darwinfish Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 I know that pretty much every deconvert goes through a period of feeling isolated. I've been an ex-Christian for about 7 years. I've tried various Meet Up groups, I've never really connected with. I tried a new one today, I was the only one there under 60. I'm almost 40, myself. I feel like I'm falling into depression. My family is all religious, including my wife and kids. I don't know how to change this. I've always had a hard time connecting with others. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjn Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 I know that pretty much every deconvert goes through a period of feeling isolated. I've been an ex-Christian for about 7 years. I've tried various Meet Up groups, I've never really connected with. I tried a new one today, I was the only one there under 60. I'm almost 40, myself. I feel like I'm falling into depression. My family is all religious, including my wife and kids. I don't know how to change this. I've always had a hard time connecting with others. How about a change of environment? Got any hobbies or interests? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 My social life opened up when I started trying new things that were outside of my introverted comfort zone. Two of the big ones were taking dance lessons and voice lessons. Dancing made me interact with others in a controlled environment that then led to the dance floor. Voice lessons started with classical, but then bloomed into singing retro jazz at clubs, meeting gobs of musicians and fellow singers. What sorts of things interest you, and not just the primary ones you typically think about? I like computers, have a few degrees in related fields, and made a career out of working with them. But I have nearly zero social connections because of that interest. Doing things that are inherently social and outside of your comfort zone are ways to learn more about yourself while meeting people. It also takes time once you start. Like with weight-lifting, it takes consistent effort and months of work to see change. There are growing pains. But with consistent work driven by desire, there is change. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 What RJN said. If you can find the time to find a hobby where that is what you have in common with others... That could be very good for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 7, 2016 Author Share Posted December 7, 2016 Most of my interests are in science and technology. I have a degree in electronics. I enjoy philosophy, science fiction, some fantasy. Last year I started playing golf. I do have anxiety, and that's contributed to an extent. Last summer I was invited to a poker game at someone's house. I didn't really know anyone, and in the middle of the game I was overwhelmed with anxiety. My hands were visibly shaking, and I felt like I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I ended up losing my chips quickly, and left. That sort of thing doesn't always happen. I'm not sure why it did that night. But, I felt embarrassed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjn Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 Most of my interests are in science and technology. I have a degree in electronics. I enjoy philosophy, science fiction, some fantasy. Last year I started playing golf. I do have anxiety, and that's contributed to an extent. Last summer I was invited to a poker game at someone's house. I didn't really know anyone, and in the middle of the game I was overwhelmed with anxiety. My hands were visibly shaking, and I felt like I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I ended up losing my chips quickly, and left. That sort of thing doesn't always happen. I'm not sure why it did that night. But, I felt embarrassed. How severe would you say this anxiety of yours is? Would you describe what happened at that poker game as some sort of panic attack? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 Most of my interests are in science and technology. I have a degree in electronics. I enjoy philosophy, science fiction, some fantasy. Last year I started playing golf. I do have anxiety, and that's contributed to an extent. Last summer I was invited to a poker game at someone's house. I didn't really know anyone, and in the middle of the game I was overwhelmed with anxiety. My hands were visibly shaking, and I felt like I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I ended up losing my chips quickly, and left. That sort of thing doesn't always happen. I'm not sure why it did that night. But, I felt embarrassed. Get an FPV racer (drone). You probably have a MultiGP chapter where you're located. Shit is fun and surprisingly not that expensive. If you're into gadgets and gizmos, it's tough to beat. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 7, 2016 Author Share Posted December 7, 2016 Oh yeah, it was definitely a panic attack. It got worse the next day. There was a Christian concert/4th of July celebration I agreed to go to with my wife and kids. I expected it to be super religious, but with my anxiety already on edge, when I was in the stadium surrounded by everyone, my anxiety was again triggered, but this time I couldn't leave because this was a part of the 4th of July celebration for my family. So, I just endured it. I have resolved never to go to something like that again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 7, 2016 Author Share Posted December 7, 2016 Get an FPV racer (drone). You probably have a MultiGP chapter where you're located. Shit is fun and surprisingly not that expensive. If you're into gadgets and gizmos, it's tough to beat. I'll look into that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted December 7, 2016 Moderator Share Posted December 7, 2016 Yeah, I feel isolated at times. There's no one I'm associated with that is on my level as far as discussion goes. They all want to discuss sports, cars, games blah blah. I like discussing in depth issues, you know, work the brain cells a bit. However, I do love internet debating which provides an outlet, plus I love fishing and my dog so plenty there. However if you are an extrovert, then the deconversion path I'd imagine would be very hard if you had no social net. I'm extreme introvert so lack of social contact does not affect me to such a great degree. For hat I'm thankful. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjn Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 Oh yeah, it was definitely a panic attack. It got worse the next day. There was a Christian concert/4th of July celebration I agreed to go to with my wife and kids. I expected it to be super religious, but with my anxiety already on edge, when I was in the stadium surrounded by everyone, my anxiety was again triggered, but this time I couldn't leave because this was a part of the 4th of July celebration for my family. So, I just endured it. I have resolved never to go to something like that again. Would you say this kind of anxiety is recurring and is impacting your life negatively to such a degree that it hinders you from doing stuff and from progressing with your life? Ever seen a specialist about it? More than a few of us here have dealt with, or are still dealing with, anxiety disorders. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 Maker faires are popular all over and I suspect that a guy with strong electrical knowledge would have a good amount of ability in doing stuff like this. A friend of mine who is fairly socially akward loves one of the ones we have here in my hometown. It might be worth checking out. http://makerfaire.com/ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 8, 2016 Author Share Posted December 8, 2016 Yeah, I feel isolated at times. There's no one I'm associated with that is on my level as far as discussion goes. They all want to discuss sports, cars, games blah blah. I like discussing in depth issues, you know, work the brain cells a bit. However, I do love internet debating which provides an outlet, plus I love fishing and my dog so plenty there. However if you are an extrovert, then the deconversion path I'd imagine would be very hard if you had no social net. I'm extreme introvert so lack of social contact does not affect me to such a great degree. For hat I'm thankful. Yeah, I don't know how much of an extrovert you may say I am. But, I do have a need of social interaction. I'm just not very good at it. But, I would say that there's plenty of times where I do need more solitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 8, 2016 Author Share Posted December 8, 2016 Maker faires are popular all over and I suspect that a guy with strong electrical knowledge would have a good amount of ability in doing stuff like this. A friend of mine who is fairly socially akward loves one of the ones we have here in my hometown. It might be worth checking out. http://makerfaire.com/ A Maker fair sounds interesting. I'll see what's in my area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 8, 2016 Author Share Posted December 8, 2016 Would you say this kind of anxiety is recurring and is impacting your life negatively to such a degree that it hinders you from doing stuff and from progressing with your life? Ever seen a specialist about it? More than a few of us here have dealt with, or are still dealing with, anxiety disorders. Yeah, I've talked with therapists. The one I saw locally tried pushing meditating on me. I told her I didn't like the spiritual stuff in what she was giving me and she told me to ignore that, but all the material she gave me really pushed the spiritual. I stopped seeing her. I tried online counseling, which did help. I was doing online counseling at the time this anxiety attack happened. I stopped that more for financial reasons than anything. But, I still don't think that anything truly positive came of it. When I talked about my social issues, she wanted me to go to the gym more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted December 8, 2016 Moderator Share Posted December 8, 2016 Would you say this kind of anxiety is recurring and is impacting your life negatively to such a degree that it hinders you from doing stuff and from progressing with your life? Ever seen a specialist about it? More than a few of us here have dealt with, or are still dealing with, anxiety disorders. Yeah, I've talked with therapists. The one I saw locally tried pushing meditating on me. I told her I didn't like the spiritual stuff in what she was giving me and she told me to ignore that, but all the material she gave me really pushed the spiritual. I stopped seeing her. I tried online counseling, which did help. I was doing online counseling at the time this anxiety attack happened. I stopped that more for financial reasons than anything. But, I still don't think that anything truly positive came of it. When I talked about my social issues, she wanted me to go to the gym more. Meditation does not need to be spiritual. I use meditation all the time to overcome stress and anxiety and there is not an ounce of spirituality behind what I do. The key is to find a method of meditating that suits you. In its simplest form, putting on some relaxing music you enjoy and just sitting comfortably, closing your eyes and clearing your mind of thoughts for 10 minutes really helps. This site really helped me. http://www.anxietycentre.com/index.shtml There is a lot of great free stuff, but the cost of of 6 months or a years membership for extra info is well worth it. I suffered from anxiety for near on 4 years, but putting into practice much of what the site teaches meant I was able to pretty much get rid of it. It has come back with recent stress due to deconversion, but because I still know the stuff I put into practice back then I know how to deal with it more positively. Feel free to PM me if you'd like more info or have questions etc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 8, 2016 Author Share Posted December 8, 2016 Meditation does not need to be spiritual. I use meditation all the time to overcome stress and anxiety and there is not an ounce of spirituality behind what I do. The key is to find a method of meditating that suits you. In its simplest form, putting on some relaxing music you enjoy and just sitting comfortably, closing your eyes and clearing your mind of thoughts for 10 minutes really helps. This site really helped me. http://www.anxietycentre.com/index.shtml There is a lot of great free stuff, but the cost of of 6 months or a years membership for extra info is well worth it. I suffered from anxiety for near on 4 years, but putting into practice much of what the site teaches meant I was able to pretty much get rid of it. It has come back with recent stress due to deconversion, but because I still know the stuff I put into practice back then I know how to deal with it more positively. Feel free to PM me if you'd like more info or have questions etc. Sorry, that some of your stress has returned. I'll think more about the meditation. I imagine I'll use counseling again at some point. My anxiety isn't too bad these days. My real issue is just that I feel mostly isolated in a sea of Christians. And, when I've tried reaching out to local atheist groups, my inability to connect has kept me from making any real social relationships. It's something I just have to keep working at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 9, 2016 Author Share Posted December 9, 2016 Maker faires are popular all over and I suspect that a guy with strong electrical knowledge would have a good amount of ability in doing stuff like this. A friend of mine who is fairly socially akward loves one of the ones we have here in my hometown. It might be worth checking out. http://makerfaire.com/ Looks like there's a local Maker Faire in Aug. I'll keep an eye on the Facebook page for any gatherings. I certainly think the whole family would enjoy going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted December 9, 2016 Super Moderator Share Posted December 9, 2016 Try some different types of ASMR videos on YouTube. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/culturebox/2013/02/asmr_videos_autonomous_sensory_meridian_response_and_whispering_videos_on.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted December 10, 2016 Author Share Posted December 10, 2016 I don't really think I fall into the group of people with ASMR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 Maker faires are popular all over and I suspect that a guy with strong electrical knowledge would have a good amount of ability in doing stuff like this. A friend of mine who is fairly socially akward loves one of the ones we have here in my hometown. It might be worth checking out. http://makerfaire.com/Looks like there's a local Maker Faire in Aug. I'll keep an eye on the Facebook page for any gatherings. I certainly think the whole family would enjoy going.Glad I was able to help you possibly find something you may enjoy and where you might meet some good people too. Good luck! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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