Feeling Hollow.

[Autumn2909]

My life feels so devoid and empty. I feel outside of my self, numb and just...meh.

I feel like my life is stuck while everyone else keeps moving, finding love, happiness, success, meaning. 

I have no community anymore. No comfort, no joy, no music, just...hollow.

 

Ive been deconverting for about 3 years now. I figured I'd be feeling less lost by now. 

 

I wish I could have my Christian years back; I'd love to have a do-over of going super-evangelical church at university.

 

If I didn't have my dog to get my out the house and into nature, I think I'd go nuts.

 

When will this shitty feeling end??   I can't go on feeling like this.

[Geezer]

One of the worst things about leaving your religion is the loss of friends and social structure. I supposed one could ask if they really were my friends why would they end our friendship because I left religion? So, maybe they weren't your friends after all.

 

Maybe you should look at this situation as though you moved to distant city or country and now you have to rebuild your social structure and make new friends. How would you go about that? What do you like to do for fun? Others probably like to do that too, so that might be a good way to make new contacts and friends. Social media is a way to meet new people.

 

One thing for sure get out of the house and start interacting with new people. The Unitarian Church embraces both believers and non-believers as do other "liberal" Churches. Most true liberal versions of Christianity are mostly social clubs so that could be transitional possibility.

 

Things do get better in time, but it just doesn't happen. You will have to take some initiative yourself. Like I said, if you just moved to a new city how would you go about making new friends?

 

I know this is a difficult time for you and we've all been there. It will get better.

[LogicalFallacy]

Hi Daisy

 

I'm in the same situation at the moment. I've started getting anxiety attacks and can't sleep because I'm dreading family gatherings. It's just the body/mind reacting to perceived danager, but still not pleasant at all.

 

Have you tried to find special interest groups, or meet anyone outside of the church group? I must admit to being lost on this point myself. I'm in a small town so not a lot of social opportunities so my ability to find a new social group is very low. So at the moment I have to work through these feelings in regards to my Christian friends/family.

 

I guess that's not much help, other than you aren't alone in this struggle.

[Autumn2909]

*trigger warning*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm also really fighting the urge to self harm again, just to feel something tangible.

[Geezer]

Please don't do that. Get some professional help and please do that quickly.

[Autumn2909]

I'm not going to, that's an old life.Just the urge never really goes away. 

 

Unfortunately accessing pro services means a long wait for an initial assessment. Unless I can "prove" to my private medical insurance (company provided) thatI need to access private services.

[Margee]

Hi Daisy. I'm so glad you have a dog to love. Animals are the best!  I'm so sorry you are feeling so hollow right now. It's no fun. I felt that way a lot in my deconversion. Today I was thinking to myself that if I hear that song 'Hallelujah' one more time on Facebook, I'm going to scream. Everyone looks so happy swaying back and forth in those videos and I will not ever deny that I wish I could feel the same thing. But I have to get my enjoyment out of secular music now and I do. And it's hard to accept the cold, hard facts that there probably is no god to rescue us from anything so we do have to rescue ourselves.

 

I am doing everything in my power to stay away from all negativity right now. The American election nearly drove me crazy so I have deleted a lot of news from my timeline. I'm trying to concentrate on all things that make me feel happy..... only looking at and reading as much positive things as possible. I even blocked a family member on Facebook because they are a bully and they were bullying me because I disagreed with them about something (and they have to 'win') and I cannot handle that. I don't want to listen to one more argument from one more human. If it doesn't make me happy - I walk away. It's so important to keep all the people around you who bring you happiness. Have you got a couple of friends that can help you? 

 

What about getting a real good hobby to work on? Something that fills that human need to 'create'?  Don't give up sweetie. Keep looking. Keep going for those walks with your dog. And keep posting. That's what kept me sane. I sure hope you feel better real soon.

 

Big ((hug))

[older]

It sure sucks to be in your position. I think many people face that at some time or another. While we have left religion behind, there are a few things worth keeping, and one of them that has worked for me is the Serenity Prayer, of course, without the God stuff. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." The fact that you are strong enough to come here and share your inner feelings with us, and the fact that you are deconverting, shows that you are strong enough to make changes. You can, and will, add more changes to your list of accomplishments. You might start with finding a hobby club, taking an evening class, volunteering for some youth program, or getting involved in a political movement (stopping Brexit?). (Personally, I find working with children gives much meaning to my life.)

 

Start by writing down a goal for the week, and write down exactly what you're going to do to reach that goal. That might be finding that club or organization to join and contacting them. Then write down the goal for the next week, which might be going to the meeting whether you feel like it or not. From there, write down a similar goal for each week. And you have to write it down. Thinking it doesn't work. Try it.

 

Keep us posted.

[TippyToe]

Hi Daisy, i'm sorry you're feeling this way, it truly can be awful. As the others have said, many people feel this way at some point or another, i'm not saying that to make you're experience less valid, but the opposite, what you're feeling makes you so human and so connected to others.

 

what i find is that when we put conditions on our happiness, we suffer. i always use to tell myself 'i will be happy when such and such happens' or at a certain point in my life, but whenever that thing happened, i always looked to the next thing for my happiness, and with that frame of mind, peace and happiness never comes. If we can learn to be content in what we have right now and also content in the ordinary (not becoming complacent but rather appreciating simple, normal things in life), then i feel, we become less restless and anxious, and more content. 

 

Also, something that has really helped for me is just not entertaining the minds negative narrative. So naturally my thought train may go somewhere eg 'i'm alone, unintelligent, hopeless etc'. i think its normal to think those things, but if we get lost in that train of thought and start agreeing with and identifying with that voice, then we begin to suffer. so its not about retraining the mind or anything silly like that, but simply recognizing that its destructive to get lost in our inner narrative. 

 

I don't know if you will find this helpful or not, i hope it's not patronising. I relate a lot to what you have described, and these are the things that have helped me, find a deeper level of peace, and get rid of that constant state of feeling horrific! 

[Tiacapan]

So sorry daisyfields that you are feeling so bad right now :0(  I can relate to your sense of isolation and having no community.  I am a single mum with 3 kids and it would be the easiest thing in the world to start going to my mums church which is good in that the people are very lovely, there are lots of young families  and activities going on for me and the kids to get involved with and make friends.  But obviously I just couldn’t pretend like that :0)   And like you, in our society, without church it is really hard to create that community that we are so used to.  Its a sad thing and tough to deal with.

 

It sounds like you are really struggling and need more support and help.  Do you have friends and family you can reach out to? Also I know the wait list is long for getting more professional help but its worth getting the ball rolling rather than look back in 6 months still feeling bad and wishing you had asked for help earlier. 

 

And finally, although this sounds like a cliché, what has really helped me through very tough times is to totally love, spoil, adore and pamper myself.  It was something I learned mainly through my divorce process…that I had to love and spoil myself because No one, absolutely no-one else was going to do that for me.  I learnt to put ME first rather than let all those old god-tapes (god first, then others, then yourself ) continue to dominate me.  Its not selfish, its survival.  Do whatever it is you need to do to make yourself happy and enjoying your life, you deserve it absolutely xx

[R. S. Martin]

My life feels so devoid and empty. I feel outside of my self, numb and just...meh.

I feel like my life is stuck while everyone else keeps moving, finding love, happiness, success, meaning. 

I have no community anymore. No comfort, no joy, no music, just...hollow.

 

Ive been deconverting for about 3 years now. I figured I'd be feeling less lost by now. 

 

I wish I could have my Christian years back; I'd love to have a do-over of going super-evangelical church at university.

 

If I didn't have my dog to get my out the house and into nature, I think I'd go nuts.

 

When will this shitty feeling end??   I can't go on feeling like this.

 

Hello Daisy. I'm not sure if you're still feeling so badly or if things are looking up by now. What you describe here about feeling outside of your self sounds to me like proof of abnormal feelings. Though I am not a mental health professional; just speaking from my own and other people's experiences. I don't know what the evidence is that your insurance company requires. 

 

I don't know you, haven't read your earlier posts, but someone mentioned being new in town. My most severe and long-lasting hollow feelings were when I left the horse and buggy culture I was raised in and everyone was mad at me for doing so. But ten, fifteen years before that (in my mid-twenties) I suffered serious depression and felt "outside of my self." I also had lifelong burning questions about the faith, which raises the question: Why wait so long? However, I don't think the human body is able to tolerate the combined feelings of severe depression and a drastic change of culture at the same time. 

 

I realize that a move to another town in the same culture is not as drastic as the culture change I made but moving house is very stressful at the best of times, and I understand you suffer from depression. What I am suggesting is that your hollow feelings, etc., may occur for multiple reasons, from more than deconversion. Is it possible to get a professional diagnosis and treatment?