Giant Space Goat

[sdelsolray]

I got this from another forum.  Comical stuff.

 

Giant Space Goat

 

The universe was farted out of the rear end of a Giant Space Goat.

 

You want me to prove it? *gasp* How dare you? I am offended that you asked me to prove that my truth claim is true! Why can't you respect my beliefs? Why must you be so hateful and attack me so viciously? Why are you so angry?

 

Well, since you can't be civil, fine. I will offer you your stupid proof.

 

First, the universe is evidence of the giant space goat. The universe exists, therefore space goat.

 

Second, you can't explain why there is something rather than nothing, but I can, therefore giant space goat.

 

Third, you can't prove that a giant space goat didn't fart the universe into existence, therefore giant space goat.

 

Fourth, the reason you reject the giant space goat is that you have to want to find the giant space goat. You have to seek him with your heart, or you will never find him. Therefore, giant space goat.

 

Fifth, you can't possibly have purpose or meaning if you don't believe in the giant space goat, therefore giant space goat. Look, you can believe in the giant space goat or you can believe in nothing.

 

Sixth, if you don't believe in the giant space goat, you will have to eat boogers after you die. You don't want to eat boogers, do you? Look, I can't tell you what to believe. The choice is up to you. Just know that death is coming and that you don't want to eat boogers for eternity. Choose wisely!

 

Lastly, I have a personal relationship with the giant space goat and I have special feelings that let me know the giant space goat is real.

 

I bet you feel silly for following that false religion all these years. Aren't you glad that I shared with you the good news about the giant space goat?

[LogicalFallacy]

Haha, classic. I may copy and paste to my christian friend. Should, ahem, cause a reaction

[♦ ficino ♦]

Pretending I'm still a theist:

 

The Giant Space Goat explanation is a failure because, however giant it is, the Goat is part of the universe. Because it's in Space, by definition. And it has soul, since it's an animal, by definition.

 

So the GSG is subject to change. Soul is the principle of movement and change, and space contains places where the GSG is not. But it can be in them later. So it has potentiality.

 

The first cause, on the other hand, must have no potentiality. It must be purely actual. That which it causes has potentiality, but the First Cause by definition cannot.

 

So, the GSG is not the First Cause. Therefore it fails to "account for" why things exist. So, fail.

 

Heh heh!

 

Actually ... 

 

I just imagine that the multiverse goes all the way down. Don't know whether that works.

 

And I suspect that pure nothingness actually cannot be conceived. So I wonder whether cosmological proofs are incoherent, because they contrast a First Cause + universe to pure nothingness, as though pure nothingness can be conceived and thus, can be treated as a term in a reductive dilemma.

[sdelsolray]

You are destined to eat boogers in the afterlife for such sacrilege.

[rjn]

My nephew came up to me other day with a beaming smile. I asked "what's up?" and he proudly displayed to me, the mother of all boogers, resting atop his toddler-fingers. Then, with a swift movement, he smeared it across my arm and ran away.

 

I'm not taking any chances, I'm converting to Giant Space Goatism.

[Jeff]

The FSM is neither offended nor worried. The FSM is secure in its godhood.

[♦ ficino ♦]

The FSM is not the First Cause. Because the FSM is made of matter. Cuz made of spaghetti. So the FSM has potentiality -

 

could be one strand more spaghetti, one strand less

could have one sauce, or no, another sauce, or in NJ, "gravy"

takes up space, cuz he's made of sphaghetti, so is part of the universe, not outside the universe like the First Cause

 

So, poor Flying Spaghetti Monster, you are cool, but I'm sorry to say ... you are not the Unmoved Mover nor the First Cause, much as we love (to eat) you.

 

Dudes, let's slay the metaphysical dragon once for all. Let's get metaphysically ultimate, let's get medieval on Thomism's ass, and then chuck the fucker out the window.

[Jeff]

Sometimes when the FSM is feeling frisky he/she/they surrounds itself in a very good vodka sauce that sets the heavens a tremble

[yunea]

My nephew came up to me other day with a beaming smile. I asked "what's up?" and he proudly displayed to me, the mother of all boogers, resting atop his toddler-fingers. Then, with a swift movement, he smeared it across my arm and ran away.

 

I'm not taking any chances, I'm converting to Giant Space Goatism.

 

That was a lovely thing to read while eating. Thank you, rjn. 

 

 

 

actually i don't ever lose my appetite over gross things, really...but let's pretend that i did this one time.

[rjn]

 

My nephew came up to me other day with a beaming smile. I asked "what's up?" and he proudly displayed to me, the mother of all boogers, resting atop his toddler-fingers. Then, with a swift movement, he smeared it across my arm and ran away.

 

I'm not taking any chances, I'm converting to Giant Space Goatism.

 

That was a lovely thing to read while eating. Thank you, rjn. 

 

 

 

actually i don't ever lose my appetite over gross things, really...but let's pretend that i did this one time.

 

 

You're most welcome!