Letter To Church

[Lost]

I wonder, if anyone of You has any experience in writing letter to church or pastor of church or members of church explaining your lack of belief?

 

I noticed that on this forum popular letter to parents or parent or even letter to my past self.

 

No one in my church knows about my crisis of faith. But...one day I will have to write letter to them, saying...it's over. But I think if I will write them that I have doubts and go through crisis of faith they might treat it as some kind of phase, not a serious thing. They probably will cry, visit me at home, trying to say about Bible prophecies, rebuilding of Salomon's Temple, Mark of the beast. 

The best solution I guess would be to just escape to another town in my coutry or to just leave the country. It scares me to leave my dad-he is the only one person in my life that actually cared about me after my mum's death. I think it would be completely different to leave both parents-at least they would have eachothers.

 

I don't know how I will make it possible...

 

Past weeks were hard for me cause my dad went to mental hospital for few days, cause he drank too much, because of my debts that are caused by my shopaholism.

 

I was diagnosed by psychiatrist as having Unspecified mental disorder F99-F99,  but my psychologist thinks that I have Specific Personality Disorders F60.

 

Any of Your advices are welcome

 

Thanks

[LogicalFallacy]

Just quickly as I don't have time for an in depth response, but before writing any letter I think you should be confident in your decisions, and what your view is regarding Christianity and God.

 

You might get people trying to convert you back anyway, but as you said if you just say you have a crisis of faith you will get lots of 'advice' from them.

 

If may be best to write yourself a letter? Maybe post it here, try and figure out what you believe and why? If you have questions you can ask them in the letter and see if someone here can help.

 

Sorry that times are difficult for you now. Let us know if we can help, and any questions you have just post them up. There are no dumb questions, only dumb answers.

 

LF

[Eugene39]

Hi, Lost and welcome to Ex-C. I deconverted in 2010 and left church at the end of that year. I don't know how involved you are in your church, but I had been at mine for over 10 years and was involved in multiple behind-the-scenes type work. Out of a church of a couple hundred people, there were maybe six or eight that ever even asked what happened to me. After a couple of months, the pastor realized that I wasn't there anymore and did want to see me to discuss it. So here's what I'm trying to relay to you. The saying "Out of sight, out of mind" is quite true. Just disappearing from church is a rather non-stressful way of dealing with it, and it's very likely that you'll have less fall-out to deal with. So, no, I didn't write a letter to anyone in the church, even I had also thought about doing so, and looking back, it was the right decision. Unless you're extremely careful in your wording, giving people the impression that you may possibly be swayed to coming back probably isn't what you are hoping for. LF's advice above is good. If you enjoy writing, it can be a very good way to deal with what you're going through. 

 

Best wishes.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

I echo LF, I wrote a LOT but not to anyone but me. I wrote to get my thoughts and emotions out. I just found a printed version of something I wrote during my deconversion where I was starting to apply to Christianity the same approach I had to all the other gods and goddesses of lore. Very interesting to read because I still hadn't let go fully. But all of that writing, which ultimately resulted in a book that I never published, gave me an outlet for the raging thoughts and emotions I had. I still find myself writing occasionally, saving chunks of thoughts for a possible future edit of the book.

 

I never wrote or spoke to my previous congregations about leaving, and I had left church years previous to deconverting because of other issues in that congregation. The only reason now that I'm not open about it is because I want to influence my extended family who still think I'm a believer.

[Lost]

Thanks for sharing Your stories in terms of leaving church :)

 

Sometimes I think about just leaving without writing letter to them...but all the time when I am not in church and it's not because of studies ( for example: I am lazy, want to sleep longer or just not feeling to go) and my "dear sister in Christ" knows that I could be there... she simply calls me and ask "how I am feeling?", "what happened that I wasn't there". She has my dad's phone number. Even if I stop answer a call from her she would call my dad (he is not a believer). She probably would do private investigation, coming to my home if I wouldn't come to church anymore.

 

From the beginning of my journey with Evangelical church people were annoying there, cause all the time they were shaking hands with eachother to say hello, hugging, smiling. They still do this and I got used to it and I do it too o be honest.

 

That "dear sister in Christ" that I mentioned went through a lot in life. Lots of illnesses and visits at hospital. Her body is shaking when she talks about God with emotions and in general when emotions take control over her body she starts shaking. This whole shaking irritates me, scares me and makes me feel very sorry for her in the same time. She feels pain in her muscles all the time. For her, any rational explanations about science are nothing comparing to her experiences with God in her pain.

Telling her about me being closer to science and reason rather than God of the Bible would be a TRUE blow into her heart and mind.

When I arrived church she was the only young girl in church, so she was hoping for the true friendship and sisterhood from my person.

I even don't talk with her about my mental issues and my dad's alkohol addiction. She would probably blame me for not praying for my dad, for not witnessing about Jesus to him through my daily actions, for not praying for healing.

 

In general I am in a strange fundy church with people who got lots of problems with emotions. I feel sorry for them and in the same time I ask myself "why am I here?".

 

ONe day, one girl who lives in England and previously was living in my hometown she trusted me and she told me about her family. Her mother is on a wheelchair from a very young age, her father is schizophrenic and her sister too. She explained me that she was tired of living with her family and prayed to God and God listened her and she got opportunity to go to England and study and work there. She felt thankful to God and started attend church in a place of living. Started living in Christian family. 

She has really tragic life and I wonder how she could actually go through life without God and Christian community of brothers and sisters.

 

I think that some people's lives are too tragic to just throw away idea of God. Even me, after my mum's death wanted someone to love and care about me, so God was close...

 

But You know evolution is true, so despite my broken heart and mentals disorder I should leave church...brutal but true.

 

HELP from You to me? Maybe just writing something heartwarming in private message or sending a letter with positive motivation.

[Lost]

I know I'm a strange person, but it's sad that there's no answers...

[Lost]

I know that I'm strange, but it's sad there's no answers...

[LogicalFallacy]

Don't be disheartened Lost - often (And I am assuming others will be like me) will read a post and not reply straight away, but come back several days later, re read, mull over it a bit, and give a well thought out response rather than spitting out the first thing that comes to mind.

 

In your case, with a fairly complex situation it is better that you get quality responses, not quantity.

[Margee]

I wonder, if anyone of You has any experience in writing letter to church or pastor of church or members of church explaining your lack of belief?

 

I noticed that on this forum popular letter to parents or parent or even letter to my past self.

 

No one in my church knows about my crisis of faith. But...one day I will have to write letter to them, saying...it's over. But I think if I will write them that I have doubts and go through crisis of faith they might treat it as some kind of phase, not a serious thing. They probably will cry, visit me at home, trying to say about Bible prophecies, rebuilding of Salomon's Temple, Mark of the beast. 

The best solution I guess would be to just escape to another town in my coutry or to just leave the country. It scares me to leave my dad-he is the only one person in my life that actually cared about me after my mum's death. I think it would be completely different to leave both parents-at least they would have eachothers.

 

I don't know how I will make it possible...

 

Past weeks were hard for me cause my dad went to mental hospital for few days, cause he drank too much, because of my debts that are caused by my shopaholism.

 

I was diagnosed by psychiatrist as having Unspecified mental disorder F99-F99,  but my psychologist thinks that I have Specific Personality Disorders F60.

 

Any of Your advices are welcome

 

Thanks

Lost, Welcome to Ex-c.

 

I searched and searched for the letter I wrote to my pastor that I posted on Ex-c a few years ago but cannot find it. I shared this letter with the board here at Ex-c. Bottom line, I explained everything to him about why I no longer believed. I did not even receive a reply from him. And I know he got it because I asked the secretary and she told me 'yes'. I am quite sure he used my letter as a sermon in church because shortly after I sent the letter, I lost all my friends who used to call me and invite me to their houses for bible study. I also was a hairdresser to many of them and they completely stopped coming to me. I was extremely hurt. I'm not quite sure letters are any good anymore.  Even though the church is supposed to chase after the 'lost sheep' and bring it back into the fold, I found that I was completely ignored. You say that not many know what you are going through so I wouldn't do anything right now until you get real strong. Keep posting on this board and get out all your frustrations. It's a bumpy ride and many of us understand what you are going through. Keep reading all the testimonies on this site. You will see that you are not alone.

 

I'm so sorry about your Mom and Dad. That must be so hard to deal with. You sound very strong to me for what you are dealing with. As soon as you feel better, I bet you will find that your shopaholism will die down. That addiction is just a way to help you temporarily feel good. For the time being, try to develop a nice hobby that doesn't cost a lot. ...something that will bring you joy within yourself. Eventually, you will figure this all out (keep posting-we can try to help you)  and you will find out who your true self is. My 'hobby' was this board for the first 5 years. I couldn't have made it without Ex-c.

 

I give you a big (hug) today because I know what it feels like to be totally confused about all these issues. Hope to hear more from you hon.

 

((hug))

[Geezer]

Write the letter & then throw it away or but it in a drawer & save it. Leaving religion is kind of like a reverse come to Jesus moment. New converts want to tell the world they found Jesus, the same is true for those leaving their religion they want to tell the world why they left.

 

In both situations nobody cares. Trust me your former Xian friends & Church members will only piety you, gossip, & think you've lost your mind. Write you letter and post it here & then go on with your new life.

 

You aren't going to de-convert anyone but you might convince them that you've lost your mind. Try to keep in mind religious people live in a different world.

[Lost]

Thank You ALL for Your suggestions. I am surprised that some of You have already welcomed me, like “Welcome to Ex-C Lost”, cause I am a member here since……..I don’t really remember. I wrote about 5 posts here.

 

Anyway, I want to say special “Thank You” to Madame Eve. You always seem to look with deep insight into people’s nature, personality, private life and struggles. It’s not very common.

 

I like wondering what others are feeling, imagine being in their shoes, connect with them. I see more and more how ironically different circumstances of life control people and that what for one is a source of joy and life to another is a source of depression and death.

Sometimes it’s tiresome for me to feel so much and understand too much. It’s like a blessing and curse in the same time.

 

I actually wrote letter to pastor and 3 close people in my church in September 2016, cause I thought that my journey with Christianity will end earlier. I thought that one of my sisters in Christ discovered one of my lies. She called my dad, cause I didn’t answer a phone and he told her crying that I stole him some money. As I mentioned earlier I’ve got problem with shopaholism and taking loans, so for many people it’s pure cheating, stealing, not an addiction. Maybe she kept that information for herself. She never mentioned that to me.

As a result I said nothing at all about my lack of faith.

 

One day, I will translate this letter from Polish to English for You ALL to read.

 

I feel like a shit (my dad got depressed and had to lose so much money, because of my debts), cause in Saturday he  got completely drunk, fell on the floor and ambulance took him to the hospital. I found out about it by an accident, just through dialing phone to him and one guy answered and said to me to pick my dad in insobriety from the hospital. I thought that I will just see him and call a taxi, take him home, but…after 5 hours of waiting doctors took him to surgery. He had a hematoma in a left part of the brain and his blood was full of deadly dose of alcohol (some say that it actually helps as a form of anesthesia).

Doctor said to me without any emotions that he may not survive that.

You know thoughts about praying came…

I called to my family members, they were shocked and everyday they ask me about dad’s health (he survived-maybe because of prayers of my fundamentalist and emotionally attached to God sister from church, I don’t know).

 

Oh Lord… I had to call her to say that I won’t be on sermon on Sunday, because of my dad condition. And of course she said that we have to pray for your dad to make him survive this surgery.

Maybe if that would be another day of the week and I didn’t have to go next day to church, probably I wouldn’t call her. But… I had to explain my absence in the next big day-Sunday. You know, in this kind of situation there is so many emotions and crying and everything that praying seem to be like an uncontrolled thing in your head.

I was thinking about loosing my second parent and about the truth of evolution, atheism and power of doctor’s knowledge and skills and praying in the same time.

 

I think that private suffering makes many rational people thinking about praying and maybe even surrender life to God for rescuing life of beloved one.

 

My dad seems to be OK, but there may be some complications. And it’s a pain in ass, cause You never know.

 

I simply gone crazy together with my specific personality disorders...

[Lost]

Thinking about translating my letter from Polish to English. For now, my laziness wins...

 

Luckily, my dad came back from the hospital on Monday, but he is sad, weak and his speech is not like it used to be.

 

I don't kow if prayers of my church healed him at least in some way or it was all about doctors' knowledge and skills and of course my dad's genes.

 

I DON'T KNOW!!!