Burnedout

New Game: You Might be an Ex-Christian if.....

61 posts in this topic

Perhaps you may remember comedian Jeff Foxworthy, and his famous tag line, "If you....(state the act/word said/construction project/reason for going to jail/etc.) ...Then you might be a redneck.

 

How about we come up with one for Ex-Christians? 

 

I will start...If you find yourself looking in your Bible for contradictions....You might be an Ex-Christain!  

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If you roll your eyes when the christians in your life praise jeeeeezus for his special healing miracle when the reality is that modern medicine cured an illness, you might be ARE an Ex-christian.

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If you're doing someone a big favor and you feel annoyed that they're praising Jesus the whole time. "Praise the Lard! He got you to do this for me!"

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If you spend the evening at the Oregon Food Bank prepairing food boxes because it is simply a right thing to do, without any expectation of some eternal reward or church praisefest, you might be an Ex-Christian.

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If you are relieved that your new neighbors are gay instead of a 'nice christian family'...

 

Ran out of up-votes for the day but, yes, I react with relief when I meet folks that are not xtian or fundamental any religion.

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If you find yourself saying things like "Xiantiy is really only as popular as it its because that Constantine fella thought it would be politically expedient for him" upon hearing the xtian dogma - you MIGHT be an ex-xtian.

 

Then again - you might just be a thinker.

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You might be an Ex christian when you heard that your family (or friends) drank his blood and ate his body during Sunday mass and it makes you want to throw up..

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If you're ornery and go to a Bible study just to ask questions you KNOW they can't answer......You might be an ex-Christian!

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...If you look at porn or something that is a no no and smile because you used to feel really guilty about it but don't now........YOU MIGHT BE AN EX-CHRISTIAN!

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If you find yourself slightly annoyed and extremely frustrated when you end up having to take a college class from a "born-again" Christian professor who ought to know better considering the fact that he or she is supposedly educated, you might be an ex-Christian.

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You might be an ex-Christian if it seems new to enjoy a sensible amount of alcohol or something without guilt.

 

(Edit: Oops, essentially the same as BO's comment about porn... Sorry I missed it!)

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Also if someone talks about, say, their late grandma, going "she was a good lady, wise, smart, active..." and you nod along, but when they say "...and a good Christian too!!" you have to pause for a second and remind yourself to choose your battles wisely, you might be an ex-Christian.

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If somebody sneezes, you have to consciously NOT SAY "Bless you".....YOU MIGHT BE AN EX-CHRISTIAN!

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You might be a ex-Christian if you don't wish your  deceased father on Facebook as, ''Happy Fathers day in heaven dad.''

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If you find yourself wondering how freshwater fish survived a global flood you might be ex-Christian.

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If, for the first time in your entire life, you look forward to Sunday morning because you get to sleep in and do whatever you want instead of rise early, dress up and waste 2 solid hours of your day every week listening to religious gobbledegook.

 

Damn my #1 lol

 

 

If as a silent act of rebellion, you refuse to close your eyes and bow your head when commanded to do so for a prayer . . . you might be an ex-Christian (or a teenager).

 

Damn #2 lol

 

If you apologize to someone you've actually wronged as opposed to the generic Lord, you might be an ex-christian. 

 

Also, if you say "goddamnit" or "Jesus Christ" and are especially satisfied because they are just words and are offending no one but believers......you might be an ex-christian!

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If you're not a believer, but know the Bible better than most Christians........ then you might be an ex-Christian!

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You might be an ex-christian if you value the truth over a lie that makes you feel better.

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If you like this thread so much you pin it --- you might be are an Ex-Christian.

 

Pinned

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You KNOW you are an ex-christian if you used to be afraid of hell, but now you're making party plans "if you're wrong."

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...If you go into the Lion's Den on this site and enjoy digitally BITCH SLAPPING a fundy....YOU MIGHT BE AN EX-CHRISTIAN!

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If you think worship songs used to be beautiful (as a believer) and now they sound like some kind of distantly kinky sexual repression, you might be an ex-Christian.

 

(Can't take all the credit. That was a collab from @RealityCheck, @Helvetios, @LogicalFallacy, and @Lucy on chat the other day. xD)

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