traveller2 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm pretty good with my personality type, I am what I am. It has its challenges but in the last few yrs I've grown to like myself more and stop trying to be more outgoing etc.its given me some peace. In the church my introversion was seen as a disease to be cured ....one day.i was often told I needed to speak up more or that I was awfully quiet and other helpful remarks that inferred that I had great potential but just needed to be more....you know (often given with some wavy hand motion and nod of the head) which I think meant I needed to be more confident and chatty or somthing like that.Anyway the implication was I was slightly deficient in somthing and if only I'd be more like somthing....I'd be ....there??? Typical church BS. Or is it?fast forward to last night at a party. A very close and drunk freind of my girlfriend gibbering pish in my ear all night about that this is like getting blood out of a stone,that I'm a good looking guy if I just....Fuck knows...there were more wavy hand motions and head nods. Or the woman at work who told me out of the blue in a break time convo that I could hav any woman I wanted....if I was just more....yep you guess it ...more hand wavy gesturing and nodding of the head to indicate I needed to be more of somthing. I don't get people.I guess that's part of my introversion.And despite a good bit of experience post deconversion I just don't get women who I barely kno that feel they hav to tell me I need to be more....you know?....somthing! Listen this is a serious post so whoever chooses to reply pls dny give me crass comments or smart ass jokes.This has caused me pain for 25 yrs of my adult life.I had a good night last night.My gf and I partied,we drank a skinful and had a great time dancing.But it really clouds my experience to be told I'm somehow deficient in my humanity in the eyes of others.Like I say I am good with being an introvert since I accepted it some five yrs ago and I'm long long past trying to staple some act onto my soul to be someone else.Im just me and always will be.Part of accepting my introversion has been about being at peace with my character abd personality but it's difficult and brings up alot of pain when I'm told these mini analyses of who I am by well meaning people. Btw the pal of my gf:I kno her quite well and told her to Fuck off which she seemed to think was a great joke but then she was steaming drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm glad you've made progress in your satisfaction with yourself. I often have the same problem, though most of the time it's not introversion so much (as in enjoying being solitary, although that's very true too) as it is wishing I weren't shy and knew what to say to people. I added the parentheses because sometimes introversion and shyness get confused with each other. I can order coffee or something and check out groceries and things like that without any problem, but in my personal life I often don't know what to say to make conversation, or I'm worrying what people are thinking of me when I talk to them. So it leads to a lot of insecurity. You have to recognize what there is to appreciate about your personality, not because it's necessary to dig for something to like, but because Western culture - assuming you're part of it - values extroversion. Job ads are always looking for someone outgoing and with a lot of "personality," for which there's a narrow definition, and extroverts tend to be more socially popular. But I see introverts as mysterious, not putting everything about themselves out there right away, and a refreshing change from people who never seem to stop making noise. Being shy gives me the experience of sensitivity to people, because it's difficult sometimes to feel good about myself and when someone says she or he has a low self-concept, I know what that person is talking about. It's harder to be shy or introverted than it is to be extroverted in general in society, because we have to work at being comfortable in situations with a lot of people or strangers, especially for an extended time. We have to put up a front of loving having to talk to a lot of people so that we don't get written off as anti-social or lacking "personality." I don't mean to say that we're victims; I don't blame people for enjoying being around more outgoing types, because they're naturally attractive. I just mean that when we reach our goals, we can say we did it with an extra load of anxiety and stress and convincing ourselves we're capable of handling a crowd of strangers. You have a ton to be proud of. Next time someone hints condescendingly that you need to be louder and more like them, tell them that they need to be less... *gesture-wave* ...obnoxious and mind their own business. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Within the past hour, my wife and I drove past a sign advertising for an 'ice cream social'. I told her that we should organise an ice cream antisocial... It'd be a bunch of introverts sitting around, eating ice cream and just looking around. Both of us are mostly introverted and a bit socially awkward. We had a good laugh at that idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Husband and I can both totally relate. We're now old enough we don't care as much what people think (or at least I don't), so it's not such a problem anymore, but I've heard and experienced lots of that stuff. The worst is when your own grandmother calls you a snob because you don't talk to people! Excuse me if I don't feel like I have anything useful to contribute to the conversation and prefer to just listen politely! My husband has complained for years about seeing loud, brash, take-charge (but otherwise incompetent) guys get promoted ahead of him while he quietly gets the job done consistently and competently. It's infuriating at times to live in a society that values extroversion so strongly. You might consider reading Quiet, by Susan Cain. She does a fantastic job of detailing the myriad ways that introversion is just as valuable, if not more so than, extroversion, as well as including tips on how to "blend in" a bit better when needed. Social skills come naturally to extroverts but have to be learned by introverts. I've learned to be very good at small talk but I detest it and only do it if I really have to. I've also learned how to ask question after question to keep the other person talking so I don't have to divulge anything of myself. It also makes them feel like I really am interested in them (even if I'm not), so everyone likes me, . But most importantly, I've become more at ease with silence, even with aquaintences. I agree with Lilith - next time they do something like that to you, tell them they'd have it so much better if they were just less . . . *gesture wave* something! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentLoner Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 Within the past hour, my wife and I drove past a sign advertising for an 'ice cream social'. I told her that we should organise an ice cream antisocial... It'd be a bunch of introverts sitting around, eating ice cream and just looking around. Both of us are mostly introverted and a bit socially awkward. We had a good laugh at that idea. Oddly enough I've been to something like that. Years ago it was supposed to be a meetup group for an ice cream (well, gelato, to be exact) social, but people attending pretty much did what you suggested. I had pretty bad social anxiety at the time, so I just ate my gelato and bailed 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjn Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 Within the past hour, my wife and I drove past a sign advertising for an 'ice cream social'. I told her that we should organise an ice cream antisocial... It'd be a bunch of introverts sitting around, eating ice cream and just looking around. Both of us are mostly introverted and a bit socially awkward. We had a good laugh at that idea. Oddly enough I've been to something like that. Years ago it was supposed to be a meetup group for an ice cream (well, gelato, to be exact) social, but people attending pretty much did what you suggested. I had pretty bad social anxiety at the time, so I just ate my gelato and bailed That sounds more awkward than a gathering of sober Swedes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 My partner and I can both relate to feelings. I think sometimes introversion can also be a way to protect yourself from pain and betrayal. It's a safety mechanism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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