Why I Don't Give A Shit - Even Though I Could

[L.B.]

I know a lot of you only tolerate me here - I'm prickly on my good days.

 

I was a youth pastor, evangelist and worship leader. I was a street preacher. I know the bible back and forth and can discuss various nuances in theology in depth if I choose.

 

Why, then, am I so dismissive of people who claim faith in Jesus, etc?

 

It's simple - it's because, at the end of the day, every single one of the people you could name, whether a famous apologist for Christianity or a random believer you know, is only clinging to the version of "faith" that satisfies their deepest felt needs and fears.

 

Whether their god wants them to prosper because their daddy was rich and they should be, too, or whether they need a Daddy in the sky to hold their hand because their earthly daddy was a drunken, idiotic fucker - no matter how lofty or mundane their issues are, they have a god, a theology, a worship style, a lifestyle to fit them.

 

Are you a racist asshole from the suburbs? How about some nice hymns (if you're over 60) or some nice white-bread acoustic-guitar campfire songs? No drums, please, and no repetitive choruses.

 

Maybe you're the humble, open-minded, liberal-leaning evangelical who wants to adopt from Africa and feed the homeless - great! You can cry yourself to sleep over your personal failings and have a heaping helping of songs on Sunday that talk about the perfection of your god and how rotten you are as a person, because your motives must always be suspect.

 

See, I never said I didn't understand how people could come to their conclusions by reading the bible - if you believe the bible is true, lots of other things can semi-logically follow.

 

What I said and always will say is that none of those logical formulae make any of the bullshit less than bullshit - you just have your own spin on the bible stories that turns god into whatever you need him to be.

 

I believe ALL the versions of Christianity are equally true - not true at all. I also believe they are absolutely as true as each individual neurotic narcissist needs them to be.

 

Yes, that's right - believers are neurotic (there's always something wrong, with the world, with my part in it, and with me personally) and narcissistic (the eternal deity of the universe gives a personal, individual shit about me and my failings, and there are even parts of the all-powerful deity's plan - both for me personally and for the entire PLANET - that won't/can't come to pass if I fuck up).

 

I could talk all day with "believers" about how to logically and philosophically defend guilt-by-association through Adam. I could spend hours talking about how true Christianity is founded upon the covenant God made with Israel, and that there is a natural, logical need for both a connection to Israel's sacrificial practices AND a necessary renewal of/break from/re-purposing of those same practices.

 

It's just that the ONLY reason there's any point in constructing and defending such positions is if I need those things to be true in order to make sense of my life and my place in the world.

 

I don't need those things to explain what I don't yet know - that's what travel, reading, listening, eating, talking and even fucking are for. To expand your borders and gain experience and amalgamate wisdom if and when possible.

 

Folk-tales are awesome when they're told well and when they transcend culture even as they bathe us in it. They don't need to be true, though, and no attempt to prove them makes them any more so.

[skysoar15]

That's it in a nutshell.

I was unbelievably neurotic as a Christian.

After a while, it rendered me unable to process anything anymore.

 

I can't tell you enough how good it feels to take a walk outside and just enjoy the beautiful weather.

None of that 'what soul can I win today?' stuff.

 

What made me neurotic was the belief that the evils in the world were all apart of sin.

I never grew up drinking or doing drugs. Pornography was the extent of it.

Yet, I saw so much hedonism, self-absorption, and war growing up. 

 

To someone like me, it made sense that this world was doomed.

It felt nice to have an answer to all the chaos I never understood.

.

 

[Margee]

LB, good rant. I'm probably more 'sane' right now than I've ever been. (could also have to do with getting older). I made many mistakes during my life as a christian and I'll always be pissed off about the waste of time I spent trying to please the christian god. Some of those bad decisions were made trying to get gods' approval thinking I was following his direction.

 

I have grown into, more or less, a nihilist with half decent morals. I do swing to wanting everything to be 'one' as in Pantheism, but I still really believe we are just animals. Just like skysoar said, once I saw that humans are just animals from evolving over millions of years, it answered every question I had. Good luck, bad luck, good days, bad days, rich days, poor days...... it's all about  being a human animal and survival for me now. You could say that I've grown into a pessimist with a big smile on my face. I try really hard not to ruin anyone's day. I still like to be kind even behind my pessimism. And I still like a good laugh.

 

But.....no more bullshit for me.