JL11 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Anyone have thoughts on an ex-christain, me, marrying a christian? She has friends that are atheists but not ex christian atheists, and she feels my talking about christianity is harsh and not accepting. She says her atheist (all their life) friends are not like that. Thanks for any thoughts and hopefully some real life experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 If religion is part of a persons identity and they're not ok without it, I think you will have troubles. Some religious folk are just socially so. Others, it defines their very existence like with so many fundamentalists. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Also. Her lifelong atheist friends may not carry the hurts from religion that you do. You might help her understand that angle a bit more. If she can't understand why you're rough on her religion, well again, might be problematic. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted March 27, 2017 Super Moderator Share Posted March 27, 2017 I'd be leery. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Do you think a marriage between a diehard radical Clinton loving Democrat and a gun totting, Trump loving, Republican would work? If you think that could work then marry the lady, but assume you'll be sleeping on the couch a lot as well as cooking your own meals. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted March 27, 2017 Moderator Share Posted March 27, 2017 She probably doesn't talk about religion with her atheist friends. I would definitely discuss the issue with her further before getting too serious. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Run like the wind, JL!!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsathoggua9 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I'd run away, as well! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted March 27, 2017 Moderator Share Posted March 27, 2017 Yep, run. I have decided I am not marrying someone religious. Too much trouble. She might be ok now, but what happens if she gets into some of the weirder groups? Have you told her that Christianity is built on lies, forgeries, and re-writes of ancient documents?... careful she might get triggered at that. In saying that, do you love her and does she love you? And I mean real love - sometimes love will conquer all.... just don't bet on it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ DarkBishop ☆ Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 If she is already making an issue of it then I would say unless she or you had a change of heart then the issue would only grow. I would give it some time if possible. And like Jeff said, her athiest friends probably don't carry the hurt that you do toward religion. You should definitely point that out. DB 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConsiderTheSource Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 Willing to wager her athiest friends avoid talking religion in order to not risk the friendship relationships....and I am willing to wager she does the same thing too. So, are you both willing to avoid talking religion for the rest of your lives in order to not risk your intimate relationship? Doubtful. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 10 hours ago, JL11 said: Anyone have thoughts on an ex-christain, me, marrying a christian? She has friends that are atheists but not ex christian atheists, and she feels my talking about christianity is harsh and not accepting. She says her atheist (all their life) friends are not like that. Thanks for any thoughts and hopefully some real life experience. Move on. Otherwise, you will likely just move on later after much suffering and financial loss. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tycoondon Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 As someone who is still married to a fundy (because her god is against divorce so she didn't leave me when I told her I wasn't a Christian anymore last summer), I can tell you that this is a very difficult existence. She is so fundy. And she doesn't want to know the truth because she thinks she has it. To even admit that there might be a truth that isn't Christianity is already, in her eyes, making a concession she can't make. Part of my deconversion is due to her getting more fundy after her mom died and she had to do a lot of thinking about the brevity of life. She used to be a casual Christian...just sort of grew up with it but wasn't super-serious. Then she went all cult-like about it. That's what caused me to turn off about it and start looking around. So believe me, she may get more fundy as time goes on. I would bail on this relationship before you feel too invested to turn around. If you don't end it now in a controlled way, it's likely to have a crash landing later. Just my two cents...but probably NOT what you wanted to hear. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted April 18, 2017 Moderator Share Posted April 18, 2017 Don't do it. Run for the hills...... and welcome to Ex-c!! Good luck! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 On 3/27/2017 at 11:25 AM, JL11 said: she feels my talking about christianity is harsh and not accepting This statement tells me that, perhaps, she does not know you so well. Why even consider marriage until you get to know each other a lot more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skysoar15 Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Imagine adding kids to the situation. Scary. If nothing else, think about five years down the line when children do get involved. You know they will. Think of the many possible fights that you two will have. Think marriage. It's designed to be lifelong, and few people desire to get divorced. If she is hostile to your opinions and beliefs, then you have no other healthy choice but to leave before it gets more serious. If you care about her and you care about YOU, then be the bigger person and leave before a legal commitment takes place. This is your life. I have never been married, but I have seen the effects of marriages. I have seen the tension in a divorced household. Grew up in it. Do yourself a huge favor and consider leaving. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinobi Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 .\.\.\.\.\. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltysplash Posted April 28, 2017 Share Posted April 28, 2017 If shes a practicing christian, very involved in her church and such like then you are going to have problems. Think of all those times you want to do stuff but she has to attend church and it will only take a couple of those times to occur before the "you never want to spend time with me" arguments start. Eventually she will be spending time with like minded people and so will you and the inevitable drawing apart will happen and one or both of you will suddenly find yourselves enjoying the company of someone else who takes an interest in what you/she wants to do and it all gets very messy. In the words of the great John Belushi in Animal House.....Start drinking, Heavily, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aethelred Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 I know that if I were in your shoes, it would be difficult for me to accept it. Yet, I think that most of the advice given by others on this thread is sound. A relationship is something that you invest a great portion of your life into. To enter into a higher level of commitment with someone who, as you say, finds it "harsh" when you speak openly about your beliefs, is risky at best. Marriage is challenging even when paired with an ideal partner. If you take the vow with someone who has a sensitive subject like this, it may end up acting as a "powder keg", liable to blow up at any time. Should this happen, the cost to you will be measured in years of your life and thousands of dollars, to say nothing of the loss of the powerful emotional bond you built with this woman and the piece of yourself that she will take with her. I would advise you to at least take some time to consider the risk, asking yourself how high it is and what it entails, before making a choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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