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Goodbye Jesus

Any Stories Anyone Wants To Share On Distancing Themselves From Church Friends?


harvester77

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I just need help in slowly getting away from church friends but they were there for me in my hour of need and helped me out when I needed but ine showed her true colours when I keft a job that was making me mentally unwell and also physcially unwell and a decision that I prayed over many months but in the end it worked out fine for me and I am happy and at peace. She apolgised for having a go me after a church service and said satan was attacking her and she as sorry. Now I asked her to pray about something and she went on about unemployed lazy people, i look after two kids and I have always worked but I feel she takes a dig at me all the time but on the other hand she is good. Tonight was a fellowship night of prayer but to be honest I am slowly not believing in the God they believe in. They preach jesus yet live the opposite of what he says. Only pick and choose which scriptures are good for us and also she gloats when getting into a debate which I try and avoid as she thinks she is smarter. I need to distance myself.How did you all do it?

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You might be able to find some other people in similar situations to you on the Internet, you may even be able to meet some in person. When I was heading out of the Christian belief system I found it very helpful to come to this forum and talk to other people who had been through or we're currently going through the same thing I was. At a time like this when so much is changing with your beliefs it's really important for you to know that you aren't on your own, they are many other people who have been where you are and understand.

 

I'm probably not the best to get advice from regarding how to properly distance yourself from church people, I was attending two different churches and I stopped going to one and didn't contact anyone from there very much at all. I did pretty much the same thing with the other church, but kept two friends from there, one I don't see much anymore but the other my family and I still get along with and see regularly. All the rest I only really had on Facebook and I ended up deleting many of them because I didn't hear from them anyway.

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Hi, sorry to hear about your struggles.

 

For me, the important thing was not to think about if my friends were Christian, church goers, or not, but to look at our friendship and what it was like, what it was based on.

 

My partner and I lost a *lot* of friends when we left the church, we also established that many people who wed considered friends weren't really at all. Not because they disowned us or because of their behaviours, just because we realised that the only thing we had in common was that we attended the same church.

 

However, just this week we met up with two of our closest friends who are Christian and still heavily involved with church, and it is 10 yrs now almost, since we left. We are just good friends and our beliefs and faith don't impact on that too much.

 

The friend you're talking about sounds like they may not be the healthiest or best of people to be friends with *anyway* be they Christian or not.

 

I left the church back in 2007/8 and had properly lost my faith by the end of 2009. At the time it was difficult and I felt quite alone, some of my Christian friends distanced themselves from me, some of my non christian friends just didn't *get* what I was going through, so I went out and made new friends.

 

I was doing a Masters course, I also had young children, I was also working, with those three areas of life I was able to make new friends. I found that having completely new friends who had never known me as "Christian dichotomy" and just knew me as "dichotomy" with no religious status, was freeing. I got to work out what I thought for myself, and I got to discover new things about me as an individual. My friends were my friends because we related and connected through interests and character and "chemistry" not because they were people who had the same worldview and faith and church as me.

 

I also found internet forums *very* helpful, and have made some of my closest friends through a parenting site.

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She apolgised for having a go me after a church service and said satan was attacking her and she as sorry.

 

One may behave badly at any convenient time if responsibility can always be so easily denied.

 

This is not a person to bother with. Just move on.

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The friend you're talking about sounds like they may not be the healthiest or best of people to be friends with *anyway* be they Christian or not.

 

I left the church back in 2007/8 and had properly lost my faith by the end of 2009. At the time it was difficult and I felt quite alone, some of my Christian friends distanced themselves from me, some of my non christian friends just didn't *get* what I was going through, so I went out and made new friends.

 

I'm with dichotomy here.

 

I had a friend like this, but what I did isn't what you want to do it sounds like. I made a clean cut, and it happened fast. I exposed his behavior with quotes from when jesus talked to the Pharisees, then I just walked away leaving him totally pissed off, letting him judge me. I didn't want his abusive, controlling influence in my life. This is pretty much what I did with other "friends" and acquaintances from the church when I left, but not with quotes as sharp as those I used with the one friend. Mostly I just walked away letting them all judge and condemn me to their hearts content. I didn't take it personally. Their behavior was all about them, not about me.

It sounds like you might still want to maintain a friendship. It's my opinion that in her black or white view she will never respect you again or treat you like an equal if you're leaving christianity. Friendships can't be like that. 

 

 I also made new friends. I'd been devastated by losing so many friends in the span of just one week. Meeting people who didn't know my religious history was liberating for me too. I was blown away at how secular, regular people were so much more compassionate, understanding and accepting than any of the christians I'd been associating with.

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I didn't really have to distance myself from a lot of people because they did it themselves, which was very hurting. A few stuck around to be nice and I knew they were secretly praying for me. We were always taught  that you must not be unequally yoked with non-believers. You could love them from a distance and keep praying but their 'worldly' influence was not good to be around. All my fundi friends left. I had already started missing many church services and they noticed. So when I explained what I was going through (I told them of my doubts) they started distancing from me. By this time, it was pretty easy to walk away completely. Now when we meet around town, it's very awkward.

 

My closest friends still believe in a 'power greater than yourself' and we don't get into many discussions so the friendships are much easier. I'm grateful for those who just enjoy each other's company without having to have the big discussions on god.

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