HELP ME!! SERIOUSLY.

[skysoar15]

I don't know what's real anymore!

I attended church with a good friend of mine.

Reluctantly I came along because he said he would appreciate it.

 

I did NOT want to get suckered back into this thing. In spite of how much I have seen, it was still very much real to me.

I left outside during the worship time.

 

The speaker tonight was an ultra charismatic college missionary who has extreme prophetic visions and can apparently heal people.

Every year he comes to the service and this was the first time I went to one of his events as a skeptic.

 

This guy is disturbingly convincing. He speaks with so much levity but authority as well.

He isn't a fire and brimstone type of guy, but he preaches very much on demonic activity a la CS. Lewis.

The stuff he was saying made me run out of the church. I left before the service ended.

 

I have seen this guy work his magic before. He doesn't seem like he's bullshitting around.

It seems like God is really using this man.

Which means that He could possibly be real. 

----

 

I just don't know what the hell to do anymore.

Today, I had peace in believing none of it mattered.

Tonight, it felt like my whole life got ripped apart.

 

I don't need any smart-ass responses. I want STORIES. Reminders that this guy isn't real.

That God hasn't just failed one million people. That there isn't some invisible warfare going on.

 

I USED TO BELIEVE THIS STUFF!!!

This feels way deeper than an emotional response. This speaker...moved like he was possessed by God.

I'm out of my depth, guys.

 

I'm about to fall apart.

 

[skysoar15]

7 minutes ago, Burnedout said:

It's OK.  What you are dealing with is normal.  You don't have to meet any standard, just be true to yourself.  Take a few deep breaths and gather your senses.  Try by experiencing some new things, formerly taboo activites.  For me, I did some things like went and had a drink of alcohol in a bar, nothing heavy or dangerous, just different that you would be afraid to do before.  Listen to music that would be a no no, look at some porn.  Your eyes won't burn and your not going to go crazy.  Just don't do anything that could get you killed or arrested.  Meet some people who are not part of Christian circles.  Go read some books that you never would have before.  

 

Man, I hear you. I really do.

How did you deal with stuff like this? 

Did you ever doubt that walking away was a good choice?

I'm telling you, man...this guy who spoke...moves differently than so many people.

 

I feel utterly mind-fucked to the 9th degree.

This makes absolutely no sense.

How could God be real? 

How??

 

All the stuff I have read on here and about evolution...it doesn't add up.

Yet in the deepest, darkest pit of my heart...what I saw tonight feels so fucking true.

 

The speaker was talking about revival and what God wants to do through college students.

Stuff I would go nuts for a year ago. 

I kept trying to shut what he was saying out of my head by reminding myself of how God is apparently failing everyone.

But his words eventually got to me.

 

I left the church and ran home. Locked the door.

I know I sound like a lunatic, but...all this stuff I've seen...isn't computing.

 

 

[Margee]

I was once very charismatic. When I spoke at woman's meetings with fervor and sang a lot at the church, I had people's attention. That's sounds vain to me right now...but the fact is, I believed so strongly that god was ''using me'' that it made me into an extremely charismatic person. I could lay hands on people and claim their healing and I believed it with all my heart. Someone actually thought I healed their eyes one time. Believing so strongly makes you into a kind of an actress or actor and it can be very convincing and intoxicating.

 

Take your time with all of this. Go to the church if you have to experiment. Sit back and be an observer. That's what I did for about 3 years. I was beginning to doubt big time but I still went. I still followed and went through all the emotions but I watched everything like a hawk. This is part of deconverting. Your mind is split. Part of you wants to believe and the other part is doubting. It is cognitive dissonance and if you don't understand that your mind is doing this to you, it can drive you crazy. Don't allow it to. Just tell yourself you are in an experimental stage.  Go easy on yourself. Keep posting and we will tell you our stories. You are going to be alright. Take a deep breathe and try to understand that time will show you. (Hug)

[skysoar15]

7 minutes ago, Margee said:

I was once very charismatic. When I spoke at woman's meetings with fervor and sang a lot at the church, I had people's attention. That's sounds vain to me right now ...but the fact is, I believed so strongly that god was using me that it made me into an extremely charismatic person. I could lay hands on people and claim their healing and I believed it with all my heart. Someone actually thought I healed their eyes one time. Believing so strongly makes you into a kind of an actress or actor and it can be very convincing and intoxicating.

 

Take your time with all of this. Go to the church if you have to experiment. Sit back and be an observer. That's what I did for about 3 years. I still followed and went through all the emotions bit I watched everything like a hawk. This is part of deconverting. Your mind is split. Part of you wants to believe and the other part is doubting. It is cognitive dissonance and if you don't understand that your mind is doing this to you, it can drive you crazy. Don't allow it to. Just tell yourself you are in an experimental stage.  Go easy on yourself. Keep poting and we will tell you are stories. You are going to be alright. Take a deep breathe and try to understand that time will show you. (Hug)

I'm afraid to go back, Marge

I'm afraid I'll be suckered back into it.

 

Damn it, I just don't know what's really true anymore.

I don't know how everyone there can be so convinced of this while I see millions of people on here who were once faithful followers.

 

I have read books, testimonies of people leaving the faith, and it just doesn't make sense.

Honestly, I'm trying to believe you about the cognitive dissonance. 

Thank you for your reply.

[sdelsolray]

52 minutes ago, skysoar15 said:

I don't know what's real anymore!

I attended church with a good friend of mine.

Reluctantly I came along because he said he would appreciate it.

 

I did NOT want to get suckered back into this thing. In spite of how much I have seen, it was still very much real to me.

I left outside during the worship time.

 

The speaker tonight was an ultra charismatic college missionary who has extreme prophetic visions and can apparently heal people.

Every year he comes to the service and this was the first time I went to one of his events as a skeptic.

 

This guy is disturbingly convincing. He speaks with so much levity but authority as well.

He isn't a fire and brimstone type of guy, but he preaches very much on demonic activity a la CS. Lewis.

The stuff he was saying made me run out of the church. I left before the service ended.

 

I have seen this guy work his magic before. He doesn't seem like he's bullshitting around.

It seems like God is really using this man.

Which means that He could possibly be real. 

----

 

I just don't know what the hell to do anymore.

Today, I had peace in believing none of it mattered.

Tonight, it felt like my whole life got ripped apart.

 

I don't need any smart-ass responses. I want STORIES. Reminders that this guy isn't real.

That God hasn't just failed one million people. That there isn't some invisible warfare going on.

 

I USED TO BELIEVE THIS STUFF!!!

This feels way deeper than an emotional response. This speaker...moved like he was possessed by God.

I'm out of my depth, guys.

 

I'm about to fall apart.

 

 

Relaxation is in order.  The Christian faith is based on scripture, authority and revelation.  Rational thinking is based on evidence, reasonable skepticism and logic.  It seems you have already made an intellectual decision to follow the later and decouple from the former.  However, the years of religious indoctrination and peer pressure has created intense emotional reliance in you.  Your post (and other posts) are convincing evidence of this.

 

Be patient, relax, take a chill pill, enjoy a movie, or a book or a walk in nature.

 

It would appear that you have significant emotional and psychological healing to do.  For many, that is difficult.  It takes time and effort.  Regular meetings with a secular mental health professional of your choosing would help.

 

Another step you can take is to avoid too many connections with the religion, or its adherents, including your religious friends and particularly the "ultra charismatic college missionary" you mention.  No church, no praying, no talking with other indoctrinated theists and no charismatic snake oil salesmen.  Put another way, do other things worthy of your time.

[TheOutsider]

+1 to go make yourself some tea, or whatever you like to relax with, listen to some music or whatever and try to calm down.

 

Probably should stay away from the religious con artists until you're a bit more comfortable with their act. But you did keep enough of a rational head to not fall for it, I'd chalk that up as a win.

 

When you've calmed down, I'm curious about these so called predictions, I suspect they are either claims of foreknowledge of things that have already passed, therefore useless and most likely lies. Vague predictions about someone in the audience being a skeptic/unbeliever of some sort, having a high probability of being correct while not needing any actual psychic abilities. Or something so vague literally anything could fulfill it.

[Guest]

Sky, you don't have to figure things out in short order. Take your time. Like others are saying, do a variety of things and gain a variety of perspectives. Don't beat yourself up for vacillating between doubt and belief. That is not unusual. Examining your faith (or lack of it) is a process that could take awhile, maybe even years. What you're going through is normal. Try not to be your own worst judge. I agree with all the responses here. Do something you enjoy, try to relax for now. You can alays put the whole thing on a shelf and come back to it later when emotions have settled. Deep breath!

[skysoar15]

36 minutes ago, sdelsolray said:

 

Relaxation is in order.  The Christian faith is based on scripture, authority and revelation.  Rational thinking is based on evidence, reasonable skepticism and logic.  It seems you have already made an intellectual decision to follow the later and decouple from the former.  However, the years of religious indoctrination and peer pressure has created intense emotional reliance in you.  Your post (and other posts) are convincing evidence of this.

 

Be patient, relax, take a chill pill, enjoy a movie, or a book or a walk in nature.

 

It would appear that you have significant emotional and psychological healing to do.  For many, that is difficult.  It takes time and effort.  Regular meetings with a secular mental health professional of your choosing would help.

 

Another step you can take is to avoid too many connections with the religion, or its adherents, including your religious friends and particularly the "ultra charismatic college missionary" you mention.  No church, no praying, no talking with other indoctrinated theists and no charismatic snake oil salesmen.  Put another way, do other things worthy of your time.

At your leisure, would you be willing to PM me your testimony?

 

[yunea]

I'm with Margee - I too used to be quite charismatic, using gifts of spirit and getting called "encouraging" when I publicly gave my testimony. When one really believes that the awesomest thing ever is that "god is leading me and making me into a whole new person", in some cases the mind actually gives you that experience. It changes the way you talk, the way you move. It gives a very weird confidence because even though it's still you, you are sure it's not, and someone else is in charge - the creator of the universe is in charge of the little ant that a single human is! Who wouldn't look happy and super confident if believing that 100%?

 

The "words of knowledge" might be stuff he's heard people talking about, or his assistants have heard about. Also with a big enough audience, there's bound to be people with certain health problems, death in the family, struggles with faith etc.

 

Also, if that doesn't satisfy you: I've long since left the faith, but I guess a lot of things about people right. I used to think at the time that it was spiritual knowledge. Now I know it's because I grew up in a dangerous home and honed my observation skills so that I didn't have to ask people how they were feeling (though this was also very problematic for a long time, but that's OT). With some people I even feel where they hurt, with strange precision. I believe it's a potential human ability that some people end up using and others don't.

 

If that was god using me at this point, that would be the oddest, un-biblical thing to happen because I've made sure to curse the bible, the holy spirit, jesus, god, all that jazz that supposedly won't be forgiven, and I'm also atheist.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

When I was your age, I heard the same kind of messages about god using college kids to bring about revival and healing to the world.  Has the world changed for the better during your lifetime?  No, it has not.  The reason it has not is because god hasn't done jack shit through my generation, despite the prophesies, signs, and wonders we all believed in back then.

 

It was prophesied over me that I would see entire nations brought to christ.  But when I launched out into the deep to become a missionary, I ended up being sent back home because I didn't have the proper documents to stay in country.  Imagine an all-powerful god whose plans are so easily thwarted by a lowly immigrations officer.

 

You might also consider, in light of the great and mighty things god had planned for my generation, why is Islam now the fastest growing religion in the world?

[Wertbag]

To add another suggestion, one thing I found it was helpful to see/know was how psychics and magicians work. Some of the shows by James Randi, Darren Brown or even Penn & Teller showing how tricks are done, how cold reading is done and giving that view of what happens behind the curtain.

If you have a clear understanding of these kinds of tricks then staged shows feel more down to earth.  Once you understand cold reading, psychics are more easily identified as scam artists.

There is video on Youtube of Dawkins interviewing Darren Brown that goes in detail about cold reading.

[LogicalFallacy]

8 hours ago, skysoar15 said:

I don't know what's real anymore!

I attended church with a good friend of mine.

Reluctantly I came along because he said he would appreciate it.

 

I did NOT want to get suckered back into this thing. In spite of how much I have seen, it was still very much real to me.

I left outside during the worship time.

 

Does your friend know you don't believe? He said he'd appreciate it? Hmm, do you think he'd come to an atheist convention if you said you'd appreciate it? I have learned, the hard way, that this only goes one way. Sadly while my own family says they care about me, they only want me back in church because 1) they think somehow God is going to save me, 2) it makes them feel better. At no point has anyone asked how I feel, or to leave and be happy. No, they say, what is the harm in coming, you'll make us feel better. Thanks, guys, meanwhile in church I feel like crap. That's my story. Take my advice, don't get suckered into going back, or being guilt tripped back - much harder to leave again.

 

 

8 hours ago, skysoar15 said:

 

The speaker tonight was an ultra charismatic college missionary who has extreme prophetic visions and can apparently heal people.

Every year he comes to the service and this was the first time I went to one of his events as a skeptic.

 

This guy is disturbingly convincing. He speaks with so much levity but authority as well.

He isn't a fire and brimstone type of guy, but he preaches very much on demonic activity a la CS. Lewis.

The stuff he was saying made me run out of the church. I left before the service ended.

 

I have seen this guy work his magic before. He doesn't seem like he's bullshitting around.

It seems like God is really using this man.

Which means that He could possibly be real. 

 

I think, as sdelsolray said, cultivating a rational skeptical mindset will serve you well in the months and years ahead. 

 

How do you know he has extreme prophetic visions? Have you ever heard him give a detailed prophesy then witnessed it come to pass, or does he relay stories of such? Or are his 'prophesies' so vague that they can be filled by multiple criteria. Or is he prophesying events so common that its an educated predication? Behold I say to you, an earthquake shall strike Los Angeles. I'm right, you know I'm right, and so does everyone else, yet you aren't convinced I'm from God are you?

 

Can heal people? Uh huh, heard that one before. According to the bible if someone is claiming they can heal they are of the devil - only God can heal. If he's claiming God does the healing what type of healing is occurring. It it something that can naturally occur, even if rare? Cancers will naturally go into remission, 'dead' people can live... though they were probably not really dead. Headaches are cured, hospital operations go well... the lame walk. The one thing I have never heard of is an amputee having their limbs grow back. Prove that and you'll have my attention.

 

I've seen magicians make objects disappear - does it make magic real, or show they are skilled at deception?

 

How do you know what God using a man would be like? You can't even describe God from knowledge let along determine accurately if he is using someone. How do you know this preacher is not of the evil one? "For there shall come false Christs and false prophets, having a form of Godliness but denying the power thereof?" I think Paul said that.. or Peter. 

 

All these questions are to encourage you to think critically about this.

 

8 hours ago, skysoar15 said:

----

 

I just don't know what the hell to do anymore.

Today, I had peace in believing none of it mattered.

Tonight, it felt like my whole life got ripped apart.

 

I went through periods where I was utterly convinced God didn't exist, then swing back and think maybe he did. 

 

I find listening to Carl Sagan to help center me - maybe find something that can help focus you and get some reasoned thinking done?

 

8 hours ago, skysoar15 said:

 

I don't need any smart-ass responses. I want STORIES. Reminders that this guy isn't real.

That God hasn't just failed one million people. That there isn't some invisible warfare going on.

 

I USED TO BELIEVE THIS STUFF!!!

This feels way deeper than an emotional response. This speaker...moved like he was possessed by God.

I'm out of my depth, guys.

 

I'm about to fall apart.

 

 

Like the others have said, relax. This is very much an emotional response - there is nothing else that can describe your post.

 

All the best

LF

 

[mwc]

     The guy is a fraud.  It's as simple as that.  I can't say he's an outright liar because maybe he believes the mumbo-jumbo he's spouting but he's a fraud nonetheless.  People go to all sorts of self-help gurus and have all sorts of amazing outcomes.  That doesn't mean they're working miracles.  It means that people will do things when they get worked into a frenzy at the behest of these sorts of people.

 

     The only reason you think a god is doing it is because you're allowing yourself to think that's the case.  That's the setup and your programming.  Step back from that a moment and understand that if you were in a situation where you told this was happening because you were a self-motivator or maybe L. Ron Hubbard's teachings gave you the power that your programming wouldn't kick in to allow you consider the possibility that any of this was actually real even though everything was entirely identical.  The same sort of charismatic speaker and so on.  However, if your programming was inclined to those beliefs, as opposed to xianity, you'd be suckered in all the same and far less inclined in the situation that triggered your post here.  That's how these games work.

 

     The idea that there's some magical and invisible war going on is stupid.  Why would "fallen" angels get to run around everywhere without any limits when "hell" was supposedly created for them?  Why do humans who die not get this ability but are immediately locked up forever?  Why are these "demons" put in charge of humans when they're at least equally "bad", if not more so as they had been in heaven and seen god in person?  Why do they get to wage a war while we're just held against our will?  Why can't damned humans join this crusade?  The list can go on and on.  The idea that there are some group of angels that are so evil god created a special place for them but god still allows them freedom to do what they want including waging a war is silly.  The argument that god lets them do this is due to "free will" is stupid as damned humans aren't provided the same "free will" opportunity as these same damned angels.  Damned humans may want their own kingdom.  They may want to wage war.  They may want to do all these things.  They're simply chained and punished.  If it can be done to damned humans then the damned angels have no reason to not have the same treatment.  Unless, it's a made up story.  Which it is.  Then it makes perfect sense that the original sinners aren't punished in the same way their victims are.

 

          mwc

 

[pratt]

extreme prophetic visions?apparently can heal people??

 

examples?  

earthquake in some place tomorrow and richter scale?

the hospitals emptied and doctors out of job where ever he went?

 

[skysoar15]

Thanks for you guys' responses. I'm still reeling from last night.

 

I'll take a harder look at everyone's suggestions later on today.

 

"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints."

1 Corinthians 14:33

 

Quite the contrary to what I have experienced. 

 

What about God telling His children not to worry about food, drink, or shelter for he clothes the lillies in the field better than Solomon?

 

Believers all across the world are living in horrifying conditions.

 

I said to myself: "God, why did you bring this guy HERE? To this college town where most of the students already believe fervently in you? Why not use your energy to help those starving children?"

 

God is also inconsistent. Does he want to shelter us from harm or have us be martyrs for the cause?

 

This sort of confusion is why so many people have left. There just aren't any clear answers. This isn't peace at all. Not when we live in a world that largely disproves of Him.

 

Evidence for evolution could have easily been stopped by God. Instead he allows scientists to devote their entire lives in finding evidence against what He claims in His 'good book.'

 

He allows technology to get to a point where we can research for ourselves the millions of galaxies out there. This is the same God who supposedly split all of us up from the Tower of Babel.

 

He allows numerous atrocities to be done in His name daily, including African American slavery.  The process it took to free us from that still causes millions of them problems to this day. 

 

This is the same God who brought thousands of fish to feed the multitudes? 

 

This is the God who when a woman touched Jesus' robe, she was healed?

 

Wow. 

 

Mind fuckery to the 9th degree.

[florduh]

1 hour ago, Wertbag said:

To add another suggestion, one thing I found it was helpful to see/know was how psychics and magicians work. Some of the shows by James Randi, Darren Brown or even Penn & Teller showing how tricks are done, how cold reading is done and giving that view of what happens behind the curtain.

If you have a clear understanding of these kinds of tricks then staged shows feel more down to earth.  Once you understand cold reading, psychics are more easily identified as scam artists.

There is video on Youtube of Dawkins interviewing Darren Brown that goes in detail about cold reading.

Good suggestion here, and I would add this: https://skepacabra.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/faith-healer-peter-popoff-caught-on-camera-again/

 

Keep in mind that the religion entraps its people through manipulating emotion, not through logic and verifiable evidence. Emotion can often overpower better judgment; staying with an abuser, marrying a prison inmate, deliberately getting pregnant at 15, and so forth. Emotions are valid but they are not, by definition, based on factual information nor do they, by themselves, typically lead to wise decisions.

 

 

[BroTom]

Greetings skysoar

Best wishes and I empathize.  From time to time I suffer mental battles with anxiety, depression and mania.  The states may or may not involve religious belief.  It might involve fear of future financial insecurity or health problems or paranoia about many things.  What I am trying to do these days is develop access to my "chief executive self" who is able to stop, step aside and view both (or more than 2) sides of the mental battle, from an impartial distance.  Part of the process involves appreciating that being on the fence, tortured, is where I am right now and I am not going to settle the matter this instant, but it is going to get settled in the way that benefits me most.  I need to lay the groundwork for this process ahead of time, when I am in a stable state.   When I am able to do this kind of mental exercise, (and I don't always succeed), I find that I can then go about my daily business.  It's painful, but the pain needn't completely derail my life and is part of my life (temporarily, I hope!).  Hope that helps.

Tom

[Bedouin]

Sky, all I can offer is my suggestion that you stay away from church and kindly decline to associate with any religious friends that you have.  I would encourage you to read literature about the real history of the church, when and by whom the gospels and other NT documents were written.  Authors like Richard Carrier, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Bart Ehrman helped me immensely. 

 

Someone above mentioned seeking out a secular mental health professional, and I strongly agree with that.

 

It will take time, and some pain.  But you've already begun your journey, like so many others before you.  As you progress, you will begin to see that the so-called prophetic visions claimed by the pious are no more real than the horoscope in the daily newspaper.

 

 

[Vigile]

Your brain, along with everyone else's are extremely unreliable tools. This is why we have the scientific method. It is designed to help us avoid buying that which "seems" right and verifying what is real. 

 

You'll save yourself a lot of grief in life if you refuse to believe something without objective evidence. It's ok to say I don't know. But to "know" something because of the way it "seems" is a recipe for a lot of suffering, confusion and being a rube that others take advantage of. 

[skysoar15]

My friend invited me to go to another service with the same speaker.

 

I successfully turned him down in a respectful way. 

 

He was surprisingly respectful. He asked if it was ok to keep inviting me to more services. I told him I'd prefer it if he didn't. 

 

He later asked if I wanted to hang out to see some movie that just came out. It was purely a hang out with nothing religious in it. I turned him down for that, although I was more gracious about it.

 

Taking small steps forward.

[sdelsolray]

51 minutes ago, skysoar15 said:

My friend invited me to go to another service with the same speaker.

 

I successfully turned him down in a respectful way. 

 

He was surprisingly respectful. He asked if it was ok to keep inviting me to more services. I told him I'd prefer it if he didn't. 

 

He later asked if I wanted to hang out to see some movie that just came out. It was purely a hang out with nothing religious in it. I turned him down for that, although I was more gracious about it.

 

Taking small steps forward.

 

Do you have any subjects, hobbies or endeavors (other than religion) that interested you when you were younger but, for some reason, you haven't yet had time to explore them enough?

[skysoar15]

Always loved art. I'm getting back into drawing again.

I used to have this humongous passion for it, but with all that has been going on, it nearly died.

Also enjoy writing.

 

I think my passion for both is getting revived.

For the last several weeks I had complete apathy for both of them.

They seemed to interfere, in my head, with 'winning souls.'

 

After all, when you hear how bad worldly ambition is, it stifles your desire to make good on your talents.

 

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

I've been invited several times to come to some of my old churches church services. I'm glad you posted this. I've only been to one church service and that was my mother's but it is far from charismatic which was what I was in when I was a Christian. I have feared going to one of these churches for the same reasons you just mentioned. I'm afraid that it will trigger the years of childhood indoctrination that I went through. And that I will be sucked back into it. 

    I still feel the "spirit" rising up in me when I start thinking other talking about the story of Christ. I know it's all in my head and that it's what I was "trained" to feel. I haven't graced the doors of a charismatic church in four years and have recently completely deconverted. You tell me how I still feel the spirit after all that if it isn't because of indoctrination? Even according to the bible I'm one of his lost sheep again. I should in no way be able to feel the spirit unless it is condemnation for what I've done. I've also cursed him as well and tempted his wrath to fall on me. But I'm still here. 

     Just keep strong and like others have suggested. Avoid church like the plague. 

 

Best regards, 

                Dark Bishop 

[skysoar15]

4 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

I've been invited several times to come to some of my old churches church services. I'm glad you posted this. I've only been to one church service and that was my mother's but it is far from charismatic which was what I was in when I was a Christian. I have feared going to one of these churches for the same reasons you just mentioned. I'm afraid that it will trigger the years of childhood indoctrination that I went through. And that I will be sucked back into it. 

    I still feel the "spirit" rising up in me when I start thinking other talking about the story of Christ. I know it's all in my head and that it's what I was "trained" to feel. I haven't graced the doors of a charismatic church in four years and have recently completely deconverted. You tell me how I still feel the spirit after all that if it isn't because of indoctrination? Even according to the bible I'm one of his lost sheep again. I should in no way be able to feel the spirit unless it is condemnation for what I've done. I've also cursed him as well and tempted his wrath to fall on me. But I'm still here. 

     Just keep strong and like others have suggested. Avoid church like the plague. 

 

Best regards, 

                Dark Bishop 

Yeah I'm having no choice but to avoid going back.

I realized yesterday how vulnerable I am to it.

 

There's something inherently intoxicating about a group of eager college students worshiping their hearts out in bass-thumping music.

One of my friends performed up stage. His stage presence made me smile. 

 

There must had been over 70 students yesterday of all colors and creeds.

When you look at the world's despair, it's really easy to be suckered into an environment like that church.

 

I've also witnessed some really miraculous personality changes in people I've known since I started college.

However I've chalked it up to them living in a heightened environment filled with people doing genuinely good deeds in the name of Christianity.

 

When I think about all the places where God hasn't reached, it causes all of the superficial gusto to lose its sheen and luster.

That's when I come back to my senses again.

 

[buffettphan]

46 minutes ago, skysoar15 said:

There's something inherently intoxicating about a group of eager college students worshiping their hearts out in bass-thumping music.

 

Absolutely! Whoever sets up these services knows this and they use these emotional brainwashing methods to suck people in.