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Goodbye Jesus

Alpha course freak


RICK300

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This is my story as brief as I can be. I'm a year old male 50 born and live in the UK brought up in a very liberal middle class Church of England family no talk of sin, Jesus saving talking in tongues being born again ect. I sang in the choir (you would not believe it if you heard me now )and for some reason got confirmed at 16. Never really got religion though it was some sort of protection, never talked of hell the devil ect. Though it simply taught good life lessons treat people how you want to be treated ect. Like the good Samaritan.

I hate super natural stuff ghost stories and horror films scare me even though I know they are just films and stories..

After going to college at 18 moved a way from religion and would just go a Christmas as it was a traditional thing to do weddings funerals christenings. I may be a couple of silent prays when getting on a flight of for sick me members of the family more like wishes that prays I never really expected to be answered. Bit like wishes blowing out candles on a birthday cake.

For the next 15 s or odd years lived very happy life even if it was in a bit of a rut it was a nice rut. Travelling playing sports.

Then about 16 odd years ago I was invited by a friend to go on a Alpha course I was not sure what it was it is advertised about "the meaning of life", but turns out to be an evangelical Christian course about and I certainly had not heard of Charismatic Christians did the course did not really think much about it but hoped it may be a kick up the bum to get out and doing some stuff and appreciating life but when it ended I was a changed person, and not for the better people were going to hell, fear I would suddenly start talking in tongues, had to tell everyone I was a Christian try and convert save them, Things like being gay was wrong, I'm not gay but have never had issues with gay people I have gay friends I did not feel I was in control of my own thoughts, had 6 months off works a nervous breakdown various medications. Felt I had been brainwashed.

Finally got myself together found a wonderful partner and life was good for the last 10 years

Fast forward to October 2016 an we had a holiday visiting Tennessee Great time visiting the smoke mountains, walking biking then Nashville for the country music and then Memphis and back though mid Tennessee doing a bit of canoeing.

Visited a couple of old churches for historical reasons noted that there are more churches than bars in some towns and if we found that we had tuned into a Christian station by mistake we would turn it on something else.

All was good had a great time, I was leaving my partner to come home she was heading to Texas to see more friend I had to work, when I left her I said a silent pray to my god to keep her safe.

By the time I got home in I was a mess it was just like I was 16 years earlier all the born again Christian stuff was back since then I have not been to work for 3 months been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. On meds again don't like going out that much struggle with exercise find it hard to think feeling very stressed and that life is not really real.

I think I just want to be an open minded agnostic not worrying about religion happy to enjoy the rest of my life.

I should say I certainly was not forced to attend church ect it was all my doing and I thing that many of the things I fear I have made up in my own head.

All the best

Rick

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I totally hear what you are saying, Christianity forces you to be at war with yourself. Have gay friends, well that doesn't sit well with Yahweh and He expects you to get with the program.....

 

I have said it before and will stress it again, Christianity is a sick, sick death cult that compels you to hate and doubt yourself yet have faith and obedience to an invisible monster.

 

I felt and feel that running helps to chase away the stress, Christianity and otherwise.

 

But you do have my sympathy, Christianity is horrible. 

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