The Threat Of Hell And Other Biblical Lies And Nonsense

[Castiel233]

This dreadful threat, this hateful crime against humanity has driven, and continues to drive human beings to misery. Is this curse true.

 

Only if the Bible is true, is the curse of Hell true......

 

No one can say for sure, so let us examine the likelihood.......

 

The Bible promises God will hear and heed your prayers. ......this is false 

 

Jesus said, ask and it will be given to you......lies 

 

Jesus claims that believers can do His works and more........lies.  

 

The bible claims that the animals were paraded in front of Adam so that he could name them.......there are estimated to be around 950000 different sorts of insects alone and about 8.7 million different species of animals......must have kept Adam very very busy....unless it didn't happen of course....which it almost certainly didn't.

 

The mighty Ark of Noah and his amazing animals that all lived on board in peace without eating each other because they were so chilled out watching Netflix...................didn't and couldn't have happened.

 

Animals do.not.breathe. fire.....no matter what the Bible says 

 

The Jews met Jesus, wanted and believed in a Messiah. They passed on Him . Actual Yahweh Believers took one look at the dude pretending to be Yahweh in person and turned their noses up. 

 

Jesus claims to be God, then He claims otherwise....shessh dude make your mind up.

 

Jesus says He only came to save the Jews....good news gentiles, you can sod off.

 

God's laws in the OT are overturned by God's son in the NT, even thou God's laws are forever laws and must be fulfilled.

 

I work in a hospital. The number of dead people I have seen prayed back to life is zero....the number of broken bones I have seen healed through the healing power of Christ is also, unsurprisingly zero. Yet with God, all things are supposed to be possible.

 

Its been said before, but I shall repeat it.....DONKEYS CAN'T SPEAK HUMAN LANGUAGE. In the 21st century, in a world with the internet and  such, that grown adults believe in talking animals could make you weep. 

 

Jesus says seek Him and you will find Him........Jesus says those that seek Him will not find Him........thanks for that Jesus.......really helpful.....(Not)

 

Jesus, the eternal all knowing mighty power ranger who could not stay dead and was protected by the Supreme master  of the Universe.....hid from Roman Soldiers.

 

The Bible claims that Jesus was the all powerful who was not all powerful....again, helpful, I don't think.

 

We are all doomed to to the lake of fire because of a hungry, curious rib woman who committed the "crime" of eating magic fruit in front of MR ED the talking serpent......what is this book....Harry Potter and the overuse of Magic Mushrooms.

 

Jesus claimed He would come back during the lifetime of the people who saw Him the first time ....(Spoiler alert). He didn't.

 

Luke 6:30 is to Christians , what holy water is to Dracula........

 

Magic sticks and magic snakes.....we are back to JK Rowling again 

 

I will say this very very slowly....human beings cannot use telepathy to talk to invisible beings, let alone pretend to be in a relationship with them.

 

Moses, the meek and mild killing machine. Meek people usually don't run around on killing sprees. Moses , Mr second amendment rights more like it. 

 

Moses dies, writes about his own death.........the clever , clever man. 

 

Victims of violence are to be stoned to death....yep. victims....gotta love that "just" and "holy" god.

 

Jesus say he speaks in parables so that He can send people to Hell.....well , gosh darn it......isn't that just peachy of Him

 

Mr Family values Himself, the oh so wise JC, promises you a big reward after you snuff it as long as you turn away from your family. Jesus wants you all to Himself, a bit like overly attached girlfriend.  

 

Jesus the most wise, falls out (literally) with a tree and murders farm animals........

 

Owning and beating slaves is wrong says modern Humans.....JC is not on board with this idea.

 

The OT is rather fond of slavery......well what a surprise...so is the NT.

 

Is it OK to punish people for doing something wrong, even if they were not aware it was wrong ...I wonder what the Bible says........its a yes 

 

God, the owner of the entire Universe, likes money and food and burnt offerings.

 

The perfect Heaven sees a war in which supernatural beings who cannot die fight each other.

 

God owns a bow and arrows according to the Bible. Christians never seem to find this odd, but will laugh at Zeus and His bolt of lighting.

 

God the all knowing asks Adam and Eve where they had been hiding. God the all knowing asks Satan what he had been up to. God does not seem to be all knowing.

 

To pretend to believe in this book is the only way you can get to be POTUS.

[rjn]

There are different interpretations of what Hell is, so even if the Bible somehow is true, it doesn't necessarily mean that Hell is. Annihilationism and Universalism are not some modern heretical ideas, they've been around since the early church. Origen is one example. 

[Geezer]

The myth of heaven and hell has human origins. Those are both vital parts of the rewards punishment doctrines in Christianity. Follow the rules and you will spend eternity with God in heaven, but if you don't follow the rules God will burn you alive for all eternity.

[MOHO]

"God owns a bow and arrows according to the Bible. Christians never seem to find this odd, but will laugh at Zeus and His bolt of lighting."

 

Why am I so uncomfortable around those "grown" adults who believe in talking snakes and bushes that cannot be consumed by fire?

Why is it that so many cannot figure out that claims of talking snakes and burning bushes are made by lunatics and charlatans?

[ConsiderTheSource]

MOHO, as long as they deny that god is imaginary they will not figure anything out.  They might get to a questioning stage, but they will not figure it out.  

 

It is reasonable for you to be uncomfortable.  But, since they are pervasive, and the majority, it is also quite reasonable to let them go on with their imaginary life and not overly piss them off so you will not be overly negatively impacted.  Play the game with an eye on what is best for MOHO, and those you love and care about.

[LogicalFallacy]

I can beat you all on people believing imaginary bullshit. Yep. As a disclaimer I used to believe this stuff.

 

DESPITE what the bible says 'my church' teaches and believes that Eve didn't eat fruit, she had SEX with the serpent, who was an upright being like a super advanced ape, and this produced Cain, the seed of the unrighteous.

 

Biblical support for this: None

 

Scientific support: We share 97% of our DNA with Chimps. (But the snakes are the missing link)

 

Evolutionary theory?: A conspiracy to destroy Christianity

 

 

Anyone who can beat that for hokus pokus bullshit gets a prize.   

[Blood]

"God owns a bow and arrows according to the Bible. Christians never seem to find this odd, but will laugh at Zeus and His bolt of lighting."

 

Why am I so uncomfortable around those "grown" adults who believe in talking snakes and bushes that cannot be consumed by fire?

Why is it that so many cannot figure out that claims of talking snakes and burning bushes are made by lunatics and charlatans?

 

 

good questions, and there are no easy answers. I'd guess that a deep psychological need for cultural continuity and conformity are the guiding factors. They would laugh at another religion that had such silliness at its core, but since Christianity is so woven into Western culture, to laugh at it would require laughing at themselves, and most people's egos are too fragile for that. 

[Blood]

I can beat you all on people believing imaginary bullshit. Yep. As a disclaimer I used to believe this stuff.

 

DESPITE what the bible says 'my church' teaches and believes that Eve didn't eat fruit, she had SEX with the serpent, who was an upright being like a super advanced ape, and this produced Cain, the seed of the unrighteous.

 

Biblical support for this: None

 

Scientific support: We share 97% of our DNA with Chimps. (But the snakes are the missing link)

 

Evolutionary theory?: A conspiracy to destroy Christianity

 

 

Anyone who can beat that for hokus pokus bullshit gets a prize.   

 

Very interesting! Sounds quasi-gnostic. 

[rjn]

 

I can beat you all on people believing imaginary bullshit. Yep. As a disclaimer I used to believe this stuff.

 

DESPITE what the bible says 'my church' teaches and believes that Eve didn't eat fruit, she had SEX with the serpent, who was an upright being like a super advanced ape, and this produced Cain, the seed of the unrighteous.

 

Biblical support for this: None

 

Scientific support: We share 97% of our DNA with Chimps. (But the snakes are the missing link)

 

Evolutionary theory?: A conspiracy to destroy Christianity

 

 

Anyone who can beat that for hokus pokus bullshit gets a prize.   

 

Very interesting! Sounds quasi-gnostic. 

 

 

How's that gnostic? I know that gnostic sects use this and similar myths, but I fail to see what's particularly gnostic about it. Gnosticism is focused on enlightenment (rather than being "saved"), not bloodlines. 

 

LF: Sounds like a lot like the serpent-seed doctrine btw. Somtimes, it's Lilith who mates with the snake. The point is that there are separate bloodlines. Some also bring the Nephilim into the equation. Very common among conspiracy quacks and occult ("satanic") movements. 

 

Stumbled upon this: 

https://gotquestions.org/serpent-seed.html

 

Gotta love this statement: "Like many false beliefs, it has a built-in defense mechanism; that is, anyone who disagrees with it is accused of being a son of the serpent."

 

The irony is delicious  

[Blood]

The Gnostic mythos was that the snake was the hero of the garden of eden and Yaldabaoth the villain. Which makes sense when you realize that the snake was telling Eve the truth and Yaldabaoth was lying to her. 

 

The Gnostic mythos has it that the archons tried to rape Eve but she thwarted them when she turned into a tree. 

 

I think I read somewhere that some Gnostics believe that Eve copulated with the snake. 

[LogicalFallacy]

Blood & rjn: Blood is correct, this is a Gnostic belief. However the Gnostic's got it from the Jewish Midrashic texts. In the Midrash there are several explanation of the fall. Much centers around a metaphorical fruit and nakedness that symbolized disobedience and that they had become aware of that which they were not supposed to. But there are some that has various versions of Eve and the serpent getting it on. In one the serpent sees Adam and Eve having sex and lusts after Eve, and plans to kill Adam. In another Eve has sex with the serpent then she teaches Adam to have sex. (saw the fruit was good and pleasant) In this version (which is pretty much the base of current day Serpents Seed doctrine) Cain is the product of Eve and the Serpent.

 

The hilarious thing is that the churches that believe this believe it was revealed by God to W M Branham or Arnold Murray (You can look up heir doctrines on Youtube). Little do they realize these shysters got it from older sources who got it from the Jewish Midrash.

 

rjn: The belief I describe is Serpents Seed - just my pastors very own twist on it which is based on W M Branhams per above. However we have verred from an earlier "The Chinese are the seed of Cain" to everyone has the animal blood of the serpent in them. What brought about this change? Genetic science - we know that all humans share DNA with animals - chimps is 96-98% I think. This required a rethink of the doctrine in the face of science.... but still says evolution is not science. I just can't understand how they will accept one bit of science, and not the other.

 

Re the Nephilim: Yes I believe Ellen White (7th Day Adventist founder) is a proponent of the Nephilim teaching. 

 

But if there was one sin above another which called for the destruction of the race by the flood, it was the base crime of amalgamation of man and beast which defaced the image of God, and caused confusion everywhere. God purposed to destroy by a flood that powerful, long-lived race that had corrupted their ways before him.--Spiritual Gifts, vol. 3, p. 64.

 

I have have done shit load of research on this particular topic as it is central to my churches foundational doctrines. Yes I admit I could be doing something better with my time, but I want to be prepared that if they ask why I don't believe serpents seed I can unleash both barrels, grenades, and the mini gun.

 

For those interested in mythologies here is one source that explains the Midrash in relation to Eve https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/eve-midrash-and-aggadah

[rjn]

 

 

However the Gnostic's got it from the Jewish Midrashic texts. In the Midrash there are several explanation of the fall. Much centers around a metaphorical fruit and nakedness that symbolized disobedience and that they had become aware of that which they were not supposed to. But there are some that has various versions of Eve and the serpent getting it on. In one the serpent sees Adam and Eve having sex and lusts after Eve, and plans to kill Adam. In another Eve has sex with the serpent then she teaches Adam to have sex. (saw the fruit was good and pleasant) In this version (which is pretty much the base of current day Serpents Seed doctrine) Cain is the product of Eve and the Serpent.

 

I assume the Midrash influenced what would later become Kabbalah? IIRC, the Kabbalah have several - non-literal - interpretations of early myths like the Fall. Regarding Cain: this is not related to gnosticism at all, but I've read somewhere that Cain's (a farmer) murder of Abel (pastoralist) may be an echo of the transition from a (semi-)nomadic lifestyle to a sedentary one. I believe many myths, the Biblical ones included, have many layers and purposes. Literal interpretations are rarely one of them however. 

[LogicalFallacy]

 

 

 

However the Gnostic's got it from the Jewish Midrashic texts. In the Midrash there are several explanation of the fall. Much centers around a metaphorical fruit and nakedness that symbolized disobedience and that they had become aware of that which they were not supposed to. But there are some that has various versions of Eve and the serpent getting it on. In one the serpent sees Adam and Eve having sex and lusts after Eve, and plans to kill Adam. In another Eve has sex with the serpent then she teaches Adam to have sex. (saw the fruit was good and pleasant) In this version (which is pretty much the base of current day Serpents Seed doctrine) Cain is the product of Eve and the Serpent.

 

I assume the Midrash influenced what would later become Kabbalah? IIRC, the Kabbalah have several - non-literal - interpretations of early myths like the Fall. Regarding Cain: this is not related to gnosticism at all, but I've read somewhere that Cain's (a farmer) murder of Abel (pastoralist) may be an echo of the transition from a (semi-)nomadic lifestyle to a sedentary one. I believe many myths, the Biblical ones included, have many layers and purposes. Literal interpretations are rarely one of them however. 

 

 

rjn, yes, I've read something similar, and it may be Sumerian where the gist is that agriculture kills off the hunter/gathers. The Farmer/Pastoral twist sounds like it may have come later as cultures developed?

 

By the way, have you ever tried to explain to Christians (say family) where a lot of the bible stories probably originate from? In my experience the apologetic's and plain hand waving away is astounding. It's like they don't care where the Bible comes from, but they believe its the word of God. Period.