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Goodbye Jesus

Contentment Vs Complacency


bruisermel

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Do others ponder on this much?

 

I love the idea of being content...but when does that cross over into lazy and complacency? 

 

I hate even asking this question b/c I don't think there is a broad stroke general answer to this, and ultimately I don't think anyone can answer this for me in my life circumstance, but I'm having trouble answering it for myself. How do others think through this and decide when to push further vs be content with where you're at?

 

I am good at what I do career-wise and am in the career I dreamed of as a kid, but I could be better if I spent even more time reviewing literature.

 

I am pretty fit, but I could lose 10 pounds and work out harder and look more tone.

 

I eat healthy, but could cook that extra meal or 2/week to be even healthier.

 

I am pretty good at my hobbies and enjoy them but could spend more time to really excel. 

 

I am fairly generous and donate time and money now and then, but could do more and give more. 

 

Sometimes I'm super content and don't think twice about this. Often enough though I feel that nagging question--am I being lazy by not pushing harder? Pushing my mind further? Pushing my body harder?

 

Do I really want to commit to the stricter schedules and restrictions to achieve some of the above? 

 

I am having trouble separating the mentally unhealthy parts of my brain (the self-loather, the perfectionist, the inner critic) from who I really am what I really want.  Anyone relate or have ways of thinking about this?

 

 

 

 

 

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There is always room for improvement in any endeavor. You can devote life to perfection or to living. Moderation, compromise, if you're simply doing no harm you are already way ahead of the majority of the population. Do well, be happy.

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Very good post bruisermel. I 'second' florduh. 

 

I could have written this myself and probably did a similar post when I first joined Ex. Since deconverting, I am much more relaxed about many things. (since I don't have to please the almighty god anymore) I was the type that always had to look like I had my shit together. I was so hard on myself. Nothing I ever did was enough. Maybe, it's an age thing because I am older now and gettin' real good at doin' nuttin'. But I still have to get certain things done, so I set a small list of things that I would like to conquer during each day and after the list is completed, I completely allow myself to 'play'.

 

I think balance is the key.  When my Ocd kicks in and wants me to push harder, I have to tell my brain that 'things' are good enough. Tonight I am having the family over for dinner. I only do this about once a month now. Years ago, I used to cook every single Sunday and if I didn't have the family dinner, I was engulfed in guilt. Just try hard not to be too hard on yourself. I look at my 10 pounds overweightness now and find it fills my wrinkles out better (attitude is everything!! Lol) so I have given up that battle a bit and just try to eat as healthy as I can. The more I don't 'try', the better I do. We humans can put too many rules on ourselves. Try to relax a little and be OK with relaxing. Some days, you will go like a 'bat out of hell' and other days, you might not feel like getting dressed. It's human.

 

Go have some fun today. Do something really nice for yourself hon!

 

((hug))

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Thanks so much Florduh and Margee.  Though I don't post here much I do snoop now and then and always appreciate and look forward to seeing both your feedback.

 

I KNOW I feel better mentally and enjoy life more when I am more relaxed and don't try so hard--such a paradox considering my brain is trying so hard to convince me otherwise!

 

I'll keep pushing through these less healthy/perfectionist/self-judgement thought patterns and reflect on these more balanced thoughts.  Self-compassion, eh? So hard to practice sometimes but I'm convinced vital to my living an enjoyable life.

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I think you need to consider where those thoughts/anxieties are coming from.  Do you watch a lot of tv, read glamour magazines, etc.?  Media continually pushes the idea that you need just one more workout, just the latest new car, just a great new outfit, just one more rung up the career ladder, to be really happy.  There is this underlying attitude that whatever/wherever you are right now is not quite enough.  Everybody is selling something and inadequacy is the best motivator to buy.  I think you have to ponder what you want in life and then honestly consider if you are there yet, as well as considering whether that extra workout or hour of reading career material is really how you want to spend the little time we all get to live on this planet.  As a Christian, I felt like I could never say no because I was supposed to expend myself on others as a good woman of god would.  After reaching the edge of an emotional breakdown, I began saying no and learning to be content with loving and caring for my family and myself.  If I had any energy left over, I considered how I might spend it for others, but never in a way that would stress me out again.  Life is so short and there are so many ways to get fulfillment besides trying to be just a little bit thinner, or whatever the thing is that's haunting you.

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Thanks, Daffodil.  I like your idea about the media playing a role in my thoughts.  Dialing back the time I spend in my pop-culture outlets, especially when my mind really gets going telling me I'm not "doing" enough (whatever that even is...), is a great idea.

I find it interesting you said "ponder what you want in life...consider if you are there yet."   It's never crossed my mind I could be there already. Just like when I was a christian it didn't cross my mind for 15 years that there was an option to not be a christian...having my "always need to be setting the next goal or I'm a loser" mindset it never crossed my mind to choose an alternate mindset...that I could already be where I want to be....for now anyway...I don't have to always be setting a new goal. Mind blown. That is a freeing and refreshing thought. 

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