Popular Post Geezer Posted August 8, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted August 8, 2016 My wife & I have been married 50 years. She is a cradle Xian. I de-converted some time ago but she has remained a Xian. I did manage to get her away from Xian fundamentalism by telling her I would only attend church with her if she would agree to go to a liberal form of Xianity. She decided the Methodist Church would work for her & I discovered I could tolerate that. We basically don't discuss religion at all that was part of our agreement after I left Xianity. A few months ago she just stopped going to church. She said she just wasn't feeling it & I said okay. I never asked why she wasn't feeling it. Sunday a week ago she indicated she wanted to go to church. I went with her but didn't ask why she was suddenly feeling it again. This past Saturday morning we were having coffee & out of the blue she started asking questions about problems she was having with the Bible. Our Q & A lasted for 2 hours. I was wise enough to simply answer her questions with out elaborating beyond what she asked. She eventually admitted that she no longer believed the Bible is literally true. She also acknowledged that religion is man made but also indicated that she still needs God in her life. That lead to a discussion about God, sin, forgiveness, etc. That encouraged me to express my position on sin & why I'm convinced there is no such thing as sin outside religion. That discussion lasted for awhile but she never challenged the concept that sin only exist in religion. She eventually admitted that she doesn't think heaven & hell are real places, but she wanted to go to Church today so we went without further comment. I realize she is at that initial stage where she is willing to question her beliefs & traditions & accept they may not be true. I see her mind opening to where she is willing to consider a different way to look @ Xianity. Our Q & A was the most honest & intimate discussion we've had in 50 years of marriage & I'm okay if nothing else comes from our talk. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Fantastic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insightful Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 That's great, Geezer. I've loved hearing your reflections on your marriage over the years. It's noteworthy that she would seek your perspective on biblical matters as so often the unbelieving spouse is viewed as dangerous /threatening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyra Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Awesome!! Good on you for letting her take the lead and not pushing the issue. Now that she realizes the Bible isn't credible, it's really likely to just fall apart from here. It's normal to want to have faith in some type of higher spirituality, so she can still be an Ex-C and believe in a God at the same time. Would it work to maybe check out some alternative spirituality together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Wow, this is wonderful. I especially like the fact that you had a truly intimate and honest discussion. It seems clear that whether or not your wife trusts God, she trusts you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 It's never easy, but it seems to be much harder to question life-long beliefs at your wife's age. That she's doing so now speaks to her character and her respect for honesty. I'm happy for you Geezer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Nice going! It sounds as if you really handled this well. I think under the circumstances, I would have had difficulty not jumping up and down with excitement! I'm really happy that you were able to have this intimate discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 WOW Geezer! That's awsome! I'm taking the same tact with my wife and hope that she investigates with an open mind at some point. Your post gives me renewed hope that this could actaully happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Good for you and your wife. Take it low and slow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 I learned a long time ago that no one can force an adult to either believe or not believe religious dogma. People have to be convinced, either by education or indoctrination, to either accept or reject religion & that requires a receptive mind. Once a decision is made it will be enormously difficult to get them to change their mind. The biggest hurdle will be to get them to open their mind sufficiently enough to honestly consider new information, or information that challenges their "beliefs". If the "discussion" becomes combative no purpose will be served by continuing it. The person simply isn't mentally or emotionally ready to discuss the subject. Shut It down before the person permanently closes the door & accept the fact they may not be receptive to address these subjects again for years or maybe never. In the case of my wife it's taken 11 years for her to bring the subject up for discussion. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blindsighted Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 I'm happy for you. Especially that you two were able to have such an open discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Geezer, You indeed are a good and decent Man. My hopes for a long and smooth golden years with Momma Geezer. kevinL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 So happy for even this small step, Geezer, and that you could have such a quality conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 So happy for even this small step, Geezer, and that you could have such a quality conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LongWayAround Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 That is great news geezer! I am in a similar situation with my wife and I don't have any expectations that she will ever question her faith. I guess there is hope but I am going to keep my expectations at zero to avoid disappointment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted August 13, 2016 Moderator Share Posted August 13, 2016 Geezer, I just wanted you to know how happy I am for you and your family! This is great news! (hug) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted August 15, 2016 Author Share Posted August 15, 2016 Thanks for the encouraging thoughts everyone. Much appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts