A Slave To God

[LordProtectorOliverCromwell]

As we were leaving church today, an impudent member of the church staff asked my mum if my brother and I would be interested in being a part of the media team. I blankly refused. In the car as we were going home, my mother gave me a good lecture on why I should be willing to serve God in the ministry, and how she and my dad have been training us to serve in the house of God. I said nothing, but inwardly felt nothing but disgust. Why should I "serve" God? I want to serve myself, not some psycho in the sky. I would rather not have been created than be created as a slave to an invisible celestial tyrant. I want my life to be my own, not a constant propitiation, prostration and service to a monstrous deity. I don't want "treasures in heaven". I don't even want to go to heaven. I prefer hell.

 

My mother even used the example of my dad, who served the church from a young age, to persuade me of the virtues of serving God. I thought to myself what a shame it was that a man of my father's talents wasted his time serving a deity who rewarded him with death by cancer at 52, before he had the opportunity to achieve great things. It really is horrific.

[sdelsolray]

The god to which you are exposed is a fiction.  As such, it did not cause your father's cancer.  Blaming a fictional character is irrational.

[LordProtectorOliverCromwell]

The god to which you are exposed is a fiction. As such, it did not cause your father's cancer. Blaming a fictional character is irrational.

I know, but assuming he exists, I wouldn't want to serve him.

[Guest]

As my good friend put it, "if your god is like that, then he's a shit and I don't want to follow him anyway!"

[LifeCycle]

As we were leaving church today, an impudent member of the church staff asked my mum if my brother and I would be interested in being a part of the media team. I blankly refused. In the car as we were going home, my mother gave me a good lecture on why I should be willing to serve God in the ministry, and how she and my dad have been training us to serve in the house of God. I said nothing, but inwardly felt nothing but disgust. Why should I "serve" God? I want to serve myself, not some psycho in the sky. I would rather not have been created than be created as a slave to an invisible celestial tyrant. I want my life to be my own, not a constant propitiation, prostration and service to a monstrous deity. I don't want "treasures in heaven". I don't even want to go to heaven. I prefer hell.

 

My mother even used the example of my dad, who served the church from a young age, to persuade me of the virtues of serving God. I thought to myself what a shame it was that a man of my father's talents wasted his time serving a deity who rewarded him with death by cancer at 52, before he had the opportunity to achieve great things. It really is horrific.

I saw the same things... People devoted to bible God only to be stricken with horrendous circumstances. Broke, sick, etc etc etc... It's a scam and like you, I would not want to serve a god like that. It wouldn't be as terrible if he didn't promise so much in his respective religious text... Promises of healing and prosperity - it's like salt in the wound. A tease. To just drag you on thinking one day I'll be worthy. I'll receive his favor and he'll finally reward me. 

 

My father, (who I never met) left me at 2 months old and traveled back to his homeland in South Africa. He promptly reconnected with his old girlfriend there... Remarried and had 3 girls. I didn't know they existed until 2007 and met them in 2009... Walked my middle sister down the isle and gave her away on her wedding day... Why? Because my dad was dead. Died of some disease that destroyed his kidneys. He lived to the ripe old age of 42. The reason this is relevant is because my sisters are devout Christians (except one is developing serious cognitive dissonance) as he was. By all accounts (outside him deserting his first born) was a good Christian man, dedicated to the faith. Apparently, he wasn't good enough and god saw to it that he would never reconnect with his only son one day and that he would also leave behind a wife (also now dead) and 3 daughters.

 

In my somewhat unwavering state of optimism I was hopeful that one day I'd look back and understand how it was all worth it... That day never came. I tried... I sincerely did. But God never reached out to me... I was a slave but I thought it was all for the best. I was guilt-ridden and it fueled my inability to stand up for myself and to keep on being a servant for the greater good. My circumstances were fuel for the great, manipulating, Christian machine of bullshit. Fuck, now I'm just ranting... Ugh...

 

But anyway, I know it's difficult for you but do what you can to keep the peace until you're free to be yourself when you're on your own. You're right about everything you say but disagreeing with someone who makes the rules will only end up causing you more anguish. Just tryna help a bro. Do what works for you but that's just my 2 cents.