me if I don't , or forget to pray, think a bad thought , watch the Simpsons , read non King James ... The list goes on.

 

- I would have maybe found a better spouse who I am actually attracted to rather than 'being led by the spirit'.

 

- I would have enjoyed a lot more attention if I was not in 'modest' I.e. Potato sack clothes.

 

- time I spent on the bible, praying and at church could have been used elsewhere e.g. I could probably have learned to play the piano or something.

 

- I would have chosen a more money oriented career and probably been better off financially.

 

- I would have been more able to fit in socially in this secular country and been less of an outsider, maybe more confident.

 

- I love my child but being a parent so young meant I missed out on a lot of young adult experiences.

 

- maybe I would have a whole crew of open minded friends who I hang out with in Central Perk.

 

- being 'meek' allowed some people to take advantage of me and some continue to see me as a pushover.

 

Some good things;

 

- I never got into problems with drugs or alcohol as I was too straight laced to dabble.

 

- I made it a habit to try and be kind and Christlike to people, now that is a part of my personality.

 

- time spent at bible clubs as a teen stopped me 'hanging out with a bad crowd'.

 

- I met two people who are still good friends, in a church context.

 

- I learned some Bronze Age history and fables.

 

- I am now more alert to brainwashing and general culty vibes.

 

- there would have been a lot of family conflict if I had expressed these views when I was still living at home, or inner conflict if I felt I had to hide my lack of belief.

 

- I have learnt a lot about religion deconverting. There is a good bunch of people here at ex-c, many of whom are very knowledgable and share freely.

 

Please share some of the POSITIVES of having spent so much time on religion and as a religious person.

[GuyGone]

Good advice in the Bible.  I've posted this on other threads, but the verse that says we should be slow to anger and quick to forgive is always good advice.  The places that talk about not getting tangled up with a habitually angry person are good.  The verses that say that the tree you water is the one that grows.  The places that talk about the importance of knowing when to quit plowing and start planting (agrarian context, but generally applicable).   Warnings against malice and bitterness.  I've seen what a lifetime of hanging on to those will do; the Bible's advice to let them go is good in any era.

 

People voluntarily listen to a speech once a week about how to have a better marriage, better life, whatever.  Some churches are all about threats and fear, but a lot of modern churches are more about how to improve your life.  And people listen to these voluntarily.  As I said in my book, if everyone in America spent 30 minutes a week voluntarily listening to good life-advice about being mature, not looking for trouble, treating people with decency, etc., we'd have a better culture.  (It would have to be voluntary or it would just be political propaganda from whatever group is in power, like in N. Korea).  Maybe there would be fewer people who are always looking for a reason to be offended by something.

 

Opportunity to socialize with like-minded people.  Granted, on this forum, we disagree with those people.  But at our last church, I think a lot of the seniors attended mainly to socialize with the other seniors.  They had dinners and other get-togethers.  So I'd say community is a positive aspect.

[hockeyfan70]

Churches that do a lot in the area of social justice is a positive in my opinion.

 

There are lots of ministries around the world made up of christians who are quietly doing "small things with great love."

 

My visit to Southeast Asia and a long time ago doing inner-city missions trips have shown me some really good people.

 

As a youth minister, I helped a lot of students turn their lives around. I wish it wasn't using religious practices, but they are better people as a result.

 

As a worship minister, I guess I made people feel good by singing songs. I still a hard time figuring out what good I did in that area.

[Ellinas]

Perfectly simple.

 

I am what I am (apologies to Popeye) because of what I was.

 

Had I been something else, I have no way of knowing what I would be now.

 

Therefore the advantage (though whether "positive" or "negative" is perhaps a matter of opinion) is that my time as a Christian - including the bigotry and the restrictions, and my eventual reaction to those elements - is part of the me that I have become.

[buffettphan]

^^Exactly.  Going through our christian experiences made us who we are today and I'd say, in most cases, the authentic and therefore better version of our selves.

[Lilith666]

Wisdom gained from the experience, like knowing when to argue or shut up - I was a fierce 15-year-old who loved to point out everything wrong with the bible in Sunday School, and I didn't keep quiet about Jesus-related things I found wrong or disturbing, but in hindsight I probably could be obnoxious and wasn't much better than in 7th grade when I tried to tell the science teacher evolution isn't real. There should be balance between the two. Dealing with parents - disagreeing politely about religion and not taking the bait when they bring it up. You can live in the same space with people whose beliefs you think are stupid or immoral, and actually get along with those people. Boost in self-confidence and knowing yourself: objecting to immoral church practices or beliefs even when so many people around you put total faith in them, realizing you aren't just someone who follows other people no matter what they say, finding you can speak up when you think something is unethical. The frustration I felt with my "wasted" years in the church must be nothing compared to what other people feel, because I quit at 14 while tons of others spent decades believing Christianity. But I still think I benefited from being raised in the cult, because then I left, and now have experiences that people not in a situation like ours don't have.

[florduh]

Since church days I have adopted the habit of always taking a critical look at everything. I seek evidence for any kind of claim put forth, not just in the realm of woo-woo. I think I am better educated now and have more insight into psychology. Though I no longer do it, I learned to debate and argue effectively. Because of my experience I am more attuned to the attempts of religious groups to infiltrate and pervert our secular government. It made me think.

[Bhim]

My life as a Christian was largely miserable, but was not without its positive attributes. Rarely, except during my time as an evangelical Christian, did I feel such a strong sense of belonging and community. When I was a Christian and part of a close-knit group of like-minded intellectual Calvinists, I felt that we were all of one mind and purpose. I was a distinct and important part of something larger, and I never felt alone or isolated. This sort of community is difficult to find outside of American evangelical Christianity.

[dichotomy]

Our lists are very similar witty. Which isn't a surprised given we're about the same age, female, got married and had children young and both living in the UK?

 

Positives for me:

 

I have some amazing friends who I made through my young church days - some who have also lost faith and therefore understand me very well.

 

I have a husband whom I love and, despite all our challenges, conflicts and difficulties, is very well suited to me. We have also shared our experience of faith and loss of faith together. 

 

I have lived and experienced life from two wildly different perspectives and worldview. I have learned that there is not *right* or *wrong* way to be or to believe. That has taught me humility and reduced any arrogance I may otherwise have had. I also feel I have learned a great deal of insight into how people think and behave, and gained tolerance and understanding for others who have a completely different culture and worldview to my own.

 

For me, my upbringing in methodism in a rural community really had some true positives (it was the batshit crazy pentecostal urban crap that messed me up). I love the "Britishness" of Anglicanism and Methodism, I like that tweeness that is underlying, and also the genuine community spirit and tea with the vicar type things. 

 

Conflict within church taught me an awful lot too. And how priorities matter. When half the church committee are talking about social action, poverty, helping people in serious difficulties, and the other half are bothered about not using the organ enough or the curtains getting tatty, or the youth group being too noisy, it puts things in perspective.

[Vigile]

I think what Florduh wrote jives with me the closest. I learned to be skeptical and tend to question things that most people simply just take for granted as a result of my deconversion process. That's not always good, but most of the time it is and it's helped me go through life with my eyes wide open. 

[Margee]

I think that believing so strongly back then were some of the most hopeful days I had. It was a great feeling for me to think that god was watching over my life. I had a lot of fun with the music and singing. Pentecostalism is highly emotional and it suited my personality to a tee. I also think it kept me out of a lot of trouble because I also have a 'curiosity kills the cat' personality so I probably would have tried a lot of things that I might regret today.

 

I learned through deconversion to say 'no' to a lot of things. I've become a much stronger person and people pleasing is not the top priority on my list anymore although I still love to do good for those who are important in my life. My eyes are wide open now and I question everything.