Wittyusername Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I thought I had got over the hurt of being dropped by former church people but I am still taken by surprise. It has been more than a year since I last attended, I think. Three times a week, ran Sunday school and all that jazz. I wont go into detail but I needed a two references simply to confirm I had lived at a previous address. It needed to be from someone official in the community like a doctor or employer etc. My husband predicted he would not help but I was like it's not a character reference, just a confirmation of facts requiring no effort,' why wouldn't he? I wrote to the former pastor words to the effect 'I hope this finds you all well, we are moving to a new address and I was hoping you could confirm our previous address. I've drafted "Dear Electric company, I am pastor at St God's Church and can confirm that to the best of my knowledge Jane has lived at 123 Road Lane since 2013. Yours Faithfully Pastor Jim'. If you could copy and paste that with subject line Account no. Jane smith and send it to accounts@utility.co that would be helpful. He never even replied. I ended up getting the headmaster at my kid's school to do it. This person was all like 'we are praying for you with tears' but when they realised that my tithe is not coming back were like 'fuck it'. No asking about my faith? We were dealing with a serious health problem in the family. Nothing. Just wow. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 A person's character is more often surmised from their actions and not their words. Don't take ownership of other people's dysfunctions. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I wouldn't say you were being unreasonable. I would say you were allowing hope to triumph over reality. Stay away from them is the best advice. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 "...someone official in the community..." Pastors? That's some funny shit. Society is fucked up. mwc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 Your ex-pastor was being needlessly uncharitable. Talk about him showing his true jeeziz colours! What a dick. A maxim from the bible I still try to live by is "do not withhold good when it is within your power to act". In my work I do this endlessly. I try to help others prosper even if I disagree with them in fundamental ways. Christianity is like herpes--it's the gift that keeps on giving! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 That's petty as hell. I would do that for someone that I actively disliked. It literally required no effort on his part. You're not being unreasonable at all. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted May 28, 2017 Moderator Share Posted May 28, 2017 I'm so sorry hon cause it really does hurt. But it does not surprise me at all. When I see former friends from the church, (even when I'm just out shopping) they purposely run in the other direction instead of asking me, ''how are you doing?'' I've learned a lot about 'so called' friends by becoming an Ex christian. Peoples' actions show you who they are. I hope your new move brings you much happiness. ((hug)) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Witty, Some of these folks are scare out of their gourds that they will come to the same conclusion that you have - religion is man-made bullshit - and they avoid you out of fear that you may convince them of this. Others are just assholes. Either way you are better off w/out them. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsathoggua9 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Witty, Some of these folks are scare out of their gourds that they will come to the same conclusion that you have - religion is man-made bullshit - and they avoid you out of fear that you may convince them of this. Others are just assholes. Either way you are better off w/out them. I agree with this sentiment wholeheartedly! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyfan70 Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 One of the things I told our church staff on my way out the door for good was that they needed to stop seeing people as worthy only as long as they contribute something to the church: time, money, resources, etc. And to be there for people who have nothing to offer and no way to pay back. Of course, they didn't listen to me. When I found out that the guy who stepped into my shoes when I left - a good friend of mine, at least until a few months ago when he decided he would not be able to convert me back to Christianity and dropped me like a hot potato - wasn't getting paid by the church, even though he was promised some compensation, I went ballistic and emailed the whole leadership team and told them that they were idiots. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wittyusername Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Thanks for all the support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 I wont go into detail but I needed a two references simply to confirm I had lived at a previous address. It needed to be from someone official in the community like a doctor or employer etc. Any of the numerous bills and papers with your old address on it ought to suffice. Maybe the power company could send a start and end bill copy with the old address on it? My sis-in-law has volunteered to 'be our previous landlord for reference' in the past when we needed to move into a new house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 That's petty as hell. I would do that for someone that I actively disliked. It literally required no effort on his part. You're not being unreasonable at all. I would write a letter for them, even if they were Christians! lol. Hell,I'd even write a letter for B.O. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wittyusername Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 Any of the numerous bills and papers with your old address on it ought to suffice. Maybe the power company could send a start and end bill copy with the old address on it? My sis-in-law has volunteered to 'be our previous landlord for reference' in the past when we needed to move into a new house. It was just a 'jumping through hoops' thing, and in the end someone else did it. The effort required on his (former pastor's) part was copy+paste and he couldn't be arsed to do that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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