Attention Seekers And The Death Of My Philanthropic Spirit

[RealityCheck]

Altruism is an essential component of being human.  As time passed, it has faded like a planet's atmosphere being stripped by solar wind.  Thus, part of my humanity has eroded away and I have become as hospitable as the surface of Mars.

Once upon a time, if someone or some group was advocating a good cause, I immediately jumped on the bandwagon.  Circa 2010, I was volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, working with troubled inner city youth, etc.  I was still a Christian then, I guess you can call that period the "age of good works".  I used to stay up all night talking with friends, giving encouragement, figuring out how to solve problems, etc.  Because I was infected with religion, I didn't exercise critical thinking and reveled in the warm feeling of helping others.  So what changed?

At roughly the age of 26, a slow transition began to take effect.  I was still religious, but those raw emotions that I had in my early 20s began to fade.  This allowed me to start seeing things for what they really were (but not enough to break me free of religion just yet).  What I first noticed was the gross mismanagement of resources of the church.  I realized how many resources were being wasted on marketing their outreach programs.  Though I didn't know of the term back then, this was the first instance where I noticed extensive virtue signaling.  This skepticism intensified when they blew $20,000 USD to send a group to Hati.  There was a huge presentation afterwards where the group was shown playing with a bunch of kids.  Nothing of value or long lasting effect was done during that trip and the bastards still had the gall to ask for more money.  Their inner city outreach program wasn't faring good in the long run.  You never really heard from the people being helped again.  You never really knew if your time or hard work many any difference whatsoever.  That took a back seat to building up the church's image.   Around that time, I also noticed that so much money was being poured into these impoverished regions but not much lasting change occurred. 

There were two final nails in the coffin, the first being a child I was sponsoring oversees.  The organization was supposedly reputable and I was told that I would receive monthly progress updates.  The money I was donating was going to help her get an education and lift her out of poverty.  Several months later, not a single letter and no good answers from their call center.  I cancelled my donations shortly after that.  The next nail was the whole Kony 2012 debacle.  I need not elaborate on that, you can look into it yourself.  I started to see these movements and organizations as abominations.  They take human compassion, commoditize it, and make a profit.  They are essentially institutionalized attention seeking.

Though I would never support any cause like that again, I still has it in my to help individuals on a one on one basis.  I quickly learned that I shouldn't invest any physical resources on my part.  The story was always the same, someone made stupid financial decisions, pleaded for help, and then repeated the problem over and over again.  You can't fix stupid, you can only enable and prolong it in that case.  I lost the connection with most of my relatives because this is their M.O.  By this point, the extent of my help was limited to emotional support and/or help with problem solving.  Even then, I felt that many didn't want to help themselves and continued to want to revel in others pity.  I understand the need for support from others but I begin to lose interest when the person fails to address the root cause.

Finally, the "age of social justice" began.  You know, men are evil, white privilege, die cis scum, BLM, that whole list of bullshit that we've been subjected to for the last few years.  As it intensified and as friends began to buy into it, I just decided to give compassion the middle finger and leave everyone to their burn in their own hell.  It was the pinnacle of attention hoarding culture.  I need not go into further detail here either because I've made my stance on this clear in my past posts.

However, it's a new year.  I'm doing a reboot.  I will regain that lost humanity and attempt helping others once again.  

[MOHO]

R.C.

 

I frequently wonder if the little pus we are "sponsoring" in India even exists. We receive no communications or status reports. Your post is prompting me to do more digging.

 

Giving directly or one-on-one is prudent. In my town, and I suspect many others, the "non-profits" take in HUGE contributions and only spend 20% or so on the problem. It's a racket!

 

BLM, the horrible white people, especially the while males. Yes these movements are a sort of religion in that their purpose is  to control people and extract contributions of both money and political support.

[RealityCheck]

R.C.

 

I frequently wonder if the little pus we are "sponsoring" in India even exists. We receive no communications or status reports. Your post is prompting me to do more digging.

 

Giving directly or one-on-one is prudent. In my town, and I suspect many others, the "non-profits" take in HUGE contributions and only spend 20% or so on the problem. It's a racket!

 

BLM, the horrible white people, especially the while males. Yes these movements are a sort of religion in that their purpose is  to control people and extract contributions of both money and political support.

Yeah, I would put whatever organization you are sponsoring through under intense scrutiny.  If you reach out to them and they can't give you answer, cease your sponsorship immediately.  Look them up under the BBB too https://www.bbb.org/charity-reviews/public/Accredited.aspx?bureauID=9999

[Fweethawt]

However, it's a new year. I'm doing a reboot. I will regain that lost humanity and attempt helping others once again.

Good luck.

[RealityCheck]

 

However, it's a new year. I'm doing a reboot. I will regain that lost humanity and attempt helping others once again.

Good luck.

 

 

Clarification, those that stand a chance to be helped in the first place.

[Daffodil]

Short-term "missions trips" are really just glorified vacations for the people who go on them. I have always been suspicious of them, even as a Christian. I even read an article awhile back that exposed how expensive it is for the hosting people. They have to divert their own slim funds to feed and house these foreign do-gooders, find little useless tasks for them to do to feel like they're "helping", and take them on tours. Some of them even have these stupid western christians build something (that their own craftspeople could easily build), tear it down after they leave, then have the next group rebuild it, and repeat for as many groups as want to come and "help"! They actually do more harm than good. My brother and his family went on one in Haiti and built two wooden benches. They showed us the pictures and I had to really work to act impressed.

 

We still support two kids through Compassion International and receive occasional reports/letters. I think they are a legitimate one, but it bothers me that they are indoctrinating them. I can't quite bring myself to cut off funds, though, because I feel like that would be abandoning those two kids, even though I know they would probably get new sponsors. One will be aging out in a year or two, but the other will have another 5 or 6 years to go.

[RealityCheck]

Short-term "missions trips" are really just glorified vacations for the people who go on them. I have always been suspicious of them, even as a Christian. I even read an article awhile back that exposed how expensive it is for the hosting people. They have to divert their own slim funds to feed and house these foreign do-gooders, find little useless tasks for them to do to feel like they're "helping", and take them on tours. Some of them even have these stupid western christians build something (that their own craftspeople could easily build), tear it down after they leave, then have the next group rebuild it, and repeat for as many groups as want to come and "help"! They actually do more harm than good. My brother and his family went on one in Haiti and built two wooden benches. They showed us the pictures and I had to really work to act impressed.

 

We still support two kids through Compassion International and receive occasional reports/letters. I think they are a legitimate one, but it bothers me that they are indoctrinating them. I can't quite bring myself to cut off funds, though, because I feel like that would be abandoning those two kids, even though I know they would probably get new sponsors. One will be aging out in a year or two, but the other will have another 5 or 6 years to go.

I would not in good conscience fund the indoctrination of others but at the same time, having them go hungry would perturb me too.  That is a tough call.

 

 

[Guest]

I found a very worthwhile short term mission trip in which we are building homes for people each year. I think many of the people buy into the religious message that comes along with it, but the groups I've worked wth don't come on too strong and I'm pretty certain the people understand that this is part of receiving the goods. For most, I don't think their religious devotion lasts for long, if at all. It doesn't make it right, but I guess the end justifies the means in this case. I've been in search of some secular-based missions and would even consider trying to start my own, even if it's just a baby step. Good luck. It was refreshing to hear your story and that you are giving philanthropy another shot.

[Lilith666]

Shelter on the condition of manipulation into lifelong fear of and working endlessly to please an imaginary wizard in the sky. Hmm.

[older]

I've decided that Doctors Without Borders is the best place for my money. They are non-political and non-religious. Their CEO gets a relatively modest salary when compared to other organizations, and the work they do amounts to something.

[Rounin]

One should be careful about false dichotomies when it comes to selfishness and altruism.

 

Christianity does indeed teach altruism in the sense of putting others before ourselves.

One thing that's often contrasted with that is exclusive concern for oneself, without any regard for others.

However, there's also the middle ground of having regard both for oneself and others.

 

When one's self-interest and the interests of others conflict, some principle will have to be used to resolve the conflict.

Some people go too far in the direction of pleasing others, and risk winding up exhausted.

Others go so far in the other direction that they forget to take others into account, which can also have negative consequences.

However, somewhere in between there's a balance appropriate to a person's situation and inclinations. The key is to find it.

[RealityCheck]

With my views on human nature, I don't think I'll fully trust or embrace any organization ever again.  

[♦ Fuego ♦]

"gross mismanagement of resources of the church" I saw so much of this in my 30 years as a believer. A new church building with all of the scams and ploys to get people to take out 2nd mortgages to fund "god's work". Devotees of Zig Ziglar doing their best pitches to the congregation to squeeze money out of them. They got the money eventually, though it was a small congregation. We scribbled scriptures with markers on the pressboards that were going to be the floor under the carpet. Then I was working on a project in the church office when the staff had a secret meeting about the 7th redesign and build of the entrance of the building and how much it was costing to get it just right. Then they noticed me sitting on the other side of the cubicle... I heard all about how no one is allowed into these kinds of meetings and how no business would allow it. I said "Hmm, I thought we were the family of God." Harumph!! They booted me out. I eventually left that church, so did the pastor, and the next pastor stayed about 4 weeks before "being called" to a huge church in San Diego.

 

The same church funded short term missions and it was so entirely full of political back slapping and channeling money to these useless endeavors that I was appalled. No Jesus anywhere, just go and help the poor by taking pictures and sharing with the congregation.

 

Then there was the preacher I supported and promoted for 9 years because he seemed to be honest and seemed to be really getting miracles. When I caught him red-handed making up long stories, I realized that he got a lot more money making up tales than by going and working in the boonies (though he did that also).

 

I did sponsor a handful of kids through Compassion, and got regular letters from them. The last one even found me on Facebook and is in college now. Those were the best use of funds I ever spent besides stocking the local food pantry for those that didn't have money. I even had to use it once when I was broke.

[Guest]

Shelter on the condition of manipulation into lifelong fear of and working endlessly to please an imaginary wizard in the sky. Hmm.

 

Point taken. Yes it stinks that the religious brainwashing comes along with this kind of help.  With the group where I participated, there were not any faith-based strings attached.  People were told that it was Jesus that was building their home, supporting their education/businesses, giving them food/water filters/clothes.  We were mere instruments of God. The indigenous people had very little education and no reason to believe that this wasn't the truth.  So it was easy for them to get caught up in the religious fervor ,even though there was nothing expected in return: no baptism, church attendance or even pledge allegiance to God .  I have to give credit for that.  But I still hated watching the proselytizing. And I look forward to the day when there are more secular charities that do valuable short term missions.

[Lilith666]

I'm not surprised that missions workers didn't tell the indigenous people that they had to convert or attend church, and withhold services if they refused, since that would not earn them favor either with the people or in the media. Telling the people that "Jesus" helped them avoids endangering the religious agenda by insidiously working proselytization into the surface mission of improving quality of life. Even if they were not manipulative, missions people deserve no more credit for not forcing people to convert for a dangled reward, any more Peace Corps volunteers deserve it for not demanding compensation from the people they help.