I'm I mad or stupid Deconverted, Converted, Deconverted, Reconverted

[RICK300]

I have posted a couple of things on here mainly about the Alpha Course and how it tipped me over the edge 16 years ago leading to a breakdown. Recovered  from that and have had a happy enjoyable life relatively religious but 16 months ago religious thoughts came flooding into my head resulting in another breakdown that I'm working through. Some of you guys on hear have really helped

 

In short brought up in the UK in a  Christian lite house meaning Christian by tradition more than absolute belief. Went to church traditional C church of E  and Sunday school and in church choir. Felt uncomfortable about church and stuff but at the age of 16 decided to do confirmation classes to get confirmed struggled a bit with the classes as did not really understand (not the sharpest tool in the box} it but was talked into it by the vicar,  I remember feeling a bit emotional by it all but no filled with the holy spirit  or stuff.

 

Did question to myself why did one vicar have a son born with one arm and another have a wife suffering from breast cancer.   

 

At 19 went away to college and attended one session of the Christian Union out of guilt I think but it was not for me people wanting to interpreter dreams they had had and put a religious meaning to them.

 

Always felt a bit uncomfortable about very devote Christians you know the ones who really believe no sport on a Sunday, faith healing, talking in tongues trying to convert people or famous people who would profess there faith publicly.

 

So I grew away from religion became i suppose agnostic, did not think about religion  much just tried to be kind and make the most of life. Would still go to church mainly at Christmas because it was tradition would still say the odd praire. but started to realise the Bible was just stories some good some bad. to be honest never ever read it.     

 

Travelled went to places like Egypt saw the old temples Nepal mixed with Hindus, Buddhists religion was just not part of my life just saw people as people. Had a few relationships some good some not so good.

 

Then at 33 life in a bit of a rut and a friend said do the alpha course its great. went along more out of interest than anything else was a bit like the  confirmation course did not really buy into it but come the end bang suddenly became "born again" not that I wanted to be  never did but big fear of talking in tongues, half my head said I could heal people by laying hands on them and praying the other half said that just rubbish felt I had to convert people even though I did not like it. Felt like there was 2 people in my head at the same time which lead to a mental breakdown.

 

With a lot of support from friends and family got myself back together.

 

Been in a great relationship with my partner who does not believe in God never has ,for the past 14 years  and been religious free and enjoyed life been able to attend weddings funerals christenings with no problem.

 

Then 6 months ago suffered stress it was a tough year and the religious stuff all came back to me and life was a struggle again. 

 

I know about evolution  don't understand it.

I recon the world is billions of years old don't know how they know that but they do.

I know the bible is just stories, I know there is little evidence if any.

Don't really believe in Angels and demons or possessions. 

 

But it is still getting to me and causing me stress and depression.  

 

I have been brought up in a multi cultural society my family are far from fundamentalist in fact we were brought up that there are many roads to god what ever that may be  in fact i'm the fundamentalist and hate it. it is driving me crazy it is all absorbing and exhausting.

 

I don't want to be some one who hate Christians the church or a militant atheist I just want to not be bothered by it.

 

I'm need help this is destroying me I'm seeing a councillor and on anti depressants. 

 

rant over 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

           

[Ellinas]

This sounds to me like an issue best addressed professionally via a secular counsellor.  Good luck.

[★ Citsonga ★]

Greetings, and thanks for sharing. I do think it's good that you're seeing a counselor. Hopefully it's a good counselor and the medication is adequate, and hopefully they help you through this. I wish you the best. Good luck....

[Castiel233]

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[RICK300]

Thanks guys, I'm going to get better  and become a happy non religious agnostic again.