ShakyLady Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 What do you do when you find yourself 30 years old, planning your first baby's Baptist Dedication to God at end of month (because it's tradition) and totally unsure of all you believe in concerning that God? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 50 minutes ago, ShakyLady said: What do you do when you find yourself 30 years old, planning your first baby's Baptist Dedication to God at end of month (because it's tradition) and totally unsure of all you believe in concerning that God? Dedication won't hurt Baby Shaky. Just make sure Baby Shaky learns that all religions are based on BULLSHIT before he/she is old enough to be impacted by the holly mind-fuck of xanity. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 3, 2017 Super Moderator Share Posted May 3, 2017 Welcome, SL! If family members are counting on attending the ritual, I'd say go ahead. It doesn't really mean anything or cause any harm. My answer would be different if you were planning on sending a young child to indoctrination camp or jesus school. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakyLady Posted May 3, 2017 Author Share Posted May 3, 2017 Yes, just doing it for the sake of family and tradition. None of them know where I stand, and never will. I'm deathly afraid of sharing! Thanks so much, this is all new shaky ground & I want to make the very best decisions for my growing family. Never thought this would be so scary. I may need counseling, like other members have mentioned. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travi Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 As the others have said, it really means nothing in the long run. If it'll keep the heat off you for a while, go through with it. Then stay a while, and listen. If you are looking to drop back and punt, this would be an excellent opportunity to look at your future and that of your baby as well. Good luck. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkFlash Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 To combat against religion explains where you stand, and your views on the future are much clearer so I wouldn't fear what is known already between both you and your child. Congrats might I add, and always see it as success instead of intimidation on your part. Whereas you realize what is childish many have caved to is your initial step. Sure, we can't always mesh since not all of us can dictate or even think in similar ways when it comes to family due to testimonies that differ but what truly comes out of each one are positives that forever outweigh the negatives. Your family doesn't know that you've discarded your seasonal DVDs of My Little Pony though it being here, you can still say that Friendship is Magic, of course. In addition to this, there is no God, but there are those who can relate. Welcome. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 Welcome Shaky Lady. You are among likeminded folk here. I see you have already received some good advice & I have nothing of significance to add. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riversong Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 Welcome and congratulations on your baby :-). I've found counseling to be extremely helpful in detangling what's going on in my brain. I just joined the site myself and it seems like a helpful place! I agree with the above, btw, in that the ritual can be done just as a family ritual. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted May 4, 2017 Moderator Share Posted May 4, 2017 8 hours ago, ShakyLady said: What do you do when you find yourself 30 years old, planning your first baby's Baptist Dedication to God at end of month (because it's tradition) and totally unsure of all you believe in concerning that God? Welcome to Ex-c Shaky Lady. And a big congratulations on your new baby. How wonderful! Go real slow hon. You've come to the right place to help you through this. Have the celebration at the end of the month. I continued to go to church for quite a long time before I finally stopped. You are not alone in your doubts. And we are here for you. Go do something fun for now. We'll help you figure this out in good time. But in the meantime, keep reading and keep posting all your thoughts and concerns. Looking forward to hearing more from you. ((hug)) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBluegrassSkeptic Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 I just wanted to add on to what everyone else has mentioned here. Feeling scared is normal. This kind of thinking goes against what you have been programmed to accept from a young age, so your psyche is throwing out all kinds of warning flags. Don't let this discourage you. Imagine your own child feeling the same way in 30 years! Not nice is it? Giving your child a genuine choice in the matter, with all sides of the arguments laid bare, is the way to go in order for her to never feel like you are right now. Accurate and valid information is huge in preventing her ever feeling scared one day. She should be worried about acceptance into major colleges down the road, not whether her life has been centered around a huge convoluted escapism. Most importantly, don't ever doubt yourself about sharing your feelings. Anxiety is a huge factor in many not leaving when they start to question, but once you start to question, it's really hard to ever go back to the land prophets, demons and thought crimes. Many stay on to some degree in order to not lose out on the social aspects of the faith community. Don't blame anyone a bit on that. I miss those potlucks! Welcome to the club of questioners, or possibly none and done like myself. <3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 9 hours ago, ShakyLady said: What do you do when you find yourself 30 years old, planning your first baby's Baptist Dedication to God at end of month (because it's tradition) and totally unsure of all you believe in concerning that God? Most likely, it makes sense to go with the flow of the familial and social situation in which you are embedded. For now. Later, you can make other choices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakyLady Posted May 4, 2017 Author Share Posted May 4, 2017 Love and appreciate everyone's comments...just don't know how to like them individually... Where's the like button?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted May 4, 2017 Moderator Share Posted May 4, 2017 Welcome ShakyLady There is really nothing else I can add - upon reading your opening post I thought up a number of things I felt important but reading members posts everything has been covered that I think important given the information so far. So I'll just say congrats with your baby, I wish you all the best and remember we are always here and happy to help in whatever way we can. Some here are good at personal counseling, others explaining passages in the bible (and why they shouldn't be taken as truth) and still others science concepts. (Haha this line reminds me of the quote from the NT - "Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers.") LF PS you won't be able to like, edit and a few other things until you get to a certain number of posts. Its to limit the damage a troll can do in one hit. Keep posting, asking questions and commenting and you'll find you can like and edit stuff. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riversong Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 9 hours ago, TheBluegrassSkeptic said: I just wanted to add on to what everyone else has mentioned here. Feeling scared is normal. This kind of thinking goes against what you have been programmed to accept from a young age, so your psyche is throwing out all kinds of warning flags. Don't let this discourage you. Imagine your own child feeling the same way in 30 years! Not nice is it? Giving your child a genuine choice in the matter, with all sides of the arguments laid bare, is the way to go in order for her to never feel like you are right now. Accurate and valid information is huge in preventing her ever feeling scared one day. She should be worried about acceptance into major colleges down the road, not whether her life has been centered around a huge convoluted escapism. Most importantly, don't ever doubt yourself about sharing your feelings. Anxiety is a huge factor in many not leaving when they start to question, but once you start to question, it's really hard to ever go back to the land prophets, demons and thought crimes. Many stay on to some degree in order to not lose out on the social aspects of the faith community. Don't blame anyone a bit on that. I miss those potlucks! Welcome to the club of questioners, or possibly none and done like myself. <3 I love this advice! I was up last night thinking through how my life will be changing after losing my faith. I just need to take it one day at a time and make sure to be there for my kids. Also, it's comforting to think that they can be part of the church community without being drones. And, I really have to say, it's much better waking up in the middle of the night with my non-sleeping child and being able to say, "she is awake because she is a shit sleeper." And not, "god must be testing me. Sleep deprivation is really hard but I must be learning something through all these tough times. Maybe god will answer my prayer for tomorrow night..." LOL! Hugs! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted May 4, 2017 Moderator Share Posted May 4, 2017 25 minutes ago, Riversong said: I love this advice! I was up last night thinking through how my life will be changing after losing my faith. I just need to take it one day at a time and make sure to be there for my kids. Also, it's comforting to think that they can be part of the church community without being drones. And, I really have to say, it's much better waking up in the middle of the night with my non-sleeping child and being able to say, "she is awake because she is a shit sleeper." And not, "god must be testing me. Sleep deprivation is really hard but I must be learning something through all these tough times. Maybe god will answer my prayer for tomorrow night..." LOL! Hugs! One of the biggest losses I felt when I lost my faith in god was the assumed assurance that 'god' was looking after me personally. That's the hardest thing I had to adjust to. But you will soon see that now you don't have to wonder about everything that happens as being part of 'gods plan' or 'testing' of some kind. I still find it a bit scary knowing that life is just life and bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. But there also comes a relief knowing that things didn't happen because you didn't pray long enough or read your bible enough, or you weren't 'good enough' for gods' blessings, etc. It's a bit scary, but everything will make more sense to you now. It did for me. And you will adjust honey. You will eventually develop a new 'world view'. Keep asking questions. We're here for you. (hug) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bedouin Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Hi ShakyLady, welcome to Ex-C. Baby (congratulations!) doesn't know what's going on, so, if it keeps the family peace, by all means, go through with the ceremony. I "came out" to my family a few years ago, and I was kind of shocked that I wasn't disowned, though I'm sure that some just think that I'm going through "a phase." I'm 60, so, a phase is a bit of a reach. LOL. A couple of weeks ago, one of my sisters died, so I had to attend the religious ceremony. I didn't feel odd at all, because, in my mind, the prayers, etc., were not as important as being there for my niece, and my other siblings. I felt no need to disrespect the family, though they DO know not to debate me. Best wishes to you and your growing family! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin webmdave Posted May 4, 2017 Admin Share Posted May 4, 2017 13 hours ago, ShakyLady said: Love and appreciate everyone's comments...just don't know how to like them individually... Where's the like button?! @ShakyLady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 4 hours ago, Bedouin said: Hi ShakyLady, welcome to Ex-C. Baby (congratulations!) doesn't know what's going on, so, if it keeps the family peace, by all means, go through with the ceremony. I "came out" to my family a few years ago, and I was kind of shocked that I wasn't disowned, though I'm sure that some just think that I'm going through "a phase." I'm 60, so, a phase is a bit of a reach. LOL. A couple of weeks ago, one of my sisters died, so I had to attend the religious ceremony. I didn't feel odd at all, because, in my mind, the prayers, etc., were not as important as being there for my niece, and my other siblings. I felt no need to disrespect the family, though they DO know not to debate me. Best wishes to you and your growing family! Sorry for your loss, Bedouin. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakyLady Posted May 4, 2017 Author Share Posted May 4, 2017 You guys are all great and most of you are reading directly from the pages of my heart! This is such an emotional road to be on, mixed with both relief and sadness. I wish we were all gathered together so we could just talk and listen to each other for hours and hours! Do people meet up at coffee shops and stuff like that? Who's in West L.A.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted May 4, 2017 Moderator Share Posted May 4, 2017 1 hour ago, ShakyLady said: You guys are all great and most of you are reading directly from the pages of my heart! This is such an emotional road to be on, mixed with both relief and sadness. I wish we were all gathered together so we could just talk and listen to each other for hours and hours! Do people meet up at coffee shops and stuff like that? Who's in West L.A.? Hi, ShakyLady! I've met a few Ex-Christians in Texas. I know others who have met in other states. Feel free to start a meetup topic in Ex-Christian Life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travi Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 2 hours ago, ShakyLady said: You guys are all great and most of you are reading directly from the pages of my heart! This is such an emotional road to be on, mixed with both relief and sadness. I wish we were all gathered together so we could just talk and listen to each other for hours and hours! Do people meet up at coffee shops and stuff like that? Who's in West L.A.? Bluegrass Skeptic and I met up a couple years ago for shenanigans at Scarefest (horror genre convention) and it was awesome to meet a like minded individual this deep in the Bible belt. Like TF said, we seem to have people from all over the world here, so odds are someone is likely in your neighborhood. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aethelred Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 On 5/3/2017 at 1:12 PM, ShakyLady said: Yes, just doing it for the sake of family and tradition. None of them know where I stand, and never will. I'm deathly afraid of sharing! Thanks so much, this is all new shaky ground & I want to make the very best decisions for my growing family. Never thought this would be so scary. I may need counseling, like other members have mentioned. Hi ShakyLady, I am 24 and I have no kids yet, but I know I will someday. This factored in to my decision to accept my agnosticism in a big way. Namely, at the time that I made my decision, I was willing to go on practicing the faith myself in the hopes that I was wrong about God not existing. (In retrospect, it sounds silly to me now.) However, I refused to do this because I felt deeply in my heart that it was wrong to raise my children as believers in something that I knew to be a lie. (In retrospect, it sounds like the obvious choice, but at the time, it took great commitment and love for my future children.) So, I totally agree with you on your desire to make the very best decisions for your family during this process. Also, I want to welcome you to the Ex-C forum. We are here to support you, and there are a lot of insightful members who may be able to assist you as you go through the process of forming your own unique perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakyLady Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 @Aethelred, thanks so much, we sound so similar! I too am leaning towards agnosticism, so many questions. So many uncomfortable thoughts. So many changes to be made. I still want Dillon to know church life though, the bonds and community that I grew up with influenced me greatly . Considering a Unitarian Universalist church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travi Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I delve into some tenants of taoism due to my interest in martial arts, when looking at the spiritual side of life. I, too, have some spiritual tendencies that I explore mainly through meditation and chi breathing, and aligning the chakras. Some people are hardline, anti-anythingthatcan'tbequantified ;others are bit more relaxed. You can be spiritual and get away from the demons in religion and phony gods. If it is something you feel would help, then you should definitely pursue it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShakyLady Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 @Travi, I definitely agree! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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